A man says to his friend, “I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.”
The friend says, “Why not?”
The man says, “I don’t like to interrupt her.”
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A man says to his friend, “I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.”
The friend says, “Why not?”
The man says, “I don’t like to interrupt her.”
Q: Did you hear about the new Viagra eye-drops?
A: Apparently they make you look hard.
No, you don’t have to repeat yourself, … I was ignoring you the first time.
I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.
Don’t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse.
Fixed.Quote:
Originally Posted by GracelessFawn
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
555 PAG.Quote:
Originally Posted by PAGFixed.Quote:
Originally Posted by GracelessFawn
My wife and I often laugh about how competitive we are.
But I laugh more
I went to bed with a blind girl last night, and she said I had the biggest dick she'd ever laid her hands on
I said "You're pulling my leg"
I just saw a transvestite in a mini-skirt and thought, "Wow. that shows a lot of balls."
What is the perfect girlfriend?
One who says" Would you like to screw my younger sister while I mow the lawn?"
A muslim is feeling depressed and rings an islamic help line.
Muslim: I've been feeling very depressed and have been thinking a lot about suicide.
Help line: Can you drive a truck?
2 Jews are passing a catholic church when they see a notice on the church door.
" Anyone who converts today will be given a bible and $100.00. One decides to go in and the other waits outside.
When the Jew emerges from the church his friends says "Did you get the $100.00?"
His friend says "Money,money,money, thats all you jews think about!"
A woman looks in the mirror and says to her husband" I don't know darling, my breasts are sagging my butt is sagging Ive got cellulite all over my thighs. Please say something positive and cheer me up
Husband replies: You've got good eyesight!
A man walks into a clock makers with his dick hanging out.
The receptionist says Sir I think you are mistaken, this shop only repairs clocks.
Good! Put 2 hands on this.
A man walks into a clock makers with his dick hanging out.
The receptionist says "Sir, it is horology, not whorology"
Waitress: ’Do u have any questions about the menu?’
Me: ’What kind of font is this?’
Grace are you familiar with the word "woeful?"
I've found women rarely get the subtle distinction between humorous and not.
Mind you does remind me of one of my favourite jokes (sure posted previously):Quote:
Originally Posted by Cujo
WAITER: May I take your order?
CUSTOMER: How do you prepare your chickens?
WAITER: Oh, we don’t do anything special. We just tell them straight out that they’re going to die.
There are some good quick jokes on pges (about) 11-14 of this thread.
My Jewish friend was saying he didn't think the Jews would ever escape Prejudiced Stereotypes.
I said 'Don't talk like that.'
He said 'No I'm serious'
I replied 'No, I'M serious - don't talk like that - it's fucking whiney.'
Sadly Not funny at all. :deadhorsebig:Quote:
Originally Posted by GracelessFawn
Revised definition of Bastard
Fish excrement
Ouch.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cujo
no worries he's beyond compereQuote:
Originally Posted by nidhogg
If you are what you eat, does that mean Americans eat fat cunts?
90% of dogs in Korea are inbred... like in a sandwich or something.
What is it with all the supermarkets asking you to take your old bag shopping ?I tried it the other day and she spent a fortune.
How does it change many dyslexics to take a light-bulb?
All men are brave,
Horror movies don't scare them...
But.....
10 missed calls from the wife----- surely does !
Is that a joke?Quote:
Originally Posted by Iceman123
Are you lost?