You see, women shouldn't try humour.Quote:
Originally Posted by GracelessFawn
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You see, women shouldn't try humour.Quote:
Originally Posted by GracelessFawn
I went to the librarian and asked "Can I get a book on Assisted Suicide"?
She said "No, you won't bring it back".
I asked the Librarian do you like Kipling
She replied
"I've never Kippled"
This bank robber says "If anyone sees my face they're dead". Some bloke sneaks a look and he puts a bullet in his head.
A voice at the back says "I think my wife got a glimpse".
Took the new girlfriend home to meet the family last week.
Wife hit the fucking roof.
I was at the pool today and decided to have a sneaky piss in the deep end.
The life guard must have noticed though.
He blew his whistle so fucking loud I nearly fell in.
Women should be like golf caddies, either holding your balls or
getting your bloody tee ready!
I thought the wife would be the ideal candidate for a new TV show.
Turns out I got it all wrong and the programme’s called Fact Hunt.
BBC BREAKING NEWS :-
Little Red Riding Hood found in a Critical Condition.
Paramedics have Stabilised her Condition.
But She's Not Out of the Woods Yet
In a recent Survey it was found that 95% of Scousers have had Sex in the Shower.
The other 5% of Scousers haven't been to Prison yet.
Why did God invent orgasms for women? So they can still have a f*cking moan even when they're enjoying themselves!.
My GF keeps telling me she's a compulsive liar and needs help....I don't believe her though
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
555 :smileylaughing:Quote:
Originally Posted by harrybarracuda
I still remember my dad's last words.Quote:
Originally Posted by GracelessFawn
"Fuck me, a bus".
Can't green ya at the mo but consider yerself honorarily greened!Quote:
Originally Posted by Cujo
Two Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on my door the other day and asked if I'd like to know about God.
Being bored, and curious as to their slant on things, I invited them in.
We sat down in the lounge and I waited. After a while I asked, "Well?"
They replied, "We don't know what to say. We've never made it this far before."
I grew up in a rough neighbourhood. We had Jehovah's Bystanders.Quote:
Originally Posted by Maanaam
:smileylaughing:Quote:
Originally Posted by harrybarracudaI grew up in a rough neighbourhood. We had Jehovah's Bystanders.Quote:
Originally Posted by Maanaam
:smileylaughing:Quote:
Originally Posted by Maanaam
:smileylaughing:Quote:
Originally Posted by harrybarracudaI grew up in a rough neighbourhood. We had Jehovah's Bystanders.Quote:
Originally Posted by Maanaam
Doctor: You're overweight. Patient: I think I want a second opinion. Doctor: You're also ugly.
Q. What's a man's idea of a balanced diet? A. Beer in each hand!
How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
OK, If we're going there, what's the best thing a woman can put behind her ears?
Her ankles.
Clinton or Trump?
That's like picking between Kate or Gerry McCann to babysit for you.
:rofl:Quote:
Originally Posted by harrybarracuda
Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
^ I dunno.....I've never had a man in my bed, let alone gasping for breath and calling my name.
First woman on the Moon:
"Houston, we have a problem."
What?
"Never mind"
What's the problem?
"Nothing"
Please tell us?
"I'm fine"
This is not the riddle thread, it's the joke thread.Quote:
Originally Posted by GracelessFawn
You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.
We *know*. Sheesh. Try posting some thing new.Quote:
Originally Posted by GracelessFawn
I've just painted myself head to toe in creosote, it's not often I treat myself
Jimmy phoned the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods, it contains a fox and four cubs."
"That's terrible," replied the operator, "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure, to be honest" said Jimmy, "But I suppose that would explain the suitcase."
^^^^
Took a minute!!!
Just put my 'dogging' gear on eBay. No bidders yet, but 12 people watching.
I was kidnapped by a gang of mime artists...
They did unspeakable things to me.
My local pub is pretty rough.
I went to the quiz night and the first question asked was, "What the f*#k are you looking at?"