Dear Pooly...

[poolcleaner]

All depends if you need an impartial person to listen to you talk.

I agree, very good point!

then talk to the hand!!

[hillbilly]

^Very funny PC.

However, in all seriousness, I believe that you do a good job in actually helping our posters! Keep up the hard work!

[poolcleaner]

^Very funny PC.

However, in all seriousness, I believe that you do a good job in actually helping our posters! Keep up the hard work!

Thanks Hilly, there's no shortage of problems in the world but we seem a little light on folks who want to solve some.
Just doing my bit.

Thought for today...................Don't Enlist!!!!
Unless of course you want a cushy number, with great retirement benefits and training that can get you a cracking job when you retire!

[DrAndy]

sorry to hear that Ice

Aids is a bastard of a disease, and not just in itself but also from the reactions of those around. Your stepmum needs a lot of support.
Also your dad, although HIV is one of those infections that can be controlled with the right drugs he will still be very concerned. So he needs support too.

The problem is that you cannot do all this supporting by yourself, it is too much for any one person. Yes, they can help each other, and yes, you can also be there for them in bad times (there will be many). You must get them to find some support from outside the family too. Maybe a group of people in similar circumstances (at least when they say they understand, they do!), or maybe a counsellor..whatever they feel is best for them.

I hope you can keep sane and be strong as it is difficult. Mind you, your dad seems more concerned about you being affected rather than worrying about himself. Just talk to him about your problem with it.

sorry not much help really

[Marmite the Dog]

Dear Pooly,

I'm not usually one to seek advice, but a friend of mine has a quandry that I don't have an answer for.

His girlfriend is a quality lass and she is trustworthy and loyal. He returns that trust and to my knowledge doesn't play away from home. They don't have any secrets between each other and generally seem well suited.

A friend of his will be in town soon and he offered him his spare room for a few days so he wouldn't have to book into a hotel. A day or two after the offer was made, his friend tried to chat the girlfriend up (using an IM); saying how cute she was, and how he thought a lot of her and couldn't stop looking at her when they last met, and so on. It all sounded pretty slimey to me, and my first reaction was to offer advice along the lines "tell the cheeky git to piss off and stay in a hotel".

My friend was reluctant to do that, as he wanted to give the 'cheeky git' the benefit of the doubt, but at the same time he doesn't seem to trust him as much as he should. I suppose the thought of your mate eyeing up your bird all the time could start to play on your mind a bit.

What would you suggest Pooly?

[poolcleaner]

Dear Pooly,

I'm not usually one to seek advice, but a friend of mine has a quandry that I don't have an answer for.

His girlfriend is a quality lass and she is trustworthy and loyal. He returns that trust and to my knowledge doesn't play away from home. They don't have any secrets between each other and generally seem well suited.

A friend of his will be in town soon and he offered him his spare room for a few days so he wouldn't have to book into a hotel. A day or two after the offer was made, his friend tried to chat the girlfriend up (using an IM); saying how cute she was, and how he thought a lot of her and couldn't stop looking at her when they last met, and so on. It all sounded pretty slimey to me, and my first reaction was to offer advice along the lines "tell the cheeky git to piss off and stay in a hotel".

My friend was reluctant to do that, as he wanted to give the 'cheeky git' the benefit of the doubt, but at the same time he doesn't seem to trust him as much as he should. I suppose the thought of your mate eyeing up your bird all the time could start to play on your mind a bit.

What would you suggest Pooly?

Giving his mate the benefit of the doubt is all well and good but FFS if there is one shred of doubt in his mind he should be telling his mate to fok off in no uncertain manner.
I've always had a problem with blokes who jump their mates birds. It's more of a "Fuck you cnut. I can have your bird!" than an attraction to a person and it's even worse given we're talking about Thailand!!

Anyway I need to ask what's an IM??

In short, if he's going to let this guy stay at his place he should make it crytal, due to this IM, that if he so much as looks the wrong way at his bird he'll break his nose!
A stunt like walking up behind him with a meat cleaver in hand and putting it up to his throat and chuckling something like "You wasn't eyeing my girl was you?" and slowly draw it across the guys throat then laugh and say "She's not worth it Derek!!"

Of course the very fact that this guy has made a move on the girl already, albeit by the presently unknown method of IM, suggests to me that the 'git' must think he can get away with this kind of act.
Is he an axe muderer himself? Does your mate owe him money?
I try and put myself in your mates shoes and I find it difficult to believe a so called 'mate' would do something like this. Must be rugby players I suppose.

As a last option he could warn the girl that if she so much as smiles at him they'll never find the body..

It may appear that I'm taking a rather hard line on this but I do find lack of basic respect for other people is almost worth committing murder.
My own standards may not be terribly high but this is something I'd never consider.
Basically if you can't meet my dreadful standards you deserve to die!!

[machangezi]

Anyway I need to ask what's an IM??

Stands for "Instant Messenger". Now it could be yahoo or msn.

[Marmite the Dog]

IM = Instant messenger (MSN IM, Yahoo IM, Skype etc).

Thanks for your advice Pooly, I'll pass it on.

[poolcleaner]

IM = Instant messenger (MSN IM, Yahoo IM, Skype etc).

Thanks for your advice Pooly, I'll pass it on.

Oh yeah that irritating thing.
I used to have it but I lost all my info on an update and never bothered again.

Well IM or email or text. Pretty fucking rude in my book and he wouldn't be staying at my place.
Unless of course he really was staying at my place andI thought I could palm my missus off on him then it would be another story alltogether!

[dirtydog]

so who is that then marners?

[Fabian]

I asked myself the same question, dd.

[mrsquirrel]

So how did your friends friend get his birds IM address? If she gave it to him do you not think that maybe she was after a bit on the side. Did he steal it? What part did she play in this. For all you know she led him on.

Is your friends friend better looking or have more money than your friend?

Moving in on your mates birds is ok if they say so, but if they don't then it's generally best not to. Unless of course you don't really like them.

[Marmite the Dog]

So how did your friends friend get his birds IM address?

They're friends.

If she gave it to him do you not think that maybe she was after a bit on the side.

Obviously not, or I wouldn't have asked Pooly for his words of wisdom.

What part did she play in this. For all you know she led him on.

If being friendly is 'leading him on' then you could be right. I guess all of my female friends are leading me on too.

Moving in on your mates birds is ok if they say so, but if they don't then it's generally best not to.

He obviously didn't 'say so', or he wouldn't be so angry about it.

Is 'Devil's Advocate' your new career path, Mrs Q?

[friscofrankie]

So the dude coming to visit; is it his first time? Has been fooled, by readng all the wrong press, into thinking that all Thai girls are flat nasty and'll jump any and every's bones? Maybe a bit of education is in order. Seen lotsa newbs show up here and think comon sense and the rules of etiquette are all thrown ut the window. Could be a simple case of ESB. A couiple a nights on Soi Cowboy might calm the lad down.
Then again if he's been here before and is just tryin' a move; I'd throw his ass to the wolves

[Marmite the Dog]

Then again if he's been here before and is just tryin' a move; I'd throw his ass to the wolves

Consider it done. That seems to be the general consensus.

[mrsquirrel]

Not a new career path but it is always objective to look at different angels to a story.

If being friendly is 'leading him on' then you could be right. I guess all of my female friends are leading me on too.

We will read things into something that is not there. Unless you have forgotten that but in general (I know that you will now say that it doesn't include you) men will read a women behaviour towards them as they see fit. So your friends friend may have seen it as leading him on.

Unless of course you don't really like them

Are you sure they are as good mates then. If he is moving in on his bird is it because they really are good mates and he feels comfortable doing this or is it because he doesn't like him as much as he pretends.


Your intial story does not make your friend sound angry, just that he is a bit perplexed by the whole situation.

I would just leave it be and see what happens. Good test of his birds loyalty and his mates loyalty isn't it.

[mrsquirrel]

Dear Poolie

Last night I was woken up at 3am by the missus turning the lights on.

I woke up with a bit of a fright and asked her what she was doing (maybe the word fucking was used a few times)

She told me she was killing mozzy's

I was slightly pissed of at this and flew into a bit of a sleepy rage calling her fucking this and fucking that before having to get up for a piss. Which I then realised that I was hungry which meant that I would have to get something to eat which then meant that I was awake.

She massacred the mozzys with the racket and went straight back to sleep without even a sorry.

Should I lock her in the basement tonight or just forgive her for waking me up?

[poolcleaner]

Dear Poolie

Last night I was woken up at 3am by the missus turning the lights on.

I woke up with a bit of a fright and asked her what she was doing (maybe the word fucking was used a few times)

She told me she was killing mozzy's

I was slightly pissed of at this and flew into a bit of a sleepy rage calling her fucking this and fucking that before having to get up for a piss. Which I then realised that I was hungry which meant that I would have to get something to eat which then meant that I was awake.

She massacred the mozzys with the racket and went straight back to sleep without even a sorry.

Should I lock her in the basement tonight or just forgive her for waking me up?

To err is human, to forgive is divine!

I guess you'll be locking her in the basement!

Just make sure you bring her a cuppa in the morning and it will all be sweet!

[Fabian]

I think you should fuck her and then lock her in the basement.

[Marmite the Dog]

I think you should fuck her and then lock her in the basement.

You romantic devil, Fabs.

[machangezi]

A real friend would never do such shite, IMHO. Kick his arse out.

[Ice Maiden]

Dear Pooly,

So I have a good friend and he is only 21 years old, has his whole life ahead of him really.

But he starts dating this girl and within a month she announces she is pregnant! He feels quite trapped and decided to carry on dating her but that was a year ago. Now recently she has told him she is again pregnant.

In all honesty the man dosen't know what he wants he admitted to me. He is so young! And immature. He finds the situation funny sometimes, he says it is the only way he can cope with it! He has also told me he can't stop worrying about this.

Just last year a female from work showed a little intrest in him and he was straight in there, moved out and didn't see his daughter for a week. When it all fell through he went straight back to his current girlfriend. That shows he can't really be that happy.

And ontop of the worry he is facing he is actually the full-time Dad he does everything for that child and she dosen't lift a finger.

I'm getting quite fustrated about it even though it isn't me. I've told him to stop thinking and start being mature and make a decsion. He needs to drop the immaturity and think about his future, he is oh so young!

What is the best advice I can give him before he ruins his life? He dosen't tend to listen to the advice I give him because I'm too young to understand this situation he tells me.

[Marmite the Dog]

What is the best advice I can give him before he ruins his life?

You're too late. It's already ruined.

[Ice Maiden]

What is the best advice I can give him before he ruins his life?

You're too late. It's already ruined.

But he can get out right? Maybe he'll have two children but it won't ruin his life completely.

[poolcleaner]

Dear Pooly,

So I have a good friend and he is only 21 years old, has his whole life ahead of him really.

But he starts dating this girl and within a month she announces she is pregnant! He feels quite trapped and decided to carry on dating her but that was a year ago. Now recently she has told him she is again pregnant.

In all honesty the man dosen't know what he wants he admitted to me. He is so young! And immature. He finds the situation funny sometimes, he says it is the only way he can cope with it! He has also told me he can't stop worrying about this.

Just last year a female from work showed a little intrest in him and he was straight in there, moved out and didn't see his daughter for a week. When it all fell through he went straight back to his current girlfriend. That shows he can't really be that happy.

And ontop of the worry he is facing he is actually the full-time Dad he does everything for that child and she dosen't lift a finger.

I'm getting quite fustrated about it even though it isn't me. I've told him to stop thinking and start being mature and make a decsion. He needs to drop the immaturity and think about his future, he is oh so young!

What is the best advice I can give him before he ruins his life?

I'm assuming he is Thai.

It's almost impossible to tell a young guy anything, let alone how they're fucking up their lives.
I don't have the stats Ice but whenever a guy gets himself into this kind of situation, and has left his missus once for stray, the chances of a happy ending are minimal.

So we start from the fact that, in a way, his life is already ruined.
Any advice you want to give him is going to sound like your guilt tripping him and any response will only be temporary. People tend to learn how to react to 'advice' to produce the best outcome for the instant, all the while thinking how they can cover their tracks from you next time.

I'd work on the paternal thing, kids have a lot of power but I give it very little chance of working out.

On the otter side of the coin. Shit Happens!
Loads of people go through this and come out the otter side OK.
Got to trust the ol' survival instincts sometimes.