Thread: Quick Jokes

A man says to his friend, “I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.”
The friend says, “Why not?”
The man says, “I don’t like to interrupt her.”

Q: Did you hear about the new Viagra eye-drops?
A: Apparently they make you look hard.

No, you don’t have to repeat yourself, … I was ignoring you the first time.

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.

Don’t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse.

Originally Posted by GracelessFawn

Don’t smile because its over, cry because her new boyfriend is rigged like a horse.

Fixed.

Originally Posted by PAG

Originally Posted by GracelessFawn

Don’t smile because its over, cry because her new boyfriend is rigged like a horse.

Fixed.

555 PAG.

My wife and I often laugh about how competitive we are.

But I laugh more

I went to bed with a blind girl last night, and she said I had the biggest dick she'd ever laid her hands on

I said "You're pulling my leg"

I just saw a transvestite in a mini-skirt and thought, "Wow. that shows a lot of balls."

What is the perfect girlfriend?
One who says" Would you like to screw my younger sister while I mow the lawn?"

A muslim is feeling depressed and rings an islamic help line.
Muslim: I've been feeling very depressed and have been thinking a lot about suicide.
Help line: Can you drive a truck?

2 Jews are passing a catholic church when they see a notice on the church door.
" Anyone who converts today will be given a bible and $100.00. One decides to go in and the other waits outside.
When the Jew emerges from the church his friends says "Did you get the $100.00?"
His friend says "Money,money,money, thats all you jews think about!"

A woman looks in the mirror and says to her husband" I don't know darling, my breasts are sagging my butt is sagging Ive got cellulite all over my thighs. Please say something positive and cheer me up
Husband replies: You've got good eyesight!

A man walks into a clock makers with his dick hanging out.
The receptionist says Sir I think you are mistaken, this shop only repairs clocks.
Good! Put 2 hands on this.

A man walks into a clock makers with his dick hanging out.

The receptionist says "Sir, it is horology, not whorology"

Waitress: ’Do u have any questions about the menu?’
Me: ’What kind of font is this?’

Grace are you familiar with the word "woeful?"

I've found women rarely get the subtle distinction between humorous and not.

Originally Posted by Cujo

I've found women rarely get the subtle distinction between humorous and not.

Mind you does remind me of one of my favourite jokes (sure posted previously):

WAITER: May I take your order?
CUSTOMER: How do you prepare your chickens?
WAITER: Oh, we don’t do anything special. We just tell them straight out that they’re going to die.

Originally Posted by GracelessFawn

Waitress: ’Do u have any questions about the menu?’
Me: ’What kind of font is this?’

Sadly Not funny at all.

Revised definition of Bastard

Fish excrement

Originally Posted by Cujo

There are some good quick jokes on pges (about) 11-14 of this thread.

Ouch.

All men are brave,
Horror movies don't scare them...
But.....
10 missed calls from the wife----- surely does !

Originally Posted by Iceman123

Grace are you familiar with the word "woeful?"

Is that a joke?

Are you lost?