#  >  > Living And Legal Affairs In Thailand >  >  > Living In Thailand Forum >  >  Cheating Spouse?

## terrytune

I am getting this realy bad feeling about the wife.
Working way to much out of the country last year and the comfort zone is not there. We have been together over 10 years and she is a pretty good woman. Crazy as a loon but all mine, or so I thought.
Can anyone recommend a detective service?
Starting to pile a bunch of cash in Khon Kaen and I don't want to get caught out!
To old for the stupid games, I just gotta be sure and at the present time I am not.
Anyone else have experience with this, not answering phones, lots of time and money just amazingly disapears. Then you get the defensive anger BS over the phone?
Maybe I am paranoid?? but I am not into setting up some other Fellah for life and me getting the royal buttf!@#
Any one have any rec :cmn: omendations, Luv to hear.
Thanks in advance

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## snakeeyes

Beter safe than sorry , trade her in for a newer model ,   :Smile:

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## Davis Knowlton

If your gut tells you all is not well, it usually isn't.

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## helge

I live in KK too, and yes; the 'grass widows' screws around.

Not to say your is. The dissapearing money doesn't mean she has a boyfriend.

Bored girls go shopping

Try ask her for a HIV test

That'll give you a reaction, (and an answer)

If she has a boyfriend, it won't stay in the dark. Someone will 'tell' you, if not for your sake; then for the sake of hurting her

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## sunsetter

if you think she is, she probably is, go and pull all the cash, and retreat ;0sHARPISH!! failing that, contact me via pm and ill go check it out for you

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## S Landreth

Got any pictures? Not that I know her, but,




> lots of time and money just amazingly disapears.

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## BobR

I've never used them, but this outfit has been around for a while.  They're from Thaiguru dotcom

Thailand Private Investigators, Thai girlfriends and adoption

Good luck to you.

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## nidhogg

> If she has a boyfriend, it won't stay in the dark. Someone will 'tell' you, if not for your sake; then for the sake of hurting her


Dunno.  I agree that a Thai will happily dob another Thai in just to see the pain - BUT - it has always seemed that in a situation where a farang is involved, they default to "Thai" - i.e. they may all know amongst themselves, but no way they will spill the beans to the farang.....

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## helge

> no way they will spill the beans to the farang.....


Know what you mean, but gossip and rumours travels so fast in Isaan, that often the deed hasn't been done, when the word is out.

Thais are shit scared with defaming others, but they simply can't hold back

You heard the whispering yourself. Thats when the good stuff comes

Depending on the size of the place he lives in, its bound to reach him through one channel or the other

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## koman

> Crazy as a loon but all mine, or so I thought.


Being "Crazy as a loon" is not a particularly good attribute surely?   I had a wife like that (not Thai though....purebred blond, blue eyed farang.... :Smile: )     Dumping her was probably the smartest thing I ever did.....
I would definitely check it out and in the meantime take whatever measures you can to protect your assets.  Maybe she's just playing cards but you better find out.    A neighbor of mine was totally cleaned out last year.... while he was busting his ass somewhere out of the country....the bitch even gave his dog away.... can you imagine?

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## peterpan

Maybe not screwing around but gambling, two farang around here had to do a midnight flit to escape the money collectors.

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## helge

Maybe being the 'good daughter' and providing for the old folks, which her cheap charlie husband doesn't approve of when he is around.

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## Patrick

If she uses a Computer at home, put a Keylogger on there and you will know exactly what she's up to.

This one ; SpectorSoft - eBLASTER will record and Email you a report at regular intervals specified by you.

Good luck.

Patrick

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## Sakeopete

Where there is smoke there is fire. Over the years I have seen it happen often, I even took the risk once of informing a British Farang that his wife was bringing other Farand to the village. He ignored me and a few month later was found dead. Cause of dead was nicotine poisoning, everyone in my wife's village believe she killed him because he was broke after losing his job. BTW that lady contracted HIV in Pattaya shortly after and is married to a Norwegian man.

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## FarangRed

Make sure it works in stealth mode, them keyloggers are really good another good feature is it takes screen shots and you should be able to set the time interval, you can see if she's sitting there with her tit's out.

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## jamiejambos

When in doubt, get the f**k out...your instinct has told you that something is amiss and you can bet your bottom dollar there is. Good luck.

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## Davis Knowlton

> Maybe not screwing around but gambling, two farang around here had to do a midnight flit to escape the money collectors.



Very good point. I used to watch the Filipina wives in the O Club and NCO Club dumping tons of money into the slots when hubby was on deployment. Led to some nasty scenes when he returned to overdue bills and an empty bank account. And Thai do love to gamble!

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## bushwacker

I have always found that asking lots of questions, waiting a week or 2 and asking the same questions again usually turns up any lies.  It is very difficult for someone to lie and remember their lies.  The idea here is a lie never happened and so the mind does not have an actually memory to go back to review when the second questioning takes place.

Detective skills 101.   :smiley laughing:

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## ltnt

Ask her if she needs more money?  Give her a monthly allotment of x and see what happens.  Cut her off!  I think you already know the answer.

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## ENT

She's messing with your head, so she's messing.

Get out of harm's way.

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## CalEden

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Sorry, hope it's not true. Good luck!

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## kingwilly

There is also the possibility that you are wrong. 

try talking with her, express your concerns, observe her reaction.

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## superman

If in doubt, get out.

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## nidhogg

> try talking with her,


Seems a bit of a drastic step there, Sir Wilson......

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## kingwilly

Yeah, you're right. sorry. 

back to the detectives, key loggers and spy phones.;

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## Jon Snow

Time to get out of Dodge.
Why take the chance? 
Especially if your not exactly a young buck. 

Try another one, theres millions to choose from.

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## bbigman21

Unfortunately I have had a lot of experience. The private investigator will work. But I think you know what's up already. She is lying to you. Can you live with that?

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## good2bhappy

don't put all your eggs in one basket

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## peterpan

> Originally Posted by Sir Wilson
> 
> 
> try talking with her, 
> 
> 
> Seems a bit of a drastic step there, Sir Wilson......


  Did u come down in the last shower willy?
we both know that most Thai's are compulsive liars and fcvking good at it as well. Look you right in the eye and Lie, lie, lie, even whe ypou know and even they know they are.

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## kingwilly

> Did u come down in the last shower willy?


Maybe I'm just a romantic, but convicting a woman before proven guilty....

particularly after 10 years of marriage.

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## BobR

Finding out in a way that will not harm the relationship if you are wrong is the best way, otherwise you will be haunted by the thought that you may have made a mistake after you dump her.
The detective is cheap piece of mind.

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## spliff

Probably gambling.

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## terrytune

To all for replying!
No gambeling, she refused a credit card when I offered and doesn't play. Goes to the card reader and believes that BS.
Mare and Papa, could be true, I am a cheap Charlie when it comes to that but I can't stand supporting her lazy sack of sh@# brother.
Budda will be taking a chunk, that I am sure.
Got a kid involved and even if this goes pear shaped, the kid is there and a gift!!!
I am hooked anyway and the leverage on that isue is in her favor.

I will look into a PI and find out for sure.
Truly hoping that I am wrong.
Amazing after 10 years, still love the girl!

Cheers

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## kingwilly

If she is, does it matter ? 

Seriously. Many blokes here have cheated on their wives yet remain with them, perhaps she is in this boat too. Long distance and all that.

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## mickey

> I live in KK too, and yes; the 'grass widows' screws around.
> 
> If she has a boyfriend, it won't stay in the dark. Someone will 'tell' you, if not for your sake; then for the sake of hurting her


I don't agree with that. I've seen Thai cheating on their Thai husbands with no one telling.

My ex's friends didn't tell me. 100% of the times she didn't answer her phone and I called the hospital, she wasn't there. The last time before I threw her stuffs out, her friends at the hospital told me all night that she was handling a psychiatric patient, so I drove down there before seven a.m. ( they get off at seven ). You should see their faces, as they didn't think I'd wake up the baby that early.

Have someone check her out.

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## liveinlos

My guess would be gambling. Most women for want men for money. If she has money she is probably gambling. Until you have sat in on some of these gambling sessions, you have no idea how involved Thai's get with gambling.

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## FarangRed

Monitor a Cell Phone - Protect your kids and family - Mobile surveillance

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## Wonton

Gambling, drug, or rock and roll. 

Limit your exposure, don't carry cash, or hide it.
 :Sorry1: But we all grow up slowly, Thai's tend to be a bit slower than most.

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## helge

^^^
Do you need 3G ?

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## FarangRed

> ^^
> Do you need 3G ?


No, if the question was directed at me?

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## helge

It was
Thanks

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## Bettyboo

> Seems a bit of a drastic step there, Sir Wilson......





> Yeah, you're right. sorry. back to the detectives, key loggers and spy phones.;


You two should get together some time, I see some potential there...  :Smile:

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## harrybarracuda

> Make sure it works in stealth mode, them keyloggers are really good another good feature is it takes screen shots and you should be able to set the time interval, you can see if she's sitting there with her tit's out.


You can get something for her mobile phone as well, will tell you all the texts she sends.

But to be honest, if you have to spy on your own missus, it's time to extract yourself - and carefully.

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## harrybarracuda

> Originally Posted by nidhogg
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
>  Originally Posted by Sir Wilson
> ...


The classic was this bloke who accused his missus of going back to work the bar in Patts, which of course she flat denied. So he took her to an interwebnet cafe, opened the place where the bar is on Google Earth and said "You're lying! I saw you!".

At which point she broke down and confessed.

But her attitude was that if he hadn't been spying on her, he wouldn't have caught her, so it was his fault.

They're fucking barking, the lot of them.

Use them and lose them.

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## Aussie Tigger

Mate you have a problem,your gut is telling you that and our instinct is rarely wrong.
If money is missing and can not be explained it is either ie family are into her for money,she is into drugs, or she is gambling or she has a thai boyfriend.
A friend of ours in Udon Thani has just discovered his partner has been milking his account and the Title Deeds on 9 Rais of land has been given to the relatives to use as surety on a loan from the bank. 
Trust is essential in any relationship for it to succeed but there still needs to be the occasional checkpoint in place. 
Good Luck I hope it works out.

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## helge

> the Title Deeds on 9 Rais of land has been given to the relatives to use as surety on a loan from the bank


Oh oh
That is a 'do not'

Time to say goodbye, if possible

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## Smug Farang Bore

> if you think she is, she probably is, go and pull all the cash, and retreat ;0sHARPISH!! failing that, contact me via pm and ill go check it out for you


After shittin my self laughing at the thought of you rocking up to...ERR check if she over the side, I then thought of the knicker thread..

Get up there son... :smiley laughing:

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## david44

You could ask her?

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## BaitongBoy

^already discussed...and rejected...

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## kingwilly

A thread like this on TD is only ever gonna end in tears.

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## harrybarracuda

> Originally Posted by Aussie Tigger
> 
>  the Title Deeds on 9 Rais of land has been given to the relatives to use as surety on a loan from the bank
> 
> 
> Oh oh
> That is a 'do not'
> 
> Time to say goodbye, if possible


Why not? If he's a farang, he can't own it.

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## david44

Good point maybe he hopes to get his stake back,in my experience probably cheaper walk away now and make a fresh start

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## Leopoldbloom

> Good point maybe he hopes to get his stake back,in my experience probably cheaper walk away now and make a fresh start



I agree with all the sentiments here about getting out asap.  But why do we poochai so readily make a ''fresh start"?

Has anyone tried (as I have) just "interviewing" several pooying from one of the dating sites and offering her (say) 10,000 bt per month to be "my gf" for six months. NOT live-in!!   Then I go back to my home country for 6 months.
If she was good company, I come back to her for the next winter.  If not good company, start all over the job interview.

No heart ache. 

Best advice I can give (and I am an old timer and an old hand) is DO NOT FALL IN LOVE in the romantic novel sense.
But  look for someone attractive to talk to and have sex with, and preferably no kids.
By all means "love" her in the sense of being nice and courteous and a good lover and generous with money.  But make sure your head always rules your heart.

Sorry if this sounds cynical.

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## ChoakMyDee

> Originally Posted by david44
> 
> 
> Good point maybe he hopes to get his stake back,in my experience probably cheaper walk away now and make a fresh start
> 
> 
> 
> I agree with all the sentiments here about getting out asap.  But why do we poochai so readily make a ''fresh start"?
> 
> ...


Not cynical IMO, this is good advice for some people.

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## Happy Dave

> Originally Posted by nidhogg
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
>  Originally Posted by Sir Wilson
> ...


I often see statements like this referring to  "most" Thais. The question i am seriously asking, is how can this be true when Thais come from such  varied ethnic backgrounds and cultures,also standards of education. e.g. Isaan/Lao....   Chaing Mai /Myanmar & China...... Southern Thailand/China & Malaysia.  Could it be , for instance, seeing how the large majority of wives appear to be from Isaan, that the compulsive liar factor lie with those of Lao origins. I once had a g/f from Mukdahan, uni educated, but she would lie like hell when it suited her, especially when money was concerned. My now partner of 7 years has a father of Chinese descent and is so careful with money, and i cannot recall her ever lying to me.

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## helge

> I often see statements like this referring to "most" Thais.


Its not different from sexpats like PP (

I know a few Kiwis and they are all fat, old losers who couldn't cope back home.

I do not know Peter, but according to my own research, he fits right in.

Generalization is so easy for simple folks like me  :Smile:

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## helge

> Originally Posted by helge
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
>  Originally Posted by Aussie Tigger
> ...


I take it that he paid for the 9 rai

And I take for granted, that the wife won't do a thing, without consulting her husband

Her choice

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## harrybarracuda

> Originally Posted by harrybarracuda
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
>  Originally Posted by helge
> ...


And this is probably why a fair proportion end up joining a flying/ceiling fan club.

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## helge

> end up joining a flying/ceiling fan club.


Hmm
I am sure that it has caused some divorces

I know it would in our case

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## ENT

^^^^^^
Leo/bloom.

Good advice
No live in, no heartache and no headache either.

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## kingwilly

Leo's advocating a cheap whore, not a spouse. Somewhat different.

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## ENT

Dunno about that, bar the price.

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## Aussie Tigger

All people / cultures lie,with Asians who this thread refers to dont ask questions when you probably already know the answer.
How many of us would not lie if asked a question that the honest answer could result in major changes to their life?
Expecting total honesty from a wife or partner when we have long absences and they have access to funds is perhaps a touch unrealistic.
Never under estimate the pressure that can be placed on daughters/sisters by family as to refuse is very un Thai,

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## peterpan

> Originally Posted by Happy Dave
> 
>  I often see statements like this referring to "most" Thais.
> 
> 
> Its not different from sexpats like PP (
> 
> I know a few Kiwis and they are all fat, old losers who couldn't cope back home.
> 
> ...



True! nail on head.    I am typical fat (200 kg) old ( 86) loser (200 bt to my name) sexpat ( live with 3 wimmin)
Can't go home cause I spent all my money on young girls.
 How are you so perceptive?

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## helge

YES !

Pure luck

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## Sailing into trouble

Good luck Terry!

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## cambtek

Gambling.

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## terry57

> A neighbor of mine was totally cleaned out last year.... while he was busting his ass somewhere out of the country


Unfortunately many a relationship goes down the shitter when the male is doing flying in fly out work. Its a price many guys pay and at the end of day they have worked for fuk all.

Happens all the time here in Perth as the woman simply becomes used to not having there man around and either become independent or another swinging cock steps up. 

The writing is on the wall mate so just accept it, man up and fuk her off before you end up a sad old victim. 

Money is hard to come by where women are piss easy especially in Thailand where its usually just a financial attraction.

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## terry57

> But her attitude was that if he hadn't been spying on her, he wouldn't have caught her, so it was his fault.
> 
> They're fucking barking, the lot of them.



Yes I must agree and we must remember the old adage ::::::::


Theres no fool like an old fool and a mans eyes can be blinkered when he loves his woman. 

Very dangerous and has the potential to leave an ex-pat financially and emotionally broken contemplating a flying lesson from the balcony of a condo.

Fuk her off mate and just rent a girlfriend for 10000 K a month.

Much more satisfying,  no thinking involved and much less stressful than waisting your energy on this shite. 

I mean how much time you got left on this earth mate ?  

Nothing is for ever anyway so just enjoy yourself. Jeessuss thats why your living in Thailand anyway right. ?

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## peterpan

Watching developments at  a new build very close to my place, this guy is dropping some big money into a new house.
He's away OS  working.
Meanwhile all new appliances have arrived and has her sister come to stay. Sis is piece of work, married my mate and lived with him for a few years. They recently divorced, she got 50% of his house and a share of a business in the UK and returned to Thailand where he was living, then tossed him out as the house was in her name.
 The poor punter working OS doesn't know the family history, but I were he, I would be very wary of my possessions, partic as she has a good adviser like the recently arrived sis.

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## terry57

^

Onya Peter, tell it how it is through the eyes of a long term expat.

Some guys just take a long time to accept that the relationship is over.

Sometimes this error is potentially devastating.

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## WiserWizard

I wonder how the OP fared.

And Helge is quite erudite, it seems!

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## FarangRed

There was a story going around how some farang got fuked over for a tidy sum, 60 million baht that was in Chalong, Phuket

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## ltnt

> and i cannot recall her ever lying to me.


Surely your kidding? :smiley laughing:  :smiley laughing:  :smiley laughing:

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## ltnt

terry 57, would you mind turning the sound down on your avatar, its giving me a headache.

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## Aussie Tigger

> Good luck Terry!


Not me mate who needs to review his position it is a friend here in Udon Thani who has been scammed, the poor bugger.My wife is disgusted with her for doing that to the guy who deserved better.

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## david44

We've all read the incredible number of balcony divers ,can see why the lack of rights to stay and own magnifies the loss. Suppose initial choice here is even more critical yet so many seem to choose a partner they would never aspire to at home and half their age,what do they expect.

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## nidhogg

> yet so many seem to choose a partner they would never aspire to at home and half their age,what do they expect.


Lets be clear here - given that supposedly the vast majority of farang residents of Thailand are paired with (ex-) hookers, at home would I be "aspiring" or "stooping" to a young British (for example) hooker?

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## terry57

> So many seem to choose a partner they would never aspire to at home and half their age,what do they expect.



I look at it like this.

I'm 54 so I have no intent to shag a woman any where near my age as I feel like I'm shagging my grandma.  Its simply a non event to me and disturbing at best.

On the other hand I would not expect a young Thai woman to jump for joy when presented with my rock hard cock and run home to her mummy proclaiming she's found the man of her dreams. 

 Foking kidding ain't you ??  :Roll Eyes (Sarcastic): 

She wants a young cock owned by a good looking dude but will service an old fuk for a fist full of baht and pretend she's loving it.  Its her job after all.

So many older guys delude themselves that there young Thai bints actually enjoy being presented with there wrinkly old slug that they choose to ignore the fact that the said girl gains no joy from it except for what is coming from his wallet.

I'm a realist and never pretend that I'm a handsome man.    :Smile: 

Man up you old fuks and look in the mirror.    :mid:

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## ENT

I did, I'm stll hansum!    :Smile:

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## nidhogg

> I'm 54 so I have no intent to shag a woman any where near my age as I feel like I'm shagging my grandma. Its simply a non event to me and disturbing at best.


 
The above from the same guy who posted:




> We have a young girl who is rented by a horrible old fuk for the purpose of ejecting a crusty old load of sperm that has more than than likely turned to a solid mass of horribleness through lack of use except for the regular weekly wank.
> 
> 
> Nasty Nasty work at the best of times and only talked about between old boys with the same interest and not to be advertised between people that have any respect for young females especially in there home country. 
> 
> 
> But then again if you would think its fair crack for your ugly old mate to bang one through your daughter you would disagree with my discourse but I recon you would be the first bastard to knock him out.


Having trouble with your consistency here Terry.

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## peterpan



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## terry57

> Having trouble with your consistency here Terry.




Yes sorry about that mate, it all depends on the quality of the Crack Cocaine to what I'm banging on about at any given moment.    :Roll Eyes (Sarcastic): 

Anyway Nid, you have a nice day.   :Smile:

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## nidhogg

^ and you mate.

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## FarangRed

Anyway TerryTune what's the verdict?

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## peterpan

I think u will like this story Terry, about 2 yrs ago this big fat citizen of the USA moved in next door to me, having in tow a little lovely. she was very tasty.  

After  a week she gained a new Civic because every young girl needs one.
Had  the gear latest phone, cash to throw around at yellow bird  etc. After a while she moved back to Pattaya, he went down there and got her back, promising new house for her. A few months After moving into the new house, she kicked him out. BF moved in.

 He was  sad sight for a while touring the bars in Udon looking for a replacement.

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## WiserWizard

The vanity of man - quite ridiculous

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## Bob63

Jeez, and we do this voluntarily

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## ltnt

> He was sad sight for a while touring the bars in Udon looking for a replacement. __________________


Golden pus, Thai's call it.  Ferangs call it, Little money maker.

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## terry57

^^^

Just another story Peter that proves just how foking stupid some guys are.

But it don't just play out in Thailand even though the numbers are lager considering the fuk wits that flow throw providing easy targets for these girls. 

Happens in the West as well, but usually when the wife fuks off the husband procuring his Superannuation, dog, car, house and sanity.

The next thing you know he's got fuk all and shes got a new cock in his bed usually his best mate.  :Roll Eyes (Sarcastic): 

No wonder I stay single and just keep traveling.

Fuk all that shit.

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## Mr Orange

> Happens in the West as well, but usually when the wife fuks off the husband procuring his Superannuation, dog, car, house and sanity.  The next thing you know he's got fuk all and shes got a new cock in his bed usually his best mate


Then he goes to Thailand....  ::butters::

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## terry57

^

And gets fuked over again ???    :rofl: 

Stupid dumb fuks they are.    :smiley laughing:

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## SEA Traveler

> Lets be clear here - given that supposedly the vast majority of farang residents of Thailand are paired with (ex-) hookers, at home would I be "aspiring" or "stooping" to a young British (for example) hooker?


source please?  might be just the circle you are running in to come to this conclusion.

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## SEA Traveler

> 



This guy looks so much like how I picture an American friend of mine 10 or 15 years from now.  Receding hair line, goatee, smile....   I sent him this picture hoping he would have a laugh.

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## nidhogg

> Originally Posted by nidhogg
> 
> 
>  Lets be clear here - given that supposedly the vast majority of farang residents of Thailand are paired with (ex-) hookers, at home would I be "aspiring" or "stooping" to a young British (for example) hooker?
> 
> 
> source please?


 
TeakDoor: The Thailand Forum

----------


## kingwilly

:rofl:

----------


## Looper

> I'm 54 so I have no intent to shag a woman any where near my age as I feel like I'm shagging my grandma. Its simply a non event to me and disturbing at best.


Disturbing is the word. Here is Australia's richest person.



Gina Rhinehart, heiress to the Lang Hancock mining conglomerate.

Accepting a position as her sex slave and lap poodle play thing would mean stopping working tomorrow but dipping my Jim Thompson in her filthy bucket of chopped liver is the stuff of nightmares.

That must be what Wendi Deng feels like every time she has to touch Rupert Murdochs crusty old slug.

----------


## nundadevil

rule no 1 always think with your head and not your cock :smiley laughing:

----------


## Happy Dave

> Originally Posted by terry57
> 
> I'm 54 so I have no intent to shag a woman any where near my age as I feel like I'm shagging my grandma. Its simply a non event to me and disturbing at best.
> 
> 
> Disturbing is the word. Here is Australia's richest person.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Now find us a pic of Gina when she was 20.  Believe me, she was not bad at all.

----------


## Looper

Actually to call her an heiress is a bit unfair too as the business was struggling when she took over in the 90's and she turned it into what it is today.

A more worthy inheritor than her dad's flipper girlfriend with whom she had the legal battle.

Rose Porteous - now there is a real venomous harpy.

----------


## jizzybloke

^that has got to be a bloke in a dress!!

----------


## Lorenzo

> Originally Posted by david44
> 
> 
>  yet so many seem to choose a partner they would never aspire to at home and half their age,what do they expect.
> 
> 
> Lets be clear here - given that supposedly the vast majority of farang residents of Thailand are paired with (ex-) hookers, at home would I be "aspiring" or "stooping" to a young British (for example) hooker?


If 90% of available young British were hookers then yes!

For the most part non-hookers in Thailand have the same culture and behavior as hookers. Scamming farangs is a long standing tradition in Thailand not just with whores or ex-whores.

----------


## Troy

> Originally Posted by helge
> 
> 
> If she has a boyfriend, it won't stay in the dark. Someone will 'tell' you, if not for your sake; then for the sake of hurting her
> 
> 
> Dunno.  I agree that a Thai will happily dob another Thai in just to see the pain - BUT - it has always seemed that in a situation where a farang is involved, they default to "Thai" - i.e. they may all know amongst themselves, but no way they will spill the beans to the farang.....


Utter Bollocks!!!

I am in the situation where the Thai family has disowned the wife BECAUSE they believe she is having an affair with someone...

Best not to tar all Thais with the same brush...but take on an individual basis...like anywhere else in the world...

----------


## nidhogg

^ Ever hear of the phrase "the exception that proves the rule"?

Something that may cover 90% of cases is hardly "utter bollocks".

----------


## DrAndy

> given that supposedly the vast majority of farang residents of Thailand are paired with (ex-) hookers,


not a given

have you done your research properly?

----------


## DrAndy

> Ever hear of the phrase "the exception that proves the rule"? Something that may cover 90% of cases is hardly "utter bollocks".


again, you are just making it up

----------


## DrAndy

> Best not to tar all Thais with the same brush...but take on an individual basis...like anywhere else in the world...


agreed with that

although a lot of stupid westerners go to bars, meet a pretty girl and get involved, I don't believe they are in the majority

I might be wrong, I can only relate to my experience and get info from amongst my friends and acquaintances

----------


## Looper

> Ever hear of the phrase "the exception that proves the rule"?


Yes I have and I have always thought it was a load of bollox.

So if there are no exceptions then the rule is highly suspect but one exception makes it gospel  :Confused:

----------


## Little Chuchok

> Originally Posted by david44
> 
> 
>  yet so many seem to choose a partner they would never aspire to at home and half their age,what do they expect.
> 
> 
> Lets be clear here - given that supposedly the vast majority of farang residents of Thailand are paired with (ex-) hookers, at home would I be "aspiring" or "stooping" to a young British (for example) hooker?


I don't believe that is correct in my experience. most of the people that I mixed with in Chiang Mai had anything but ex hookers as partners. Not that I gave a rats arse though...

----------


## nidhogg

> Originally Posted by nidhogg
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
>  Originally Posted by david44
> ...


Jeeze.  Hard work on this thread.  I was being ironic.  The key was the :"given" and "supposedly".

----------


## bbigman21

^^ Come on everyone has to know this saying

" You get what you pay for "

We come to Thailand because it is cheap and we enjoy the scenery. I think both parties are opportunistic. But that doesn't mean we don't get hurt.

----------


## DrAndy

> Jeeze. Hard work on this thread. I was being ironic. The key was the :"given" and "supposedly".


well, it is possible that your keywords were not taken in the ironic spirit intended

it is hard work when clarity is difficult

----------


## DrAndy

> Something that may cover 90% of cases is hardly "utter bollocks".


was that ironic too, because it was essentially the same slur on members wives

----------


## nidhogg

^ stalker

----------


## DrAndy

oh right, because I disagree with your stupid comment, you call me a stalker

maybe that is the only way you can reconcile someone not agreeing with you

----------


## nidhogg

^ stalker

----------


## DrAndy

> I don't believe that is correct in my experience. most of the people that I mixed with in Chiang Mai had anything but ex hookers as partners. Not that I gave a rats arse though...


I remember one time you gave a rat's arse, but that must have been the exception that proves the rule

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## WiserWizard

I\'ve only ever lived in Thailand for business so in my experience the partner\'s backgrounds are varied, from the cheap hooker to a VP of an MNC and everything in between. 

It is not really the Thais, rather the whitey who decides his \"station\" - hardly fair to blame the female

----------


## Troy

> ^ Ever hear of the phrase "the exception that proves the rule"?
> 
> Something that may cover 90% of cases is hardly "utter bollocks".


Would be interested to know where you got the 90% from....In fact the majority of the farangs I know that have settled down in our area did not meet their wives in some bar...The ones that did are known about and normally ignored completely by the extended family anyway....and will find it hard to mix socially with the rest of the village.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Damn another MF who covers his arse with the word may....well may be you are fukcing wrong!"!!

I know for certain I am not the exception...A couple of years back another friend went through a similar experience. He decided to stay with the wife and the family made sure she didn't stray when he was away...They had a baby girl together just before Christmas...and he is chuffed as hell...Family saved their marriage...not because he gives them money, but because they are a family. 




> t is not really the Thais, rather the whitey who decides his \"station\" - hardly fair to blame the female


My sentiments precisely.

----------


## DrAndy

> Something that may cover 90% of cases is hardly "utter bollocks".





> Would be interested to know where you got the 90% from..





> well may be you are fukcing wrong!"!!


careful Troy, I asked exactly the same question and the answer was





> stalker


not exactly answering the question, was it?

----------


## Troy

One can only assume said person stalks bars in Pattaya and knows nothing about the rest of Thailand at all.

----------


## sityparamount

Thailand Private Investigators Bangkok | Pattaya Investigations BARGIRL-SPY

----------


## hmmm

> If your gut tells you all is not well, it usually isn't.


I'd go with this as a principle too.




> ... Maybe she's just playing cards but you better find out.


'Just' playing cards? That's far worse! She'd be cheating on him with cards, caring more about that than their future together and losing more than if she was just playing around buying a few drinks for some Somchai.




> I have always found that asking lots of questions, waiting a week or 2 and asking the same questions again usually turns up any lies.  It is very difficult for someone to lie and remember their lies.  The idea here is a lie never happened and so the mind does not have an actually memory to go back to review when the second questioning takes place.
> 
> Detective skills 101.


This works especially well with Thais because they have a 'face' culture where keeping harmony is more important than honesty. And even if caught lying, no one is supposed to point it out. Result? Thais aren't very good at lying. They're not as careful as farangs would be when lying because it isn't such a big thing to them to get caught in a lie. Farangs would tend to think of a consistent story if telling a lie, get all their bases covered. Thais will tend to just casual say anything and forget it. They're so bad at lying sometimes, they'll tell you things you can easily check. Farangs tend to be smarter there, I think.

----------


## hmmm

> Mate you have a problem,your gut is telling you that and our instinct is rarely wrong.
> If money is missing and can not be explained it is either ie family are into her for money,she is into drugs, or she is gambling or she has a thai boyfriend.
> A friend of ours in Udon Thani has just discovered his partner has been milking his account and the Title Deeds on 9 Rais of land has been given to the relatives to use as surety on a loan from the bank.


This would be my guess too. If she's not gambling or doing drugs herself, people in the family have their claws in her and are insisting that the OP's money is their money. And she's going along with it. But her not answering the phone tends to suggests she's in a gambling or drugs den or with a boyfriend (or both). Drugs would have physical signs - if you've ever known a yaa baa addict, you can easily recognise it in the eyes. Not sure if the OP has that experience though!

What happened with this thread anyway? Has the OP found out the truth yet?

----------


## DrAndy

> Thais aren't very good at lying. They're not as careful as farangs would be when lying because it isn't such a big thing to them to get caught in a lie. Farangs would tend to think of a consistent story if telling a lie, get all their bases covered. Thais will tend to just casual say anything and forget it. They're so bad at lying sometimes, they'll tell you things you can easily check. Farangs tend to be smarter there, I think.


interesting

that makes Smeg a Thai then

----------


## Troy

> I am getting this realy bad feeling about the wife.
> Working way to much out of the country last year and the comfort zone is not there. We have been together over 10 years and she is a pretty good woman. Crazy as a loon but all mine, or so I thought.
> Can anyone recommend a detective service?
> Starting to pile a bunch of cash in Khon Kaen and I don't want to get caught out!
> To old for the stupid games, I just gotta be sure and at the present time I am not.
> Anyone else have experience with this, not answering phones, lots of time and money just amazingly disapears. Then you get the defensive anger BS over the phone?
> Maybe I am paranoid?? but I am not into setting up some other Fellah for life and me getting the royal buttf!@#
> Any one have any recomendations, Luv to hear.
> Thanks in advance


Back to answering the OP....
Okay this has just happened to me...after 14 years of marriage to a Thai that I met in the UK and set up home in her village...my future pension if you like (wife spent savings on home...I enlarged and bought farmland for our future retirement).
Wife spent most of her life in Europe so I didn't expect what was coming...took a while to believe but now have confirmation that it is all true. Not all her fault...I spend a lot of time abroad and she was lonely a great deal of the time...so I let her go back to the village to look after niece who was pregnant until baby born.

First indication was as you describe...loss of the comfort zone and starting to get paranoid about who to believe and who not to...in the end I struck lucky...I have a 20yr old niece who I have known since age 5...have very special (platonic) relationship with...like father/daughter. New Years eve and Wife was ill so I had the chance to talk with BIL and niece for a long time..they told me a lot of things about my wife having an affair with someone she has known since early childhood...spending my money on him and his family...but I had to be sure..difficult to believe when wife is telling you the family is trying to get rid of her because they are jealous she has money and they don't. 

I had a business trip cancelled...told the wife I was still going but went to BKK and stayed with a "family favourite"...Had niece at house with mobile talking to said favourite while I called on my phone...Upshot is Wife says she is one place...I know she is somewhere else with boyfriend. I finish phone call and get to hear what she says to boyfriend afterwards...and his laughter at me being easily fooled...My thoughts:...up yours dickhead!!

 I don't have evidence to show wife...but I need some because I ended up being with the "family favourite"...thought I had died and gone to heaven...All her family conspired to make sure I found out about what was happening...huge risk on their part...no money from the "golden goose"...they covered the risk by offering the best they had...but they didn't need to...I love the family...and have always supported them...or thought I had...money meant for them has gone to others and I am told the family are lazy and squander it...Now I know the truth everything has fallen into place...

Family know the "resort" wife goes to with her lover...they are willing to have local police "drop in" and photo if I request it...I don't think that is necessary...but wife is due back in two weeks and I don't want her back anymore...difficult to know what to do at this stage...still thinking about it...but sure as hell I know who I want to be with...and all the family want me to be with...and it isn't her.

Sometimes you need to know for yourself...what people say...what photos show... is just not enough...You must feel something is wrong and find out for yourself using whatever means available....

Damn pleased I took a risk and found out...I don't care if I lose everything I invested...family don't care if they lose all the land. Love is far stronger than money. Everyone says that without money the boyfriend will leave the wife...and I know now that even without money...even if they have to pay with all they have...the family will always love me....That means more to me than anything...

I guess some will just say this is just an exception that proves their rule..or whatever...So be it...

----------


## nigelandjan

^ Bloody hell mate thats some serious shit ,,, good of you to come here and admit it .


    Hope it works out somehow for you

----------


## DrAndy

got any pics of the "family favourite"?

----------


## Troy

Plenty DrA...but not going to show them ... :-)

"Family Favourite" has made me and the family sanook elee....Closest family know all about our assignation...and are well happy...Wife knows nothing about it...ignorance is bliss....

Dilemma is how to drop the good (in her case bad) news...

Any ideas? ... Asking for it here when it comes to smart alec/cynical/etc replies...but I don't care...one of them may be spot on.....

----------


## kingwilly

So you're cheating on your wife at the same time she's cheating on you? 

 :Confused:

----------


## DrAndy

> Plenty DrA...but not going to show them ... :-)


boring....

so no ideas until we get the pics

----------


## BaitongBoy

> Dilemma is how to drop the good (in her case bad) news...


It may not be bad news for her after all...

----------


## adzt1

> Plenty DrA...but not going to show them ... :-)
> 
> "Family Favourite" has made me and the family sanook elee....Closest family know all about our assignation...and are well happy...Wife knows nothing about it...ignorance is bliss....
> 
> Dilemma is how to drop the good (in her case bad) news...
> 
> Any ideas? ... Asking for it here when it comes to smart alec/cynical/etc replies...but I don't care...one of them may be spot on.....


Dangerous game your playing, 
talk about "out the frying pan and into the fire",
be carefull or in a year or so it could be 2-nil for "the family",,

anyway post a pic or two and we can see if she is worth the trouble,,   plzzzz

as for dropping the "good" news ,
why dont you go on a double date and introduce one another, say clay shooting then the cinema as an idea!!,

----------


## Troy

Perhaps a little more explanation for the confused and cynical....

Wife started to spend more and more time in Thailand...with legitimate excuses for doing so...however it ended up with last year spending all but three months there...I admit I was at fault in that I work long hours and admit that she was ending up becoming the faithful dog waiting for me to come home...not fun for her at times..In my defence, I retired (Young) 6 years ago and it was the wife that asked me to go back to work...she missed the life in Europe...I warned her that it would be the same as before....Didn't suspect anything at that time...

"The Family" consist of four adults and four children...I have known all the children since they were born...All family are female except one (BIL). The Father died several years ago....I returned to Thailand when he was seriously ill...he asked me to look after the family on his death bed and died within hours of me being there...Family always believed he waited to say his last words to me before dying...

I first thought something was wrong in August and had hints from BIL that something was amiss...I went into denial over it...Something happened in September that gave me a clue about future events...I did not take the hint and stayed in denial....It lead to me being very lonely and depressed for most of last year...

So...do I stay in denial and hope things will turn out okay? I told the wife she should come back with me in January...she made excuses as to why she couldn't. They were reasonable excuses on their own but not following the problems we have been going through... 

Do I still stay in denial and imagine things will get better?

In fact she has been having the affair for well over a year...I should have realised last year when she refused to go the school open day...and would not invite the teachers or headman round (they always came to the house within a couple of days of my arrival...and nothing to do with money...)

Having said that:




> So you're cheating on your wife at the same time she's cheating on you?


Not quite...Wife has been cheating on the family and me...not just "the family" but the extended one as well. She became incredibly jealous of me seeing anyone female...especially those that I have known a long time and are now in their late 20's and 30's. None were allowed to come anywhere near the house let alone have the usual chat with me. Meanwhile she is feeding  the boyfriend's family and building their house with ......my money. I don't consider myself cheating on the wife...nor taking revenge on her...I consider myself finding a way forward in life that will make me happy whilst ensuring that I look after a family I love very much.




> Dangerous game your playing,


A hell of a lot less dangerous than depression...IMO




> talk about "out the frying pan and into the fire",
> be carefull or in a year or so it could be 2-nil for "the family",,


We both walked into this with eyes wide open...this is not some sort of game I am playing...Nor was it an emotional impulsive reaction for revenge or anything. It is in fact very difficult for many people to have an affair with someone in times of emotional stress...The person in question is far more vulnerable than I am...not some bar girl but a very lonely person that has seen her fair share of being rejected despite her beauty (she is not beautiful in the eyes of Thai men because her skin is too dark...but that is another issue). Her main attraction for me though is her intelligence and quick wit....Yes some Isaan girls are clever..and sensitive...

I am not someone that can have a heart for many...Nor am I one that can work 8-5...I work and love with total commitment...if that's a failing then so be it...but I can't change that.

I was joking today about women being depressed and changing their hairstyle...and men being depressed and changing their car. Well the car I have is a joy to drive...it has been for many years but last year it became unreliable...it let me down a couple of times and now I am scared to drive it long distance...No way am I going to exchange it for something worse...but I have no idea if the car I chose will suit me and be as enjoyable. I have put the time to replace off for some time...I love this car...but it keeps letting me down...I am changing it tomorrow with something far more reliable (I am led to believe)...I don't know if it will suit me...perhaps I will have to change again...but sure as hell I have to get rid of the one I have...Perhaps that answers the way I feel better...

----------


## OhOh

I may have misunderstood the situation but my take is that you are "involved" with a female member of the "family", as well as your wife.

Your wife is "involved" with another, non family, man and she is somehow "supporting" him with cash and "favours".

Do you not have any control of you and your wife's finances, have you raised any concerns with unexplained outgoings by your wife? Have you discussed with your wife what you expect her to do and more importantly, what is not acceptable, in your marriage, some people have different attitudes to marriage.

Any "involvement", if this is true, with another female member of the family is in my opinion a no no.

----------


## Troy

^...Read your signature out loud and let it sink in.....

Now apply it to my wife rather than me.....

Get the picture?

I now I/m well and truly fukked at the moment...either way I break some eggs....

Best advice so far is from elsewhere...go with it and don't look back.

----------


## OhOh

All the time on this forum we are told that Thai life revolves around the family, meaning parents and children. You are always outside that group and always will be.

You owe it to ALL the other family members to move on and let them be, if you can't or don't want to stay with your wife.

----------


## Mr Lick

I have a farang friend who found himself in a similar position a few years ago. He worked overseas for 6 months of the year and finally discovered that his long term Thai wife (12 years) was having an affair with a local government official and that she had also been asking him to sponsor the guy during his election campaign.

He was pretty cut up about it at first but soon found a very pleasant, younger and more suitable partner for himself.

If i were in your position i'd stop funding my wife and her boyfriend immediately, rent myself an apartment closer to my 'family friend' and start afresh, it's probably going to happen sooner or later so why delay the inevitable? 

Save yourself some more heartache and also some of your hard earned cash.

I wish you well Troy

----------


## adzt1

^ Here,here . move out (even 4 a while) , defiantly  cut those finances n  wait for the shit to hit the Fan. she'll  find out then.
they can be callous by keeping u there with a little hope only to extract more money.

on divorce though, wouldn't u be on a stronger footing if u were single?

gotta agree with u ,   a nice distraction cures depression. u don't want depression.

all the best with it though, 
just break those eggs lightly m8!!!!

----------


## somtamslap

Tell everyone to fuck off and move to Burma.

----------


## kingwilly

> Perhaps a little more explanation for the confused and cynical....
> 
> Wife started to spend more and more time in Thailand...with legitimate excuses for doing so...however it ended up with last year spending all but three months there...I admit I was at fault in that I work long hours and admit that she was ending up becoming the faithful dog waiting for me to come home...not fun for her at times..In my defence, I retired (Young) 6 years ago and it was the wife that asked me to go back to work...she missed the life in Europe...I warned her that it would be the same as before....Didn't suspect anything at that time...
> 
> "The Family" consist of four adults and four children...I have known all the children since they were born...All family are female except one (BIL). The Father died several years ago....I returned to Thailand when he was seriously ill...he asked me to look after the family on his death bed and died within hours of me being there...Family always believed he waited to say his last words to me before dying...
> 
> I first thought something was wrong in August and had hints from BIL that something was amiss...I went into denial over it...Something happened in September that gave me a clue about future events...I did not take the hint and stayed in denial....It lead to me being very lonely and depressed for most of last year...
> 
> So...do I stay in denial and hope things will turn out okay? I told the wife she should come back with me in January...she made excuses as to why she couldn't. They were reasonable excuses on their own but not following the problems we have been going through... 
> ...



Justifications.

----------


## Jon Snow

Try this................

----------


## Jon Snow

Of course, it may be all your fault, (which according to the Thai, it always is), then maybe this will help.

----------


## Troy

> All the time on this forum we are told that Thai life revolves around the family, meaning parents and children. You are always outside that group and always will be.


Interesting statement...and one I do not agree with...In fact the wife is the outsider in the village...with her Western ways...




> Justifications.


Guess so...feeling paranoid much of the time still...and doing things very much out of character...Take the posts as a cry for help to cope with the depression....




> f i were in your position i'd stop funding my wife and her boyfriend immediately, rent myself an apartment closer to my 'family friend' and start afresh, it's probably going to happen sooner or later so why delay the inevitable?


Just a tadge too quick ... I have decided to bring her to Europe first ... see if she can cope okay...If she can then we can choose when and where to be...

I'm afraid I didn't break those eggs gently today...said something that caused defensive BS and total denial...so I stamped on the eggs with both feet....

Anyway...enough of my problems...and back to the OP...If you think something is wrong...don't hire some third party Private Eye...Plenty of free resources to choose from...use them and make sure you you have an "insurance policy" when finding out the truth...it lessens the blow somewhat....

----------


## jizzybloke

> so I stamped on the eggs with both feet....


How did she take it?

----------


## Troy

Scrambled...

(oh the joys of English and its double meanings...)

----------


## Troy

> I have a farang friend who found himself in a similar position a few years ago. He worked overseas for 6 months of the year and finally discovered that his long term Thai wife (12 years) was having an affair with a local government official and that she had also been asking him to sponsor the guy during his election campaign.
> 
> He was pretty cut up about it at first but soon found a very pleasant, younger and more suitable partner for himself.
> 
> If i were in your position i'd stop funding my wife and her boyfriend immediately, rent myself an apartment closer to my 'family friend' and start afresh, it's probably going to happen sooner or later so why delay the inevitable? 
> 
> Save yourself some more heartache and also some of your hard earned cash.
> 
> I wish you well Troy


Have taken this advice on board...and done exactly that. Life is good...Divorce is not something I take lightly but had to be done...will take its time but wife has agreed....she gets money...I get away from depression...or to put another way...I get my life back. Further,the wife's family have supported me all the way....and I owe them a beer or two one day....I will see them again...one day.

----------


## DrAndy

new life, new wife

make sure you don't repeat the same mistakes

----------


## Troy

^ Once bitten twice shy?

Nah...opportunity too good to miss out on...

----------


## Rural Surin

> new life, new wife
> 
> make sure you don't repeat the same mistakes


Indeed. As the mistakes might have been all his from the beginning.

So who is to say that any such coupling would work with him.

----------


## Troy

Thank-you for your comment RS...I shall print it off, go forthwith to the smallest room in the house, read your comment again  and then leave it behind me.

----------

