#  >  > Non Asia Travel Forums >  >  > Travel the World Travellers Tales Forum >  >  Just back from Italy

## somtamslap

Hit the airport boozer

Drank lots of Peroni  - some seven glasses of the stuff if memory serves, which it doesn't. Details of any flight I take nowadays are always somewhat sketchy.



Final call to the gate and I complemented my final gulp of lager with 10mg of diazepam. The ensuing flight was as smooth as fucking silk - despite the carrier being a Ryan Air 737. It took me the best part of an hour to get the sassy bint in charge of the trolley to provide me with an in-flight beverage. 

Landed in Treviso, near Venice. The weather wasn't behaving. In fact, life on Italian soil was beginning to irk me already - you travel half way across the globe and are greeted by intermittent showers and bad driving. From what I'd heard, once you landed Spag-Bol side life got decidedly warmer and lithe, bronzed torsos slinked around the place inciting seismic underpant activity. Didn't happen. Just rain. 

Rain. And mountains...



Heading deep into the Dolomites...



Made it to the hotel and, after unpacking, headed into the lobby for dinner. Of course in Italy, a meal always starts with antipasti...

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## somtamslap

More on the morrow-io.

Although, in the meantime, I'm sure Lulu will be able to give you some background info on the region.  :Very Happy:

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## yortyiam

It's an absolute bastid that you can't safely travel anywhere it seems without being mocked by the weather in these times. Sun tans in April/May where I am currently, but come the "summer" months and its wellies and raincoat season.  That's foked up.

Looking forward to the rest of your (presumably always interesting travel freds).
"Carry on"  :Smile:

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## withnallstoke

Please Slap.- No lycra clad bottoms in this thread.

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## AntRobertson

Boo! Spoilsport!

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## nidhogg

> Please Slap.- No lycra clad bottoms in this thread.


Hang on a minute - that's a bit of a broad brush you are painting with there.  A fine young Italian wenches lycra clad bottom would be very acceptable.

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## withnallstoke

> A fine young Italian wenches lycra clad bottom would be very acceptable.


You know that's not the way the fat bloke works though.
He goes to exotic locations, usually with a friend who cycles, and they photograph each other in their kit.

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## chassamui

^ Why you so harsh aspeak, when every peeps knowa Italiano she the languid of Love?

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## withnallstoke

> Why you so harsh aspeak, when every peeps knowa Italiano she the languid of Love?


Because the only thing Italian that Slapper is interested in is their sausages.

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## chassamui

Pre smoked Italian sausage even.

Oh my. (faints)

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## somtamslap

> Because the only thing Italian that Slapper is interested in is their sausages.


 Incorrect. Although sausage happened to a certain degree, the trip mainly featured the total and utter decimation of the mini bar on a daily basis. The local brew, Forst, was partaken of on a quite monumental scale...

Here is my balcony on which I would enjoy 33cl after 3cl bottle of aforementioned Forst. Forst is the shit, my friends. The shit.

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## Chittychangchang

Did you get any cycling in or was it a family hiking trip?

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## somtamslap

> Did you get any cycling in


Just a bit  :Very Happy: 

Maratona dles Dolomites - Enel

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## Bettyboo

> Please Slap.- No lycra clad bottoms in this thread.


Day 2, and Mr. Slaps hasn't fallen in love with Kevin the lone cyclist (in lycra) yet... 

The view out the window looks nice.

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## somtamslap

Hi Booby, you terrible fucker. Where have you been? 




> The view out the window looks nice.


That was during a cloudy spell on the first evening. The view at the front the following morning was classic Dolomites...

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## Dillinger

> Day 2, and Mr. Slaps hasn't fallen in love with Kevin the lone cyclist (in lycra) yet


Looking at the link, the theme of the race was Love  :Gay:  so let's not rule out any spandex stretchin' just yet :Smile:

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## somtamslap

After breakfast - the usual continental style offering - I went somewhere and was given several bags of free stuff. I like free stuff. Almost as much as I like Forst.

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## somtamslap

After having been given free stuff I went somewhere else and brushed shoulders with professional cyclists, including this bedraggled chap. Bradley Wiggins, former World Champion, six-time Olympic gold medallist and erstwhile Tour de France yellow jersey winner. I like the Tour de France. Almost as much as I like Forst.

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## somtamslap

After having brushed shoulders with famous people, I went up a mountain in a cable car - it was an experience which I never wish to repeat. Lunch was eaten at the top and I made my way back down on foot. It took quite a long time...

There be wild boar in those woods. 

I also got chased by a herd of cows; turned my ankle over and smashed my wrist up. The hills were indeed alive with the sound of swearing. 



About 45 minutes into the descent...

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## Luigi

Nice. I'm off that way next month for 3 week mini tour of Europe with the Sprog. UK, Frogland, Barcelona, Italiana. 

Looks fresh. Will prolly be pissing down when we get there.  :Smile: 

Though I may just stay in France drinking cheap ass plonk by the gallon load, and tell the Sproglette to write me up a report on Barca and Rome after she learns how to write.  :Smile:

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## somtamslap

> Looks fresh.


 Oh, it's fresh. Fresh and crisp. But not as fresh and crisp as Forst.

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## Loy Toy

I love Italy in the north around Lake Del Garda just on the foothills of the Swiss Alps!l 

Great food..... great people!

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## Luigi

> I love Italy in the north around Lake Del Garda just on the foothills of the Swiss Alps!l 
> 
> Great food..... great people!


Cheers.  :Smile:

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## toslti

Forget Peroni!!... its cheap Europiss.... get on the Birra Moretti... and throw your arms around and elongate the final consonants. Some female with hairy armpits will soon sweep you up into her ample bosom.

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## chassamui

> Some female with hairy armpits will soon sweep you up into her ample bosom.


That happened to me in Bulgaria ..... or maybe it was Rumania, .... can't quite remember. Trying to forget actually.
That experience may well have prompted my yellow fever. 
My only Italian experience was cycling around Sicily. Very big hills. Maybe it was Sardinia.
Trying to forget.

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## somtamslap

After having descended a seven thousand foot peak, I made haste to the hotel and ate... and ate, and ate... Although I was initially a little taken a back when some greasy chap in an apron poured half a litre of olive oil over my fucking plate. "Just what on earth do you think you're play at, Giuseppe!?" I mean, I like olive oil, but not half as much as I like Forst. Forst is a seriously good drop of ale.

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## tj916

^^^ Was there no balsamic vinegar on the table? Mix with the olive oil and dip your bread. Alloi mak mak.

Food looks nice. I love Italy.

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## Bettyboo

food looks nice, and quite healthy.

Did you nut the drugs cheat for embarrassing a nation of cyclists?

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## somtamslap

> Did you nut the drugs cheat for embarrassing a nation of cyclists?


 The one from yesterday? It looked like a drug-assisted effort, I must say.

After having slept off the previous evening's festivities, I woke up at 4.30am and went for a bicycle ride... with 8,999 other people.

One piece of very important information that I garnered from the event is that I don't like people anywhere near as much as I liker beer Forst. It's a good beer.

Here are some pictures of a very difficult day in the Dolomites. 



It was rather chilly early doors - especially at 7,000 feet.

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## somtamslap

One fellow I was labouring behind actually had the audacity to cock a deft buttock and let rip one of the most obnoxious farts I've ever heard. I was trapped in a mist of methane for the best part of 1000 feet. What an utter twat.

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## Bettyboo

:rofl:

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## somtamslap

Into one of the many tunnels feature on each 'passo'...

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## blue

i just see broken links
 is my computer fucked again 
or someones $400 cheque to photobucket bounced
or the PC mod is messing about with my account again ..

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## Topper

> i just see broken links


Works fine for me Blue....

Slap, how does Forst compare to Chang?

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## somtamslap

> Slap, how does Forst compare to Chang?


 The pair aren't really comparable. Award Winners will always be Award Winners and no other fluid on this planet will ever match its prowess when it comes to decimating the living fuck out of its consumer's brain. The Forst is quite mellow and gives you the ability to speak fluent Italian; so they both have their benefits.

Here are a few stunning vistas caught by the official race photographer. Stunning, but not quite as stunning as Forst.

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## withnallstoke

Here we go again.

Another "men in lycra" thread.


That Italian food looks effing vile. No chips?

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## somtamslap



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## Topper

^is that you in the orange, Slap?  It looks like your ass is hanging out....the things people will do to get in a photo and attract the lycra attired crowd....

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## beerlaodrinker

> Forget Peroni!!... its cheap Europiss.... get on the Birra Moretti... and throw your arms around and elongate the final consonants. Some female with hairy armpits will soon sweep you up into her ample bosom.


when da moon in the sky look like a big pizza pie.. that's Amore.. when you've had to much wine..... c'mon sing along now. You know you want to.

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## Dillinger

> is that you in the orange, Slap? It looks like your ass is hanging out


Thatll be Kevin

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## Chittychangchang

Pics are ok for me.

Sterling effort Slaps.

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## armstrong

that wankers cheating in the helicopter.

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## Dillinger

^ says a bloke called Armstrong :Smile:

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## somtamslap

> Sterling effort Slaps.


 I think it's the hardest thing I've ever done on a bicycle. My legs are still in bits some five days later. Mind you, my refuelling strategy mainly comprised the consumption of Forst, so I'm not really surprised. 

I (heart) Forst.

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## Dillinger

^ where did you finish Slap? Apart from the back of Kev's jersey :Smile:

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## somtamslap

> ^ where did you finish Slap?


 Near the back, Boll. There are some stupidly fit people out there, read: billy-no-mates twats — I bet they've never been anywhere near a bottle of Forst in their miserable lives.

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## Chittychangchang

The insanely fit cyclists that motor along at 25mph all day and 40mph+ downhil.
How do they do it??
I'd be happy averaging 15mph all day :Smile: 

Nice pic of Wiggo, did you get to chat with him?
I believe he's well into his fashion and sixties music..

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01pgq27



British Tour de France winner Bradley Wiggins has been variously described as "mod-loving cyclist", "king of the mods" and the "fastest mod on two wheels". But just what is that makes Wiggins a mod?
If sport replicated life, Bradley Wiggins would have ridden up the Champs Elysees on a shiny Lambretta scooter.
Wiggins is a self-proclaimed mod. His thin torso, narrow shoulders and surprising lightness - he reportedly weighs less than 11 stone - makes him an unusual modern athlete.
With his previous Paul Weller-style haircuts, carefully pruned sideburns, and collection of scooters, Wiggins could almost have been an extra in Quadrophenia, the classic mod movie of the late 1970s.
His Tour de France win prompted admiring tweets not just from cycling fans but from style commentators and Weller, who is known by fans and journalists as the Modfather.
The many Mod haircuts of Bradley Wiggins
The term "mod" is thought to derive from the modernist jazz fans of the 1950s. In contrast to the earnest chin stroking image of traditional jazz, modernists were young, hip and sleekly dressed, taking their influence from black America.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-18952231

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## patsycat

How do i see pics?!!

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## Luigi

Pay his photobucket annual fees.  :Smile:

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