#  >  > Living And Legal Affairs In Thailand >  >  > Farming & Gardening In Thailand >  >  Growing grass on yer balcony

## Marmite the Dog

Maybe it's a stupid idea, but I would really like to grow a lawn on my balcony.

It has a drain at one end and is quarry tiled. Do any dodgy builder types have any recommendations for the best way to go about this?

I think I'll throw in a poll just for the hell of it, too!

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## poolcleaner

How the fok are you going to cut it?

I thought you were talking about marijuana.

Silly idea marmers

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## dirtydog

I can just imagine the people in the lift when marmite wheels in his brand new petrol lawnmower  :Smile:

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## Marmite the Dog

I would cut it with shears, or just give the maid a pair of scissors  :Smile:

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## dirtydog

If you have carpet in your living room you could dampen it down a bit and chuck some mustard and cress seeds on it, that would be a nice feature  :Smile:

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## Marmite the Dog

No carpet in my place, only parquet flooring.

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## MeMock

how big a space are we talking Marmite?

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## Wayne Kerr

thought you were talking about the gang, anyway not a bad idea.

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## Marmite the Dog

> how big a space are we talking Marmite?


It's about 1m deep and about 5 or 6m long.

I'm mainly concerned about all the soil being washed down the drain. I guess a very small retaining wall around the drain with small drainage holes would be the best idea.

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## MeMock

lay down some cardboard with edges and then once the grass has really taken hold just cut the edges off so no one can see it.

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## Marmite the Dog

Hmm, you've done this before I see.

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## MeMock

Nah mate not in a cardboard box. Last lawn i planted was out on the farm and it was so bloody big I seeded it with a tractor!

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## Marmite the Dog

I'll be using turf, not loam & seed (or a tractor).

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## dirtydog

Its amazing wot u can buy for a dollar and 2 elastic bands and a button in aussieland  :Smile:

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## MeMock

Nah it was a JD

One of the great 8400 series.

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## Marmite the Dog

I think he meant the land, MM

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## MeMock

You sure?I assumed the rubber bands were as in a wind up toy ie tractor.

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## dirtydog

bit slow the aussies aint they.... i assume its all the inbreeding  :Smile:

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## poolcleaner

> bit slow the aussies aint they.... i assume its all the inbreeding


Don't forget the real Aussie bloodline is Irish!

Not much intelligence there.

I'm an O'Reilly meself!


could i be related to Bill?
Fok I hope not!

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## hillbilly

Well, dis is how Thais make grass...


The family is always welcome on da job site...

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## hillbilly

On the balcony?


Damn, its going to be tuff...

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## hillbilly

:Lol:   :Lol:   :Lol:

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## Jai Dee

If you were really really keen on the idea, you might think about a layer of coarse gravel, cover that with fine plastic mesh (similar to flywire screen), followed by another layer of gravel, a layer of coarse washed river sand, followed by loam, and then lay your turf on top of that.

That way, your soil would not be washed away.

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## Marmite the Dog

Thanks for all the advice, chaps.

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## Wayne Kerr

Why not get some of that space turf they use for indoor cricket and stuff, can hose it off and all.

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## Marmite the Dog

Well, I actually like the smell of cut grass, and had in mind images of the new squeeze on her hands and knees cutting it with a pair of scissors wearing a rather petite skirt.....  :saythat:

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## Captain Sensible

Marmite, have you considered how you will keep it mowed? Get some astro turf.

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## Captain Sensible

Yikes, that is what you get when you only read page one of a thread and then post a reply.

D'oh.

Pardon moi. :bunny3:

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## Marmite the Dog

No worries - I do it all the time.

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## Goddess of Whatever

Cap,

What's "moi"?


Is it Thai word?

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## dirtydog

french for "me" or thai for "pubic hair"  :Smile:

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## Goddess of Whatever

O-oh..

Thank you, DD.



 :mat:

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## aging one

You cant grow grass on your balcony because all grass in Thailand needs a shit load of sun or it dies.  I have tried everything to keep the grass growing under my mangoe tree but to no avail.  If it does not get at least 6 hours of sunlight it will die.  

With the balcony wall it wont be able to get that much sun.

Astroturf from homepro!! Would seem to be the best answer.

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## Marmite the Dog

> You cant grow grass on your balcony because all grass in Thailand needs a shit load of sun or it dies. I have tried everything to keep the grass growing under my mangoe tree but to no avail. If it does not get at least 6 hours of sunlight it will die. 
> 
> With the balcony wall it wont be able to get that much sun.
> 
> Astroturf from homepro!! Would seem to be the best answer.


Not if you use the right grass. Let me know if you want a bag of proper seed, I'm doing the website for a tufing specialist at the moment, so he should be able to give me a bag of seed.

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## aging one

This I gotta see.  I have tried turf, seed, everything, I brought back seeds from Florida that has the same weather but it was drown in the rainy season last year. 

If you can do it 6 pints of lager on me.  But its gotta live for 8 months after planting.

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## Marmite the Dog

> This I gotta see. I have tried turf, seed, everything, I brought back seeds from Florida that has the same weather but it was drown in the rainy season last year. 
> 
> If you can do it 6 pints of lager on me. But its gotta live for 8 months after planting.


The best grass for under a mango tree is Malaysia grass.  You can buy 
this from nurseries for about 20 baht per m2.

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## aging one

And it fucking dies.  You have been to my house and all you have seen is the motorcycle and the fridge to get a cold one.  Except for the dining room chair you cracked.

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## Marmite the Dog

I guess you need green fingers (not that mine are  :Sad:  )

Soz about the chair.  :Surprised: ops:

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## marklatham

Go hydroponic with a 50mm bed of coco peat with a reticulation system to supply nutrients.
Have a timer on a small pump in a plastic drum of say 200 litres and let the solution drain to waste.
In a tropical climate you will be getting the shears out nearly every day,you may have to employ a gardener!

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## kingwilly

> ,you may have to employ a gardener!


I think that is what he had in mind ... more or less,

tho i suspect he wanted a gardeneress !  :Very Happy:

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