#  >  > Non Asia Travel Forums >  >  > Travel the World Travellers Tales Forum >  >  Three capital cities in 48 hours; Slap's weekend tour of the Low Countries

## somtamslap

I decided on Thursday thatI needed to leave this country; needed a brief reprieve from the sheer tedium that is life in the United Kingdom.

So I booked a ticket for a Brussels bound Eurostar train which left on Friday evening, reasoning that the Belgian capital would be a base from where I would go forth and explore. However, exploration to me, in most cases, comprises sitting in the first place I happen upon that sells alcohol and passing out. Perhaps this excursion would be different... we shall see.

I left work early and boarded a train from East Croydon station to St Pancras International



The imposing structure of St Pancras - ideal surroundings for the consumption of alcoholic beverages



Yes, a San Miguel should do it; make that two please, bar person.



Check in. This felt very much like being at an airport. Yet I was able to walk in a straight line and see properly. This was strange.



I wasn't particularly impressed with the seating arrangement in the Eurostar - cramped, noisy, no whoopsie with a trolley trundling up and down the aisle with a fine selection of Euro-fare and premium Belgian lager...



...so naturally I relocated to the buffet car for the duration and in turn achieved quite an alarming level of intoxication. This Leffe packs quite a punch. Especially of you drink eight of them.



Just two hours after leaving London the train arrived in Brussels Midi. By this time I'd developed something of a stagger; but this was an extremely pleasant place to go for a good, wholesome stagger. This was sophisticated staggering...

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## taxexile

> the sheer tedium that is life in the United Kingdom.


After a year in Thailand I have been in England for the past 5 weeks and feel as if I have woken up after a long sleep. Compared to the drudge filled life in the special needs clinic that is Thailand, England is vibrant, sharp and very much alive,  senses are awakened, food is enjoyed for the first time in ages, socialising is fun, cobwebs are removed from the brain,  faith is restored in humanity and the sheer joy of not having to wear shorts and another fucking t shirt day after day after day all go to making life here a very uplifting experience.

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## somtamslap

> After a year in Thailand I have been in England for the past 5 weeks and feel as if I have woken up after a long sleep


 Yes, and that's how I felt initially. Totally invigorated; free from the stifling heat and the shackles of an acute beer Chang habit.

But then the rat race took a hold of me and plunged the needle of ennui deep into my vein.

Hence I've just been on a weekend jolly up on the continent.

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## klong toey

St Pancras and Paddington must have come from the same mould.
Cold winter mornings waiting for the train to arrive still dark 07:30 am,not an enjoyable experience.
Still that's a few weeks away hope you had a nice trip,note no planes were used in the making of this thread. :Smile:

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## somtamslap

> no planes were used in the making of this thread.


 Train is the only way to travel.

And, of course, I do have that 'I ain't getting on no plane, fool' mentality when it comes to flying.

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## Davis Knowlton

I've traveled in Europe, although not extensively. UK, France, Belgium, Germany, Italy, Spain, Denmark, Greece, and maybe one or two I've forgotten. One thing I always thought was really nice was getting around by train or boat - no planes. Just a bunch of tiny little countries all grouped conveniently.

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## chassamui

> Just a bunch of tiny little countries all grouped conveniently.


I wonder if that was the thought going through Hitlers mind when he invaded Poland?  :Wink:

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## david44

> I decided on Thursday thatI needed to leave this country; needed a brief reprieve from the sheer tedium that is life in the United Kingdom.
> 
> So I booked a ticket for a Brussels bound Eurostar train which left on Friday evening, reasoning that the Belgian capital would be a base from where I would go forth and explore. However, exploration to me, in most cases, comprises sitting in the first place I happen upon that sells alcohol and passing out. Perhaps this excursion would be different... we shall see.
> 
> I left work early and boarded a train from East Croydon station to St Pancras International
> 
> 
> 
> The imposing structure of St Pancras - ideal surroundings for the consumption of alcoholic beverages
> ...


Fine fotos bro but rather than the paradise that is East Croydon is the forst image the millenium Bridge frm Balckfriars Bridge from where Roberto Calvi of P@ Vatican lodge hung in ritual murder over Steel Yard were Elizabeth expelled the ruskies across rd from my former haunts?

Good report I'll be in Bruxwlles Midi October if you seek a rrrrre=match en route Anderlecht

The World’s Great Mysteries Solved | Albert Jack | Page 2

Mafia boss breaks silence over Roberto Calvi killing | UK ...
Latest news, sport and comment from the Guardian | The Guardian  News  UK news  Crime
The Guardian
May 12, 2012 - Financier Roberto Calvi was found hanging beneath Blackfriars ... at the Old Bailey, although he claims to have been the victim of a conspiracy.
May the phlegm be butterfly free

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## Davis Knowlton

^^Probably. Just been re-watching "The World At War". He sure swept through them fast.

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## beerlaodrinker

Stagger on slappers, I look forward to the rest of this thread ::chitown::

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## Bogon

I see the word "cider" on the packet of those shifter crisps.

Tell me more!

Oh, and have you tried the sprouts yet?

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## withnallstoke

> I see the word "cider" on the packet of those shifter crisps.  Tell me more!


Cider vinegar and sea salt crisps, coupled with Belgian Botty Beer.

I'm calling shifter on this as well.

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## somtamslap

> Oh, and have you tried the sprouts yet?


 Still not in season. Anywhere. I didn't eat any traditional Belgique tucker this time around, but I did have some phenomenal post-pub fodder - which will shortly be revealed.






> Belgian Botty Beer.


 The first beer I had on Belgian soil was inadvertently supped in a botty bar. Again, pictures en route.

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## Bogon

I'm assuming this is a shifter trip with an ulterior motive.

My best guess is that Slappers is paying homage to Jean Claude Van Damme's birthplace. His own personal Kumite of sorts...

Here is a pic of someone trying to take one of his shifter crisps...



and one where the beer has finished...



and one just after check-in at the hotel (getting mentally prepared for a night out)...

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## klong toey

Ah whilst in Blighty our rolls reverse you become the city dweller and i the country bumpkin.
Sprouts he said,neah its mushroom time.
Oh and sloes,cob nuts plenty of free food on offer better then the bargain bin at Waitrose.

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## somtamslap

> and one just after check-in at the hotel (getting mentally prepared for a night out)...


 I'll tell you what, Bogster, you aren't far out. That's the most elaborate wanking position I've ever seen.

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## barbaro

Thanks for the pics, Somtam

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## somtamslap

A bit more seriously meaningful staggering led me into the Grand Place. All very European...





These waffle shops were very much en vogue in _Bruxelles_...



And this Leffe. Very popular stuff. In fact it was very hard not to be in a perpetual state of drinking it...

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## somtamslap

Although sorely tempted with the prospect of an evening at the science museum, I eschewed the option and ended up in a club. 



I asked for a Kronenberg. I was dished up some muck that tasted like perfume. What's this? I chastise the bar tender. Rodenberg comes the reply. 
I appreciate that we're operating in a different linguistic zones, but make a solemn promise to myself that I shall never, _ever_, darken the doors of this heathenish establishment again. 

Fucking Rodenberg.

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## somtamslap

Keen to cleanse myself of the beveraging horrors of the club, I made my way to the nearest kebabery for some much required sustenance.

Let me be blunt with you.

If you're ever in Brussels and you don't go here, you're a fucking idiot. 



This, without any morsel of uncertainty, is the best kebab I have ever had in my life.

That's real lamb, for heaven's sake. And the sauce... so good it still remains on the belch some 4 days later.

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## somtamslap

After some extreme staggering I arrived back at my hotel, closed my eyes for five drunken, unsatisfactory hours, woke, drank a litre of orange juice for breakfast, and made haste - with a hangover the size of a bus - to the train station where I would begin the second leg of my trip...

En route I passed a chap who had evidently over done it on the Rodenberg...

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## david44

> Originally Posted by Bogon
> 
> Oh, and have you tried the sprouts yet?
> 
> 
>  Still not in season. Anywhere. I didn't eat any traditional Belgique tucker this time around, but I did have some phenomenal post-pub fodder - which will shortly be revealed.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Less Waffle you've had your chips.Now was theat Blackfriars Bridge or Flotshop?
We require elucidation from the transcontinental toper,Ale swiller of Albion the English epicure and the source of the Rainbow crisps ,Butterfly Cottages Rue de Sprout? or in de Vlaams Battyjongen straat :cmn:

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## somtamslap

> Now was theat Blackfriars Bridge or Flotshop?


 I'm not sure, Dave. Don't think it was Blackfriars. 






> Butterfly Cottages Rue de Sprout?


 The documentary which I'm currently making will presently illustrate my linguistic abilities. 

Un packet de Gauloises, please Pierre.

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## Neverna

> This, without any morsel of uncertainty, is the best kebab I have ever had in my life.
> 
> That's real lamb, for heaven's sake. And the sauce... so good it still remains on the belch some 4 days later.


And the bread looks good too.   :Smile:

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## ltnt

^No doubt the garbage packet by mistake?  Now show us the real sandwich...

Nice post Slap...

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## somtamslap

> And the bread looks good too


 Best bread, best meat, best salad, best sauce, best kebab - dare I say it - in the whole wide world.  :Yup:

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## withnallstoke

^ I can think of a few different uses for lamb, and eating it is not one of them.

Heathen bastard, you may at least console yourself with the thought that i may have contributed to either or both of the lamb or the sauce.

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## somtamslap

^ Way to defile a wholesome thread, withnall.

Be warned - the next month's worth of oatcake mix has been tarnished with a residue yielded from a sustained bout of animal sodomy in Staffordshire.

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## withnallstoke

> Way to defile a wholesome thread, withnall.


I do similar with lamb.

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## Loy Toy

Slapper your a fucking legend and one of the few reasons I still post here. Keep on keeping on and god speed to you.

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## Necron99

Gay beer glasses, mayo on chips.
Shiftersville, get on the bleedin train.

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## somtamslap

> I do similar with lamb.


 I'm well aware of your skewering methods - and how they often fail due to a flacid old chap.






> Keep on keeping on and god speed to you.


 Much obliged, squire.






> Gay beer glasses


 I'll have you know that those 'gay' beer glasses hold a litre of ale.




> Shiftersville, get on the bleedin train.


 See thread. En route to Brussels Midi.

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## MeMock

> Slapper your a fucking legend and one of the few reasons I still post here. Keep on keeping on and god speed to you.


I second that. A extra famous thread in the making.

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## Loy Toy

> I second that.


Thanks mate and that other fat bastard Withnallstoke keeps me coming back.

Two grunts I have never met but both feel like mates.

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## Necron99

> Originally Posted by Necron99
> 
> Gay beer glasses
> 
> 
>  I'll have you know that those 'gay' beer glasses hold a litre of ale.



I'm sure Stokes trumpet can hold several litres, but I wouldn't drink from it......

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## somtamslap

> I'm sure Stokes trumpet can hold several litres, but I wouldn't drink from it......


 Neither would I. It's been stuck up his arse for the past six years.

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## kingwilly

> Originally Posted by somtamslap
> 
> 
> This, without any morsel of uncertainty, is the best kebab I have ever had in my life.
> 
> That's real lamb, for heaven's sake. And the sauce... so good it still remains on the belch some 4 days later.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


The presentation leaves a bit to be desired.

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## beerlaodrinker

> Gay beer glasses


 I'll have you know that those 'gay' beer glasses hold a litre of ale. Nothing gay about that.top effort slappers

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## somtamslap

And so the journey to the train station continued.

It was 7.45am. The streets of Brussels were empty save for a scant few revellers who hadn't quite finished the previous night's merriment.

My mouth was dry. I felt sick. And there was a reenactment of the Battle of the Bulge taking place in my head.

I must seek the solace of a train carriage, immediately.

Through the streets I roamed.







I toyed with the notion of a trip to Dusseldorf.

I painstakingly planned the logistics of a sojourn to Luxemburg.

I agonised over the idea of a foray to Frankfurt.

But in the end, there was only going to be one winner...

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## withnallstoke

O shit!!!!

This could go horribly wrong.

 :smiley laughing:

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## kingwilly

Or 'orribly right.

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## Necron99

Outstanding choice.

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## chassamui

I went to Luxembourg once. it was shut forr the day. No seriously.

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## jizzybloke

> best salad


The only good salad is NO FUCKING SALAD!

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## withnallstoke

:rofl:

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## reddog

if you happen to see snowy the wonder dog, give him a pat.

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## Necron99

I think this thread needs some reader challenges for Slaps to complete......

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## withnallstoke

> I think this thread needs some reader challenges for Slaps to complete......


Slapper.

Get yerself through the fag quarter with yer ringo intact.

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## somtamslap

The trip has already been completed, hombres.

I'm typing this from an office block in south Croydon.

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## withnallstoke

> I'm typing this from an office block in south Croydon.


Are you standing up, or can you sit down yet?

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## somtamslap

^ I'm quite sure I was offered a substance which assists anus dilation.

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## withnallstoke

????

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## Cujo

Excellent thread slap. Apparently I must have repo'd you for some insignificant thing recently so have to spread it around before I can repo you again and by then I will have forgotten , so, you know, tough shit.
Good thread but.

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## Necron99

This isn't live?
Then why the freakin delay? 
Post the pics!

I feel so cheated.....

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## somtamslap

^^ Obliged, old chap.






> This isn't live?


 I thought there was a rather large hint that it wasn't live in the thread title. 






> Then why the freakin delay?


 Because the majority of my waking existence is spent working.

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## Dillinger

^ I thought you were a writer?

You wouldn't know a hard days graft if it buggered you with that rubber fist :Smile:

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## somtamslap

> You wouldn't know a hard days graft if it buggered you with that rubber fist


 I'll have you know that I spent a year grafting in a tropical monsoon jungle - where the very real threat of withnall's actual fist was a constant source of anxiety.

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## ltnt

^You and Gravy in partnership? :Smile:

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## withnallstoke

> where the very real threat of withnall's actual fist was a constant source of anxiety.


 :rofl:

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## Bettyboo

Belgium is a nice place for beer and food. Also, they do a great line in fat faggots if you feel that way inclined, Monsieur Slaps...

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## somtamslap

Amsterdam: home of tulips, clogs, canals, and, of course, class A narcotics and Eastern European hookers. 

I stepped off the train and out into the cobbled streets. The aroma of strong ganja perpetually permeated the air. Having not indulged in the hallowed leaf for many a year, I began to feel quite giddy, and I found myself submerged under a tidal wave of anxiety. The situation required rectifying, post haste.

I saw this sign. It pleased me tremendously.



After blunting my hangover with a few glasses of Heineken, I decided that going native was the only way forward, and subsequently hired a bicycle from here. It cost me 16 euros for the day...

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## somtamslap

Down quaint side streets I cycled...



Passing swaths of the infamous 'coffee shop'. I actually found the majority of their clientele to be thoroughly pretentious, jumped-up little twats, and vowed to drink lots of local lager before going back and terrorising the little fuckers...



Over canals I rode...

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## somtamslap

I wasn't sure of the vernacular, but I thought I'd ask this chap; "I say, you there - Ou est la sluts?"

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## Davis Knowlton

My ex lives there. If you see her, RUN! Or bike rapidly.....................

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## somtamslap

^ Any wench capable of besting big DK merits a wide berth.

Duly noted, Davis.

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## withnallstoke

I feel the thread is ramping up to a spot of rampant buggery.

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## beerlaodrinker

> Passing swaths of the infamous 'coffee shop'. I actually found the majority of their clientele to be thoroughly pretentious, jumped-up little twats, and vowed to drink lots of local lager before going back and terrorising the little fuckers...


 :smiley laughing: Why not just have a shmoke and a pancake slappers, or a bong and a waffle. Theres no pleasing you

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## Dillinger

> The aroma of strong ganja perpetually permeated the air. Having not indulged in the hallowed leaf for many a year, I began to feel quite giddy, and I found myself submerged under a tidal wave of anxiety. The situation required rectifying, post haste. 
> I saw this sign. It pleased me tremendously.


I'd be the same, I cant do that either... smoke weed and drink beer, or anything socially on that shit, come to think about it  :Smile:

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## somtamslap

> Theres no pleasing you


 Correct  :Smile: 






> I'd be the same, I cant do that either... smoke weed and drink beer, or anything socially on that shit, come to think about it


 I tend to curl up into a fetal ball and recall all the really bad stuff I've done in my life. 

It doesn't make for a very pleasant evening.

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## beerlaodrinker

^yeah fair enough! smoked my share of it in My yoof, can't do it anymore, fuks me up big style now. Plus we get random drug tests at work. Not worth loosing the income. Beer does the trick though

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## ltnt

> subsequently hired a bicycle from here. It cost me 16 euros for the day...


Just for the sake of asking, how many beer Lao is that?  16 Euro @$1.28 = $20.48 or $20.48 x 32.30 baht = 661.50 baht.  All forex rates per todays morning rate.

11 big bottles perhaps? @ 60 baht per bottle?

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## cdnski12

I was in Amsterdam in 1971. It was mostly Caucasian people in the central area. I went back there in 1973. It was mostly black .... or actually Brown Surinamese people in the central area. I didn't realize a city could totally change like that in 2 years.

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## somtamslap

I defy anyone not to get lost in this fucking city. No sooner had one's bearings been ascertained than another corner would be turned and the whole damn goose chase would start again. JUST GET ME TO MY FUCKING HOTEL! 

I wasn't interested in exchanging fluids with Elga and her ilk anymore. I wanted to free myself from the shackles of this bastard bicycle, eat a big meal and drink an unsociable quota of Heineken. 

Checking one item from the list.

This is probably as traditionally Dutch as you can get in Amsterdam.

Croquettes on toast. Very ordinary.

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## somtamslap

I went into a shop for some cigarettes. Behind the counter stood a stereotypical Dutch female; tall, blond, bespectacled, spoke in alluring Teutonic tones.

Hallo, she greeted me. What would you like?

A packet of fags and a go on your backside, please.

She plucked the cigarettes from the stand behind her, then eased that lithe body of hers out from behind the counter and led me to a glass cabinet.

She explained the effects of the selection of pharmaceuticals now before me:

 - This one will make you party all night
 - This will give you amazing visuals  
 - This will make you fuck all night... she raised her eyebrows twice, suggestively

I could take no more. It is of absolute paramount importance that I find my hotel for urgent masturbation requirements, immediately.

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## somtamslap

I cycled studiously passed the Heineken brewery...



But was held captive by quaint canal vistas...

Every corner had sitting down and getting thoroughly drunk potential.

I sat here for an hour...



Utterly charming...

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## somtamslap

And then after riding around in state of semi-drunken confusion for 15 minutes, I decided that sitting down again would be a pragmatic move. I had a hankering for cheese which desparately needed sating...

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## somtamslap

More cycling, more sitting...

The sky had began to bruise and the hotel... well, who gives a fuck about the hotel, I'm three sheets to the wind on Heineken and Gouda here...

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## MeMock

Hangover or not Slap, finish this bloody thread!

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## somtamslap

Left my phone charger - iPhone 5s, for your information - at work over the weekend and didn't have enough juice to upload the pics.

Shall finish presently.

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## chassamui

> Left my phone charger - iPhone 5s, for your information - at work over the weekend and didn't have enough juice to upload the pics.  Shall finish presently


Admit it. You did a trailer for a new Channel 5 show over 2 weekends?

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## somtamslap

> You did a trailer for a new Channel 5 show over 2 weekends?


 Since you mention it, the documentary - made independently - will be airing very soon.

Some rare, rare footage (mainly of kebab shops) has been collected.

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## Topper

Nice pink garnish on the cheese.....

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## steveun

Gouda doesn't have much flavour, much better to go for the smelly cheese. By the way, Shawarma is much better than Kebab but each to their own.

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