#  >  > Non Asia Travel Forums >  >  > UK Travel Forum >  >  A Saturday afternoon angling adventure (with video)

## somtamslap

An afternoon of relaxation and tranquillity had been arranged.

Reading, eating and drinking had been taken care of...



A delightful swim had been located...



Interesting flora and fauna were present in abundance...



An ill-weighted float bobbed hypnotically on wavelets...



The occasional city-bound train rhythmically rattled passed in the distance...



Several marvellous hours of fishing were set to commence...




...then this happened.

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## patsycat

It was probably guarding it's nest.  I hope you didn't stand on the eggs.  Then you would probs have both legs broken and Godfrey his neck.

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## can123

Clever of you to take tuna sandwiches. In over forty years of angling in lakes, rivers and sea I only had cheese and tomato . Kraft cheeses, never anything else, but I had a flask of soup in winter, always oxtail. Then I got married and never fished again.

Anybody want to buy a Hardy fly rod and reel ?

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## Chittychangchang

Evil b'stards them swans, the Poles had it right...dinner.

A mate of mine actually caught one pissed up and held it like a chicken and that's all I can remember of the story.

Did you catch anything then?

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## somtamslap

> It was probably guarding it's nest.


 No nest present, Pats. It was just being a fucking hooligan.



> Then I got married and never fished again.


Mrs and kids back in Thailand for a few weeks. My time to shine...

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## somtamslap

> Did you catch anything then?


 Not even a nibble. That fucking swan put me off my game.

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## Chittychangchang

Bruce Robison the same author off withnail and I, very funny film.

I suppose you had to abandon the book due to the swan.

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## kingwilly

Ya bloody well haven't finished yer glamping thread with Godders yet.

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## somtamslap

> I suppose you had to abandon the book due to the swan.


 I had to abandon everything due to that big white fuck.

We'll have another crack on the morrow.

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## kingwilly

A fishing trip without beer....  :Gay:

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## somtamslap

> Ya bloody well haven't finished yer glamping thread with Godders yet.


 Balls to Godders. I've just been traumatised by a big thing with feathers and beak... and massive, *massive* feet.

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## Chittychangchang

I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth. And indeed it goes so heavily with my disposition that this goodly frame, the earth, seems to me a sterile promontory. This most excellent canopy, the air, look you, this brave o'erhanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire, why, it appeareth nothing to me but a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours. What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason! How infinite in faculties! How like an angel in apprehension. How like a god! The beauty of the world! The paragon of animals! And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me, no, nor swans neither. Nor swans neither.

Swans despise deep heat! So may I suggest one smears ones self generously with said cream to avoid any future altercations.

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## kingwilly

How do you know that?

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## baldrick

the old biddy in the big house on the corner is pissed off with you




> *
> Is it true that all mute swans in the UK are owned by the Queen?
> 
> Yes, she has the prerogative right of ownership for all the mute swans in England and Wales.*


maybe get some capsicum spray




> *Yes, and prosecutions are becoming more commonplace now that conviction precedents have been set. It is also a criminal offence to interfere with nesting swans in any way - they cannot be moved if the location of the nest is inconvenient for whatever reason.*


Frequently Asked Questions about Swans

they sound like just another decorative animal - lacquer the fcukers

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## Kurgen

That'll teach you for drinking diet coke and using tuna sarnies for bait. :Smile:

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## grasshopper

"twas looking for cygnet rings, I'll wager.

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## Loy Toy

I bet you wouldn't be walking in the tall grass back here in Thailand Slapper.

Fishing is not about catching fish.

It's about relaxing in nature without that white marauder.

Take your sling shot with you in the morrow.

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## kingwilly

Try as I might I cannot find a man vs wild swans episode.

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## Kurgen

Wouldn't be the first time a man's ran away from a big white angry bird. :St George:

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## kingwilly

Haha. You're on a roll this morning, Kurgen.  Another green owed until the software let's me.

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## kingwilly

> Wouldn't be the first time a man's ran away from a big white angry bird.


To be fair colour and size is irrelevant, a smart bloke will run away from a small angry white bird, a large angry black girl, or a small angry Asian girl as quickly as he would run away from a large angry white bird.

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## Kurgen

> Haha. You're on a roll this morning, Kurgen.


Sunday morning and no hangover, weird!

I even went for  20k cycle ride at 8 am for the 2nd time this week (3rd time this year)

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## Bettyboo

> That'll teach you for drinking diet coke and using tuna sarnies for bait.


The other swan stole the tuna sandwich while Fisherman Slaps was being chased off; they left the diet cokes though... They'll probably choke on the plastic wrapper and Fisherman Slaps will get a jail sentence. On the upside, once in the nic, Penman Slaps can write about Bubba, four men in a bed and non-lubricated anal fisting.

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## kingwilly

> Bubba, four men in a bed and non-lubricated anal fisting.


Phaaaarken 'ell. I woulda thought a thread about failed fishing would be immune to homoerotic innuendo. Turns out I was wrong.

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## Bettyboo

One man's fishing story is another man's homoerotica, as they say...

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## Horatio Hornblower

A Man who has lived in the wild country of Isaan doing a runner from a swan :Smile:

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## Horatio Hornblower

Som next time you meet him ask him if he's a relative of Mr Asbo of cambridge a killer swan. :Smile:

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## somtamslap

> On the upside, once in the nic, Penman Slaps can write about Bubba, four men in a bed and non-lubricated anal fisting.


 Well I'm glad the story has a happy ending.

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## nigelandjan

Nice one Slap , sure does take some beating the English summers / landscapes , lovely warm temperate climate without being eaten alive with mozzies 

I,m gonna be settling down in a similar spot today with me easel + sarnies + water cheers !

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## somtamslap

> A Man who has lived in the wild country of Isaan doing a runner from a swan


 I was thinking the same thing myself. But when that horrible feathered fuck craned its neck my nuts shrunk. It may as well have been a striking cobra.





> I,m gonna be settling down in a similar spot today with me easel + sarnies + water cheers !


 Have a good one Nigel. Might get my own set of pencils. Not that I can paint for shite.

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## kingwilly

> I was thinking the same thing myself. But when that horrible feathered fuck craned its neck my nuts gave a little twitch.


leave your beasto-erotic shit outta this thread.

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## mingmong

You 'got Wood' Betty?   :Smile:

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## Dillinger

If that's the River Cam, that fukker has form :Smile: 

Are you off fishing today?

Maybe a spot of canoe angling would be safer?.....

Who, What, Why: How dangerous are swans? - BBC News

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## hallelujah

> An afternoon of relaxation and tranquillity had been arranged.
> 
> Reading, eating and drinking had been taken care of...
> 
> 
> 
> A delightful swim had been located...
> 
> 
> ...


Those floats are fucking huge. What were you after?

I used to do a bit of fishing myself when I was a kid and that river looks like it could be quite fast, so you're in eel/chub/barbel land, but I'd still go a bit lighter than that.

Another good thread, mind, but missing pics of the local boozer.

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## Bettyboo

> You 'got Wood' Betty?


By I large, I go through life limp and lifeless, however, if anything is gonna get me going it's one of Slap's threads - Malcolm's mother had me hard for two weeks solid...

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## somtamslap

> Malcolm's mother had me hard for two weeks solid...


 Watch this space for more of the brazen harlot.






> What were you after?


 Something I could eat. An eel would've done. Or a crayfish or two.

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## ltnt

> Something I could eat. An eel would've done. Or a crayfish or two.


Perhaps some "Swan Poo," spread on your bread?

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## beerlaodrinker

> One man's fishing story is another man's homoerotica, as they say...


got to agree Betty, this threads given me quite the twitcher :Smile:  onya slappers

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## patsycat

How would you like it if you were having a little kip in the wonderful weather, and some clodd hoppers came to "fish" in your territory.

Probably rummaging around to find a nice soft spot to sit.

If i was one of the Queen's protected swans i'd go for the intruders myself.

And i still stand by the fact they may have had a nest nearby.  

They also mate for life.  Poor bastard got the nagging one..

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