#  >  > Living And Legal Affairs In Thailand >  >  > Living In Thailand Forum >  >  > The Family Room >  >  Your Relationship With Your Thai Mother In Law

## Nokturnal

Let me first start by saying mods.. I looked at each and every forum to be sure I posted this in an appropriate forum. If I'm wrong do please move it wherever you like.

Now I will pull no punches... My MIL is a full on Cnut.. Half Thai half Chinese and her husband is Singaporean Chinese.  I may have mentioned before what a Cnut she is to other Thais deemed "lower" than her and her behavior towards anyone not Thai,, especially those from Burma.. Cambodia etc.  I hope you know the type because I know many worse than her, But here goes.

Overall I tend to get on with her quite well the issue is when I spend too much time around her. Infrequent visits are good for the most part but any type of extended visit she is certain to revert to her childish ways. In order to keep this short I will give just a few examples of her tyranny.

Being that I am a westerner I have certain expectations of anyone who spends time around my children. You know simple things like if you wish to take my kids out on the town for hours on end I expect you to let me know that you're taking my children somewhere before you actually decide to leave the house.  It appears that her having to notify my wife and I when she would like to take our kids somewhere is far too much to ask, evidently she should be able to do with our kids as she pleases without any type of consent,, or even a "hey I'm taking the kids here or there. Doing so would be too much hassle and not worthy of her time.

You may be thinking that I'm unreasonable but I assure you that's not the case.. I simply ask that if you wish to take my kids out someplace that you let us know so we don't freak out when we can't find our kids.  In short yes I expect her to let me know if she plans on taking them out for a shopping trip, or a walk around the fucking soi.. Not that i have a problem with her doing that my issue is you don't just take off with my kids without at least letting us know you're leaving, and where you're leaving to. I'd like to ask for an honest opinion... Is that not reasonable?

There are many other issues similar to these which I don't mind adding after I can assess the initial opinions here... Going to keep it short incase I'm one of very few with these issues.

So be honest... How is your relationship with your MIL?  I can't be the only farang with a nasty mother on law.

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## The Fresh Prince

Mines great. Whenever she visits she always puts my wife straight with sayings like:

"You should really have the house work done before TFP wakes up"
"Always have his dinner ready when he comes home"
"Why didn't you go to the shop to buy him some beers?"

Etc....etc

She always buys us nice presents and lends a helping hand when something needs to be done. She bought Aircon for my room at their house and learned how to make bacon sandwiches for my breakfast. She even learned a bit of English so she an speak to the dog.  :Smile:

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## daveboy

Mines a cracker, I can say hand on heart I love her dearly.

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## Nokturnal

> Mines great. Whenever she visits she always puts my wife straight with sayings like:
> 
> "You should really have the house work done before TFP wakes up"
> "Always have his dinner ready when he comes home"
> "Why didn't you go to the shop to buy him some beers?"
> 
> Etc....etc
> 
> She always buys us nice presents and lends a helping hand when something needs to be done. She bought Aircon for my room at their house and learned how to make bacon sandwiches for my breakfast. She even learned a bit of English so she an speak to the dog.


That is pretty amazing sir... I must admit that I envy you in this regard.  My MIL speaks English fluently and still she speaks Thai anytime her husband isn't around.. My FIL is a good guy and we get along no problem, So long as his wife isn't giving him shit.

I dare say,, at risk of being called numerous different insults.. That my mother in law is best defined as "uppity". Sorry but that's the best description I can give without being far more insulting and vulgar.

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## Loy Toy

I don't have a relationship with mine.

She's banned.

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## Nokturnal

> Mines a cracker, I can say hand on heart I love her dearly.


You're married to a white woman? Or your wife is half Thai?  I should add that my wife's family is great.. All of them, cousins uncles .. Grandparents.. All are wonderful.. Aside from my MIL.

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## Nokturnal

> I don't have a relationship with mine.
> 
> She's banned.


Banned? Please elaborate... If you banned her from your home I could understand.

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## sabang

Mine is one of the nicest people I've ever known.

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## Cujo

> Mines great. Whenever she visits she always puts my wife straight with sayings like:
> 
> "You should really have the house work done before TFP wakes up"
> "Always have his dinner ready when he comes home"
> "Why didn't you go to the shop to buy him some beers?"
> 
> Etc....etc
> 
> She always buys us nice presents and lends a helping hand when something needs to be done. She bought Aircon for my room at their house and learned how to make bacon sandwiches for my breakfast. She even learned a bit of English so she an speak to the dog.


I wish I could Green you for that, but it turns out I've given out too much repo in the last 24 hours so could you do me a favour instead and red xanax. Please.

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## The Fresh Prince

I'm on my phone so can't green red or quote.

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## astasinim

Tbh, out of all my inlaws, my Mil is the one I trust the most. She`s a full on Buddha botherer, always willing to have a chat and has never asked us for a bean. Sorry to hear yours isnt the similar Nokturnal.

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## Gravesend Dave

Whilst we were staying with the inlaws I did have a lot of time for mine.
Her heart was in the right place to a certain extent and she done her best to accommodate me!
I know where your coming from,its a bit like me making my kids toast at 6.30am,only to find her already filling them with chocolate
WAN! yes I'm aware its sweet but it aint breakfast!!
Never sunk in and drove me around the bend.

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## Loy Toy

> Banned? Please elaborate... If you banned her from your home I could understand.


My wife banned her and rightly so. I didn't argue the point, just a nasty person who doesn't deserve to share anything with us including seeing her grandchildren. 

Water under the bridge mate and best left there.

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## Dillinger

Mine's great and her husband, theyre both the Missus step parents, as her real Mom and Dad both passed away when she was quite young,
Although  as the same with many on here i reckon,  i dont understand wtf they are talking about when they come round

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## daveboy

> You're married to a white woman?


No Thai.

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## Nokturnal

> Originally Posted by Nokturnal
> 
> Banned? Please elaborate... If you banned her from your home I could understand.
> 
> 
> My wife banned her and rightly so. I didn't argue the point, just a nasty person who doesn't deserve to share anything with us including seeing her grandchildren. 
> 
> Water under the bridge mate and best left there.


My wife is pretty Atypical regarding this issue.. She will battle her mother fearlessly but if I so much as look at her with discontent in the bad guy.

In my opinion..western families use discipline... Consequences as a means of steering someone in a better direction..  Not the case with my MIL and wife... My in laws use guilt ...and use it to the max. This puts my wife in a tough spot and I can appreciate that.  My opinion is this... When you marry and start a family your loyalty is first and foremost to your husband and kids... Otherwise why take the vows?

My wife is more concerned about upsetting her mother/family than she is her husband and children. I know that she feels a huge obligation to her parents.. As do many Thai's.  and that's done with me.. Except for the fact that when you marry your slide and children should be number one... As all else after that is number 2-3-4-5 etc.

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## Nokturnal

> You're married to a white woman?
> 			
> 		
> 
> No Thai.


Ok then how is your MIL a "cracker"?

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## daveboy

> Originally Posted by daveboy
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 			
> 				You're married to a white woman?
> ...


It's slang for wonderful where I'm from.

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## Dillinger

:rofl:

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## Nokturnal

> Originally Posted by Nokturnal
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
>  Originally Posted by daveboy
> ...


Must be a servant of her majesty I suppose.

In my experience cracker is always a derogatory remark.

Having said that god bless your cracker mum.

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## daveboy

Thanks, hope yours burns in hell  :Smile:

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## The Fresh Prince

Is she fit Nokturnal? That's one of the important things. :Smile:

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## palexxxx

> Mine is one of the nicest people I've ever known.



Then why do you keep her in a cage on the side of the house?   :smiley laughing:

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## rickschoppers

My Thai MIL is deceased, so my relationship with her is great, wonderful, couldn't be better. :Smile:

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## beerlaodrinker

Mines great, she is actually younger than me as well so i will likely cark it first and wont have to support her in her old age , When she comes around you cant get her out of the kitchen, Bloody good cook to, Treats me like a god. Absolutely adores her grandkids, doesnt ask for a bean, A lovely woman

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## armstrong

she's OK.   very bossy but caring with it.   like force feeding me...

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## slackula

Mine's great, she has the driest sense of humour and a wonderful knack for making a wry comment. 

She's in her late 70s/early 80s, nobody is quite sure because when she was born in the middle of Nakhorn Nowhere record keeping wasn't very good.

Whenever she comes to visit I am a very happy guy because she is a great cook; who would have guessed that pork and pumpkin curry makes for a damn fine breakfast?

Oh, and she's the only person aside from my wife and I that the cat will allow to touch him.  :Smile:

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## benbaaa

I did a fred about mine. Search for "teakdoor mother-in-law evil old witch" and my name. Should find it.

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## Aberlour

Some nice stories.

Mine was brown bread before I met my wife, and I only met the old man twice before he went as well.

My wife isn't that close to the rest of her family, so it's been over 8 years since we've even been to visit them. Seems a shame to me, but I guess if your mum and dad have both gone, the need to go back home for visits is no longer the same.

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## Norton

> My MIL is a full on Cnut


Sounds a person who has attained alpha status in the family. Done so because husband and rest of the family haven't challenged her behavior. Doubt family will begin to do so now. Too late. She's not going to change. Your wishes are of no importance to her.

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## Makmak456

Not married yet, but get taken care of as if I was..............
Really a nice lady, never asks for any $$$

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## Gravesend Dave

> Some nice stories.
> 
> Mine was brown bread before I met my wife, and I only met the old man twice before he went as well.
> 
> My wife isn't that close to the rest of her family, so it's been over 8 years since we've even been to visit them. Seems a shame to me, but I guess if your mum and dad have both gone, the need to go back home for visits is no longer the same.


That,s a shame they would of loved you to bits

Given that your understanding of village life is on the same par as trying to put a square peg in a round hole!

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## Davis Knowlton

My Filipina MIL is fine. I live here, she lives in the US. Haven't seen her in years.

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## Marmite the Dog

Mine's one of those folks who grins inanely. She's nice enough and doesn't give me or the kids any shit. I can't trust her to do things like feed my youngest real food or make sure he's properly showered though.

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## Aberlour

> Given that your understanding of village life is on the same par as trying to put a square peg in a round hole!


How do you figure?

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## Smug Farang Bore

Mines ok...

I came home pissed the other night and got in to bed with her and the aunt...


Forgot they were stayin... :mid: 



...how we all chortled in the morning :Smile:

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## Aberlour

> ...how we all chortled in the morning


You mean you stayed there till morning!!  :Smile:

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## Smug Farang Bore

Lol it was about 5 when I rocked up home.

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## Dillinger

^ Quality  :rofl:

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## Yasojack

My MIL is just a cnut, everything is about her, luckily enough my wife has got onto her over the years.

We not really take care of her anymore, which has made her even more vicious in her ways, though nowadays my wife just smiles.

Just happy wife got onto her, not have much to do with her myself.

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## FlyFree

MIL is a fine old lady. I was a bit thrown in the beginning. We'd go o/seas for 18 months.

Walk in the gate. MIL watering the garden.

Wife: "It's hot"

MIL: "No rain."

That's it. No more conversation. No emotions shown.

But she's really a star.

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## Nokturnal

> Originally Posted by Nokturnal
> 
> My MIL is a full on Cnut
> 
> 
> Sounds a person who has attained alpha status in the family. Done so because husband and rest of the family haven't challenged her behavior. Doubt family will begin to do so now. Too late. She's not going to change. Your wishes are of no importance to her.


You've hit the nail on the head.. My MIL is the oldest of 5 siblings and also she has married up the highest.  When we first arrived I mentioned to my wife that it seems her mother isn't used to being told No... And my wife agreed.  My in laws aren't so typical for a Thai family.. All of them speak English rather well and if there is something they don't quite understand there is always someone next to them who can accurately  translate  what's going on or has been said.  I almost think id rather have in laws who don't speak as much English not to feel superior but because not only would I pick up more Thai that way.

I think the reason why I have so many issues with my MIL is due to the fact that as an elder she expects me to adhere to Thai ways... And what that means in short is that I'm never to question her in any way...doing so causes her to lose face amongst her "subordinates" 

A prime example I can give that hopefully will shed some light is as follows... My wife and I have asked of her to let is know if she wishes to take our kids outside of the house to wherever she may wish to go... Mind you I'm not asking her to ask us IF she can take the kids out... I simply ask that she let us know she intends on taking the kids out to wherever it is she wants to take them.  One day an uncle asked her to being my daughter to central with the MIL and her brother... The conversation was in front of myself my wife and of course the MIL and her brother.. After they were finished making plans amongst themselves the MIL say in a sarcastically laughing tone "oh I'm sorry I forgot I'm supposed to ask him if I would like to take the kids out" all the while laughing as if our request was ridiculous..as if my request for her to notify my wife as I when she took our children out was a joke.

I could give example after example ...wouldn't mind doing so either. Fact is I have the biggest bitch of a MIL I can imagine. And IMO its all due to her sense of superiority over everyone who isn't her.

Now the reason for my OP was I was hoping more farangs had similar issues to mine... If that's not the case I hereby nominate my MIL for most horrendously uppity Thai Cnut of the 21st century. :yerman:

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## nigelandjan

> Mines great. Whenever she visits she always puts my wife straight with sayings like:
> 
> "You should really have the house work done before TFP wakes up"
> "Always have his dinner ready when he comes home"
> "Why didn't you go to the shop to buy him some beers?"
> 
> Etc....etc
> 
> She always buys us nice presents and lends a helping hand when something needs to be done. She bought Aircon for my room at their house and learned how to make bacon sandwiches for my breakfast. She even learned a bit of English so she an speak to the dog.


Where I come from she would be called a cougar  :mid:

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## nigelandjan

BTW for what its worth mines lovely ,,,,, tells the wife to tell me to not give her a few bob everytime I visit,,,,,its a cultural thing innit ? 


As an aside my last UK MIL was / is still a diamond ,,,, mabe I,m lucky

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## Dillinger

> Now the reason for my OP was I was hoping more farangs had similar issues to mine... If that's not the case I hereby nominate my MIL for most horrendously uppity Thai Cnut of the 21st century


.Move away from her, or learn to live with being pussy whipped.
They are your only options

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## The Fresh Prince

My Auntie in Law is a total bitch btw.(MiLs, brothers, wife) I've been dragged to her house tonight for dinner with the whole family. She was the only person not to greet me when I came through the door and has failed to even make eye contact with me. She's intentionally cooked an inards hot pot for dinner knowing full well that I don't like eating offal and insides, and she has sat me at the table on the only high bar stool when everyone else has a regular seat. 

Luckily I had the foresight to expect this so I stopped for dinner on the way home from work so I will just perch on my stupid stool for the rest of the night and drink all of her beer!  :Smile:

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## Tickiteboo

Never met mine - passed away before I met her indoors. :Sad:  I've always thought of that as a bonus, although I've never heard a bad word about her from anyone, so maybe we would've got along just fine.

My ex MIL in farangland, however, was, and still is, a complete harridan. Totally evil. Her loss though 'cos my young son will use any excuse not to visit her.

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## The Fresh Prince

MIL, total sweetheart as always!!

Whilst at the table I heard her whisper to my wife:

"Why didn't the auntie cook something that TFP likes?, I'll go down to the shops and get him something"
(My wife convinced her that I had stopped for dinner so she didn't go)

And then when I saw my out and I managed to get away she looked at the brothers son sternly and said:

"TFP hasn't had enough beer, pour him one more while he puts his shoes on!"

I married the wrong chick for sure! :Smile:

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## Rigger

Mine has alway looked out for me and makes sure I am we'll fed, I think she is a pretty straight shooter and calls a spade a spade. Has never given me any cause to not like her in 13 years. Is great with the kids and kicks the wife into gear now and then  :Smile:

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## poorfalang

mines a real bitcj,
a real two faced, traitor and she really tryed to get all that my wife owns including our land, 
stupid enough all that we have as been in the mother name, land house farm, car tractor, motobikes, 
why?
it's the mother that suggested it to the the missus,
then when the shit hit the fan and greediness shows its a real fock,
any way we kick them all out of what is yours,
house, gas station, land, farm,
 sis, mommy and daddy, out by force, 
yup, we, me and missus
they were lovely, i mean it, really nice in laws, but they wanted to own me and the missus, 
when the wife asked for all things to be put on her name., oh dear they went nuts,

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## rovingdave

I'm hard put to describe my relationship with my MIL.

I suppose she is pretty kind hearted and adores my daughter (her only grandchild). She doesn't ask for help very often but that's probably because my wife and the other two sisters take very good care of Thai mum and dad as i don't even ask what my missus sends them and the other two sisters have very good jobs and stay at home.

My problem is that my Thai MIL is just the most ignorant person i have ever met in my life. She left the village outside Korat for the first time in her life when my wife gave birth to our daughter and she came to Pattaya to ostensibly take care off my wife for the first couple months. At first i couldn't get her in the lift in the hospital to go up and see her daughter as she was scared. I put her on the escalator and she screamed when it started at the top of her lungs and dived off onto the floor. I had to end up walking 5 stories up (10 flights of stairs) with her which was the first and last time.

I came back home to find she had been brewing up Plaa La in my inside kitchen and i about spewed. I stayed in the nearby hotel myself that night cos of the stink.

I had 6 people flying over from UK, and 8 folk from Singapore to attend our village wedding on Feb 1st 7 years ago as that was the only date i could get everyone together and believe me that took a fair bit of sorting out. Only to hear that the MIL had been to the monks and they told her that Feb 20th was the best and luckiest day for us to get married. I told my wife to tell her to fuck off, but then she started a campaign against my wife saying that the wedding will be doomed before it begins etc etc etc, not out of malice, just out of ignorance. Got it sorted in the end as i later learned my father in law had a word with the monks and told them the problems this was causing and they then told the MIL that the 1st actually wasn't that bad a day. Only then was she happy.

Many, many instances like this that drives me batty, but the ultimate (and this led her to run out of the house after seeing my face as i really think i would have fucking choked her, was that my daughter was quite late in stopping wetting the bed as a young girl. MIL had a word with a village crone who told her to capture a baby scorpion, break off it's tail and claws and give to my daughter to eat (which she did apparently in floods of tears) and that would work.

I went fucking ballistic, absolutely apeshit at this. Now whenever we visit and i walk in the room the MIL disappears. If she wants to spend time with my daughter then she can do so ONLY if supervised by the father in law or one of the daughters. When i had calmed down see, i had a serious discussion with my wife and laid out these ground rules. If they EVER get broken then that's the last she will ever see of her grand daughter again.

Harsh perhaps, but the way i saw it what was next on the idiots agenda?

Dave B
p.s. She broke 2 western toilets in my house squatting on the seats the fat cow.

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