#  >  > Travellers Tales in Thailand and Asia >  >  > Thailands Travellers Tales >  >  Wayne Kerr's Isaan Sojourn

## Wayne Kerr

Two weeks off over Christmas and New Years. Needed to forget about some really incompetent Somchai dipsticks for a bit. Couldnt be arsed flying down under over the silly season, so a Thai holiday it was for the Kerrs.

The problem with many Thai holiday spots is they become flooded with arrogant dickheads during winter. The sex tourists dont worry me, they mostly stay inside with their birds, and many visit LOS often so know a thing or two. On the other hand the mobs of green Israeli, American, and yuppie Thais strutting around like little kings in the coastal resorts or Chiang Mai are painful.

So this year we pissed off up north a bit and then over to Isaan/Laos. I really wanted my 3.5 yr old son to see a little nature. Up until now Im pretty sure hes been thinking most critters are the spawn of the monsters on Ultraman and as such should be killed swiftly, and that Discovery Channel is beamed to us from Battlestar Galactica. Turned out to be a friggin good time, my son even hit a pidgeon with a rock. The really bad thing about this was that it was in the temple and I only came across the scene to find him yelling with delight som nam na (You got what you deserved" or "Serves you right") and chasing the crippled bird around (more about that later  :Smile: ).

We got all our travel info from TeakDoor on the mobile phone while driving via a GPRS connection with DTAC. I take my hat off to you guys, TD is turning into a bloody good site for travel stuff. Our plan was this:

Uthai Thani (local caves, good food and grog, shooting)Huai Kha Khaeng World Heritage Area (Seub Nakhasathien Monument)Khlong Lan National Park (Klong Lan Waterfall)Phitsanulok (serious drinking with old friends)Loei (downtown park, Chinese temple, winery)Chiang Khan (Mekong River and Kaeng Khut Khu rapids)Chiang Khan-Nong Khai (drive along the Mekong)Laos (New Years Eve in Vientiane, Vietnamese food)Nong Khai (Ta Sadet market)Khorat (old Mahayana temple in Phimai, Khorat Zoo)Khao Yai (National Park, Chokchai Farm)Chokchai Farm-Bangkok (body dodging)
Anyway, first stop was Uthai Thani Province, stay tuned to learn more about how to do Moo Hun (roast pig) Kerr style and more.


^Wayne Jnr doing pre-trip research  :Cool:

----------


## Wayne Kerr

First stop on the Wayne Kerr sojourn was Lan Sak in Uthai Thani. My wife’s family farm is here and is also a stones throw from the Huai Kha Khaeng World Heritage Area and Khlong Lan National Park, both of which are some of the wildest places in Thailand. 


^Amphur Lan Sak, the Huai Kha Khaeng World Heritage Area, and Khlong Lan

My main priority on the first day was to get stuck into a standard Uthai “Moo Hun” and whiskey lunch, so Wayne Jnr. and I went and did a spot of hunting around sunrise. 

*Step 1 - Killing, Cleaning, and Seasoning the Pig*


^Wayne Jnr. preparing for the pig hunt  :Surprised: 

To keep our Muslim friend happy I won’t show the shots of the kill, cleaning it, or pig blood soup, but here she is after we cleaned her up:


^Small fresh 25 kg pig from Uthai Thani


^Lovely looking critter  :Very Happy: 

The Uthai “Moo Hun” is a little different from many other parts of Thailand in that they love to smother it with loads of seasoning (pepper, garlic, and soi sauce) and baste it with the stuff whilst roasting.

^Adding the seasoning 


^When finished it should look like this (if in doubt ask a Thai, they'll love to tell you if you've done it right or not  :Smile: )

----------


## Wayne Kerr

*Step 2 – Starting the Fire*

You must leave the seasoning on for a bit before cooking. This is a good time to start the fire. You don’t want really hot flames, just some smoldering coals. Make the fire with some twigs and wood about 1 metre away from two water pots as shown below:

^It is really important that you make your fire look like this  :Smile:

----------


## Wayne Kerr

*Step 3 – Putting the Pig on a Stick*

This bit is really easy. Just knock down some green bamboo with your machete (I used my trusty old Swiss army knife), split it in half as shown in the image below, and place one half along the pigs back, the other along its gut line. 


^Place the bamboo along the spine and gut line of the pig like this

Then you need to shave down a few sticks of thin bamboo, sharpen up one end on each, and stick them through the front and back legs like shown in the image below. Just find some old bits of wire on the ground to tie the bamboo in place.


^This is called sticking sticks through the legs of the pig  :Smile:

----------


## Propagator

This looks like the start of another good thread  :Smile:

----------


## RandomChances

> First stop on the Wayne Kerr sojourn was Lan Sak in Uthai Thani. My wife’s family farm is here and is also a stones throw from the Huai Kha Khaeng World Heritage Area and Khlong Lan National Park, both of which are some of the wildest places in Thailand.


 I had an aussie guy over for christmass lunch that was staying in Lan Sak, we've family in Uthai.

----------


## Begbie

> I had an aussie guy over for christmass lunch that was staying in Lan Sak, we've family in Uthai.


How did you cook him ?

----------


## Wayne Kerr

> I had an aussie guy over for christmass lunch that was staying in Lan Sak, we've family in Uthai.


The lady at the beer shop in the central market had a bit of a joke with me that her beer sales had started going through the roof thanks to the few Aussies in town  :Smile: 




> How did you cook him ?


Aussies taste best pickled, in fact we spend most of our lives trying to pickle ourselves from the inside out.

----------


## Wayne Kerr

Anyway back to cooking the pig.

*Step 4 – Cooking the Pig*

Once you’ve got the pig on the stick, rake some of the coals from your fire into the area between the water pots, then lay the stick across the blocks on the top of the water pots.


^Starting to cook the pig (be careful not to get too carried away with the heat of the fire, slowly but surely is the tip for the first 10 minutes)

Once she’s been cooking for a while you should turn the heat up a bit to sear the skin a bit, this traps all the good pig oils and stuff in the meat. 


^Turning the heat up a bit after 10 minutes

Keep your eye on the local black dogs, they like to duck in for a taste.


^Bloody black dog

Things should look like this after about 20 minutes, things get a little boring after this for a while, which makes it a good time to drink some whiskey, anything strong will do.


^Try to make sure things look like this

Once you’ve had a good drink, its time to turn the bastard over, just twist the bamboo a bit and you’re on your way.


^The back of the pig after about 25 minutes

Have a few more shots of whiskey, then start putting the pig at whatever angle you reckon is best.


^This is called spinning the pig

If you start getting a bit pissed you should start getting some burnt patches on the skin, this is a sign that you are going to have a good lunch. This is a good time to switch over to beer, preferably Chang.


^The dark bits of skin are friggin delicious and should be eaten with cold beer


^You can see where the best bits of skin are by looking at the skinless patches on the critter above


^This is a good time to take some thin slices off the legs and shoulders


^Take the first slices down until you can see a bit of blood then turn the sucker over


^Then slice off the belly flaps close up to the ribs (this bit is the delicious), by now the back should be cooked a bit more so spin the pig again


^This is the perfect time to get stuck into the legs


^Things should look like this. By now everyone should be pretty pissed and full, just keep enough coals under the sucker to keep things warm and trim off some meat whenever you feel hungry again.

----------


## Spin

Awesome pics so far, I dont think I will ever need the "how to" though.
cookin's wimmins work

----------


## stroller

Who needs steel rods and welding equipment, when some bamboo and a Swiss knife is at hand?

I might try this for the next family gathering!

----------


## Wayne Kerr

> I might try this for the next family gathering!


A pig like the 25 kg one used should set you back about 900 baht, kept about 20 people full for a few hours, and we had roast pork in the fridge for days after. 

Uthai is a great place for food, was tempted to by this wild boar from the Lan Sak market, but they wanted 1200 baht which is a bit much in my book.


^Wild boar in Lan Sak market, Uthai Thani

Small groups of the Lan Sak community are known to eat cat. Mrs. Kerr gets all shitty when I even suggest cat for dinner, but I’ll try anything once - big juicy ones like this can found in the Lan Sak market if you ask around a bit – about 300 baht each  :Very Happy: . 


^Cats for consumption in Lan Sak market, Uthai Thani

----------


## AntRobertson

> Small groups of the Lan Sak community are known to eat cat. Mrs. Kerr gets all shitty when I even suggest cat for dinner, but I’ll try anything once - big juicy ones like this can found in the Lan Sak market if you ask around a bit – about 300 baht each


 :Sad:

----------


## Rigger

> A pig like the 25 kg one used should set you back about 900 baht


They are double that price in my area

----------


## Wayne Kerr

> They are double that price in my area


Just checked this out with Mrs. Kerr, yes 900 is a bit low, but the pig farmer is her cousin.

*The Post Pig Eating Piss-up*

The pig feast was followed by too much beer and whiskey, then one of the old guys wanted me to show him some interesting sites on the internet. Was only getting 460kbps on my mobile phone, and TD was the easiest site to access – they loved some of the threads in the members only area. Unfortunately my camera was busy acting as my modem at this stage so I couldn’t get any pics for the TD gallery.

We were soon joined by the local farang fellow John, he’s been living out there since Christ knows when growing mangoes and a few other things, likes to drink Lao Kao and dance around with all the old birds, and doesn’t mind helping out the local sheilas when it comes to cooking. Apparently he has a harem of 25-30 yr old birds out there - some guys have all the luck.


^Mango farmer John getting down with a few old sheilas in Lan Sak


^Mango farmer John plucking the duck


^John and his mates took us out to catch these bugs around midnight, which we ended up eating them until the sun came up

I passed out for a few hours and woke up to another lovely winters day in Uthai Thani, must have been about 25 degrees most days.

----------


## Wayne Kerr

*Huai Kha Khaeng - Thung Yai Naresuan World Heritage Area*

Next stop was the Huai Kha Khaeng - Thung Yai Naresuan World Heritage Area just 30 minutes from Lan Sak. This is the largest protected area in Southeast Asia, and is thought to be the only conservation area in Thailand large enough to offer long-term prospects for the survival of many large mammal species. 

You can still find wild water buffalo, mainland serow, hog deer, brow-antlered deer, Asiatic wild dog, tiger, leopard (both black and spotted), clouded leopard, Asian elephant, Asian tapir, Fea's muntjac, gaur, banteng out there. I’m pretty sure Wayne Jnr and I spotted an Asiatic wild dog this trip – scared the clappers out of us it did. All five macaque species occurring in Thailand can be found there, as can leaf monkeys and white-handed gibbons.

We were the only people there the day we went. Many of the websites say it is not open to the public, but I’ve always found the staff out there to be very friendly and welcoming. This time we didn’t even get stung for entry fees. You can also rent bungalows for a couple hundred baht a night or bring your own tent. There are some pretty good websites about the area:

UNEP-WCMC Protected Areas Programme - Huai Kha Khaeng Wildlife Sanctuary
Thungyai-Huai Kha Khaeng Wildlife Sanctuaries - UNESCO World Heritage Centre
http://www.huaikhakhaeng.net/home.html


^Entrance to the Huai Kha Khaeng World Heritage Area


^About the area

The site also contains a memorial for the late Seub Nakhasathien. Seub was the chief of the Huay Kha Khaeng Wildlife Sanctuary before he died under mysterious circumstances in 1990. He fought strongly against illegal loggers, wildlife poachers, and timber companies pushing for concessions to log much of the sanctuary during the 1980s. His death was made to look like suicide, but from what I’ve read he had told close friends of regular death threats from loggers and politicians throughout much of the late 1980s. Apparently he ignored them and in response launched a project to make the Huay Kha Khaeng and Thung Yai Naresuan Wildlife Sanctuaries a World Heritage Site under the United Nations Educational, Scientific, and Cultural Organisation system. He was successful but did not live to see the site inscribed on the World Heritage list. I’ve read quite a bit about this and very much doubt he topped himself – the World Heritage Listing really pissed the logging companies off. They’d been eying off the 600,000 hectares of forest in the area for quite sometime, their only real barrier had been Seub, and then he trumped them big time by getting the site listed. Murder or suicide, I guess we'll never know, but his commitment to the wildlife and ecology of the area has become an inspiration for the environment movement in Thailand and beyond. It is a real shame many Thais don’t learn about this at school.


^Wayne Jnr checking out some of he information about the work of Seub at the visitor centre


^ A statue of the great man Seub Nakhasathien


^Seub’s house (left pretty much the same as the day he died)


^The “Seub” logo often used by the environment movement in Thailand (you’ll sometimes see people wearing shirts with this logo)

----------


## Wayne Kerr

*Khlong Lan National Park*

The Khlong Lan National Park is not so far from Huai Kha Khaeng so we took a run up there. It is actually part of Kampaeng Phet Province, pretty bloody far from Isaan, but Mrs. Kerr wanted to scratch the magic tree there before continuing on the journey and I was keen to show Wayne Jnr the Khlong Lan waterfall. Plenty of info about the park can be found here - National Park of Thailand, Forest Park of Thailand, Online Reservation, National Park, Wildlife and Plant Conservation Department.


^The Khlong Lan Waterfall


^Some good sorts having a shower under the waterfall  :Very Happy: 


^Mrs. Kerr’s magic tree


^Close-up of Mrs. Kerr’s magic tree (she likes to scratch it and watch the white spots appear, the tree that is  :Smile: )


^Dense forest in Khlong Lan National Park


^One of the bungalows for rent in Khlong Lan National Park (600 baht a night)

----------


## stroller

Very enjoyable thread!

Now what's this about them white spots??

----------


## Wayne Kerr

> Now what's this about them white spots??


Well it relates a little to how the Thais have used Buddhism and animism to manage forests in the past. They mostly believe that there are some pretty bloody powerful spirits looking after the forests - you’ll sometimes see the monks placing Buddha images around the forest to show the sacred nature of the land etc, they even ordain certain trees which contain really bloody super powerful spirits. These trees, like the tree above, often have the colorful ribbons tied around them. There are certain rules about the sizes and types of tress that can be cut down, or the types and numbers of critters that can be killed, within a certain radius of these ordained trees without upsetting the spirits. Some people, like Mrs. Kerr, think that these tree spirits can help them see into the future. Basically they scratch the bark off the tree, rub some talcum powder around on the exposed area, and they reckon they can see signals from the spirits on the white spots – it is unfortunate that most people only do it to select numbers for the lottery these days. I’ve really tried to see some of the things Mrs. Kerr reckons she sees on the white spots, but all I see is tree bark and powder mixed up. Anyway, thats my take on it  :Smile: .

----------


## dirtydog

I dont want to spoil this great thread but I think I should mention that father Christmas isn't real either, yes stroller there is no father christmas....

I should add I dont believe wayne kerr juniour killed the pig with his catapult either  :Smile:

----------


## Wayne Kerr

Anyway, back to the road ...

*Loei Province*

Having never been to Isaan we were keen to see somewhere along the Mekong River first up. We’d heard lots of good things about Loei Province, especially during winter, so Loei it was. At first we thought of climbing some of the big mountains in the Phu Kradueng, Phu Luang, and Phu Reua National Parks up there, but for instance with the top of Phu Kradueng being 1,325 meters above sea level we decided instead on a few quiet days poking around Loei and nearby Amphur Chiang Khan before doing the drive along the Mekong from Chiang Khan to Nong Khai via Pak Chom, Sang Khom, and Sri Chiang Mai. The plan was to get to Nong Khai in time so we could duck over to Laos for a New Years Eve dinner in Vientiane.


^The planned destinations in Loei (the dashed red line is the Mekong River and the Thai-Laos border)

----------


## Spin

^ I believe all this tree spirit stuff, some pals had motorcy accidents after peeing without waiing :Surprised:

----------


## Propagator

Should have gone to Phu Rua NP.    You can drive to within a half hours walk of the top.   See my thread on Loei Province in Travellers Tales post No 29.

Don't know how to provide a link to it

----------


## stroller

> Don't know how to provide a link to it


Right-click on either the post no. or permalink in the upper right corner and copy/paste the link location.

----------


## Wayne Kerr

> See my thread on Loei Province in Travellers Tales post No 29.


Yeah thanks Prop, I will admit that your thread  https://teakdoor.com/travellers-tales...highlight=Loei influenced my decision to go to Loei - your photos are heaps better than mine but I can't wait to get them online after I knock off work tonight.

----------


## Wayne Kerr

Anyway it was back to work today in Bangkok. What’s a Monday without a traffic jam … but I guess that’s what I get for stopping off at my favourite Surin style restaurant for a snack on the way home.


^Monday evening traffic in Bangkok - not too far from Rama 9 road

After that I really needed a drink. Mrs. Kerr had also had a big afternoon swimming with Wayne Jnr and was up for a drink too. We usually have a few big glasses of scotch on the rocks before dinner. Unfortunately we don’t have any nice glasses at home - here we are knocking down a spot of Laphroaig out of 100 pipers glasses.


^Happy hour at Chateau de Kerr

Anyway the whiskey got us talking about the trip. We pretty much did the drive from Uthai Thani to Loei in a day, stopping off to see relatives in Pitsanoluk for lunch. The roads in that part of the world are great, and there is not much traffic on a weekday. 

Once you get to P-Lok you just chuck a right and drive east towards Khon Kaen on Highway 12, then turn left towards Lom Sak on Route 2011 then just follow your nose to Loei (this Route 2011 looks like a northern extension of the road that runs between Saraburi and Petchabun.) 

The  stretch of road from Lom Sak to Loei is friggin awesome, and one of the best drives I have done in my life. Very mountainous so you go through hundreds of twists and turns where you can go very, very fast if you want. The area reminds me of somewhere like the mountains between Italy and France, but every now and then you come across the terraced rice fields which remind you that you are very much in Asia. The roads are also very smooth, but some of the corners have tricky cambers which will keep you on your toes (or your two hands in the 10 to 2 position). Mrs. Kerr tried taking some pics out the window but because I was really getting into the driving like I was Jack Brabham or someone they are all really blurred. Anyway, if you like your motoring, this is one place I can really recommend  :Very Happy: .

----------


## Wayne Kerr

*One Night in Downtown Loei*

We got to downtown Loei just after dark and it was bloody cold, Wayne Jnr was blowing smoke when he exhaled. We were knackered and looking for a good pub to stay - Mrs. Kerr wanted a spa and massage, and I was keen to get sloshed in the bar.

One of the Thais at work recommended the Loei Palace Hotel. Easy enough to find, but they bloody wanted 3300 baht a night. Yep, 3300 baht (three thousand and three hundred baht) for a friggin hotel in friggin Loei. 

That’s nearly US$100 with the crappy exchange rate these days. Shit, three weeks ago I stayed in a friggin awesome hotel on Hainan Island in China for US$38 a night. I’ve probably stayed in 20 hotels in Asia over the past year and have not once had to pay more than say $60 or $70.

I had to ask them if they were quoting the price of the penthouse suite, which got a smug smile and an even smugger repeat of the 3300 a night. Little dipstick the receptionist was.

[So, to the Loei Palace Hotel – here’s a big fuck off  :finger: and I’ve since added you to the “Dodgy Hotel” list on the main bulletin board at work you wankers]

Anyway plenty more fish in the sea. The Phu Luang Hotel in the centre of town tickled our fancy, big parking area up one side, and as soon as we pulled up in the car, the barman who was outside having a smoke on his break ran over to open the door for my missus. The staff were friendly and the bloke carrying the bags wouldn’t accept a 100 baht tip (he did take a 20 baht tip later though when he delivered a few perfectly chilled beers to the room). 

A room in the Phu Luang (hot water but no air con) was 300 baht a night. Big comfy bed, good mosquito screens on the windows, and a proper dunny, what more do you bloody need, and at less than a tenth of the price of the flashy pub down the road we were laughing. Plenty of good street side restaurants nearby - a good dinner in a street side restaurant, and about 5 big beers set us back 280 baht (for my friends and family in Aus reading this, that’s 5 King Browns and a feed for $10). Sorry no photos of this – took all the pics in this story using my phone which had a flat a battery at this stage.

I spent a bit of time that night looking at Propagators thread on Loei and a few other Loei info sites. Bloody dill I was to drive past the Phu Rua National Park on the way into downtown Loei, the climb up the top of the mountain didn’t seem that bad after all, and they’ve even got a winery out there - next time hey  :Smile: .

Anyway the next morning we found a good noodle shop, Chinese temple, and a park. Wayne Jnr liked the lion at the Chinese temple. He is still talking about it for some reason. But Mrs. Kerr and I quickly decided that Loei was not place for youngsters when we came across some weird signs in the park – clearly some weird shit going on there – so we decided to piss off up north to Chiang Khan sooner rather than later.


^Wayne Jnr doing his lion impersonation in Loei - I reckon he is doing a pretty good job, but I'm a bit biased and all that


^A bloody weird sign in the Loei Park (with my crappy Thai reading ability, I think this means "Position Number 3" - shit this is a public park for fecks sake, I was starting to get worried that this pervert stuff was gunna be everywhere in Isaan)

----------


## Propagator

^ lol

I believe that a local sports club use the park for fitness/circuit training and this is where they are supposed to do the press ups on the circuit.   out there myself in just over three weeks and will try and get the other positions !!!!   Shall hope to add a lot more to my thread.

----------


## Wayne Kerr

> out there myself in just over three weeks and will try and get the other positions !!!! Shall hope to add a lot more to my thread.


Look forward to it Prop.

Anyway, back to the road ...

*Chiang Khan
*
I’d read a few things on TD about Chiang Khan. Big bit of the Mekong runs right along the front of town and we pulled up and I looked left …


^Looking west up the Mekong (Laos is the other side of the river)

Then I looked right …


^Looking east down the Mekong

And Wayne Jnr just wanted to go north …


^Wayne Jnr jumping the fence

There seemed to be no-one else there, except for this boat going past – looked liked the perfect place for cold beers watching the sun set by the Mekong river.


^Laotian boat cruising east down the Mekong

We sussed a few guest houses, most are 400-500 baht a night. My advice would be to avoid Sams Guest House and the Chiang Khan Guest House like the plague, seems to be plenty of good things said about them on the net, but too many Thai mini-van drivers (with friggin coloured hair and big gold amulets) drinking whiskey out the front of them for my liking – mini van drivers with too much money can only mean one thing – ripped off tourists. 

Mrs. Kerr and I walked west up the river 200 metres and found a lovely place called Suk Somboon (Suk as in happy). Beautiful polished teak place, they only wanted 380 baht a night for a great room looking over the river - room had great hot showers, air con, and cold beer in the fridge. If you ever go check it out:

243/2 Chai Khong, Chiang Khan
Tel: 04 282 1004

Anyway that first beer at the Suk Somboon turned into about 10 so I put the camera away  :Friday:

----------


## stroller

> the barman who was outside having a smoke on his break ran over to open the door for my missus.


I would have done the same if the bird pictured next to your laptop was sat in the car, great assets!
I wonder how you manage to post...  :Very Happy:

----------


## Wayne Kerr

*Kaeng Khut Khu Rapids*

We then went for a drive around town and then to the Kaeng Khut Khu rapids which are only about 5 minutes away from the centre of town. The rapids must be one of the best “outdoors  :Smile: ” places I’ve visited in Southeast Asia. Plenty about the place in Props Loei thread but my family and friends back in Aus are keen to see the place so I’ve chucked them in here anyway.


^Wayne Jnr playing sill buggers next to some flowers


^Wayne Jnr playing sill buggers in front of a sign which says inter alia Amphur Chiang Khan, Loei Province 


^Welcome sign at the Kaeng Khut Khu rapids


^View from down on the river looking southeast into Thailand


^View from down on the river looking south-southeast into Thailand 


^ I could see where the rapids would be from down on the water, so I rushed back up to a lookout to checkout the rocks that must cause some big rapids when the river has more water in it or flooding, I’ll go back in August just to see this [check the people on the sand spit, the rocks out in the middle are friggin huge)


^The rapids area with some cows on the river bank


^ Some locals getting into a bit of fishing


^ These boats are used to run tours in the river


^ Wayne Jnr and I dead on the border between Thailand and Laos, well at least that is what the skipper said


^This is the skipper, looks a pretty nice bloke


^ Picture of a boat in front of the big mountain (this was taken by Wayne Jnr on his camera  :Very Happy: )

----------


## Wayne Kerr

> I would have done the same if the bird pictured next to your laptop was sat in the car, great assets! *I wonder how you manage to post...*


Strollers' post count = 5761, Wayne Kerr's post count = 124, shit mate I won't mention the join dates  :Very Happy:

----------


## Wayne Kerr

Being back in Bangkok isn’t all traffic jams and lurking around travel forums. Today the boss and I had a great lunch in the office, some cheese hand delivered from France by one of the guys who went there for New Years, along with some bread, salami, French pate (terrine) and water cracker biscuits from Villa supermarket, oh and a nice bottle of Penfolds to wash it all down of course – it isn’t all beer and skittles over here in merry old Siam you know  :Very Happy: !


^ Wednesday lunch in the office  :Smile: 


^ We only got this far through it - we’ll probably finish it tomorrow but we’ll need another bottle of wine or two  :Smile: 


^ A shot of King Rama 5’s Palace late this afternoon after visiting a mates office – this Palace will probably open up to the public this Saturday for Children’s Day.

----------


## Wayne Kerr

Anyway back to the road 

*Chiang Khan Nightlife*

We hit the Suk Somboon Hotel after the Khut Khu rapids for a few more drinks and an early start at dinner watching the sun set. A few doors east of the Somboon we found a great restautant called the Rim Nam - joint was empty but the cook was cooking away frantically. Stuck our nose in and asked why she was cooking so much if she had no customers, turns out she cooks for the guest houses that actually dont have cooks and I thought well why walk any bloody further and she had us out the back drinking beer and watching the sunset in no time. She wanted us to choose and put the music on ourselves and her great collection of Caravan got a good workout  :thrashi: !

Food was magnificent and since Wayne Jnr was rooted after a long day, he and the missus went back to sleep early. Mrs. Kerr gave me a leave permit and I slowly got sloshed with the owners cat. The owner/cook joined me later and we got talking over a few drinks. She runs the place by herself with the help of her 14 yr old son and provides the meals for most of the tourist places in town  she explained how one of the dishes that shed charged us 20 baht for is sold for about 60 baht down at Sams Guest House and the Chiang Khan Guest House  of course she still only gets the 20 baht  :Sad: . 

The place is her family home - her father was a jet pilot in the Thai air force. All his photos are up on the wall - some real beauties of him pushing the envelope (sorry  :Cool2: ) amongst them. Anyway later on she offered to take me for a cruise around town on her motorbike  she asked me to tell the young Pom sheila that had come in for fried rice that shed be back later and to just leave the money on the counter if she was finished by the time we came back  I loved that. Of course the Pom backpacker sheila responded with the my boyfriend this and my boyfriend that  I felt like saying "dont worry darling I have very little interest in shagging a pimply arsed mole like you so dont worry" :saythat: . 

The owner/cook and I had good fun looking around Chiang Khan on the bike and she dropped me off about 30 minutes later at her cousins small coffee/beer shop  I will admit that things are a bit hazy from here on in, but bugger me dead Chiang Khan can be real good fun once the drinks kick in round 10.00pm. Anyway please say gday to the bird in the Rim Nam restaurant for me if you're ever in Chiang Khan.


^ Sunset in Chiang Khan


^ Out the back of the Rimnam Restaurant  cop the serenity 


^ My drinking buddy for a while 


^ Blurry picture of the Rimnam restaurant 


^ Front of the Rimnam restaurant taken from on the motorbike when we left  :Smile:

----------


## Wayne Kerr

*Coffee and Eggs in Chiang Khan*

The fresh air in Chiang Khan sorted my hangover out quick smart but I felt a bad spot of post inebriated anxiety (PIE) coming on – I was in serious need of a fry-up and some strong black coffee, preferably with a nip or two of OP Bundy rum in it. 

Luckily we found the perfect spot on the main road, its called the Caf&#233; de Loei and does great poached eggs and toast, and they've got about 20 different types of coffee to choose from – owners must be in their late 60s or early 70s and according to Mrs. Kerr they didn’t speak Thai, Isaan, or Lao very well. Anyway their eggs and coffee were awesome, and they even have a lovely green tea for the kiddies.


^ Wayne Jnr enjoying his morning tea – when in Bangkok he drinks Vietnamese green tea with breakfast most days.

The coffee didn't help the PIE much and was worried that another night in Chiang Khan would be the end of me - some of the best fun I've had in Thailand. So next leg was Chiang Khan - Sri Chiang Mai - Nong Khai  :Very Happy: . We were told that Nong Khai was real Isaan country - this is where things start getting really interesting.

----------


## stroller

> ^ Wednesday lunch in the office 
> 
> 
> ^ We only got this far through it - well probably finish it tomorrow but well need another bottle of wine or two


Some guys have all the luck in the world, first the bird by the laptop, and now this fabulous cheese&wine lunch!
Bastad. :Razz:

----------


## peterpan

Wayne, Echo yr comments Re Loei Palace Hotel, I couldn't believe the price they were quoting me.
 Strange that Loie has the best value hotel in the kingdom i.e The Kings hotel about 400 Bht (worth double that) and the worst, Loei Palace, in the same city.

----------


## Thetyim

^ Seconded. I stayed at the Kings.  Did you eyeball the VIP rooms ?

----------


## Wayne Kerr

> Some guys have all the luck in the world, first the bird by the laptop, and now this fabulous cheese&wine lunch! Bastad.


Like I said, it ain’t all beer and skittles – sometimes we have wine instead. 

Got home tonight about 10pm, bloody had a meeting at a local university, we were meant to start at 4.30pm but by the time all the “Ajarns” rolled in it was past 6 o’clock. My boss makes any one in my office who causes a delay in a meeting of more than 2 minutes calculate the cost of that delay in terms of salaries and stuff – he obviously isn’t Thai. Anyway I just gritted my teeth and was thankful I swallowed a few blood pressure pills before going out there – arrived home to a good dinner of dried squid with Wayne Jnr, the stinkier the better according to him. 



Anyway I mentioned a recent trip to China a few posts above and my mates back home want to see any pics. I’ll put a few up in my next post but would like to apologise first to anyone who clicks on here and finds stuff from China and not Isaan.

----------


## Wayne Kerr

*Hainan Island a few weeks back - just some photos …*


^Suckling pig in downtown Haikou, China (reckon the bamboo method'd be easier than this  :Smile: ) 


^ A big cheap fish in the Haikou local market (Aussies used to use the long fish for fertilser, great for apple trees)


^ All sorts of fish from the islands of southern China


^ All sorts of other seafood in the local mark, China  :Very Happy: 


^ Some nice big barramundi for the Aussies, China


^ A small cobia, China  :Very Happy: 


^ Some dried fish – this is great for breakfast  :Wink: 


^ Some nice mollusks in the market, China  :Very Happy: 


^ Bags of dried seahorse for sale – Southeast Asian “Vitamin V”  :Surprised: 


^ No they ain’t juvenile southern bluefin tuna – (to Benno that has been dropping by – check out them decent net marks - reminds me of the work in the freezing Southern Ocean waters about a decade ago  :mat: )


^ My mate “Sunny” from Guangzhou getting the low down from the local fishermen for me  :Smile: 


^ Some dried sea snakes for sale  :Surprised: 


^ Bloody Abalone is everywhere, as are the “beche de mer” (or dried sea cucumbers), no excuse for the "Fosters Flop" these Asian blokes

Anyway I have pics of all manner of things that I’m sure no one here can tell what they are. I’d be happy to post 3 of them and donate some money to TD should any member be able to tell the board what they are. Maybe we could even give the donation to the boss here "Dirty Dog" to do “research” for a thread or two – anyway I’d be keen to hear your thoughts on this.

----------


## stroller

> Maybe we could even give the donation to the boss here "Dirty Dog" to do “research” for a thread or two


He's too busy working these days, but I am sure we can find someone to take the burden of conducting all-paid-for researches off him.

----------


## Wayne Kerr

Alright then here they are – 3 mystery photos. If any member can successfully identify the items in the pics I’ll make a donation to TeakDoor that the boss (or his alternate) can use to do “research” for the thread of his choice. Each of the items are animals (or parts of) and are eaten in China  :Smile: .


^ *Mystery Item 1* - The brown things in the basket (no they aren’t Chinaman’s dicks  :Smile: )


^ *Mystery Item 2* - The critters in the water


^ *Mystery Item 3* - The animal part in the red boxes

----------


## peterpan

> ^ Seconded. I stayed at the Kings. Did you eyeball the VIP rooms ?


I eyeballed the girls in the massage parlour, rather they were eyeballing me, but they were only for the desparate really.

----------


## dirtydog

> Each of the items are animals (or parts of) and are eaten in China .


Chinese eat these, hmmmmm, got to be penises from differant animals then, do fish have penises? are sharks ones that small?

----------


## ENT

Deef fried dingo doodles.

----------


## ENT

#2 pic, them squirty clam things at low water mark.

#3 pic are definitelty flat tits in black bras, prolly SE Asian origin,.global delicacy.

----------


## ENT

Ps Wayne, 

Where's the pics of Jnr attacking dem poor temple pigeons wid his catty, da liddle pig-killa?!!   
 :Very Happy:    Or should I call him  Jaws?

----------


## hillbilly

I have no idea! Don't know if I really want to know. :Smile:

----------


## Wayne Kerr

ETN is close enough for the #2 pic and DD is on the right track with the penis bit - the things in the red boxes in #3 pic are dicks of an animal (not fish or sharks, but another animal in the sea). Keep up the good work fellas :Smile: .

Here are some other critters, pretty obvious what most of them are and the Chinamen like to eat these or put them in their grog - apparently it helps them get it up. Whatever it takes I guess  :Wink: .


^ Chinese style Vitamin V  :Roll Eyes (Sarcastic):

----------


## Wayne Kerr

Anyway, back to the road …

*Chiang Khan – Nong Khai*

After coffee and eggs in Chiang Khan we decided to try and get to Vientiane, Laos within the day to see in the New Year in another country. A quick check of the map below and we were off. 


^ Route 2186 from Chiang Khan – Nong Khai

Route 2186 snakes along next to the Mekong River going through Pak Chom, Sang Khom, and Sri Chiang Mai. Great roads, views, and very scenic but I got hit with an acute case of the squits half way along the road. Tried to push on but somewhere between Pak Chom and Sang Khom I had to pull an emergency stop which led to one of my more embarrassing Thai moments. Wasn’t so camera happy at this stage but managed to get a few.


^ Somewhere near Pak Chom – looks like this all the way from Chiang Khan to Sang Khom


^ The spot Wayne Kerr got hit with the squits  :Booty: 

Turns out each of the little embayments on the right were places where the fishermen would clean their nets and stuff, thought I found a pretty private spot but got caught in the Asiatic Squat position by two boats coming in and out of the reeds. The fishermen had a pretty good laugh at the big farang crapping on the rocks – I guess they don’t see that every day  :Surprised: .


^ Wayne Jnr sitting by the Mekong - I was bloody shaky at this stage and couldn't manage to get the camera angle right  :Smile: 

I decided I needed a beer or two after this to settle my stomach so we jumped back in the car to find a small restaurant for a cold beer. First 200m up the road we lucked upon a little restaurant, I had started getting the cold sweats again by this time so we pulled up. Turns out they saw my whole little episode down on the rocks and were surprised to see me order a beer – who needs Imodium when you have Beer Chang hey  :Smile: .


^ A view of the Mekong River from the road side near Sang Khom - feeling a little better by this stage  :Smile: 


^ A small road-side stop near Sang Khom

Anyway after seeing Laos on the other side of the river for the whole drive, we cut straight to Laos Immigration as soon as we got to Nong Khai. Very easy. Just parked the car in the parking area near the Thai-Laos friendship bridge (they charge 100 baht a night), walked down the road a few hundred yards to Thai immigration and checked out of Thailand, jumped on a bus for 20 baht each that takes you across the bridge and drops you off at Laos immigration, just filled in the forms and handed over about 1400 baht and I had a visa on arrival and we were on our way for a few drinks in Vientiane  :Smile: .


^Visa on arrival box  :Smile:

----------


## Thetyim

How about seal's penis.

I believe they fetch 220 GBP each

----------


## Wayne Kerr

> How about seal's penis.


Very feckin close Thetyim, very close indeed. These ones cost 40 yuan per penis or about 7 USD I guess  :Smile: .

----------


## stroller

> and I had a visa on arrival and we were on our way for a few drinks in Vientiane


What about the little fella and the missus?
What was the visa procedure, if I may enquire?

----------


## ENT

dolphin penises

----------


## Wayne Kerr

No ENT, they are not Dolphin’s penises, good try. Some pretty weird shit in here for those of you into dolphins - Zoophile.net: Dolphin Anatomy. Thetyim was pretty close for the #3 pic. 




> What about the little fella and the missus? What was the visa procedure, if I may enquire?


Well actually Wayne Jnr just waltzed through Laos immigration ahead of us without doing anything – both Mrs. Kerr and I were calling him to come back but he was having none of it. He just gave the officials one of his “what-the-feck are you looking at” looks when one of them said something to him. One of them was silly enough to try and pinch his cheeks - Wayne Jnr adopted one of his boxing positions and gave him the “evil eye” – fortunately the officials just laughed. 

Anyway Mrs. Kerr and Wayne Jnr both hold Thai passports so we showed those and they were stamped in for 30 days – it was free for them, no need for pics or anything, just fill in the arrival card and hand over the passport. DD’s Nong Khai to Vientiane visa run thread is worth checking out. TD was the only place I found any decent stuff on the net re what to expect there. We paid 300 baht for a minivan ride into Vientiane – next time I won’t pay more than 200 baht as it aint that far really.

----------


## Wayne Kerr

Anyway back to the road …
*
Vientiane, Laos*

The minivan driver took us to a hotel. Was about 1000 baht a night on Lane Xang Avenue. We found out later this was bloody expensive with loads of nice places in the US$10-15 range – next time hey. We had News Year Eve dinner by the river, but we’ll steer well clear of these river side joints next time. Crappy food, expensive, pathetic service, but very popular with tourists and one-legged beggars. One table next to us was a young pommy bloke crapping on and saying “bollocks” over and over to his Australian-Vietnamese girlfriend who was crapping on about how it was like one big family with everyone sitting out eating together and shit. The table on the other side was a bunch of yanks from the “Hells Angels” motorcycle club crapping on about the women folk they’d molested the night before. The bill was about 700 baht for a few beers, rice, and I can’t even remember what else we ate it was so bad.

We quickly moved on to find somewhere else – to help forget about the crap food by the river we stopped off at a small street side restaurant to get stuck into a few baguettes, bowls of Laos noodles, and icy bottles of Beer Lao. The food and beer was perfect, service great, and a group of young girls kidnapped Wayne Jnr and entertained him for hours – turned out a great way to see in the New Year and we stumbled out of the place in the wee hours of the morning after fixing up the bill of about 250 baht. The sandwiches were so good we went back for brunch and a hair of the dog on New Years Day  :Smile: .


^ A decent New Years Eve dinner in Vientiane, Laos  :Smile: 


^ This stuff was so good we just kept going at it  :Smile: 


Wayne Jnr being chatted up by a young Laos girl  :Smile: 


^New Years Day lunch  :Smile:

----------


## Wayne Kerr

*New Years Day in Laos*

New Years Day in Laos was dead quiet. Not a great place for kids, Wayne Jnr made the most of it though and managed to extract quite a bit of money out of me at the Vientiane morning market on Lane Xang Avenue – all sorts of “Ultraman” shit that he hadn’t seen in Bangkok and just had to have. Shoes, clothes, toys – not much cheaper than in Thailand. He even found an elephant to sit on at one stage. Then it was up to the Victory Monument on the main road. They charge 15 baht to let you walk up the top.


^ One of the most fun things for young kids to do in Vientiane


^ Victory Monument, Vientiane, Laos – looks a lot like the Arc de Triomphe in France


^ View from the top of Victory Monument in Vientiane looking east over some water fountains


^ View from the top of Victory Monument in Vientiane looking west down Lane Xang Avenue


^ The Laos enjoying a lazy News Year Day next to the water fountains near Victory Monument – these are actually pretty good and worth seeing


^ A pointy thing in the middle of one of the back roads

----------


## Wayne Kerr

Mrs. Kerr did an afternoon jog around Vientiene while Wayne Jnr and I knocked back a few Beer Lao. She reckons she is in training for the Bangkok half marathon or something and draws these maps of all her runs. I find them friggin hilarious  Thais arent renowned for being the best cartographers in the world but hers really are bloody aweful. Anyway this came in handy as it helped us work out how badly the bloody tuk-tuk drivers had been ripping us off by basically running us around in circles turning what should be 2 minute trips into 1/4 hr journeys. We subsequently found out that they respond very well to a slightly raised/aggressive voice - it really isn't that far to walk anywhere in town anyway.

 
^ Mrs. Kerrs mud map of her run around Vientiane  :Smile: 

Mrs. Kerr gave me a leave permit and I sampled some of the nightlife in Vientiane. Ive been lucky to have had nights out on the town in many Southeast Asian cities over the past few years, and I must say I rate Vientiane highly for a good time out. I read quite a few negative reports about Laos in this regard and was very pleasantly surprised. Cali Kid's thread has more on this - Cali Kid Gets Laid in Vientiane. Anyway Mrs. Kerr and some of her family are reading this so I'm sorry to report that this is an old case of "what goes on the road, stays on the road". 


^ The beer wenches in Vientiane were very, very friendly  :Smile: 


^ The only photo of inside a hotel room for the whole trip - sorry to the boys back home, I feel I have let you down somewhat  :Smile:

----------


## Wayne Kerr

*Vientiane – Nong Khai – Khon Kaen
*
Our car was sitting 20 kms away in Nong Khai, plenty of things to see in Laos, but we thought why waste time at the mercy of a bloody tour company or bus service when we could enjoy parts of northeast Thailand at say a third of the price of what they were in Vientiane. So we jumped in a taxi back to the bridge and checked back into Thailand. 

We’ll go back to Laos, hopefully soon, but we’ll take the car across next time – just have to get a passport for the car which is a pretty simple procedure according to the guys at work – the forms are on the way to my office  :Smile: . 

Apparently once I get this I can drive over into Vietnam and even up into southern China. Being a bit of a national park addict, I have my eye on this site - Ecotourism in Laos - Ecotourism Laos. I am dead keen on a trip to the Nam Et National Park which is supposed to be one of the best spots in the world to see leopards. Oh yeah, I wouldn’t mind another run through the duty free alcohol shops at the Laos/Thai border – lots of cheap fake grog there but for the serious drinker I reckon the best value is in the shops selling genuine 750ml bottles of Johnnie Walker Red Label for 350 THB – for you blokes back home that is only AU$12.50 a bottle. The 1 litre bottles of JW Black Label (about 900 THB) are overpriced by at least 100 baht compared to the current duty free rates at the port in Bangkok.

Anyway after getting into Nong Khai we thought we’d have a look at the Ta Sadet market. It must run about 2 kms along the Mekong River and bloody easy to find from anywhere in town. Much the same stuff as in the Vientiane morning market but some great toy shops if you have kids. Wayne Jnr spent at least an hour perusing the goods in one shop while I checked out some of the more dangerous stuff – a couple of the shops had stun guns for sale, I think I overheard one of the shops quoting a Thai bloke 10,000 baht – but I may have got this wrong. Some great gun scopes available too  :Smile: . Apart from this market there wasn’t much else in Nong Khai so we hit the road for Khon Kaen via Udon Thani.


^ Western entrance of the Ta Sadet market in Nong Khai, Thailand


^ Next leg of Wayne Kerr's Isaan Sojourn

----------


## ENT

Those penises are mammalian, so whales or pilotfish? Maybe dugong dickies even!   :Smile:

----------


## Wayne Kerr

> Those penises are mammalian, so whales or pilotfish? Maybe dugong dickies even!


Mammalian yes, but not whale, pilotfish, or dugong dicks. They are dicks of a pinniped, but not walrus' dicks. Come on it is easy from here  :Very Happy: .

----------


## Thetyim

> They are dicks of a pinniped, but not walrus' dicks.


Must be SeaLion then

----------


## Wayne Kerr

> Must be SeaLion then


Someone pass Mr. Thetyim a cigar, Sea Lion dicks they are indeed, 40 yuan a penis (say US$6-7). Don't know if they kill the sea lions first or run up behind the suckers and cut the good old love muscle off with a razor blade or something. Either way I feel pretty sorry for the poor bloody things. Only 1 more to go, what are the brown chinaman dick looking things in the basket  :Smile: ?

----------


## Thetyim

> what are the brown chinaman dick looking things in the basket


Turtle's Todgers

----------


## Wayne Kerr

They actually do look a bit like turtle dicks, but unfortunately no cigar for that guess.

Anyway, back to the road …

*Nong Khai – Khorat*

Took off from Nong Khai just after lunch Udon Thani bound. Only about 60-70 kms, or about 40 minutes. Ordinary looking place so we pushed on to Khon Kaen. Udon to Khon Kaen is about 120 kms from memory, a bit more than 1 hr. Got there about 3.00pm. I don’t know what it is about most Thai cities/provincial towns at that time of the afternoon, but they usually seem to remind me of a scene out of a Mad Max movie – too much dust, lots of heavy machinery, and suicidal types on mopeds weaving in and out of the traffic. 

There are some temples and parks near Kalasin in the east that we’d like to see, but a quick check of the map and we saw that Khorat (Nakhon Ratchasima) was only say 200kms south, maybe 2-3 hours. Khorat girls really “float my boat”, their faces are a little different, don't know how to best explain it in English but I know "Khlam Yai" in Thai.

I was keen to get down there around sunset for a few beers and to check out the nightlife. Mrs. Kerr wanted to see the Phi Mai temple and take Wayne Jnr to the Khorat Zoo so we pushed on – what a huge friggin mistake this was! We forgot about the holiday season traffic jams - the trip from Khon Kaen to Khorat turned into a 10 hour traffic jam. 


^ Wayne Jnr helping his old man out with the drive from Khon Kaen to Khorat

We arrived in downtown Khorat about 2.00am, pulled up at the Ratchaphruek Grand Hotel - first hotel we saw. They wanted 1200 baht a night, but it was well worth it, shit their complementary breakfast would cost more than 1200 baht in Sydney. The pub underneath the joint “Bar Nana” was closing as we checked in - there were loads of stunners pouring out of the place so I quickly forgot about the marathon drive. A group of them asked me to go out for a bit of fun when I went down later to find some more beer once I dried up the minibar. Told them I wouldn’t mind some “rice soup”, and they showed me a joint down the road – I will take my younger brother there next time he is in town.


^ Khon Kaen to Khorat (Nakhon Ratchasima)

----------


## Wayne Kerr

*Phimai Historical Park*

A good sleep and then a brunch of the excellent club sandwiches at the Ratchaphruek Grand Hotel and a few icy beers and we were back in tourist mode. Phimai Historical Park was the first stop. This joint is about 40kms north of Khorat and home to one of the oldest Khmer temples in Thailand. It is about 11th or 12th century but “not a patch on Angkor Wat”   :Wink: . 

I imagine them old Khmer chaps were a little tired by the time they got to merry old Phimai and opted for a replica rather than the real thing. More seriously it was pretty cool to learn that the design of the place had been influenced by the Khorat Buddhists, despite the Khmer in the area at the time being Hindu. Apparently Buddhism really kicked off in Khorat in the 7th Century. 

I’ve got a brochure should anyone be interested in a scan, but I've since found a computer reconstruction of the place which makes things easier – click here. Some more info here in the Khorat Magazine. 

Anyway this is the joint where Wayne Jnr stoned the pigeons. Can’t really blame him, the gardeners had told him that the temple birds were bad and would give him bird flu if he tried to play with them – these types are so friggin brain dead. Plus I’d spent the whole trip teaching him how to shoot things with his slingshot. Anyway I was off taking some photos only to hear him start yelling “Som Nam Na” (you got what you deserved or something similar in English) over and over, a quick inspection I found him throwing the feathers of a bird he’d just whacked with a rock in the air - of course it was the friggin gardener who was the first to tell me what had gone down. The really bad thing was that he did it front of an audience of about 20 Thai and foreign tourists … boys will be boys I guess  :Smile: .

Anyway heres some photos of the temple, all taken using my mobile phone, I reckon a decent digital camera is needed for this temple stuff. My blood pressure was up a bit when I had to pull Wayne Jnr away from finishing off the crippled pigeon so I didn't get any photos of that  :Smile: .


^ The Lion and Naga bridge leading to the main entrance


^ A big Lion and Naga  :Smile: 


^ The main tower (I was surprised that the entrance of this faced south, other similar ones I’ve seen face east – maybe one of the more enlightened members may know why)


^ A few different pointy things


^ All of the photos I took with my mobile phone, was okay for most of the trip but you a need a decent camera for shots of these temples I reckon


^ A shot from outside the main wall


^ Wayne Jnr paying his respects and stuff – he told me he this one is there to make you feel happy that you have arms, not sure where he pulls this stuff from but I suspect it is his mad aunt who fills his mind with this stuff  :Very Happy: 


^ I think this is called a Gopura (or in laymens terms “arched entrance”)


^ Wayne Jnr reckons this was an old swimming pool – not a bad guess I reckon  :Smile:

----------


## Wayne Kerr

*Khorat Zoo*

Next stop was the Khorat Zoo for Wayne Jnr, about 20 minutes drive south of Khorat city. We arrived at about 4.00pm and it was dead quiet., in fact we were the only visitors there. The brain dead security guy on the front gate told us they had closed but we drove up to a visitor checkpoint – we were told we could look around until 6.00pm for 100 baht each for Mrs. Kerr and I, and 50 baht for Jnr. Very relaxing place and all the animals seemed to be in good condition. Worth checking out if in Khorat, but we probably wouldn’t go back – sorry the camera battery died not long after getting there.


^ Wayne Jnr looking pretty proud of his new foam elephant hat – there is of course a minefield of toys and stuff for sale between the parking area and the first bit of the zoo proper


^ A lonely looking African elephant


^ Wayne Jnr’s favourites were the giraffes


^ A rare mistake of the Khorat zoo giraffe breeding programme – giraffe Siamese twins!

----------


## Wayne Kerr

I managed to have a good look around Khorat at night. The "Bar Nana" was a great starting point Ratchaphruek Grand Hotel, then downtown where there is pretty much every type of nighttime entertainment that may take ones fancy – I ended up back at the Bar Nana and some noodles after closing, maybe 2.30 am, with some friendly locals. The local lads really seem to like smoking pot – seemed like everywhere I went someone was getting stuck into the good old mary jane  :Smoker:  

Anyway, back to the road …

*Khao Yai National Park*

Oldest National Park in Thaliand, lots of good stuff written about the place. To be honest I was pretty disappointed. Isn’t a patch on the Huai Kha Khaeng - Thung Yai Naresuan World Heritage Area we visited at the start of the trip and I saw plenty far more scenic places up in Loei Province and along the Mekong on the Thai-Lao border. It really is quite close to Bangkok so I suppose that’s why so many Bangkokians like to escape there for the weekend – I work with a few city girls who have never travelled into any country areas, so I guess for types like this it must be quite fun and why the place seems to be so influenced by "more well to do type" Thais.

We were going to rent one of the places up in the park, but found the Jungle House Hotel just near the entrance to the park to be cheaper and with hot water – it was a little bit chilly up there. Plenty of info about the park here - National Park of Thailand, Forest Park of Thailand, Online Reservation, National Park, Wildlife and Plant Conservation Department.

Lots of good cheap little restaurants with fresh wild boar, snake, bird, and pork leg dishes – we had one of the best dinners of our trip up there in a small road side bamboo restaurant, oh and a bloody good lunch of frog too.


^ Wayne Jnr and skeleton of a big critter out of the Khao Yai National Park


^ Some big tigers at the Khao Yai Visitor Centre – these were shot for trying to eat park workers 


^ View from Khao Keow in the Khao Yai National Park – I felt dizzy up there about 1300 metres


^ View from the lookout at Khao Keow in the Khao Yai National Park


^ Wayne Jnr reacting badly to unwanted attention to from the Thai tourists up on Khao Keow


^ Wayne Jnr practicing his meditation after having a bit of a run in with an over enthusiastic middle aged Thai bird – I really must learn how to say “be careful he doesn’t like his cheeks being pinched” in Thai


^ I was surprised to see a sign about mangroves in a National Park several hundred kms inland from the coast – it is things like this which make me realise why Thai environment agencies are often referred to as “purveyors of cover rather than substance”


^ View from a lookout in Khao Yai National Park


^ Bungalow in the Jungle House Hotel – set us back 1000 a night which was the best we could find, something similar up in the Park was 2400 a night, and the 4 other places we checked were in the 3000-7000 baht a night range. Good air con, hot water, cold beer in the fridge, and big king size bed.


^ A decent jungle side balcony too


^ Rooms a great fun for young kids – Wayne Jnr had good fun jumping out through the railing on the stairs down onto the big bed on the lower floor


^ The best thing about Khao Yai was good, cheap food – the main plate is pork leg “cowboy” style, orange stuff is curried wild boar, and the soup was the chefs specialty – some sort of snake soup, we also had some small fried birds which Wayne Jnr really likes.


^ Since Mrs. Kerr is in training for her next long distance run, Wayne Jnr and I were left to knock over the whole pork leg by ourselves


^ At lunch we found a great place doing fried frog – this was a real big one

----------


## klongmaster

excellent info WK: for a married man you seem to get a lot of leave passes...can't imagine my bundle of nubility staying in the room while i went on the prowl...of course we don't have any kids so there's no reason for her to stay behind...or more importantly, for me to go out on my tod...

----------


## Wayne Kerr

> excellent info WK: for a married man you seem to get a lot of leave passes...


Thanks Klongmaster ... as for the leave passes I think Mrs. Kerr is glad to see the back of me ... plus she knows I suffer badly from the "Fosters Flop"  :Surprised: .

Anyway, back to the road ...

*Farm Chokchai*

Anyway after all this time in the country I got to thinking:



So off to Farm Chokchai it was for the Kerrs. Located about 7kms on the Saraburi side of the turn off to Khao Yai on Highway 2 – Farm Chokchai is home to Thailand’s most well known cattle farm and steakhouse. They run tours in the farm which cost 230 baht per adult and 130 baht for a little kid like Wayne Jnr – or a total of 590 for us. I thought if we was gunna pay close to 600 baht for a couple of hours kicking rocks around an old farm then we was gunna have some good old country style fun with the Thai-style cowboys and girls that took us for the ride.

Anyway first stop was the Chokchai Cinema where we heard the story of old Mr. Chokchai Bulakul, the 70+ yr old billionaire bloke who owns the Chokchai enterprise – I reckon he must be one smart fecker as he used cash from the farm business to build the first high rise building in Bangkok - the 26 story Chokchai Building next to where the Emporium is these days. He also is credited with building 6 Thai airports for personal commercial interest.

Anyway I’m pretty sure who ever put the film together was really taking the piss, just like something you’d expect on the old Late Show on ABC or from whoever wrote that Pommy series “Couplings” – it was so friggin hilarious that I just about pissed my pants. Of course the Thais were really getting into their day being cowboys and girls and it was bloody hard to see much through the cowboy hats.


^ The Chokchai Cinema  :Cool: 


^ Next stop was the Machinery Museum – pissy old ferguson tractor, model G JD tractor, old Cat etc. I was starting to worry that this was gunna be real crap but as soon as I heard we off to the Artificial Insemination Centre things started looking up.


^ Entrance to the Artificial Insemination Centre at Farm Chokchai  :Surprised: 


^ Sexy cowgirl, TV, man in rubber boots, and a horny looking cow  :Smile: 

We were wondering what the feck was gunna happen next. Anyway they said that a big bull was gunna come in and try to feck the cow and the bloke in the boots was gunna collect the bulls come. I was given strict instructions to turn my flash off as it may put the bull off his stroke. The big bull walked in to a big round of applause from the crowd.


^ A bit of cow funny business  :Surprised: 


^ A big condom full of cow’s come, since I seemed to be the only taking photos the bloke held it up to me like it was a trophy or something, in the rush of the moment I forgot to put the flash back on [just as I post this Mrs. Kerr reckons they must have filled the condom up with yogurt before the show because it all happened so quickly - the bull doing his load that is]


^ Then it was time for a spot of sperm watching, the size of nails them bloody cow sperm  :Smile: 

I kept catching the eye of the bird presenting and gave her a smile and a wink, she was finding it pretty hard not to start laughing at times, so to make things a little more comfortable for the rest of the tour I summonsed up my best Thai on the way out of the joint and mentioned that I thought it must be a little hard for a pretty girl like her to do that presentation, and asked if any of them ever get sexually frustrated. I meant the cows but apparently it sounded like I asked her if she ever feels like “opening the beef curtains” after such a show – fortunately Mrs. Kerr smoothed things out a bit for me. Shit, how is one ever meant to the learn this friggin language without “pushing the envelope” of political correctness every now and then.


^ Next stop was the milking yard  :Smile: 

The presentation here was made by one of the real hot cowgirls but good old Wayne Jnr got all worried and starting yelling at me that the cowgirl didn’t have boots on and that she may get hit with the milk from the dick of the big black cow, stole the show he did and the sexy young thing started forgetting her lines after that – we laughed it off and said we had him in training to become a vet. For those of you that don’t have kids they can really out compete a microphone at 3.5 yrs of age.


^ Of course they conned one or two tourists into getting dirty – Chinese bloke and his Thai bird

After that they took us into the pasteurisation centre, but photography was completely off limits, I don’t know why because it was just like your standard pasteurisation set-up you could see in Encyclopedia Britannica, but I guess the Thais will be Thais. They let us taste a little ice-cream but since I was a bit worried about “cross-contamination” I passed. Mrs. Kerr ate mine instead.

Then we went on a tour around the farm, we grabbed the front seat up with the friendly sheila from the AI centre – figured she must know her stuff if she’d landed the job teaching city slickers how cows fuck.


^ The tour around the farm was really good, this really is very professionally run and it is good to see the Thais doing things right, like I mentioned before good old Khun Chokchai must be one smart bunny – I estimated that there must have been at least 500 other people in there that day, at say an average of 200 baht a head that is 100,000 "tourist" baht that passed through the gate that day.


^ Next stop was the Cowboy show, this is where the sexy cowgirl really came into her own, she owned that ring and flashed old Wayne Kerr a big 10 second smile for my photo, unfortunately the bloody mobile phone let me down and it is really blurred if I zoom in further than that  :Very Happy: 


^ All of a sudden this cowboy came bounding in – looked like a bit of a poof in my book  :Surprised: 


^ Anyway he started riding around and around the ring swinging a lassoo  :Smile: 


^ Then they let a cow in and he tried to catch the fecker – he failed on three attempts – if I was his boss I’d sack him  :Smile: 

Anyway if you’ve ever seen a Thai bloke lose face in front of a pretty girl then you’d know the look on his face, he even had to get off the horse and try, stuffed up again, at that stage you could see his boss was disgusted and came in to save the show and got the sucker with one go, then he gave the cow a good branding and pinched the girl on the bum on his way out – gotta love Thailand. 


^The boss cowboy saving the show  :Very Happy: 


^ The boss man giving the cow a branding – Wayne Jnr looked a little shocked at first but soon asked if he could have a go  :Surprised: 


^ Then the poofter looking bloke came on for a spot of skipping


^ The sexy girl wanted to teach Wayne Jnr and I how to shoot straight – Wayne Jnr knocked over two of five targets on his first go, he’s been shooting guns since he was real young – then she asked me if I wanted a go and I said something embarrassing in Thai like no “I always get my target” and gave her a wink (for all I know I may have said “I always shoot before reaching the target”)  :Smile: 


^ Then we were off for a spot of horse riding  :Smile: 


^ Wayne Jnr sets out – he had a bit of an argument with the cowboy bloke half way round  :Smile: 


^ Wayne Jnr looking a bit pissed off after he was unsuccessful in talking the cowboy bloke into letting him ride around by himself  :Very Happy: 


^ Then it was off to the dog training centre – this is bloody good, we were too far back to take any decent pics, there were a few English teachers there with groups of students, poor blokes were wearing pink shirts but they seemed to be enjoying things.


^ Wayne Jnr decided he wanted to stay with the kids from the English school rather than us - he seemed to be thinking more critically about what was going on then the others who were just about pissing their pants at any stupid thing the blokes on the stage said – no wonder he gets bored at school.


^ Wayne Jnr really looked after the reindeer – can’t imagine why  :Surprised: 


^ Feeding the cows is old hat for him, he’s been doing that since he could first walk – anyway he wanted me to have a go but I told him I was better at “feeding the chooks”  :Surprised: 

Anyway the petting zoo is the last bit of the tour before being whisked off into the retail outlet. We were “Starvin Marvins” by the time we got back and fortunately we somehow walked straight into the Chokchai Steakhouse to eat some of the cows we’d scene earlier.


^ Chokchai Steakhouse out at the farm  :Very Happy: 


^ The steaks were friggin awesome, mine was a t-bone (650 baht), Mrs. Kerr had the rib-eye (about 500 baht), and Wayne Jnr had more ice cream (free for kids). With 4 or 5 big beers this added up to about 1700 baht – not a cheap day if you like your steak and beer. 

The steaks here are the best I’ve had in Thailand, some will say they’d wanna be at 650 baht a pop, but I’ll go out on a limb and say that it wouldn’t be easy to get something this good in Australia these days. They apparently hang and dry the carcasses for at least 9 weeks which is 3 weeks more than the shit beef steaks sold in Woolworths supermarkets down under and maybe 4 weeks more than the Burmese shit you can buy here from Carrefour and Tops. They sell fresh steaks but at the same price as you pay for them cooked – the t-bones are 500 gram jobs.

We stumbled out of the place bound for Pattaya and a good night out and a  spot of go-cart racing  :thrashi:

----------


## Wayne Kerr

*Body Dodging*

Next step was body dodging between Saraburi and Pattaya, we saw 3 dead motorbike riders, but somehow that didn't put us off a big night in Pattaya. The next day was go-kart racing out near Jomtien somewhere.


^ Wayne Jnr testing that he has his helmet on okay  :Smile: 


^ Going left through the first big corner - Wayne Jnrs head was hanging out the side a bit  :Very Happy: 


^ Mrs. Kerr wasn't so good with the camera - she reckoned we were going too fast  :Very Happy: 


^ Wayne Jnr waving coming down the home straight - Mrs Kerr nearly missed it  :Very Happy:

----------


## Wayne Kerr

The trip from Pattaya to bangkok was only an hour. Good work to the lads that have picked some of the mystery critters in this thread, but there is one more that need identifying before I come good on my word to donate some money to fund DD to research the thread of his choice, anyway this is it:


^ Mystery Pic #1 - a worm like critter that lives in mangroves - come on it is easy from here  :Smile:

----------


## dirtydog

Would it be a _tambelo?
_

----------


## klongmaster

> Would it be a *tambelo*?


now now DD: don't you go throwing in any technical builders jargon to confuse us laymen...

----------


## Deaner

> The trip from Pattaya to bangkok was only an hour. Good work to the lads that have picked some of the mystery critters in this thread, but there is one more that need identifying before I come good on my word to donate some money to fund DD to research the thread of his choice, anyway this is it:
> 
> 
> ^ Mystery Pic #1 - a worm like critter that lives in mangroves - come on it is easy from here


Looks like some kind of leech... I've been watching really hot birds eating them on fear factor recently  :Smile: .

----------


## roderick17

Wayne Kerr.

There is something about your Avartar that I find very appealing. I'm not sure whether its the femmes or the black suspenders !!. Anyway, is this picture taken in Thailand, if so where abouts is it ??

----------


## Thetyim

Is it a Homalopsid or mangrove snake ?

The males have have two penises

----------


## Wayne Kerr

Been away and pleased to see you chaps still thinking about this .. anyway they aint:



> Tambelos, leeches, Homalopsid or mangrove snake


 :Smile:

----------


## dirtydog

> Alright then here they are  3 mystery photos. If any member can successfully identify the items in the pics Ill make a donation to TeakDoor that the boss (or his alternate) can use to do research for the thread of his choice. Each of the items are animals (or parts of) and are eaten in China .


Bumpity bump, come on guys and gals I am skint, just make some wild guesses for Gods sake  :Smile:

----------


## Wayne Kerr

^ Alright DD, lets make this a little easier, if someone can pick what this is I'll pay up  :Smile:  .

----------


## daveboy

^
pring

----------


## stroller

Fark, they're all some crawly disgusting tropic sort of thing which will disappear up your poophole and eat your guts, given half a chance, aren't they?

Cough up, I wanna see some more pics of skanky whores that DD will test for us.

----------


## Wayne Kerr

> Fark, they're all some crawly disgusting tropic sort of thing which will disappear up your poophole and eat your guts, given half a chance, aren't they?


Good try mate, but no cigar!




> Cough up, I wanna see some more pics of skanky whores that DD will test for us.


I hear ya mate, I hear ya! The offer still stands  :Smile: !

----------


## Jock Itch

........ looks like canine schlong to me ....

Jock

----------


## Wayne Kerr

Okay, one last chance:


^ the critters in the market


^ the critters on a plate

About $500/kg, only eaten in China, and a little bit in Vietnam to make noodles (fur). Hadn't noticed Jock Itch's post above before, but I have a feeling he can pick them.

----------


## dirtydog

Dogs dicks and jellyfish  :Sad:

----------


## Wayne Kerr

Man, this is hard work ... Jock help!

----------


## dirtydog

Fur just means noodles, the ones made out of rice, I think.

----------


## Wayne Kerr

^ actually fur also means "mia noi" ... sorry I'm just polishing up on my Vietnamese as I'm off to Cambodia tomorrow  :Wink: .

----------


## dirtydog

^ Got to learn the important stuff.

Ok I have come to realise my knowledge on edible sea animals penises is zero, I have even resorted to using Chinese google.

約有*28,300*項符合*Vietnam sea animals with edible penises*

*But I did come across this strange fact.*

According to the Kinsey Institute, half of the men raised on farms have had a sexual encounter with an *animal*. *...*

----------


## scorpio065

i am dribbling just looking at the pictures, i must try this next time i'm in Thailand.

----------


## Jock Itch

well, if they're not canine schlongs or seals' johnsons, perhaps they are something like sipunculid worms - those feral beasties that they dig out of mangroves - supposed to cost a mint !! - any closer Mr Kerr ???

----------


## Homer

Great pics, I am just back from my first Issan visit, Not at all what I expected. The missus (well me actually) forgot to pack the camera so I sadly have nothing to share. 

Really great experience though

----------


## Wayne Kerr

> well, if they're not canine schlongs or seals' johnsons, perhaps they are something like sipunculid worms - those feral beasties that they dig out of mangroves - supposed to cost a mint !! - any closer Mr Kerr ???


Someone pass JI  a cigar, yes indeed they are mangrove worms that go for $100/kg wet weight and $500/kg dried... I guess that means it time for Wayne Kerr to cough up - shit I really had hoped this thread would get to 100 posts before I had to pay  :Roll Eyes (Sarcastic): .

----------


## dirtydog

I said mangrove worms and you said no, bloody cheek, just cos I used the Malaysian word for mangrove worms, damn sure I wouldn't eat them even if they were 10baht per kilo  :Smile:  yuck..

----------


## dirtydog

Panjang rata-rata seekor _tambelo_ adalah 30 cm. Yang paling lezat hanya bisa diperoleh di dalam dua jenis pohon bakau, yaitu _Rhizophora stylosa_ dan _R. apiculate_. Satu jenis pohon bakau lain adalah _R. micronata_ yang umumnya didiami jenis _tambelo_ yang disebut _Dicyathifera mucronata_. Jenis _tambelo_ ini tidak terlampau enak untuk dimakan.

----------


## Wayne Kerr

DD - yes you may be right! I'd be prepared to wager a double or nothing on this. If I can't prove you wrong in the next 30 minutes, I'll fund two threads. If I can I'll fund none. You up for that?

----------


## Wayne Kerr

Anyway DD I'm sure you know by now the bloody Malaysians aint so smart. The Malay word _Tambelo_ refers to a wood boring mangrove mollusc, not a worm, actually just last week I ate some in Cambodia - here are my pics:


^ Knocking open a bit of mangrove wood in Cambodia looking for a wood boring mollusc


^ Here they are


^ Look nothing like a bloody worm


^Tasty suckers

Anyway only joking about that double or nothing thing. Jock Itch picked em fair and square. Was just trying to push this thread out to 100 posts  :Roll Eyes (Sarcastic): .

----------


## William

^having followed your travels (via excellent threads), I'm somewhat suprised you get paid to work  :Smile: 

Looks the idea life to me...

----------


## dirtydog

> Look nothing like a bloody worm


Looks like a yucky worm to me  :Sad: 






> Was just trying to push this thread out to 100 posts


Time to lock it  :Smile:  ?

----------


## William

^pro-rata to posts, he has more 100s than CMn  :Smile:   :Smile:

----------


## Wayne Kerr

> Time to lock it ?


I think so  :Very Happy: .

----------


## dirtydog

Maybe a thread on who you would rather have dinner with would be an idea  :Smile:  stroller gets my vote over Wayne  :Smile:

----------


## Wayne Kerr

> Maybe a thread on who you would rather have dinner with would be an idea


Well, I started this thread with a pig feast and reckon my recent pig feast is the way to finish it of  :Smile: 


^ Lovely little suckling pig done "Moo Hun" style in Bangkok - only about 6 weeks old it was  :Very Happy: 


^ The crispy skin on the back was feckin delicious - just don'yt tell my wife I was eating this  :Surprised: 


^ Getting the sucker ready for some chillie and pepper  :Smile:

----------


## gusG

Great thread Wayne.With all your traveling, posting and photos,when do you get any time for any work?

----------


## tiswas

I'm about 140 clicks from Nakhon Rachasima & am thinking it's high time I paid a visit to the place....is it worth a visit as Mr Kerr suggests cause I'm not sure if he's on a wind up most of the time. :Smile:  By the way Mr. K...Cracking threads for all your trips.. :star:

----------


## Marmite the Dog

> I'm about 140 clicks from Nakhon Rachasima & am thinking it's high time I paid a visit to the place


Drop Mr Buadhai a line. I'm sure he'll give you the full tour.

----------


## babygirl

Great post! Very interesting. The worms almost made me barf. Was hoping it was some sort of animal penis, to make it more interesting. But, I've seen worms eaten like that on the 'survivor' tv show.

----------


## Wayne Kerr

> The worms almost made me barf.


Well at about US$500/kg I can assure you they won't make you barf ... they are the delicious  :Smile: . Glad you enjoyed the story.




> I'm about 140 clicks from Nakhon Rachasima ... is it worth a visit as Mr Kerr suggests cause I'm not sure if he's on a wind up most of the time.


No wind up at all ... I really like the place. Friggin envious of the chaps that have retired up around there. I guess my chance will come 30 yrs down the track with any luck  :Sad: . Can recommend the Ratchaphruek Hotel - they do the best club sandwich I've had in SE Asia.

----------


## buad hai

> Can recommend the Ratchaphruek Hotel - they do the best club sandwich I've had in SE Asia.


I showed this sentence to Ms. B who works at the Ratchaphruek and she laughed out loud. She doesn't think much of the food there. But, she's probably never had the club sandwich. I'll give it a try.

----------


## mickjn

I have just found your trip report and enjoyed it very much,also the photos

----------


## cisco999

guess one has to give up the concept of a pet of any sort...........

----------


## Mathos

Good post all round with some brilliant contributions!

Keep it going lads.

 :sexy: The lady looks hungry.

----------


## bedtime

Excellant thread, many thanks, I have been to Phimai and Korat many times, I love the area. I think you are indeed a lucky guy to be able to live and work in Thailand, I hope to be able to retire to that part of the world fairly soon. Once again thanks  :Smile:

----------


## Beadle

> 


That's a hideous shirt.

----------


## Stinky

Well spotted mate  :rofl:  yes it's bloody awful

----------


## Wayne Kerr

^ I'll have you know that shirt cost several thousand from an exclusive store in west Kalimantan, Indonesia 






... several thousand Indonesian Rupiah   :Smile:

----------


## kingwilly

beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Besides, a decent Batik shirt will cost you millions of Rupiah now...

----------


## Wayne Kerr

Aye ... come to think of it can't say I've seen too many folk wearing batik shirts chopping up roast pig  :Smile:

----------


## XTC

Wayne, that is not really your name is it?

----------


## JohnIodice

> Anyway DD I'm sure you know by now the bloody Malaysians aint so smart. The Malay word _Tambelo_ refers to a wood boring mangrove mollusc, not a worm, actually just last week I ate some in Cambodia - here are my pics:
> 
> ^ Knocking open a bit of mangrove wood in Cambodia looking for a wood boring mollusc
> 
> ^ Here they are
> 
> ^ Look nothing like a bloody worm
> 
> ^Tasty suckers
> ...


WOW, those are amazing photos of _Teredo navalis_. Wikipedia has an article about that mollusk, but the only pictures are of wood with holes in it, none of the animal itself. Wayne, would you consider uploading one or more of these to Wikipedia? The catch, as you may know, is that to post a picture to Wikipedia you have to give up all rights to it. But you would be greatly improving that article. The shot of somebody holding two of them in their hands does a particularly nice job of showing both their size and their texture. And the one of a guy chowing one down while looking into the camera is great too. (Appetizing? Disgusting? Somehow both!)

Anyway, please consider it. And either way, great shots!

----------


## Kurgen

4 year bump WOO HOO!

----------


## jamesbong

Nice thread- thanks for taking the time WK

----------


## MANICHAEAN1

Gordan Ramsey & Michael Palin eat your heart out.

----------

