Fawn, you oughta be redded for that!
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Fawn, you oughta be redded for that!
I was just reading about someone who bought a dildo farm.
Apparently everything was going fine; then the squatters moved in.
Did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut.
The three stages of sex in marriage: tri-weekly, try-weekly, and try-weakly.
Scientists say the average size of the male penis has gone down to 2 inches. This just shows how big the Chinese population is getting.
Little lad turns to dad and asks. "What's an alcoholic?"
Dad says. "see those four trees over there...an alcoholic would see eight."
Lad. "I only see two!"
A man is lying on the beach, sun bathing, wearing nothing but a cap over his dick. An ugly woman is passing and remarks "If you were a gentleman, you would lift your hat for a lady ..." He replies "If you were any sort of lady, the hat would lift itself!"
I've found out the reason that women ask so many questions. They have an extra why chromosome......
Guy picks up a girl at the pub and takes her home and she ends up being frigid.
After trying everything to no avail he asks her can he just stick the end in? She makes him promise only the end so he gently slips the end in and WHAM! He slams it all the way.
The girl screams out and says, but you promised only the end!
Guy says, yeah but I didn't say which end.
Husband always insisted on making love in the dark. After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator. She goes balistic, "You impotent bas*ard! How could you lie to me all these years?" Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids....."
GFs jokes seem like the type to come out of one of those old 60's joke books. '100 sure fire party jokes'.
A woman is driving for 1st time on the highway. Her husband calls says: "Be careful love, It's just been on the radio, that someone is driving opposite to the traffic on the highway.." She replies: "Someone...? These rascals are in hundreds!"
I am a party joke Cujo, every time I come the laugh.
And to think I paid, I paid!
Not true but funny. It just came to me, really.
If you are struggling to work out what you should get someone for their birthday then get them a fridge and watch their face light up.
A modest Irish young lass had just purchased some lingerie and asked if she might have the sentence, "If you can read this you're too damn close!" embroidered on her panties and bra.
"Yes Madame," said the clerk, "I'm quite certain that could be done. Would you prefer block or script letters?"
"Braille," she replied.
Get your order of adjectives right next time, please.
What's an adjective?Quote:
Originally Posted by Maanaam
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
I've met a new woman. She's beautiful, wild in bed, thinks I'm great and she laughs at my jokes. She pays her way without complaint and has a well paid job working with animals. My mum says she's a keeper, but I'm not so sure about that. She smells of elephant shit all the time.
Son: "Mom, I love you so much!" Mother: "I don't have any money, try it with your dad."
I asked my Kiwi mate how many sexual partners he has had,he started counting then fell asleep.
Hahaha...took a few seconds, but the penny dropped.
I bought a massive fish from the supermarket today, and when I got home I found out that all its insides were missing.
Gutted.
Playing doctors and nurses with the wife last night didn't go well...
Especially when I diagnosed her as clinically obese!
I went to a fetish restaurant last night.
I got toed in the hole.
I don't care how nice the hand soap smells, you should never walk out of the restroom smelling your fingers.
No TRUER words could be said
When my dad found out I had a imaginary girlfriend he said "You can do better than that."
I said "Thank you."
He said "I was talking to the girl."
At a travel agency in Shanghai, I asked the Chinese girl behind
the counter if she could escort me on a city tour and asked her
for her mobile number so I
could call her to make arrangements.
She gave me a big smile, nodded her head and said,
"Sex sex sex, wan free sex for tonight".
I replied, "Wow, you Chinese women are really hospitable!"
A guy standing next to me overheard, tapped me on the shoulder
and said, "What she really said was: 666136429."
I used to date a German girl that gave me marks out of 10 every time we had sex.
I fucked her in the arse one night and she kept saying 9... best score I ever had.
whoops....
There's an echo in here.! :)
The flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple onboard, so she reports it to the Captain immediately.
“Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty, hot and sexy, female passenger onboard, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat old slob who looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and dangerous!”
The captain responds, “Patricia, I’ve told you this before. This is Air Force One...”
I fucked this german prossie once. After I'd given her a facial, she said "how about a few marks?".Quote:
Originally Posted by Neo
I said "six out of ten".
I can feel one formulating that involves cum guzzling German and bitte/bitter, but I can't make it work.
Anyone?
You can say what you like about paedophiles but at least they drive slowly near schools.
Q: Whats 72?
A: 69 with three people watching