A book has been found today down the back of a shelf, during the re-fit of Dublin Library ,when dusted off the title read;
IRISH DANCING PART 2
(ARM MOVEMENTS).
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A book has been found today down the back of a shelf, during the re-fit of Dublin Library ,when dusted off the title read;
IRISH DANCING PART 2
(ARM MOVEMENTS).
555555555
Last night my girlfriend asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently "in HD" is the wrong answer...
A marriage guidance councillor asked my wife and I to describe our sex life with a film title,
"Gone in sixty seconds, " said my wife sarcastically,
"Enter the dragon, " I replied
Everyone keeps telling me I'm paranoid.
It's like a conspiracy or something.
Wow another day passed and I didn't use algebra once.
I stand corrected, said the man in orthopedic shoes
I was checking tickets on the train this morning when one of the passengers handed me his ticket and said "There you go driver".
I thought "Oh Fuck".
MPs are being encouraged to use the term "Daesh" instead of "Islamic State" as Daesh is an insult to the terrorists.
Unfortunately, Daesh is a really difficult word for me to pronounce so, from now on, I'll be using the word "Cunts".
The waitress walks up to one of her tables and is shocked to see three Japanese men, all sat there masturbating violently. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" she screams. One of the Japanese guys looks up and says, "Well, it says on the menu, First come, First served!"
I said to the wife, I've got a problem.
She replied "no we have a problem.We are a couple, we're a unit"...
"Your problem is my problem.We are in this together"
Over whelmed with relief,I said.... "it's hardly worth mentioning now"
but she was insistent on knowing," what is the problem??....."
I then had to explain to her that,
" WE have got your sister pregnant!!!
A suicide bomber died and went to Paradise, as foretold.
When he arrived there he said to Allah that he was ready to claim his 72 virgins, as promised. Out of curiosity he asked Allah why there were so many virgins in heaven.
Allah looked at him for a moment, then replied, "Actually, the 72 virgins are here in heaven because people like you murdered them before they could experience the pleasure of sex. So, you're here to service them. Since they're virgins, they're quite sexually ravenous and frankly, you'll be on constant, exhausting duty. I shall banish you from Paradise should you fail.
The bomber responded, "Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?”
Allah replied, "Who told you they were women?"
I can't keep mine satisfied for a long weekend (without resorting to the credit card).Quote:
Originally Posted by harrybarracuda
Try Viagra. It won't make you James Bond, but it will make you Roger Moore.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bettyboo
Sheriff Cujo will be along shortly, cos that joke ain't short.
What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
-- The fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out
^ you realize that you could have written "when the meat is pulled out", rather than including yourself in the joke (as rogerer), just sayin... :)
What's the difference between a microwave and a gay?
You can't get your meat brown in a microwave :)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neo
Just sayin'Quote:
Originally Posted by Bettyboo
ok... Roger can't get his meat brown in a microwave :)
I'd just like to make it clear I have never pulled my meat out of a fridge
When I heard about the cure for dyslexia it was music to my arse.
I bought a new computer. When I turn it on, instead of saying "Welcome", it says "Hello".
It's a Dell.
Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.'
'First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.'
“I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.”
'A man doesn't know what hapiness is until he's married. By then it's too late.'
I've just found a wooden leg.
Anybody want it?
Make a good stocking filler at this time of year!
What the fuck is Gluten and why is it coming free with everything?
How do you know if Santa's been in your garden shed?
You've got three extra hoes.
Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
Because their days are numbered
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can't beat it!
'What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve'
Your a card David, You should be shoufled and delt with..............
Never trust an electrician with no eyebrows!
I had a Chicken Tarka last night.
It's a bit like Tikka but otter!
in he news the other day a bloke died of a coronary incident at the curry house, they said he had a dodgy tikka
Quote:
Originally Posted by SiLeakHunt
No, he survived, but he's in a korma.
:)
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere...........
I started a band called 999 Megabytes — we haven’t gotten a gig yet.