Dear Pooly...

[poolcleaner]

Frisco you'll have to give me some time with this one.
I'm going to be in transit to a very important engagement I have tonight with a one legged prostitute and a group of debauched alcoholics.
I shall post a reply as soon as possible.

Dieter, you poor fella, I feel sorry for you.
Keep up your spirits you proven to us all you have charm and good looks you won't be lonely for log!
ps (Is that Wolfie with the glasses?)

[Captain Sensible]

Oh dear.

[Marmite the Dog]

^

[twinkle]

Dieter, you poor fella, I feel sorry for you.
Keep up your spirits you proven to us all you have charm and good looks you won't be lonely for log!
ps (Is that Wolfie with the glasses?)

Thanks and a yes. I to am gaving him the gold bracelot also. I am in the tears.

What means 'lonely for log?'

[dirtydog]

Dear Poolie

Wise old owl that your are, can you please advise me on an important partnership problem? My beautiful 21 year old Thai concubine is perfect in many ways and behaves generally like ladies should and gentlemen expect. For example, she doesn’t bend my ear with unnecessary female type senseless chatter and only speaks when spoken to, has learned how to make gin and tonic just as I like it, waits on me hand and foot, keeps the house spotless and the one rai garden in good order, twice weekly washes cleans and polishes the car to showroom condition, carries my beer cans when we go for a walk, clips my toe and finger nails and cuts my hair to perfection, is a cordon bleu chef in the kitchen and a slut in bed, knows better than to ask for extra money and accounts in writing for every satang she spends when shopping. In return she enjoys a generous allowance of 1,000 baht a month (out of which I deduct a mere 600 for board and lodging), I allow her to eat at table with me, take her out once a fortnight when we go Dutch, rarely swear at her and hardly ever beat her - then only when in my cups. A good, healthy, well balanced, two way relationship you would think.
But no, she has a couple of really bad habits I cannot cure. She NEVER leaves the toilet seat up ready for me to use and she will insist on squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle and not at the far end from the cap. I find both of these insubordinate actions unbearable, so should I replace her with a lucky someone who is more amenable, or make her use the bathroom in the unoccupied maids quarters? I’m a modern man who believes in equality between the sexes, so do you think she is taking advantage of my generous and easy going nature? The age difference is negligible because I am just 62 and not inexperienced with women as I have been married and, for inexplicable reasons, divorced five times, but this lady has got me puzzled as I have never had to deal with such serious matters before. I am diplomatic in my ways and would never dream of causing offence.
I know you would dearly love to replace her, but please save us both embarrassment by not applying. I’m not into chocolate guzzling, champagne swilling, over-weight, aging and wrinkly farang women.
The Perfect English Gentleman



The sender wishes to remain anonymouse

[ChiangMai noon]

Dear Poolie.
I'm a little bit drunk and a little bit sad.
I have just realised that Macha is Dirty Dog and CS is Harry and the community that I thought I knew is one orrible scam.
How am I going to get through the night?

[ChiangMai noon]

And I'm fucked if I know who you are.

[Goddess of Whatever]

Thanks and a yes. I to am gaving him the gold bracelot also. I am in the tears.

What means 'lonely for log?'

Hello and thanks.
Poolcleaner is tied up at the moment (those naughty girls from soi cowboy!!) so he asked me to pass on his thoughts...

"Think beautiful thoughts Twinkle you are a butterfly to all of us on TeakDoor"

[Goddess of Whatever]

Dear Poolie.
I'm a little bit drunk and a little bit sad.
I have just realised that Macha is Dirty Dog and CS is Harry and the community that I thought I knew is one orrible scam.
How am I going to get through the night?

CMN at least you know that I am GoW and I'm one hot super sexy girl....don't tell your wife OK!

[twinkle]

Hello and thanks.
Poolcleaner is tied up at the moment (those naughty girls from soi cowboy!!) so he asked me to pass on his thoughts...

"Think beautiful thoughts Twinkle you are a butterfly to all of us on TeakDoor"

Thanks and a also to you nice a Goddess of the Whatever. Is a hard one for Dieter becase I am the older a mans now and not easy to can find a pardner so much. I am makee the upsetting becase the Wolfgang is a tell me not true and about the futures. You are makkee me feel a nice to comming here at the Teakdoor. I am makee meny fiends here already also. Thanks. The Wolfgang is a Geschichte for Dieter. I makee the promise. Thanks.

Thanks.

[William]

Dear Pooly:

Last night I meet a wonderful sexy girl how made me laugh so much. Today I have a very bad headache. Are the two connected?

~W~

[poolcleaner]

Dear Pooly:

Last night I meet a wonderful sexy girl how made me laugh so much. Today I have a very bad headache. Are the two connected?

~W~

Absolutely!
Avoid laughing at all costs.
Where did you meet this girl?
You told me you were going straight home!

[poolcleaner]

Dear Poolie.
I'm a little bit drunk and a little bit sad.
I have just realised that Macha is Dirty Dog and CS is Harry and the community that I thought I knew is one orrible scam.
How am I going to get through the night?

And you told me all that glue was for model airplanes!

Well I'm a day or so late with this reply so I assume you've either made it through the night or you've joined the dead farang thread.
No dirtydog isn't macha and CS isn't Harry and even I don't know who the fuck I am either nevertheless you are correct in saying the community is a horrible scam.
BangersPhil pays us, as his most loathed miscreants, to post utter bollocks over here to attract the scum away from his happy little village of ajarn and his favorite pet unwell.
Brilliant idea no?

[poolcleaner]

Dear Poolie

Wise old owl that your are, can you please advise me on an important partnership problem? My beautiful 21 year old Thai concubine is perfect in many ways and behaves generally like ladies should and gentlemen expect. For example, she doesn’t bend my ear with unnecessary female type senseless chatter and only speaks when spoken to, has learned how to make gin and tonic just as I like it, waits on me hand and foot, keeps the house spotless and the one rai garden in good order, twice weekly washes cleans and polishes the car to showroom condition, carries my beer cans when we go for a walk, clips my toe and finger nails and cuts my hair to perfection, is a cordon bleu chef in the kitchen and a slut in bed, knows better than to ask for extra money and accounts in writing for every satang she spends when shopping. In return she enjoys a generous allowance of 1,000 baht a month (out of which I deduct a mere 600 for board and lodging), I allow her to eat at table with me, take her out once a fortnight when we go Dutch, rarely swear at her and hardly ever beat her - then only when in my cups. A good, healthy, well balanced, two way relationship you would think.
But no, she has a couple of really bad habits I cannot cure. She NEVER leaves the toilet seat up ready for me to use and she will insist on squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle and not at the far end from the cap. I find both of these insubordinate actions unbearable, so should I replace her with a lucky someone who is more amenable, or make her use the bathroom in the unoccupied maids quarters? I’m a modern man who believes in equality between the sexes, so do you think she is taking advantage of my generous and easy going nature? The age difference is negligible because I am just 62 and not inexperienced with women as I have been married and, for inexplicable reasons, divorced five times, but this lady has got me puzzled as I have never had to deal with such serious matters before. I am diplomatic in my ways and would never dream of causing offence.
I know you would dearly love to replace her, but please save us both embarrassment by not applying. I’m not into chocolate guzzling, champagne swilling, over-weight, aging and wrinkly farang women.
The Perfect English Gentleman



The sender wishes to remain anonymouse

It's DavidCharles isn't it?
It's not bad enough to get rid of her just yet.
Firstly, I would make her buy her own toothpaste tube and not touch yours or have her load up your tooth brush whenever you need it.
Explain that her failure to comply with your wishes has brought this upon her and she should seriously consider the toilet seat as the next area where measures will be taken.

To take things further, ban her from using the toilets in the house.
Tell her until she mends her ways she'll have to go in the garden.
That will be good for the strawberries also!

[poolcleaner]

Dear pooly;
While out and about last night, celebrating his 25th birthday, my son heard some off-color comment directed at he and his friends by a couple of Tuk-tuk drivers. This morning his head looks like a watermelon from where he was piped and kicked about the head & shoulders whilst pummelng the loudest of said drivers.
I am at quandry wondering what to do. I have repeatedly told him to keep his yap shut. Or, barrng that to remember that a fight in the streets with Tuk tuk drivers may become a life-or-death experience and he should thus fight accordingly.
What's a father to do? At this point I am prepared to return t the scene of the beating and demonstrate just how an ex-con, semi-retired biker, old muthafucka conducts himself in a common street fight using various appliances of mayhem and violence. I do know this is not an answer to the problem.
Should I just put the boy on the first thing smokin' out of the country? Or, indoctrinate him in the finer points of winning at all costs? Fuckin' kids unable to sit politely by taking abuse and this, I have to admit, may have some base in how he was raised. How do I get him to choose the right time to fight and the right time to walk on by. You'd think that after his third ass-whipping he'd learn.

See if you can book him into a Shaolin temple for a year or two.
He needs to learn to defend himself and he also needs to learn control.

TukTukers are a dangerous lot. They usually know someone with a gun etc. etc. If he's continually getting into a brawl with these guys it won't stop so maybe if you present yourself next time he's heading their way you could talk some sense into them. Failing that beat the fucking shit out of one of them and explain that you'll be back tomorrow for the next guy.

[aging one]

I think he was referring to someone he met while he was still "there" but the shape he was in anything could have happened.

[friscofrankie]

See if you can book him into a Shaolin temple for a year or two.
He needs to learn to defend himself and he also needs to learn control.

TukTukers are a dangerous lot. They usually know someone with a gun etc. etc. If he's continually getting into a brawl with these guys it won't stop so maybe if you present yourself next time he's heading their way you could talk some sense into them. Failing that beat the fucking shit out of one of them and explain that you'll be back tomorrow for the next guy.

These Chiangmai Tuk-Tuk boys are much more cheeky than the BKK variety. Upon a (polite) refusal of services they have a penchant for making disparaging remarks towards the hand that feeds.

Took your advice in advance and went down to have a discussion with a few tuk tuk drivers. They are in no hurry for a repeat of the discussion or to tussle sith someone willing to go as far as necessary to protect loved ones. One driver is now on a short holiday, hopefully he will be a bit more circumspect in his comment s towards farang in the future. They know people with guns, I know people with guns. They have friends, etc... Blah blah.
it's reminds me of dealing with the latino gangs in the sixties and seventies. Only a fucking idiot would jump in the middle of them without backup. My son is just such an idiot.
I think the idea of a retreat to a temple such as you mentioned is a grand idea. Self control is not is strong suit.
As i told him; it his job to bury me, not mine to bury him.

[mrsquirrel]

Poolie - I have a similar sort of situation

Just now the missus is yet again being stalked by another head case at the local market. He is continualy declaring his undieing love for her etc etc. This is not the first time that a random has started pestering her ( she has got better at not talking to complete strangers) but the others were dealt with quickly and without to much hassle.

The new guy is causing a few more problems. I have been to have a chat with him when he comes over to pester her and he is adimant that he is her new b.f. So what to do.

I have three options available to me.

1) I give him one more chance to change his mind with just me talking to him.

2) I can batter him there and then and risk the wrath of all the other Thais in the area jumping in to give me a swift kicking.

3) I take the boys up on the offer of sorting the situation out without me having to know what happens.

Either one of these options is going to cause the missus problems and she will probably have to stop going to the markets and hanging out with her friends.
So what do I do.

Frisco any advise?

[dirtydog]

mrs quirrel, are you sure it's not wishful thinking and a deep sated desire for a wild 3some?

[Goddess of Whatever]

Dear Pooly:

Last night I meet a wonderful sexy girl how made me laugh so much. Today I have a very bad headache. Are the two connected?

~W~

Ahem!! Do I know her?

[Goddess of Whatever]

Absolutely!
Avoid laughing at all costs.
Where did you meet this girl?
You told me you were going straight home!

Well, Pooly, I think you met this girl also.

O-Ohhh.. I think she kissed your neck as well. If you were not so drunk. hehehehehe..


I rock!

[mrsquirrel]

Nah dog it aint a dream its another one of these wierd Thai boys who fall in love and then get all strange and start stalking you.

I suspect if she used internet forums she would be followed all over them. I remebmber that happening to me once.

[poolcleaner]

Poolie - I have a similar sort of situation

Just now the missus is yet again being stalked by another head case at the local market. He is continualy declaring his undieing love for her etc etc. This is not the first time that a random has started pestering her ( she has got better at not talking to complete strangers) but the others were dealt with quickly and without to much hassle.

The new guy is causing a few more problems. I have been to have a chat with him when he comes over to pester her and he is adimant that he is her new b.f. So what to do.

I have three options available to me.

1) I give him one more chance to change his mind with just me talking to him.

2) I can batter him there and then and risk the wrath of all the other Thais in the area jumping in to give me a swift kicking.

3) I take the boys up on the offer of sorting the situation out without me having to know what happens.

Either one of these options is going to cause the missus problems and she will probably have to stop going to the markets and hanging out with her friends.
So what do I do.

Frisco any advise?

Sorry to take so long with my reply MrsQ.
Sometimes life impinges on Dear Pooly as well.

Have you considered option 4?

Discourage his advances by using negative psychological techniques such as having your wife enthuse at the prospect of having two husbands, asking how much money he's willing to contribute to the extending family, have him over for a scat DVD afternoon while the wife is out! In short illustrate just what he's getting himself into.
Of course it goes without saying, that if the response from him is not the recoil in horror but it is one of joy and enthusiasm, please operate option 3 asap!

[Snaff]

I'm lost

[Fabian]

Which is no surprise.