#  >  > Non Asia Travel Forums >  >  > Travel the World Travellers Tales Forum >  >  My first documentary: "A drunken idiot in Europe"

## somtamslap

My first documentary.

"A drunken idiot in Europe"

The entirety of this was filmed when either steaming pissed or horribly hungover.

Excuse my lugubrious tones...

...and I'm aware that the first bar in Brussels is for they who aren't interested in female company.

Check it out if you have a spare 20 minutes.

Obliged, etc etc

Slap

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## boloa

Was OK but when is Porno 2 coming coming out  :Smile:

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## somtamslap

> Was OK but when is Porno 2 coming coming out


 It might happen. Stick 'Porn' in the title of anything on Youtube and watch the hit rate go mental.

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## pseudolus

Ummmm houston there is a problem .... 

where were the sluts? 

2nd, I reckon I know you - the drunken patter is very familiar. 
3rd - youtube will fuck you over very shortly due to the copyrighted songs you have playing.

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## somtamslap

> where were the sluts?


 This is family viewing, didn't you know.






> 2nd, I reckon I know you - the drunken patter is very familiar.


 It's possible. But I've been a recluse for the past decade, so unlikely. Unless you were in Samui circa 2002-05.






> 3rd - youtube will fuck you over very shortly due to the copyrighted songs you have playing.


 Possibly not. Still got another similar vid going strong a couple of months down the line.

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## david44

> 2nd, I reckon I know you - the drunken patter is very familiar.


 It's possible. But I've been a recluse for the past decade, so unlikely. Unless you were in Samui circa 2002-05.


Were you Licklek the one who used to give our cabin a good seeing two?

Thank you M Slapper the Cannes jury will bend over backwards ,we do have to review Mr Hulo Je Suis Aevcnilstokes entry 

Spotting les trains par Aree Barry Cuter and 

The extreme Bleu by Looper avec 20cm dedans

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## Loy Toy

> I reckon I know you - the drunken patter is very familiar.


Sounds like Jizzybloke.

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## Bogon

^ have had the pleasure of sipping an ale or 2 with Jizzy. The patter is very similar

Sommers, you do realise if you tilt you phone 90 degrees, then you will get a full screen?

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## Bogon

I hope the readership do realise that at 7:28 that this is actually Sommers going down the street to get his 1st beer of the evening.

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## nidhogg

> Ummmm houston there is a problem .... 
> 
> where were the sluts? 
> .


Goodness, he did everything but draw you a picture:




> and I'm aware that the first bar in Brussels is for they who aren't interested in female company


Brave of slap to finally come out of the closet (although we all knew of course)....

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## boloa

It's funny how people never sound like you think they would sound !

You didn't get Gravesend Dave do the voice-over for you ???  :Smile:

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## somtamslap

> Were you Licklek the one who used to give our cabin a good seeing two?


 Do you know what - I think I actually may have been. 




> Sommers, you do realise if you tilt you phone 90 degrees, then you will get a full screen?


 I know - and in hindsight the whole damn doco (yes, doco) should have been filmed so.






> Brave of slap to finally come out of the closet (although we all knew of course)....


 Totally inadvertently walked into pub full of steaming homos. Put paid the the beverage. Exited, post haste.






> It's funny how people never sound like you think they would sound !


 I was heavily intoxicated for the most part. But even on better days have that lugubrious twang. Not an award winning documentary director does it make.

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## Chittychangchang

Nice tunes, Not sold on Brussels though. :Smile:

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## alwarner

Enjoyed that a lot our kid.

Keep 'em coming.

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## somtamslap

> Not sold on Brussels though.


 To be honest, apart from a cursory glimpse at the Grand Place, and, of course, the best kebab shop in the northern hemisphere, Brussels didn't really get much of an airing - neither did Amsterdam for that matter, or London.





> Keep 'em coming.


 Indeed, sir. Northeast Thailand has endless possibilities, does it not.

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## kingwilly

I liked it, but the pace was a bit slow. just sayin

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## Tarquin Chucklefucc

> I liked it, but the pace was a bit slow. just sayin


Constructive criticism - I agree.

Was the first movie though so fair play.

Slap, I would suggest

1: shoot more footage - more to edit with.
2: stick your boat race and your opinions on it regularly

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## somtamslap

^ For an off-the-cuff effort on the piss it was probably as good as I could make it.

But yeh, not essentially a documentary, more of a meandering with slurred commentary.

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## withnallstoke

> But even on better days have that lugubrious twang. Not an award winning documentary director does it make.


Arl do thee next voiceover fer thee.

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## thaimeme

> Originally Posted by kingwilly
> 
> I liked it, but the pace was a bit slow. just sayin
> 
> 
> Constructive criticism - I agree.
> 
> Was the first movie though so fair play.
> 
> ...


I might add that the narrow phone shots don't work either - hard to follow at times.

Otherwise, I could easily extend Slap a kudos towards a decent vid.

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## somtamslap

> Arl do thee next voiceover fer thee.


 After 10 award winners you may be up to the task - a bit of withnall-esque rambling may increase viewing figures.






> I might add that the narrow phone shots don't work either


Yes. Doesn't work on portrait mode.

Might get some professional apparatus.

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## wasabi

Slap did you know the train you took, took you flying past the Stables in Kent where My Son rode a Picky horse for the first time on Sunday.

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## somtamslap

^ Blink and you miss it. The Eurostar moves! Only under the water for 15/20 minutes - which pleased me tremendously.






> where My Son rode a Picky horse for the first time on Sunday.


 Well, I hope the little fellow had a pleasant day out.

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## wasabi

^ He did indeed,

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## ltnt

> Totally inadvertently walked into pub full of steaming homos.


 :rofl:  "Totally inadvertently..."  Slaps here!  Free beers for everyone!

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## pseudolus

> ^ For an off-the-cuff effort on the piss it was probably as good as I could make it.
> 
> But yeh, not essentially a documentary, more of a meandering with slurred commentary.


NExt one you should get a goPro and keep it filming all the time, including when you are negotiating the price of a nosh from a 76 yr old grannies in the rub and tug shop.

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## withnallstoke

> including when you are negotiating the price of a nosh from a 76 yr old grannies in the rub and tug shop.

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## somtamslap

> Originally Posted by somtamslap
> 
> Totally inadvertently walked into pub full of steaming homos.
> 
> 
>  "Totally inadvertently..."  Slaps here!  Free beers for everyone!


Let me tell you something rather pertinent to the poof bar saga.

i went in. Ordered an ale. Looked around. Men. Loads of the fuckers. All shod in leather.

I ended this beer's existence in one mighty slurp and exited stage left...



And there ended my homosexual experience en Belgique.

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## somtamslap

> NExt one you should get a goPro and keep it filming all the time,


 I think you're right.






> including when you are negotiating the price of a nosh from a 76 yr old grannies in the rub and tug shop.


 Bit young for my tastes, but I'm willing to try it - for the sake of art.

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## somtamslap

> Originally Posted by pseudolus
> 
>  including when you are negotiating the price of a nosh from a 76 yr old grannies in the rub and tug shop.



Nice graphic withnall.

Tell me - what did you type in the search bar to garner such a fine result?

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## klong toey

Bloody hell Mr Slap cycles to Belgium in leather hot pants seeking the company of males and fine ales.
Is this a side affect of Chang withdrawal or has living in Blighty liberated him and he now feels free to express himself.

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## somtamslap

^ I'll have you know that my membership with the Belgian Botty Brigade (BBB) expired two months ago, and I DO NOT intend to renew it!

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## pseudolus

Life time membership already in the bag after the Ghent Gent incident then?

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## somtamslap

The Antwerp Anus Affair happened. I revoked my own membership. Simple as that.

Bloody sick lot those Belgiques.

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## pseudolus

They use their global anonymity to get away with the most heinous crimes.

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## ltnt

> And there ended my homosexual experience en Belgique.


Says the man who spends endless hours wanking along to "X-Factor."  Perhaps the absence of Peers Morgan in duet with Simon thrilled you to even greater heights, joining the camp in Brussels...adorned in Thai silks no doubt?

Next off to Holland and notorious Amsterdam, home of great beers and bigger bars full of poofers no doubt.  I look forward to X-Video #2 Amstead Light if you please...those garters and stockings are mine and don't ask again.  No you cannot borrow them!  Now bugger off!

It was never this painful in Issan he was heard to mumble...reading and masturbating in the corner drew little or no interest from locals.  In the background he listens to Johnnie Cash, Folsom Prison Blues...I hear the Train a commin...

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## SiLeakHunt

nice little flick, how did you edit it ?

PS has anyone ever told you that you sound like Neil off the Young Ones ?

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## somtamslap

> It was never this painful in Issan he was heard to mumble


 One can only reminisce over the moonlight ditch fumbles with Old Lady Woraporn. *sigh* What a gal!






> how did you edit it ?


 Easy. Windows Movie Maker. There are other programs available as a free download (imovie) but that's prob the most user friendly.






> you sound like Neil off the Young Ones ?


 Better then Vivian, I suppose... :Smile:

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## Fozzy

The "That'll flush anything" line spoken like a kid on Christmas morning,  didn't half tickle me.  :Smile: 

The narrow camera angle got right on my tits though. 

Over all a great effort. Only a matter of time before Lonely Planet come knocking I'm sure.

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## patsycat

So, you left the gay bar to the left.  Or was that to the right or straight on?

Gauche - left
Droite -right
Tout droit - straight on

Did you pack everything in that wee backpack?

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## somtamslap

> The "That'll flush anything" line spoken like a kid on Christmas morning,


 I thought it was one of a kind, that wonderful flushing system, but on further exploration of the country it transpires that most toilets are a equipped with them — simply a fantastic part of the world to use the lavatory. 






> The narrow camera angle got right on my tits though.


 Yes - looks fine on the phone but rubbish when uploaded.

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## somtamslap

> So, you left the gay bar to the left. Or was that to the right or straight on?


 You were lucky Pats. I was initially en route to Switzerland but wasn't sure you'd put out, so I made a left turn to the Dam instead.

 :Smile:

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## SiLeakHunt

> Better then Vivian, I suppose...


or Rick with a silent "P"

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## patsycat

> Originally Posted by patsycat
> 
> So, you left the gay bar to the left. Or was that to the right or straight on?
> 
> 
>  You were lucky Pats. I was initially en route to Switzerland but wasn't sure you'd put out, so I made a left turn to the Dam instead.


Good decision.  Your Belgian french accent would not have been understood here.

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## somtamslap

I'm actually quite upset about that.

See my Christmas card list, Pats. Well, let me tell you something. You ain't on it no more.

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## patsycat

Merde.

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## Dillinger

All that was wrong with that was the camera was turned the wrong way and the music needs changing, too obvious,... 

Here's some alternatives 

I'm a passenger




,Road to Nowhere,




 London's Calling....




Here's some inspiration for your next European soiree....

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## Bogon

The opening scene with the cup of tea should have had this as the background music.




...and then mixed in to this with Slappers ripping a tight white T shirt off...

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## Dillinger

Did you notice at 7.56 in Slaps vid in that Gay Bar, the camera finally goes in to manscape, erm landscape mode :Smile:

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## Dillinger

> has anyone ever told you that you sound like Neil off the Young Ones ?


I was thinking more on the lines of this guy, after the stomach pump  :Smile:

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## ltnt

^Appears to be a simple case of too much Botox and cum guzzling I suspect.

While Slaps apparently has a naturally acquired speech impediment brought about by copious consumption of vast amounts of alcohol coupled with  closet masturbation...slurp, slurp, I'mmmmm cooommmmiiinnnngggg!

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## withnallstoke

Some very good feedback on this thread.

It's a feedback mountain. 

Hope Slapper takes it all on board and does a re-tracked version.

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## somtamslap

> Did you notice at 7.56 in Slaps vid in that Gay Bar, the camera finally goes in to manscape, erm landscape mode


 One has learnt to pander to the taste of the masses. They love a scandal. Pretending to be a poofter is the best thing I've ever done.

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## somtamslap

> closet masturbation


 Closet? There's nothing closet about it. 

I AM A WANKAHOLIC








> It's a feedback mountain.


 Reenactment of junglists?

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## pseudolus

Here you go Slap - a nice little eye opener got you.

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## somtamslap

"Forgetting to tuck your nuts in...."

"... a school boy error"

Back to the beautician with you, young man.

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