Thread: Quick Jokes

Update the Force Luke, Adobe Wan Kanobi

How do you grease a Fiat ?


Run over an Italian.

I bumped into an old school friend today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car.
Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?"
I said, "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend."
He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?"
I said, "No, she's an optician."

So they want to make a United States of Europe to save the Euro, with Germany in charge.

What a brilliant plan! Why did nobody think of that before?

What do you call an anorexic with thrush?
A quarter pounder with cheese!

A little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.

As she ran, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say, "Supersex."

She ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair and, flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."

I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg. I said, I bet I know what your favourite Christian festival is. He said, You have to love Easter, baby.

Originally Posted by toslti

I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg. I said, I bet I know what your favourite Christian festival is. He said, You have to love Easter, baby.

I had to say it out loud before I got it.

My work colleagues are now wondering what the heck I am doing...

The Australian cricket team have terminated their sponsorship deal with Immodium.

They are blaming it for stopping the runs.

ouch.

How does a Welshman find a sheep in tall grass? Very satisfying.

I think I drank too much last night.....

I was more wasted than an Australian batsman's sun cream.

What's the difference between the Australia Cricket team and Cilla Black?

Cilla managed to get to 72

IKEA has a new item out a lesbian bed, no nuts or screwing involved all tongue and groove.

Q. Who are the only Australians who know how to handle bats?
A - Vets

I’m currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone

Just seen a dwarf wearing a fez getting into a car saying..just like that..
think it was a mini cooper

One day a young woman had just started playing her round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain.

Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, 'Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?'

'I was stung by a bee', she said.

'Where?', he asked.

'Between the first and second hole', she replied.

He nodded knowingly and said 'Then your feet were too far apart.'

What’s the difference between sweat and a plate glass window?

No one breaks a sweat in Ferguson Missouri.

It’s tough getting up at the crack of noon to go protest.

^ Please pay attention.
These are excellent examples of QUICK jokes and in future will be used as the standard against which 'quick' jokes will be judged as to whether or not they are 'quick'.

The wife and I had an argument, so she told me to go sleep elsewhere.

Turns out she did not mean with her sister.

^^^That must be the worst joke ever to appear on this thread!