#  >  > Living And Legal Affairs In Thailand >  >  > Living In Thailand Forum >  >  The Adventures of Wandering Bob

## somtamslap

The first installment of the Wandering Bob saga.

"Bob's still roaming the Isaan streets, unable to muster enough funds, past the occasional measure of Ya-Dong, to leave the region...."

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## The Fresh Prince

Pure quality!! :Smile:

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## steve down under

:smiley laughing:  I can't  get  over how that female voice sounds like the Old lizzy in buck house ! funny as fuck ....

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## The Fresh Prince

Part 2, part 2, part 2!!!!

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## Necron99

Did wandering bob ever have the respect of his family in blighty?

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## somtamslap

> I can't get over how that female voice sounds like the Old lizzy in buck house


 An educated bint, is Bob's ex mrs.



> Part 2, part 2, part 2!!!!


 Bob will be exchanging verbal blows with a local farmer, forthwith..







> Did wandering bob ever have the respect of his family in blighty?


 They warned him. Oh how they warned him! But Bob and his ravenous pair of bollocks were having none of it..

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## aging one

So fucking great!! Keep them coming damn funny stuff.  :smiley laughing:

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## withnallstoke

> Part 2, part 2, part 2!!!!


Hear hear.
Hear hear.
Hear hear.
Hear hear.
Here hare here.

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## Rural Surin

Bob dresses rather odd for deepest darkest Isaan...

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## somtamslap

> Here hare here.

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## withnallstoke

"What fucker said that".

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## somtamslap

> Bob dresses rather odd for deepest darkest Isaan...


 That there ensemble is Bob's Sunday best..

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## Strongarm

I can see a twelve part mini series on the horizon

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## robbo

great stuff, more, more, more, please!!!!!

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## tdar

A possible entrant in this year's Cannes Film Festival in May.

Nominate a suitable genre for a chance to win red carpet tickets.

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## Nokturnal

Fuck I can never green you as you're the only one I ever green!  Excellent.. I'd like to see some of your previous adventures in this format.. Any one will do just fine  :Smile:  .

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## somtamslap

> I'd like to see some of your previous adventures in this format.


 Wandering Bob (Slap's elderly alter ego) will be obliged to conform.

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## somtamslap

> A possible entrant in this year's Cannes Film Festival in May.


 Just sent it to Spielberg. Rude fucker hasn't bothered to respond. 

Oi, Shpeelburg - eat my underpants!

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## withnallstoke

Bob is a [at][at][at][at].

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## Satonic

Brilliant Slap, brilliant.

For an Isaan peasant you're quite talented  :Wink:

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## somtamslap

The surface has barely been scratched. Bob isn't just a [at][at][at][at], he's a fucking homicidal lunatic without his medicine.

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## Malicious

fooking cracker

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## somtamslap

> For an Isaan peasant


As highly regarded as that?

Doth's the proverbial.

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## withnallstoke

Is there a possibility that Bobs missus still has a penis?

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## Satonic

> Is there a possibility that Bobs missus still has a penis?


I'm not sure but she should see a doctor about her elbows

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## somtamslap

> I'm not sure but she should see a doctor about her elbows


 Never underestimate the strength of folk like Bob after he's brushed his teeth with a sachet of Kamagra gel. He nigh on split the poor bitch in two, let alone the collateral limb damage.

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## somtamslap

> Is there a possibility that Bobs missus still has a penis?


 Bob prefers not to talk about women with knobs, after having one bugger him senseless at 2am on a deserted beach.

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## Satonic

And he wonders why she won't give him money... Pfft

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## somtamslap

> And he wonders why she won't give him money...


 It's Bob's dollar at the end of the day. 

And he's out for revenge.

..................................................  ..................................................  .............

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## Satonic

How can I sleep now on such a cliff hanger?!

I better get myslef another beer...

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## somtamslap

> I better get myslef another beer...


 Make it a strong coffee. Bob means business!  :Smile:

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## beerlaodrinker

Bob is not a tit man then? Brilliant stuff 5.00 in the morning and im laughing my bollocks of , the days of to a good start 
cheers somtam, Sorry no ammo for a green

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## Tickiteboo

Can't wait to see how Bob gets his revenge. Can see this thread running for ages  :Smile: 

Top effort Slap, sorry out of ammo too.

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## DrAndy

nice one

I suppose making shorts like that could be touted as a form of therapy too

they let you say everything you have wanted to say but never dared!

after kids have been abused they often give them two dolls to play with and let them make up stories which give clues to what happened :smiley laughing:

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## withnallstoke

> after kids have been abused they often give them two dolls to play with and let them make up stories which give clues to what happened







> Bob prefers not to talk about women with knobs, after having one bugger him senseless at 2am on a deserted beach.


Indeed.

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## The Fresh Prince

I also enjoyed "The Local Shop" and "Friday Night with Por" though I think Slap was rather generous when portraying his own stomach.

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## somtamslap

> Indeed.


 Bob's played with a great deal of puppets inb a great deal of metal institutions due to that little incident.





> though I think Slap was rather generous when portraying his own stomach.


 My medium for the sketches was large dollops of poetic license.

Shpielburg chew yer nuts orf.

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## somtamslap

Bob takes a catnap before resuming his duties. Maximum energy is required if the task at hand is to be completed with efficiency..

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## patsycat

I hope he's got his anti mozzie spray on.

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## gaysexbyproxy

I've heard Coventry's not much better than what Bob's gotten himself into.

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## DrAndy

haha

he reminds me of a CM bar owner who was laid out drunk in some gutter

he was bitten and got Dengue though

better now but still claiming to be Welsh

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## jizzybloke

Where's part 2 you lazy bastid??  :Smile:

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## Loy Toy

Not so special.

Pretty run of the mill when you consider Slaps normal offerings.

I still pissed my pants laughing and after spitting my coffee all over my computer.

Good one mate, you never fail to brighten up my day.  :smilie_clap:

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## somtamslap

> Where's part 2 you lazy bastid??


 Coming up. It's a Saturday so I was trying to teach the kids to be clever.







> Pretty run of the mill when you consider Slaps normal offerings.


 The next offering is a touch more diverse. Perhaps appealing more to our colonial squires.

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## beerlaodrinker

^ Bring it on cobber

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## Latindancer

> Can't wait to see how Bob gets his revenge.


That's presuming it has a happy ending. I predict Bob finding himself in some rather bizarre situations  :Roll Eyes (Sarcastic):

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## hillbilly

Great job and yes, where is Part 2?

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## somtamslap

After successfully acquiring the princely sum of 20 baht from his unscrupulous ex wife, Bob quickly finds a ya-dong supplier and goes on to seek solace at the local foreign pub where he meets Hank, a psychopathic ex marine....

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## patsycat

Ha Ha!!

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## beerlaodrinker

Thoroughly splendid

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## somtamslap

Thank you! Part three to be live on air presently...

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## Rural Surin

Can't quite make out the Sep's accent...yet, does have the prototype nasal whine down. Perfectly delightful chap. :Roll Eyes (Sarcastic): 

Well done, Slap! :Smile:

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## somtamslap

> Can't quite make out the Sep's accent


 Aye, it's not that clear, is it.

I think I'll have to off him in the next episode if he doesn't sort it out.

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## somtamslap

Bob and Hank biding their time. The onslaught of violence shall and will be exact..

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## Necron99

^ They're fucking Russians.
Have you been to Phuket in the sly?

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## somtamslap

> They're fucking Russians.


 Bobski severely resents that sacrilegious remark.

He's as British as the next fucker to step out of the midlands*.

*A place of desperate doom and cataclysmic gloom, well on par with the eastern bloc, warsaw packed tenements which belch out hordes of bedraggled hooligans with close shaven hair do's and sets of teeth which look like they've gone through a fucking combine harvester.

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## withnallstoke

> the midlands*


Full of English.

Unlike the faglands near the French Riviera.

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## The Fresh Prince

Didn't realize you were a fellow upper class Midlander like myself Withnall. Fancy some HP Beans on Toast with some Bournville choccies for afters?

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## withnallstoke

Dripping dip?

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## The Fresh Prince

The Black Country Way. Obviously.

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## somtamslap

> The Black Country Way.


 Yam can kickabolagainstawollterseeifyowkenbostit?

Heathens.

Age old linguistic aficionados are still yet to dissect yaw clap-trap.

Manwiches, please.

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## The Fresh Prince

> Manwiches, please.


Wrong thread. But understandable, its fast paced tonight. :Smile:

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## somtamslap

> Wrong thread. But understandable, its fast paced tonight


 Not at all. I WANNA SEE A FUCKING MANWICH!






















 :Smile: 














Oops.

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## withnallstoke

> Yam can kickabolagainstawollterseeifyowkenbostit?


?????????????

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## withnallstoke

> The Black Country Way. Obviously.





> Manwiches, please.





> its fast paced tonight.


Shall we make tastefull rhymes to the manwich instead?
A huge pickled onion wrapped in bread?
Smothered in cheese that aint got no holes,
And aint got no bread to cover boiled chicken.

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## somtamslap

> ?????????????


 It was either you or some  wolverhampton gent that taught me et...

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## The Fresh Prince

> Smothered in cheese that aint got no holes,



You just over stepped the mark. That was good fooking cheese!

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## withnallstoke

> You just over stepped the mark. That was good fooking cheese!


It was cheese that some Swiss bloke poked his knackers through.

And you eat it, and photographed eeet.

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## somtamslap

Actually, although I was the one at fault, THIS FUCKING FRED'S ABOUT BOB, OKAY!!

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## The Fresh Prince

I would like to meet this Bob, let me know when he's in the city.

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## somtamslap

> I would like to meet this Bob, let me know when he's in the city.


 Bob is slowly but surely teetering towards the bright lights of the city. But at present his MO is to mutilate, maim and bugger.

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## withnallstoke

> Actually, although I was the one at fault, THIS FUCKING FRED'S ABOUT BOB, OKAY!!


I bet Bob likes a good manwich.

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## Finney64

Great work Slap, love the attention to detail, particularly Bob's _jim faan_ action, makes Ryan Gosling look like a pussy

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## somtamslap

> I bet Bob likes a good manwich.


 This is to be a 10 part series, and one of the episodes will be dedicated to Bob describing his favourite manwich.





> love the attention to detail


 Yes, I meticulously strove to make Bob's appearance just so... :Smile:

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## PAG

> This is to be a 10 part series


Season 1?

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## somtamslap

> Season 1?


 Until HBO axe it, I reckon.. :Smile:

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## somtamslap

Bob, fuelled by a several gallons of scotch and a seething rage, makes his way to the marital home in order to confront his cold-hearted ex-wife and her skinny, rice guzzling prick of a husband..

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## patsycat

Excellent!!!

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## robbo

i wanna see him blow her away!!!!!!!!!! more more!!!!!!

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## taxexile

I wanna see her blow him.

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## somtamslap

> Excellent!!!


 Thanks, Pats. Bob's a bit of a hunk isn't he.





> i wanna see him blow her away!





> I wanna see her blow him.


Bob makes decisions on a whim.

It could go either way.

Dot, dot, dot

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## laymond

very funny,throwing a dart into the milky way??or a sausage up a dark alley.love your work champ.

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## woolyback

class

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## Rural Surin

_"...me sucky sucky, love you long time"_


_"I think not"_

Pure gold. :Smile:

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## somtamslap

> very funny,throwing a dart into the milky way??or a sausage up a dark alley.love your work champ.


 There's a few variations of that - tossing a banana into the jungle for example..




> "I think not"


 No more Mr. Nice Guy.. :Smile:  Old Bob's baying for blood.

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## charleyboy

Greened! Excellant work Slap.

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## withnallstoke

Shame about Hank.

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## Finney64

> her skinny, rice guzzling prick of a husband..


Can't wait for his entrance - hope it's Steve Buscemi playing him - Bob'll shit it

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## somtamslap

> Shame about Hank.


 His legacy saved the day. Bob is now armed, pissed, psychotic and horny.





> hope it's Steve Buscemi playing him


 I gave Steve a call actually. Ungrateful fucker's busy.

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## Rural Surin

> Originally Posted by withnallstoke
> 
> Shame about Hank.
> 
> 
>  His legacy saved the day. Bob is now armed, pissed, psychotic and horny.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Do you keep unusual company, dontcha?

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## taxexile

> bob is now armed, pissed, psychotic and horny.





So he gets the blowie then?

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## somtamslap

> So he gets the blowie then?


 I forgot to mention that Bob has recently developed an infatuation with necrophilia. Methinks buggery rather than blowies may be involved.

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## taxexile

Better put the kleenex away then.

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## palexxxx

> Originally Posted by taxexile
> 
> So he gets the blowie then?
> 
> 
>  I forgot to mention that Bob has recently developed an infatuation with necrophilia. Methinks buggery rather than blowies may be involved.



So,  I'm assuming that we can forget about the 'G' rating when this comes out on the big screen then.

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## somtamslap

> So, I'm assuming that we can forget about the 'G' rating when this comes out on the big screen then.


 Not once Bob starts going at it with the farmyard animals too.

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## taxexile

S'tam, yarns that have at their centre a troubled hero, should end in redemption, so instead of him ending up drunk and balls deep in the backside of a corpse or farmyard animal may I humbly suggest he eventually finds salvation in the arms of a cheerful, loving lass.

We all love a happy ending, and the kleenex will come in handy for drying up my tears as they walk hand in hand into the sunset.





No?.............. didnt think so.

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## somtamslap

> No?.............. didnt think so.


 Bob's keeping his options open. It's either the hand in hand sunset walk, or a life in the Bangkok hilton shanking ladymen up the shitter.

The world is still is his oyster.

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## beerlaodrinker

> Can't wait for his entrance - hope it's Steve Buscemi playing him - Bob'll shit it


  Only his mum could love that face , bob will be brickin it for sure

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## somtamslap

> bob will be brickin it for sure


 Bob fears no one.

Bob meets his ex-wife's husband, Somjit McFuckwit, and they share a little heart to heart..

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## jizzybloke

Good stuff slappy!  :Smile:

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## beerlaodrinker

:smiley laughing:  I spoke to soon, Bobs the man, Bob sure mcfucked up mcfuckwit

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## somtamslap

> Bob sure mcfucked up mcfuckwit


 Bob, to coin a phrase, went 'medieval on his ass'  :Smile:  


Bit of rape next perhaps.

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## Bangyai

> Shame about Hank.


Yes.....sort of yank it would be handy to know.

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## Bangyai

I miss Hank but here's a gong for best supporting actor



A couple of bottles of grog is a lot of support

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## withnallstoke

Somjits accent was rather good.  :smiley laughing:

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## somtamslap

> I miss Hank but here's a gong for best supporting actor


 I wasn't aware old Hank would be so sorely missed. He could come back as an advisory demon,I suppose: Bob, you must kill more people, BOBBBBBB, kill, kill, kill....etc 








> Somjits accent was rather good.


 That was 'American male 4 - Hip Hop'. Somjit worked it nicely.

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## Borey the Bald

> Originally Posted by Bangyai
> 
> I miss Hank but here's a gong for best supporting actor
> 
> 
>  I wasn't aware old Hank would be so sorely missed. He could come back as an advisory demon,I suppose: Bob, you must kill more people, BOBBBBBB, kill, kill, kill....etc


Some TD members apparently consider Hank to be a familiar and sympathetic character, if a bit pathetic.  Like getting up in the morning and looking into a mirror.

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## somtamslap

^ Pay some respect, man. Hank's brown bread.

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## Loy Toy

Bloody brilliant mate.  :rofl: 

I wonder if Bob will live happily ever after.

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## somtamslap

> I wonder if Bob will live happily ever after.


 He's deffo chipper at the mo. Ending the adventures of his adversary's bollocks has left the man in fine fettle indeed.

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## patsycat

He needs a shave, and a change of safari suit.

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## Latindancer

Are there animated chickens or cats which enter and eat the blown-away remains ?

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## beerlaodrinker

Will por be making a cameo appearance ?

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## patsycat

Patsy on tenterhooks

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## somtamslap

> Will por be making a cameo appearance ?






> Are there animated chickens or cats which enter and eat the blown-away remains ?


That'll be Por's job. On his hands and knees, pecking away at the carcass.

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## somtamslap

> He needs a shave, and a change of safari suit.


 Bob will not not shite, shower, nor shave until the task at hand is complete.

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## Latindancer

I certain he will administer poetic justice. Go, Bob !  :bananaman:

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## patsycat

So , Pats went to yootoob- and listened to all her old romantic songs-

One of them, Josh Turner anounced his all dying love as----

Hit me like a ten pound cat fish round my head

I actually reeled backwards to hear it again.

Is that normal?

This is just a sitting at the bus scenario until Bob comes back.

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## taxexile

> Bob will not not shite, ............   until the task at hand is complete.


I see a rather messy finale is on the cards then.

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## somtamslap

> So , Pats went to yootoob- and listened to all her old romantic songs-


 Bob being the inspiration for this no doubt.





> I see a rather messy finale is on the cards then.


Blood, shit and tears before bedtime, knowing that scallywag Bob.

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## crocman

Would Wandering Bobs surname be Hoskins? Striking resemblance don't you think?

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## somtamslap

After shooting Somjit McFuckwit in the bollocks, Bob goes to the pub for a celebratory glass of beer..

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## robbo

cant get enough, more please!!!!!

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## Satonic

Someone green the fucker for me please  :smiley laughing:

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## charleyboy

Any chance of an omnibus edition...Like two in one day?

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## Nokturnal

Slap I owe you 4-5 greens!  Suppose once I owe you ten you can redeem it for a pint  :Smile:

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## somtamslap

> Any chance of an omnibus edition...Like two in one day?


 The season finale is scheduled to last for a good five minutes with three different scenes.

I hope this is to your satisfaction.

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## somtamslap

> Suppose once I owe you ten you can redeem it for a pint


 A pint of Ya-Dong would put me in the perfect mindset to direct the finale. I'll take you up on your kind offer.

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## Little Chuchok

^slut.  :Smile:

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## Nokturnal

:rofl:

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## somtamslap

> ^slut.


 I can live with that..

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## charleyboy

If I give Slap any more greens he'll think he's a vegetarian!

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## somtamslap

<_________________ Legend  :Yup:

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## somtamslap

^ Bob that is. Slap is merely ballast to the operation.

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## Necron99

Is there a prequel in the works?
Be interesting to see how Bob ended up in this sorry situation.
Try an work Gravy Davy in there as well.

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## somtamslap

> Is there a prequel in the works?


 I'll have a work with my HBO people and see if they can work it into the contract, and also if they'll let Bob speak to more than one person at a time.

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## jizzybloke

Was it just me or did the blonde have an Indian sounding accent?

Enjoying your work Slaps, please do continue!!!

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## somtamslap

> Was it just me or did the blonde have an Indian sounding accent?


 Well spotted. It was the closest I could get to a chap in a dress.

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## withnallstoke

> It was the closest I could get to a chap in a dress.


The fit blonde was a bloke?

I feel all dirty now i've cracked one off.

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## palexxxx

^    :rofl:

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## somtamslap

Bob tends to strut around the gaff with this little ditty pumped up full vol on his walkman nowadays. Bob has the upper hand.

_Done, done, and I'm onto the next one....._





^ Rock.and.fucking.roll.

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## palexxxx

^  Bob's got no taste in music.

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## somtamslap

^ Bob likes to rock.

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## somtamslap

Every good film needs to have 'that scene'. The ear removal in Reservoir Dogs; the I double dare you scene in Pulp Fiction; that bit where Marty McFly's Delorean went Back to the Future; Daniel San, waxing on and waxing off...

Well, here's 'that scene' in The Adventures of Wandering Bob...

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## Necron99

This is all starting to seem reminiscing of Michael Douglas in Falling Down.
I think your scout should be lining him up for the part. Caine would be a goer if he was a few year younger, though he was kinda up for it in Harry Brown.

Ps. I will step in as your weapons consultant and point out quitely that they don't make double barrel pump action shotguns...

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## Latindancer

Vicariously satisfying.
Technical question : Is Bob in his animation incarnation capable of kicking his ex-wife in the c*nt ? Or perhaps just hoisting her off a balcony ? (After being "persuaded" to sign a will in his favor, of course).
.
.
.

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## somtamslap

> I think your scout should be lining him up for the part. Caine would be a goer if he was a few year younger, though he was kinda up for it in Harry Brown.


 All the A-Listers have been ringing the phone of the hook. At the moment I'm rather inclined towards engaging the services of Warren Clarke because his was the first name that popped into my head, which is a little unsettling.





> Ps. I will step in as your weapons consultant and point out quitely that they don't make double barrel pump action shotguns...


 I'll have you know that Hank had that custom built in Fallujah.





> Is Bob in his animation incarnation capable of kicking his ex-wife in the c*nt ?


  :rofl:  It's something that we shall definitely be working on.

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## Satonic

Loving the addition of the porn music in the background.

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## withnallstoke

> Technical question : Is Bob in his animation incarnation capable of kicking his ex-wife in the c*nt ?


I think Bob, on past form, will probably blow his ex-wifes bollocks off.

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## somtamslap

> Loving the addition of the porn music in the background.


 More of a seventies funk vibe, I reckon. Every special scene needs a soundtrack.





> I think Bob, on past form, will probably blow his ex-wifes bollocks off.


 Bob only has four more episodes to dispose of the wretched tart.

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## charleyboy

Will there be a boxed edition on sale for Christmas?

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## somtamslap

^ A Bob box set. Interesting notion. I'll have my people look into it.

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## Necron99

^ DVDs wrapped in genuine Issan dirty underwear bound together with an impossibly tight rubber band and accompanied by a M150 of LK (but only if you order now)

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## Nokturnal

Why don't you just pay for the program and have a 10-15 minute segment once a week, Rather than a 90 second clip when your daily restriction ends?  Have you a Paypal?

Lets give bob a proper launch, HBO is for wankers.  :Smile:

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## somtamslap

> Why don't you just pay for the program and have a 10-15 minute segment once a week, Rather than a 90 second clip when your daily restriction ends? Have you a Paypal?


 I haven't actually got any restrictions (the website allows 4 or so stories from one nic). I'll make the finale a lengthy affair though.





> ^ DVDs wrapped in genuine Issan dirty underwear bound together with an impossibly tight rubber band and accompanied by a M150 of LK (but only if you order now)


 Flecked with piss for authenticity.

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## Nokturnal

> Originally Posted by Nokturnal
> 
> Why don't you just pay for the program and have a 10-15 minute segment once a week, Rather than a 90 second clip when your daily restriction ends? Have you a Paypal?
> 
> 
>  I haven't actually got any restrictions (the website allows 4 or so stories from one nic). I'll make the finale a lengthy .


Great. Not knocking your timeline by the way... Just curious.

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## somtamslap

> Just curious.


 I just think a prolonged dialogue with just two people would get a bit tiresome, especially because they're hard to understand in the first place (but I am slowly mastering the art of raw phonetics). I'll definitely be looking at a slightly more advanced animation package once Bob's dead.
























































































OOOps.

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## Necron99

^ Bobby came back in Dallas....

Just sayin...

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## somtamslap

> ^ Bobby came back in Dallas....


 Bob won't die. It'll be a happy ending. Probably in a massage establishment.

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## Malicious

Make sure the Kunt ex wife gets it goodnn fucking proper.















Please

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## somtamslap

> Please


 Oh yee of little faith. From the outset it has been obvious (to me at least) that the finale shall include the filthy slapper exchanging her final pleasantries with a school of as yet undiscovered marine specimens.

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## patsycat

Im a bit pissed

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## blue

lucky you !
I'm down to the last few drops , but still thirsty,,,,
  so I am drinking with measured sips

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## somtamslap

Bob employs the services of a small Siamese youth and they promptly go about invading the home of the wealthiest foreigner in the area..

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## withnallstoke

"This country is absolutely brimming with poofs".

 :smiley laughing:

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## somtamslap

^ Old Bob doesn't tend to suffer poofs.

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## beerlaodrinker

a couple of episodes back i seriously underestimated bob but he  went up in my esteem by shooting the bollocks of sonchai mc fuckwit, whats he doing with the small siamese youth? could surely find a better henchman than that

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## Necron99

^ all he can afford.


And he possibly has a thing for little brown boys.
All subconscious like mind you...

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## somtamslap

> whats he doing with the small siamese youth?





> ^ all he can afford.


Correct.

Robert has had to tighten the proverbial belt. Sombat, the siamese youth, was procured for a pittance in the foreign hangout.

Stay tuned. 

Parts 8&9 coming on the morrow, with a six minute finale on Saturday.

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## taxexile

I hope and trust that this violent and psychopathic falang  will face justice in the thai courts for the trail of bloody mayhem he has left in his wake.

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## patsycat

I'm getting all juicied.

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## taxexile

Steady on there lass.

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## Rural Surin

> I hope and trust that this violent and psychopathic falang will face justice in the thai courts for the trail of bloody mayhem he has left in his wake.


Outside of that, he certainly requires a change of wardrobe...
Something more casual. Humble.

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## patsycat

> lucky you !
> I'm down to the last few drops , but still thirsty,,,,
>   so I am drinking with measured sips


Its easter, the shops are shut so i had to get my likuur in.  And the progressed to drink it.

No probs.

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## somtamslap

> I hope and trust that this violent and psychopathic falang will face justice in the thai courts for the trail of bloody mayhem he has left in his wake.


Robert abhors the repressive bourgeois types who spit half-baked bollocks from their shiny, side-parted facades, and intends to counteract such travesties with a sustained attacked on the nation's capital.

Indeed, Bob is Bangkok bound.......

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## patsycat

> Steady on there lass.


I meant in the vodca way, not the front bottom way.

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## somtamslap

> I'm getting all juicied.


 Words not unfamiliar with Slap.

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## withnallstoke

> so i had to get my likuur in.

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## somtamslap

> I meant in the vodca way


 It's only mid-afternoon there isn't it Pats?

 :Love: 


Elope with me , wench! 

We'll skip the manure drenched sois together...

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## Smug Farang Bore

Fekin brill man!

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## charleyboy

> the front bottom way.


I'm getting a fookin' 'stonker' on!

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## withnallstoke

A theme tune perhaps?

(To the tune of Postman Pat)




Wandering Bob, Wondering Bob,
Wandering Bob has got no job.
Early in the morning, just as day is dawning,
He knocks back all the dregs left in the glass.

Wandering Bob, Wondering Bob,
Wandering Bob without a job.
He's shooting off his shotgun,
The job's a fucking good one,
Bob feels like he's a psychopathic kunt.

Everybody knows his stubbled chin,
All his friends duck down as he waves his shotgun.
Maybe, you can never be sure,
There'll be knock, boom, as he blows down your fucking door.

Wandering Bob, Wondering Bob,
Wandering Bob without a job.
Every fuckers screaming,
Of balls they are a dreaming,
Bob knows he is a psycopathic kunt.

Bob knows he's a psycopathic kunt.

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## somtamslap

^ :smiley laughing:

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## somtamslap

> He knocks back all the dregs left in the glass.


  :rofl:  I could hear the fucker sing it.

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## somtamslap

> I'm getting a fookin' 'stonker' on!


 Hold up! She's my Bird!

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## Gerbil

> Ps. I will step in as your weapons consultant and point out quitely that they don't make double barrel pump action shotguns...


They should.

They really, really should. Sounds ideal for home defense.  :Smile:

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## withnallstoke

For Bob, maybe it should be a tad more sinister.




Wandering Bob is coming to play,
la la la la la la la,
Wandering Bob will blow you away,
la la la la la.

_Wandering Bob is out in the garden AGAIN today,
Let's go and hide a lot shall we?
_

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## Gerbil

^^ Oh... one exists: PB210045.flv Video by Captain_Kennedy | Photobucket

Not a production model though.

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## patsycat

Andy pandy  wooooooo

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## withnallstoke

Blitzkrieg Bob?

Ay up let's sup.
Ay up let's sup.

By God you should have seen us.
We'd had fifty pints between us..............



Couth?

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## patsycat

Barry White

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## patsycat

> Originally Posted by charleyboy
> 
> I'm getting a fookin' 'stonker' on!
> 
> 
>  Hold up! She's my Bird!


Oh la la

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## jizzybloke

> Barry White


saved my life...

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## patsycat

I actually go to sleep with some sort of Yoo toob concert blasting in my left ear.

Three nights ago i had a wee bopalong with George the Greek,  Last night it was the canadian bubble tonight dunno

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## somtamslap

> I actually go to sleep with some sort of Yoo toob concert blasting in my left ear.


 I'm offended. Heartbroken even. There was me thinking you drifted off to the dulcet tones of Bob; caressing, massaging, having full sexual intercourse with your ear drums.

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## patsycat

His tooth pick would pearce my ear drum

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## Necron99

^ ? Is that some kind of youffinsim?

----------


## patsycat

Dunno

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## somtamslap

> youffinsim?


 This fonetic stile ov riting iz reely catchin, izzn't eet.

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## charleyboy

Parts 8&9 coming on the morrow, with a six minute finale on Saturday.

Well, it's the morrow.

I'm frantically waiting!

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## somtamslap

^ My most humble apologies. 

Bob's resting. He's had a hard week blowing people's bollocks off.

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## Rural Surin

> ^ My most humble apologies. 
> 
> Bob's resting. He's had a hard week blowing people's bollocks off.


He'll get his in the end.

Needs to extend some decent merit at the local Wat before it's to late.

Nasty, angry Farang.
Who doesn't dress very well.

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## somtamslap

> Who doesn't dress very well.


 He's a tramp, what else would you expect.

His pockets now bulging with currency after invading the home of a rich Swedish person, Bob takes a bus into the nearest city to do some shopping..

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## withnallstoke

> Bob's resting. He's had a hard week blowing people's bollocks off.


Nice to see Bob back to doing what Bob does best.

The shop assistant deserved both barrels, the mouthy bitch.

----------


## somtamslap

And to set up the season finale.

Bob's ex-wife and her husband Somjit are determined to sound their ground..

----------


## Necron99

Bob seems to be developing a predilection for both botty sex and indiscriminatly blowing people's crotches out.
Can't see this getting a PG rating. Might have to go on the art house run.

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## Rural Surin

> Bob seems to be developing a predilection for both botty sex and indiscriminatly blowing people's crotches out.
> Can't see this getting a PG rating. Might have to go on the art house run.


Keen reality programming.

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## somtamslap

> Bob seems to be developing a predilection for both botty sex and indiscriminatly blowing people's crotches out.


 :smiley laughing: 

Bob is not a well man.

----------


## somtamslap

> Bob is not a well man.





> are determined to sound their ground..


 And neither is Slap.

----------


## beerlaodrinker

That shop assistant would of been high maintenance I reckon

----------


## somtamslap

> That shop assistant would of been high maintenance I reckon


 I think it's a case of once bitten, twice shy, with Roberto...

----------


## Smug Farang Bore

Sounds like that isaan burd has been hanging out a Balmoral a bit to long..!

----------


## somtamslap

^ Bob's name was very nearly Phileeeeeeep.

----------


## Smug Farang Bore

5555lol

----------


## somtamslap

Anyone got any requests for the finale?

----------


## Necron99

After all this violence, some gratuitous sex would be welcome.

----------


## somtamslap

> After all this violence, some gratuitous sex would be welcome.


 Noted. At the very least he'll have a wank.

----------


## charleyboy

How about a bit of necrophilia after he's wasted her?

----------


## somtamslap

> after he's wasted her?


 Ahhh, but who says that's going to happen? He may yet fall again for her sassy charm.

----------


## withnallstoke

Bob should bow out in an orgy of everything.

----------


## charleyboy

> Ahhh, but who says that's going to happen? He may yet fall again for her sassy charm.


Did he not blow her fanny off in one of the episodes?

----------


## somtamslap

> Bob should bow out in an orgy of everything


 It should certainly all be rather risque.





> Did he not blow her fanny off in one of the episodes?


 Bob is yet to lay a finger on his ex. But I kind of like your thinking.

----------


## Necron99

Her same same sister but 23 yr old pole hanging daughter may yet make an entrance to distract Bob from his vendetta?

----------


## taxexile

redemption is the answer, he should meet an unassuming good natured farm girl who reforms him with her simplicity, goodness, honesty and as yet untapped nymphomaniacal desires.

----------


## charleyboy

Tax, I'm hearing you...They then go, breed 'wood pigs' and make their fortune.

PS. Anyone know the price of wood pigs?

----------


## Necron99

> Tax, I'm hearing you...They then go, breed 'wood pigs' and make their fortune.
> 
> PS. Anyone know the price of wood pigs?


Price? What do you mean? Northern wood pigs or southern wood pigs?

----------


## charleyboy

Necro...Nearly wrote philiac  :smiley laughing: 

I was thinking more,market price per kilo!

----------


## somtamslap

> redemption is the answer, he should meet an unassuming good natured farm girl who reforms him with her simplicity, goodness, honesty and as yet untapped nymphomaniacal desires.


 Tax is deffo a fan of the sunset stroll. It'll most probably happen. But let's bear in mind that Bob is never without his shottie nowadays.

----------


## taxexile

happy endings always give me a warm glow.

----------


## Rural Surin

> happy endings always give me a warm glow.


Can hardly wait 'til next season.

----------


## somtamslap

The Adventures of Wandering Bob finale.







------------------------------A Slap Production-----------------------------------

----------


## Necron99

^ I hope part two wasn't representative of the second series.
Just saying....
Was there a writers strike?

----------


## withnallstoke

> Was there a writers strike?


I've been in bed all day.  :kma:

----------


## somtamslap

> the second series.


 The second series will have to be created on a program which allows more diversity - I couldn't even manipulate Bob to administer a closing shot buggery. Very disappointing.

----------


## taxexile

i liked his hat. i hope he wears the same hat in the second series.

----------


## somtamslap

> i hope he wears the same hat in the second series.


 I'm quite sure he'll be wearing the same underpants too.

----------


## charleyboy

Bob and Eve...All relevant as it's Easter Sunday!

----------


## gusG

Way to go Bob, well done.

----------


## withnallstoke

> The second series


COUGH.

----------


## somtamslap

> Way to go Bob, well done.


 Thank you, Angus. At least someone gave Roberto a good show, pat on the back.





> COUGH.


 Found a new animation program with a much more diverse series of functions. Putting a new series together now. The pilot should air presently.

----------


## Dillinger

Do these much more diverse series of functions involve double barreled buggery ?

----------


## somtamslap

> Do these much more diverse series of functions involve double barreled buggery ?


 Yep. Pretty much anything's poss with this new package.

----------


## Dillinger

Cool,  can we see Withnall in a walk on cameo?

----------


## withnallstoke

> can we see Withnall in a walk on cameo?


 :Doggy Style:

----------


## somtamslap

> Cool, can we see Withnall in a walk on cameo?


 I don't see why not. I think a few TD characters should enter the fray..

----------


## somtamslap

^^ More like  :Aussie:

----------


## charleyboy

With the advent of Songkran...How about a 'Golden shower' or two?

----------


## Bangyai

I know it's an unusual request but could the finale script be changed in some way that would see Bangyai fooking the sales bitch oop the shitter. I think she desreves it like and i can stand the slanda of being a necrophilic arse shitting lao khao drinking deviant.

----------


## somtamslap

^ I don't see why not Bangers, I'll see what I can rustle up.

I've started on The Meek Meanderings of Mild Malcolm, but the new software package is demanding currency in order to upload to to Youtube.

----------


## Bangyai

^ Bummer. Still, depends how much it is. Might be worth it if it provides enough pleasure.

----------


## charleyboy

Send me your Paypal details.

----------


## somtamslap

^ Credit card only unfortunately. I wonder if they'll accept my Bank Of Ayuayuayaudyha  card, complete with Manchester United motive. The bank staff must have sussed me straight off the bat - "Here you go, little boy, a My First Bank Account package.

----------


## Necron99

^ I'll swap you for mine. In a heartbeat.

----------


## somtamslap

How come Bob didn't make it into the hall of fame?

Bob was ace.

----------


## Smug Farang Bore

Gets my vote... :Smile:

----------


## kingwilly

And mine....

----------


## Latindancer

Part of Bob's appeal was that he had amusingly deadpan delivery of quite outrageous statements.
Perhaps if he had another adventure, we could punt up his popularity ?

----------

