Thread: Quick Jokes

In Dublin William Fitzpatrick got married to Patrick Fitzwilliam.

Originally Posted by billy the kid

In Dublin William Fitzpatrick got married to Patrick Fitzwilliam.

They're the two famous Irish homosexuals.

There's the famous Irish dentist, Phil McCavity

Then there's the two homosexual ghosts who used to put the willies up each other.

Cheers

Originally Posted by SiLeakHunt

There's the famous Irish dentist, Phil McCavity

Scottish poofters Ben Doon and Phil McCavity

Phil McCrakin is another famous gay Scot.

Famous Indian mechanic? Pindunderjeep

Roll call for first day back to school in SE England.
Ahmed Al Sheria.
"here"
Mustafa Al Sheria.
"here'
Fatima El Bindri.
"here"
Ali Sun Al En.
Silence.
Ali Sun Al En.
Little girl in the back stands up , its pronounced Allison Allen for fuck sake.

Originally Posted by Stretchy

Phil McCrakin

.

mate of mine just sacked from his job at a Jewish secondary school, apparently giving the pupils a gold star to wear on the blazer isn't the best incentive for doing well in tests.

The woman emerged from the Mission clutching the two eggs and a bottle of Heinz Ketchup. It was all that was left and she had to make a meal for the entire family. She gripped them tightly with her sweaty little hand, too tightly, when disaster struck and her food dropped to the floor and disintegrated. She stood there for fully five minutes crying out aloud in her frustration. Then, entered her Good Samaritan. He put his arms around her and said, "Never mind, dear, it would never have lived because its eyes were too close together".

A child molester and a ten year old boy are walking through the woods. The little boy says to the child molester, "Gee mister, it sure is getting dark out here. I'm starting to get scared."
The child molester replies, "Scared?! I'm the one who's gotta walk outta here alone!"

What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?
They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"

Is it poor form to tell an AIDS patient to stay positive?

The propeller on early aeroplanes was actually a fan to keep the pilot cool, when it failed you could actually see the pilot start to sweat.

Just saw a Pagan worshiping the Winter Solstice. He was dressed in a stag's skull and animal skins.
I thought "Deer God..."

get your taco love, you've pulled a dyslexic Mexican

There's no "I" in Team, unless your dyslexic

I'm guaranteed to shag the missus up the arse tonight.

She's dyslexic and thinks it's Vaseline Day.

The dyslexic drug addict, thought he was buying LSD ended up with faster broadband

How does it change many dyslexics to take a light-bulb?

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but the lightbulb has to want to change.

An old Italian mafia don is dying and calls his grandson to his bedside.

"Hey, boy - lean in close and you lissin’-a me. I wanna for you to take my chrome-plated .38 revolver, so's you always remember me".

"But grandpa, I really don’t like guns. Howzabout you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"

"Shuddup an lissin’. Some-a day you gonna runn-a da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a bigg-a home, and maybe a couple of bambinos.
Some-a day you gonna come home, and maybe find your wife in bed with another man".

"Whadda you gonna do then? Point-a to your watch, and-a say - Times up!??"