Thread: Quick Jokes

There are some good quick jokes on pges (about) 11-14 of this thread.


My Jewish friend was saying he didn't think the Jews would ever escape Prejudiced Stereotypes.

I said 'Don't talk like that.'

He said 'No I'm serious'

I replied 'No, I'M serious - don't talk like that - it's fucking whiney.

Once, before we split up, I was having sex with my ex wife when she said:

"You're taking a very long time tonight, do you think your Alzheimer's is starting to affect you?"

"Yes, " I said, "I can't remember what your sister looks like".

^ Ahhh, the rodeo fcuk, where you do it doggy style and whisper in her ear that her sister's tits are better....then hold on!

I said to the missus "Tell me something that makes me happy and sad at the same time". She said "You've got a much bigger dick than your brother".

The average person has sex 89 times a year.

Apparently December is going to be one hell of a month for me.

My wife asked me to fix a plug for her this morning.

I refused.

Originally Posted by nidhogg

My wife asked me to fix a plug for her this morning.

I refused.

It took a while but I got there.

How many sugars does Stephen Hawking take in his tea?*Blinks twice*

How many mods to kick an Earl out?
2 one to kick the balls and one to hold the willy

What is soft and warm when you go to bed but hard and stiff when you get up?Vomit

Whenever I go on the pull, I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo and I think "here"s a bird who"s capable of making a decision she"ll regret in the future."

A dog is truly a man"s best friend.If you don"t believe it, just try this experiment.Lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?

Why does Mexico win very few Olympic medals? Because all their best runners, jumpers and swimmers are in America.

How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy.

A man goes to a pharmacy and asks for birth control pills for his 13 year old daughter. The pharmacist asks, "Your 13 year old daughter is sexually active?" The man replies, "No, she just sorta lays there."

What's the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side.

Who are the world's fastest readers? The 9/11 victims. They went through 88 stories in seven seconds.

How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.

Oh darling, since you've started dieting, you've become such a passionate kisser....

What do you mean, passionate? I'm looking for food remains.

Don't give up your day job (that's assuming you've got one).

I recently read a book about Stockholm Syndrome - at first I didn't enjoy it, but by the end I loved it....

Here's one for graceless fawn or Thaiza.

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

Originally Posted by Cujo

Here's one for graceless fawn or Thaiza.

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

after all these years.. and all your criticisms, you still don't understand the format..

its a quick joke thread not a Q&A pissing contest

just for future reference Cujo... consider it a template for further ventures in this thread

What's the difference between your mum and a KiKat?
You can only get 4 fingers in a KitKat

Originally Posted by Neo

Originally Posted by Cujo

Here's one for graceless fawn or Thaiza.

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

after all these years.. and all your criticisms, you still don't understand the format..

its a quick joke thread not a Q&A pissing contest

Jam it up your arse Neo you pasty faggot.

showing your lack of humour once again.. you really are in the wrong thread

Cujo....

(You can't jelly a dick up your ass) I assume you're trying to jam it. Either way... you're nuts!

When I was a young boy, I didn't understand what tits were. Somehow though, I knew that I'd come across them.

I've just got a new Jehovah's Witness Advent Calendar.

Every time you open a door, someone tells you to fuck off.

I bought a battery powered clock today.

When I got home, I noticed that they had given me the wrong one.

I thought "This is a wind up!"