#  >  > Living And Legal Affairs In Thailand >  >  > Living In Thailand Forum >  >  > The Family Room >  >  Out of the mouths of babes...

## November Rain

Thought it might be interesting to have a thread simply about the funny, cute or strangely profound things that children say.

For instance, littl'un (7) and I have been discussing what he'd like to do when he grows up. It was decided (by him) that he wanted to be a policeman in UK - as long as they'd let him drive a police car (he likes the UK police cars better). A few days later, we get this little gem: "Mummy, I don't want to be a policeman anymore", "No? What do you want to be, then?" "I want to be a rubbishman & ride on a rubbish truck!" I can only hope he grows out of that ambition...

He has also decided that he will be 18 when he has his first girlfriend and she will be English "She has to be English, cos you are, Mummy" and has been asking me for advice on chat-up lines (presumably so he can practice). "If I want a girlfriend and see a nice girl, how do I ask her? Do I just say 'Do you have a boyfriend?' and if she doesn't, then I'm her boyfriend?"  :rofl: 

Anyone have some to share?

----------


## TizMe

I was sitting having a meal with my daughter and my mother. My daughter had started school 2 days earlier. She got up from the table and exclaimed "I'm going for a piss!".

I think coffee came out of my Mum's nose.

She then innocently explained that, that's what they say at school.

----------


## MeMock

This happened yesterday with my almost 3 year old:

ME "Can Daddy eat our nose"
HER "Nooooooo"
ME "Can Daddy eat your ear"
HER "Nooooooo"

Suddenly she does a fart

HER "Ariya (her name) Men Dot (fart) hahaha"
ME "Can Daddy eat your men dot?"
HER "Noooo Mai Aroy!"

----------


## Sir Burr

I was visiting a friend in Singapore and he lived in one of the HDB apartment blocks.
We decided we would go down and drink a couple of beers at the near-by hawker stall.
My friend decided he would take his five year old, kung-fu mad son with us.
We got into the elevator on the 10th floor and started to descend.
The elevator stopped at the sixth floor and a Malay lady in traditional dress got in.
The elevator doors closed and we resumed our descent.
Suddenly, my friend's son, tugs hard on his dad's sleeve, points at the Malay lady and says in a really loud voice "Look Dad, a Ninja".

There was a sharp intake of breath from myself and my friend, a mortified silence, then the Malay lady started laughing (God bless her).

----------


## alphagirl

I was driving past this building that has FIREPROOF WAREHOUSE in huge letter written across it. My twelve year old looks at it, looks at me, grins real big and says "hey mom, you want test that out?"  I couldn't help but laugh at her twisted sense of humor.

----------


## Marmite the Dog

> He has also decided that he will be 18 when he has his first girlfriend and she will be English "She has to be English, cos you are, Mummy" and has been asking me for advice on chat-up lines (presumably so he can practice). "If I want a girlfriend and see a nice girl, how do I ask her? Do I just say 'Do you have a boyfriend?' and if she doesn't, then I'm her boyfriend?"


Some fatherly advice for your wee man. 

I usually use, "Get your knickers on; you've pulled." Might not work in the UK though...

----------


## Travelmate

> This happened yesterday with my almost 3 year old:
> 
> ME "Can Daddy eat our nose"
> HER "Nooooooo"
> ME "Can Daddy eat your ear"
> HER "Nooooooo"
> 
> Suddenly she does a fart
> 
> ...


I don't get it. :Sad:

----------


## Whiteshiva

Last night - one of the twins (3 years old) suddenly cried out in his sleep - "I want drink daddy's beer!" and then went quiet again.

I dunno whether to be amused or worried...... :Smile:  :Sad:

----------


## good2bhappy

I know this is a bit off topic, but my little boy (1 year old) took his first steps a few days ago. It was amazing to watch him come tottering and swaying into my arms!

----------


## MeMock

Watching then learn to walk is so much fun - congrats junior good2bhappy!

----------


## MeMock

> Originally Posted by MeMock
> 
> 
> This happened yesterday with my almost 3 year old:
> 
> ME "Can Daddy eat our nose"
> HER "Nooooooo"
> ME "Can Daddy eat your ear"
> HER "Nooooooo"
> ...


Which bit don't you get?

----------


## jandajoy

My ex has a 4 year old niece. At a Sunday lunch one day (that I wasn't attending) The little girls father asked where I was.

The little girl looked up and said, in a very plaintive voice,

"He's gone to Heaven"

I'd gone to Devon to see my dad.

----------


## Travelmate

> Which bit don't you get?


The last bit. Spoken in a different language.

----------


## MeMock

Sorry, Mai Aroy = tastes bad.

----------


## Travelmate

> Sorry, Mai Aroy = tastes bad.


Oh! hahaha  :rofl:  very amusing! :Smile:

----------


## November Rain

> Originally Posted by November Rain
> 
> He has also decided that he will be 18 when he has his first girlfriend and she will be English "She has to be English, cos you are, Mummy" and has been asking me for advice on chat-up lines (presumably so he can practice). "If I want a girlfriend and see a nice girl, how do I ask her? Do I just say 'Do you have a boyfriend?' and if she doesn't, then I'm her boyfriend?"
> 
> 
> Some fatherly advice for your wee man. 
> 
> I usually use, "Get your knickers on; you've pulled." Might not work in the UK though...


Which would you prefer to be called? Loong Marmers or Uncle Marmers? You are now littl'un's official male role model... (  :rofl:  )

BTW, I thought it was 'Get your coat, you've pulled'? Aaaah, I see - LOS vs UK versions  :Wink:

----------


## Jet Gorgon

I don't get that line, be it yours or Marmers.  :Sad:

----------


## daveboy

Mine on Saturday his 5

Me: Mat don't walk on the grass 
Mat: Why not Daddy?
Me: Because its not our garden son
Mat: Not because its covered in dogs shit dad
Me: No response (snigger)

----------


## jizzybloke

^ :rofl:

----------


## jandajoy

Bit of a sad one this.

Talking with a group of 7 year old aboriginal kids.

So what happens when you die?

Go to heaven.

Where's that then?

Up in the sky.

OK, what's it like up there?

Oh it's real good. Lots of food and stuff.

And?

And music and happy people.

Will you go there?

No, it's only white people up there. I seen pictures. Only white fellas.

----------


## flash

I was in a pub the other week during the day watching a match, there was a 7 year old standing pissing in the toilet i went to the urinal and was doing my business, the little man finished what he was doing and went to walk out. I said flush the toilet after you are done. he roared at me "suck my dick big nose"
cheeky little bastard!

----------


## Marmite the Dog

> Which would you prefer to be called? Loong Marmers or Uncle Marmers? You are now littl'un's official male role model...


Poor wee soul...

----------


## Jet Gorgon

^ That is sad.

----------


## nedwalk

> "suck my dick big nose" cheeky little bastard!


i would have been hard pressed not to flush the little bastard!

----------


## November Rain

> I don't get that line, be it yours or Marmers.


Well, in my version it's like the woman's entire reason for being in the club/pub/whatever is to meet a guy. So, the guy is telling her that it's time to go (with him, of course). Her mission - meeting him - has been accomplished. The sort of line that would actually attract a cool stare or a 'feck off!' 
You'd have to ask Marmers about his - I'm assuming the young ladies he meets don't wear many clothes while at work...  :Wink:

----------


## Fabian

> I don't get that line, be it yours or Marmers.


Strange, I got it.

----------


## Deck Ape

My son wants to be a superhero when he grows up. Good work if you can get it. Anyways he runs around doing Ultraman poses all the time, sometimes he does jumps, too. Well the other day he jumped, fell, and smacked his elbow. He tells us " I don't want to be Ultraman anymore; it hurts to be Ultraman"  555

----------


## Marmite the Dog

> You'd have to ask Marmers about his - I'm assuming the young ladies he meets don't wear many clothes while at work...


They do actually. I don't like bars with naked ladies in; I find it all a bit boring. And, there's nothing quite like the first time you puts your hands down the front of a young woman's knickers.

----------


## kingwilly

background info.

Many mums in Aussie prefer their boys to play soccer rather than rugby or aussie rules as it is less likely they will get hurt. (due to the rough tackles etc)  My sons mother is no exception. She had him enrolled in soccer team last season.

this season he didnt want to play soccer, so I rang him to ask what is going on....


Me: Hey mate, mum says you dont want to play soccer anymore...?
HIM: Yeah that's right.
Me: Why is that?
HIM: cos Dad., I wanna play footy instead...

 :Smile: 

Since this is the most popular sport south of QLD it didnt surprise me. peer pressure or something I guessed....

Me: Is it because all your friends are playing footy?
HIM: Nope., its cos I am really good at tackling! 

 :rofl:  - his mums worst fear!  :Smile: 

Proud DAd  :goldcup:

----------


## CharleyFarley

My son at 5, we are being shown around his new school by the headmaster, when he blurts out, 'Hey Dad, he's got the same shoes as you !"

We were both wearing very distinctive brogues :Smile:

----------


## Nawty

My son when 3yo in the back of a taxi...

taxi driver swerved to miss a bike suddenly...

My son..."fucking idiot"

----------


## Jet Gorgon

Kids answering the phone are precious.
Hello?
Hi, is your mom there?
Um....who are you?
Dores.
Oh, she no want talk you.
Click.

Gotta love that brutal honesty.

----------


## flash

I phoned a friends house once and his 4 year old answered the phone, before i could say hello she said, are you my daddy.
i took a hot flush, thats scary!

----------


## November Rain

The latest from my smart-alec son. 

Background - he sleeps with his poodle & a pup who has thin bone syndrome & who (sadly) had his jaw badly broken by another of my dogs, has had it wired & can't be in contact with other dogs for the time being.

Went through to kitchen (his room backs onto kitchen) & heard him talking to dogs when he's supposed to be asleep. I 'told' FooFoo (the poodle) to tell him to go to sleep. He said "I don't listen to her. She's a girl.". So, I 'told' Phil, the pup to tell him to go to sleep. " He can't talk, Mummy. His jaw's broke!"


I give up!  :Sad:

----------


## Loy Toy

My ex- girlfriend leach called today, or at least her name come up on my telephone and I made my way into the girls bedroom to give the still ringing telephone to her daughter (our daughter Nam Wan). 

My other 5 year old daughter immediately enquired, "Wan's mummy wants more money Daddy"? 

I was stuck for words and then she said "why doesn't Wan's mummy get a job like every other mummy and daddy".

Better let my 5 year old answer her calls from now on.

----------


## jandajoy

Fock sakes, how does Wan feel now?   :Sad:

----------


## Loy Toy

> Fock sakes, how does Wan feel now?


She knows exactly what her mother is like and has adjusted and accepted the way things are thankfully.

Better she knows the truth and at 12 she's old enough. Really nothing anyone can do and with the situation the way it is but make the best of it.

----------


## jandajoy

Hmmm. Maybe.     :Sad:

----------


## nedwalk

old mate is here from chaing mai, checking up on this and that, we went out to one of his rentals, bunch of ferals liveing there they have a young fella of about 6years of age, as i,m unloading the ute and old mate it is talking to the tennant, the young kid up and spouts 'damian [boyfriend] has just punched a hole in the wall" i fell over pissing meself laughing the poor shiela just went so red, i bet she wanted to punt the little bugger to across the road and damian well he just hid in the shed, probably looking for some plaster to fix the wall!

----------


## BigRed

> old mate is here from chaing mai, checking up on this and that, we went out to one of his rentals, bunch of ferals liveing there they have a young fella of about 6years of age, as i,m unloading the ute and old mate it is talking to the tennant, the young kid up and spouts 'damian [boyfriend] has just punched a hole in the wall" i fell over pissing meself laughing the poor shiela just went so red, i bet she wanted to punt the little bugger to across the road and damian well he just hid in the shed, probably looking for some plaster to fix the wall!


is this in english or am I pissed?

----------


## Thormaturge

This was 1978 when I had just bought my first apartment in the UK.

Sitting in a laundrette a woman entered with two young children, one about 2 y/o and the other about five. 

Mother told the 5 y/o she was goijg to get her some chocolate, and the 5 y/o had to look after the laundry (the urgency of the chocolate purchase becomes apparent).

Mother departs.

5 y/o then duly informs me:

"My mummy isn't married"
"My daddy left her"
"My sister has a different daddy"
"Now mummy has another boyfriend"
"...and he's BLACK!"

Mummy returns with chocolate and fresh pack of cigarettes.

The moral of this story is that you should make absolutely certain your children never speak to strangers.

----------


## Shipm8te

After several days of teaching my young son his address and phone number, for security purposes, he finally had it down pat and proudly recited it when asked.  However, when asked how could he use this new found information he quickly replied without a seconds hesitation, "Well, I can now call the pizza man".

----------


## DrAndy

I was with my wife and daughters in the crowded supermarket

One of them shouted out "Mummy, why does Daddy have a wobbly?"

Amused looks from the mainly female shoppers, red face

----------


## Marmite the Dog

> is this in english or am I pissed?


Aussie.

----------


## Whiteshiva

> I was with my wife and daughters in the crowded supermarket
> 
> One of them shouted out "Mummy, why does Daddy have a wobbly?"
> 
> Amused looks from the mainly female shoppers, red face


My wife informes me that my 3-year olds have proudly announced that "daddy has a big joo" to both their kindergarden teacher, the sister-in-law and the maid.

It is the kind of marketing I could well do without.... :Smile:

----------


## November Rain

My birthday's coming up & I was teasingly discussing the fact that I never get a present from littl'un with him & my Mum.

Littl'un: I've got money, Mummy. I've got song loy baht. I'll buy you a present.

Me: Oh? And what are you going to buy me? Racing cars?

Littl'un: No, Mummy, it's for you, not me. I'll buy you wine!


Ooops.

----------


## Fabian

That will be some nice drop for 200 baht and you know you have to drink it with a smiling face.

----------


## Nawty

'daddy why are there so many hairs in your nose'

----------


## Takeovers

My son was in the stage of his language developement, where he used only one or two word expressions, but not yet full sentences.
One day I was driving with my son in the back. I approached a crossing with traffic lights at red light rather speedy, because I knew the light would switch green on time. So it did but in the moment I passed the lights two cars came from the left and the right at similar high speeds. Had I been in there 1/2 second earlier it would have been a nasty if not deadly crash.

While I tried to recover from that shock, my son came up with his take on the situation with his first ever full sentence.

Boom, papa buys new car.

I'm not likely to ever forget that before the onset of Alzheimers.

----------


## HollyGoodhead

Following on from BigRed's thread, I thought it might be nice to have a thread about cute and funny stuff that kids do or say. I don't have kids myself and don't spend any time with any but i like hearing amusing stories about other people's kids.

It's quite funny how kids just say exactly what's on their mind so honest  :Smile:  The other day I was getting some shopping for my Grandad, and he loves milk so I had 10 2 litre bottles at the checkout.  Some kid walks past and shouts to his mother in amazement "look at all the milk she's buying!!".  T'was quite funny. 

So has anyone got any funny tales?

----------


## Davis Knowlton

Was in Hawaii some years ago sitting on a bench outside by the beach with my (then) four year old daughter eating ice cream cones when down the boardwalk came three HUGE black American ladies - I mean BIG. What folks down South call "church ladies". Straw hats, flowered skirts, the whole deal. My daughter is fixated. Locking in on them. I am more than a bit apprehensive, as my daughter is not shy in the least and, being from the Philippines, has never seen black people before. As they draw abreast, I cringe as my daughter says, 'Hi. You really need to go inside or get some sun block. You are REALLY burned!" Fortunately, they took it well, and sat down with my daughter and explained about different color people. They turned out to all be elementary teachers. Good thing they were nice, because I was seriously out of my weight class.

----------


## November Rain

I was just explaining to Moonraker what Noods meant. Wasn't criticising you or where you'd posted the thread.  :Smile:

----------


## panama hat

> I was seriously out of my weight class.


Not judging by your avatar . . . or is that not really you???   :Confused: 


We had some friends from the US visiting us a while back, he is and she is Black.  I've known her since my days at Northwestern and she has a very good sense of humour . . . 

My eldest, who was ten at the time asked Monica (the black lady) how she could see her blackheads . . . 



Yesterday my littlest one, 4, came up to me with a 'nice' picture she had drawn in caryon and told me that this was her new website. The webdesigner in picture:

----------


## Davis Knowlton

^That's really me, but there were three of them........

----------


## Nawty

^thats really you in your av ?? You told me once before it was not.....fess up ?

My son asked last night what does F U C K mean....he spelt it.

My 5yo daughter wanted to put puppy in the oven to make a hot dog.

----------


## panama hat

> ^That's really me, but there were three of them........


Wuss . . . (I can say that because I'm invisible)

----------


## Anteak

My daughter 17 speaks English but has never lived in an English speaking country.

We are watching some tv programme last week when they showed a scene of a Japanese underground train with a guard on the platform shoving people into an already overcrowded carriage, her to me "look Dad he's packing them in like Tuna!" 

Bless.   :Smile:

----------


## billy the kid

had my neice's son (5 year old) with me when i had to visit someone  . we were sitting out the back of his house and he was smoking a cigarette . suddenly he said to the guy " aren't you going to pass that around " pointing at the cigarette .  "we pass them around in our house".

----------


## Nawty

Last night....about 9.30 pm after a mud oven pizza hut party......

"if I don't eat for 1 week, will I die"........how cute.

Problem is it was my missus after a bottle of red.

----------


## Takeovers

> it was my missus after a bottle of red.


I am sure she is a babe.

----------


## somtamslap

At the local temple a few days back for the merit making hoohaa and my 13 month old pointed at one of the monks and loudly referred to him as a 'doggie'.. :Smile:

----------


## grasshopper

I recall being in a supermarket shopping and queued for the checkout and had my two yr old sone Standing in the trolley. Ahead was a very fat and large woman in those towelling stretch shorts. She could have slotted in at Walmart no problemo.
My son turns to me and then points:
"Hey Dad. Look at that lady. Isnt she fat!" 
She could've used me a a pullthrough. 
But, she turned round, me sweating profusely, and smiled, saying:
"Yes. I am fat, arent I?"
Boy! Was my face red.

----------


## greyman68

On ANZAC DAY 2006, during the minutes silence restless 3 year old girl yells out "Fuck off Mum, I don't want to shut up"

----------


## greyman68

or of my Army mates very proud that his daughter spoke her first recognisable word "Fuckïng"

----------


## Larn

A niece recently watched a flypast with an aircraft dumping and burning fuel.

Later that evening she met a friend of her mother and proudly announced "Aunty Larn fixed those planes, that's why they're so noisy".

----------

