Sailor : Captain, captain there be a homosexual aboard this vessel.
Captain : How do you know that ?
Sailor : Last night I was sucking the bosun's penis and there was shit on the end of
it.
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Sailor : Captain, captain there be a homosexual aboard this vessel.
Captain : How do you know that ?
Sailor : Last night I was sucking the bosun's penis and there was shit on the end of
it.
i'm reading a wonderful book on anti gravity and i just cant put it down.
I told my boss I needed a pay rise, I said that 3 other companies were after me.
Boss "which ones?"
I said "the electric, gas, & the water"
Us is against doping...
https://teakdoor.com/Gallery/albums/u.../no_doping.jpg
I'm writing a suspense thriller.............
.....or am I?
I met this American bird and asked her what her name was
She said "Chantelle"
Suit yourself love, I only asked
^ Doesn't work with an Antipodean accent.
^ I had to struggle with it on a London accent; ended up going all East End council estate to make the joke work... :)
^^^ and from the same source?
A week before my grandfather died. They covered his back with lard.
After that he went downhill very quickly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maanaam
Just got back from Australia, where i spent some time learning Aboriginal words like "Boo" Which means "to return".
'Cause when you throw an ordinary meringue!
This could be a Kiwi Joke?Quote:
Originally Posted by Maanaam
I baked an apple pie and drove it to Rotorua, Napier and Invercargill.
Because my math teacher said always take pie to three dismal places.
Sent this to a SA woman called Chantell (without the "e") She thought it was funny!Quote:
Originally Posted by SiLeakHunt
Essex chavette for me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bettyboo
What do Gideons do if they find a bunch of old stock bibles?
Give them away?
Presumably go and hide them in hotel room drawers.Quote:
Originally Posted by VocalNeal
Think you missed one (The Terminal):Quote:
Originally Posted by harrybarracuda
https://teakdoor.com/images/imported/2016/09/245.jpg
Good point...Quote:
Originally Posted by nidhoggThink you missed one (The Terminal):Quote:
Originally Posted by harrybarracuda
https://teakdoor.com/images/imported/2016/09/245.jpg
You can satisfy any woman with just 3.5 inches.
Visa, Mastercard or Amex.
'Do not touch.' Must be one of the scariest things to read in braille!
Heard at the recent G20 conference.
Vlad: "Hey, Barry, which bathroom are you going to use?"
Obama: "I can ride a bicycle."
Putin: "I wrestle a grisly bears."
Obama: "Security!"
Obama: "I have a pet poodle."
Putin: "I know, my leopard just ate it."
Putin: "No Obama, you can not triple jump the Queen with your pawn. "
They once named a street in Moscow after Vladimir Putin. They had to change the name because no one crosses Vladimir Putin.
Vladimir Putin will never have a heart attack. Nothing is foolish enough to attack him.
Some people think they can walk on water, Vladimir Putin swims through land.
Vladimir Putin doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it.
Putin: "Did your daughter enjoy her, how you say, bud?"
During "the stare off contest between Putin and Obama", Putin blinked only once and slowly. He had "Negro" written neatly on each upper eyelid.
Putin: "Sorry about your teleprompter, Barack. My security guys thought it was a CIA monitoring device.
You can give your speech without it, right?"
Putin: "Do you have gold...because they don't take American Express".
my wife walked in the door and said "I'm home, did you miss me?"
I said with every bullet so far....
A friend of mine confided in me that last night he got extremely drunk and somehow ate dozens of scrabble pieces.
He is worried that his next shit could spell disaster.
Not at all funny.:gwbush:Quote:
Originally Posted by can123:
Extremely lame and childish.Quote:
Originally Posted by OhOh
Why do you suck the Ruskies cock so hard?
If you're a Ginger, never get a Brazilian.
It'll look like a fish finger!
How do you know if your best mate is gay?Quote:
Originally Posted by noelbinoNot at all funny.:gwbush:Quote:
Originally Posted by can123:
If his cock tastes of shit.
What’s the best part of sex with a Ladyboy? Reaching around and pretending it went all the way through
It's a lot funnier than the one you provided.Quote:
Originally Posted by noelbinoNot at all funny.:gwbush:Quote:
Originally Posted by can123:
^^^^
Bush was a Joke and he was not funny either!!!
For sure. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Cujo
Whats Long Hard And Makes A Woman Moan??........
An Ironing Board!!
How do you make a hormone?
Don't pay her.
You can lead a whore to water, but you cannot make her think.
You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
I believe the correct one is:Quote:
Originally Posted by Maanaam
You can lead a whore to Vassar, but you can't make her think.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be led-- Stan Laurel.
A pessimist is someone who has lived with an optimist
Adam and Eve were the first people not to read The Apple Terms and Conditions.......
Definition of a wife: An object you screw on the bed to do the housework.
definition of a woman: Life support system for a vagina.
Adam was left his Adam's. Eve nagged him into it.Quote:
Originally Posted by toslti
Go on go on have a bite.