Amen to that.Quote:
Originally Posted by noelbino
As long as it's not bloody Hawthorn.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ozcol
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Amen to that.Quote:
Originally Posted by noelbinoAs long as it's not bloody Hawthorn.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ozcol
What does the atheist dyslexic with insomnia do?
Stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
A wife asked her husband, a software engineer, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy a carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get six"
A short time later the husband came back with six cartons of milk.
The wife demanded, "Why the hell did you buy six cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had eggs."
When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted. But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist.
While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, though rare his condition could be corrected by minor surgery.
The patient’s wife anxiously rushed up to the doctor after the examination and was told of the diagnosis and the need for surgery.
“How long will he be on crutches?” she asked.
“Crutches???” the doctor asked.
“Well, yes,” the woman said “You are going to lengthen his legs, aren’t you?”
whats brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr Dre
How do crabs cross the road ?
On crutches.
In a school science lesson, one worm was put into a jar of alcohol, one into a jar of cigarette smoke, one into a jar of sperm and a fourth a jar of soil.
The worms in alcohol, cigarette smoke and sperm died. However the worm in soil survived.
The teacher asked the class "What can you learn from this?"
A pupil replied "As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't have worms."
How many Fruedian's does it take to change a penis, shit, I mean my mother, fuck sorry a lightbulb ?
^
IOU a green.
:)
Nurses are great, they are usually the first person you see after saying "hold my beer and watch this"
I've just been to the corner shop, I bought 3 corners
^
Well it hit the quick criteria, big fail for the second part
Why the Indian team is not allowed to play in the FIFA World Cup. Every time they are awarded a corner, someone opens a store!
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: “I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.”
She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”
She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that…
1) You have to be single and
2) You must be Catholic.”
The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!”
“OK” the nun says. “Pull into the next alley.”
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
“My dear child,” said the nun, “why are you crying?”
“Forgive me, but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”
The nun says, “That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party!”
^ :rofl:
^ It made I larf. :biggrin:Quote:
Originally Posted by SiLeakHunt
^ And so did that. :biggrin:Quote:
Originally Posted by Chittychangchang
why did the chicken cross the road..to get to the other side....lol
How Long is a China Man's name.
That really is is his name, no joke
Isn't the 21st Century great, deleting history is more important than making it.
Congratulations to Tu Youyou on winning the Nobel Prize in Medicine and for being the most confusing person to sing Happy Birthday to.
The money is a nice bonus.
But the real joy in robbing the Post Office is watching the staff move quickly for fucking once.
^ considering the terrible, abysmal, pitiful standard of your jokes recently, that was almost, not quite, but almost, nearly, on the brink of being amusing.
Made me laff
When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble
^
Good God man 3062 was funny, but you have undone it all with the above offering - up your game.
What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo ?
One's a large mammal, the other's a little lighter
I went for an Indian the other night and said "Can I have a beaver curry?"
The waiter said "What's one of them"
I said "It's like a chicken curry, just a little otter.
A seal walks into a club...
''I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it'', he said, "Those are pickled onions''
Went to the paper shop - it had blown away
Q: Where do monkeys go to drink?
A: The monkey bars!
Take me drunk I'm home.
source: Alcohol Jokes - Alcoholic Jokes
People are really strange. When you scream in a library they tell you to shut up but when you do it on an airplane everyone joins in.
I used to have a job working at a garage fitting tires but I couldn’t handle the pressure
I was in the park the other day wondering why radio controlled air-planes get bigger the closer they get, and then it hit me
Went shopping last week to try and find some camouflage trousers, couldn’t find any.
Accordion to a recent survey 90% of people don’t notice when you replace words with the names of musical instruments
Name a business that's like show business
Q. Why do they name hurricanes after women?
A. Because when they arrive they are wet and wild but when they leave they take your house and car with them