Thread: Quick Jokes

Originally Posted by Maanaam

Two chemists walk into a bar.
The first one asks for a glass of H2O.
The second one says, "I'll have a glass of H2O too".
He died.

Boom, Tish.

Two flies eating on a pile of shit.
One fly farts.
The other says 'Do you mind! I'm eating.'

Originally Posted by nidhogg

Boom, Tish.

Made me laff.

How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb?

Two, one to change the bulb and the other to hold the penis.
Ladder....I meant ladder.

How many shrinks does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but only if the light bulb really, really wants to change.

How many body builders does it take to change a lightbulb?
2. One to change it and the other to stand by saying, "You're looking good, man, looking good".

I get angry when I can't remember simple things.
This morning I can't remember what the Roman numerals for 51, 6 and 500 are.
I'm bloody LIVID.

A new charity has started collecting in the UK for newly arrived refugees. It's called "Shave the Children".

Two dogs walking down the street with their owners meet for the first time. One dog introduces himself to the other " Hi, my name's 'Get The Fuck Off The Couch. what's yours?"

Originally Posted by fred flintstone

Two dogs walking down the street with their owners meet for the first time. One dog introduces himself to the other " Hi, my name's 'Get The Fuck Off The Couch. what's yours?"

I called my dog Syndrome.

As I sat on the edge of my bed pulling off my boxers... I thought to myself "you've gotta leave those dogs alone."

No....no. Don't. Please.
My Drum was a boxer. And one of the labourers from the next door estate used to make fun by pulling off one of his mongrels in front of everyone. Get it to start air humping until it got that base knob out.



See the thread on Fiji in Pacific Travel for background.

...........

A Polish immigrant goes to Specsavers for an eye test. The optician shows him a board with the letters CZWIXNOSTACZ on it and says, "Can you read that?" "Read it," says the Pole, "I know the twat!"

Originally Posted by PAG

A Polish immigrant goes to Specsavers for an eye test. The optician shows him a board with the letters CZWIXNOSTACZ on it and says, "Can you read that?" "Read it," says the Pole, "I know the twat!"

(See long jokes thread)

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

Why did the blonde get excited after finishing her puzzle in 6 months? -- The box said 2-4 years!

Faceless Groan well done

Originally Posted by harrybarracuda

Originally Posted by PAG

A Polish immigrant goes to Specsavers for an eye test. The optician shows him a board with the letters CZWIXNOSTACZ on it and says, "Can you read that?" "Read it," says the Pole, "I know the twat!"

(See long jokes thread)

Tough crowd.

How do you seduce a fat woman? Piece of cake.

A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks, "Is this stool taken".

(Hope that wasn't too long for for the ADD folks).

^

Just bought a 'low energy light bulb' at Homepro. The Thai Assistant asked "Will you be putting this up yourself?" I said "No, its going in the lounge".

Originally Posted by PAG

Just bought a 'low energy light bulb' at Homepro. The Thai Assistant asked "Will you be putting this up yourself?" I said "No, its going in the lounge".

Originally Posted by nidhogg

Originally Posted by harrybarracuda

Originally Posted by PAG

A Polish immigrant goes to Specsavers for an eye test. The optician shows him a board with the letters CZWIXNOSTACZ on it and says, "Can you read that?" "Read it," says the Pole, "I know the twat!"

(See long jokes thread)

Tough crowd.

No, I mean I posted a follow on in the long jokes thread