Daily Moan

[Kurgen]

I got drunk last Friday with a couple of mates and bet that the 1st out of us to shave in 4 weeks has to pay 30k to The Glory Hut Foundation.

1 week on and the wife won't come near me and I'm itching like a crack whore.

BASTARD!

Day 11 and I'm starting to look like Lassie.

9 days t go and I look like a Wookie.

6 days to go before I get my sex life back again, well one that involves another person

Apparently I can shave on Friday but I'm going to wait until Saturday cos the other two whisker faced wankers are a bit sneaky.

Tomorrow I am auditioning for the part of Chewbacca.

[Dillinger]

I got drunk last Friday with a couple of mates and bet that the 1st out of us to shave in 4 weeks has to pay 30k to The Glory Hut Foundation.

Apparently I can shave on Friday but I'm going to wait until Saturday cos the other two whisker faced wankers are a bit sneaky.

So will that 90k be going on the piss on Saturday ?

[Simon43]

i have to say she was Beautiful,sexy ticked all the boxes.
You dream of having a woman like this walking up to you.

Sounds wonderful - she probably has a dick.......


Latest news from Fawlty Towers - I'm sick (again) of Chinese customers.

I had a call from a Chinky guest, the day before they were going to arrive. "I come airport, you pick up?". Since her English language abilities were akin to a spastik cat, I sent her an email in English and Mandarin, explaining that she had to walk out of the airport car-park and wait on the public road for our shuttle car, (cos the wonderful army checkpoint at the airport can't differentiate between an illegal, overpriced mafia taxi and a hotel courtesy car, and won't let our car pick up guests from the terminal building..).

I go to bed the next night, sweet dreams of some bint giving me a oily massage with extras.

My phone rings at 1am. It's the Chinky woman. "U come terminal 2 now".

"Did you get my email?" I ask.

"No read email, you come now terminal 2".

(How can I explain that she needs to walk outside the airport car-park etc?

I try, God knows ?I try. "U go big road now, taxi wait now etc etc etc"

[20 minutes later, my phone rings]

"Why u not come? I wait terminal 2"

"Tell u what, take a taxi and moan at me tomorrow".

I switch off my phone.

The woman actually got to the hotel by taxi and didn't moan too much.

It's better than the Chinese woman last week who, frustrated at me switching off my phone after another unsuccessful language lesson, was picked up by the local police wandering around the local streets at 2am looking for her hotel. Using their brain, local plod decided to take her to the foreign police volunteer (me!), who was then able to say, (after being woken up from similar dreams with oily massage and battery-operated 'equipment'), "Your hotel is over there, now sod off and let me sleep".

Apparently my customer service gets great compliments on the Chinese version of TripAdvisor..... hence all the bloody Chinese customers

[Necron99]

Little stickers on apples.
WTF are they worried about? Counterfeit fruit?
Is a little sticker going to stop that?

[Fozzy]

Don't mind stickers on anything if they come off when you pull them.

In this day and age anybody that uses stickers that may as well have been stuck on with super glue, and leave a horrible, impossible to remove residue, should be shot in the face. (Or just banned from selling stuff, either way )

[thaimeme]

Little stickers on apples.
WTF are they worried about? Counterfeit fruit?
Is a little sticker going to stop that?

It's all about promotion.
Have to get it in where you can.

[Troy]

Chose the early train because it is non-stop train to Paris, which breaks down so we have to change anyway. Still manage to get a seat behind the one with a screaming baby.

Why is it that where ever I go I get asked for directions to some place or other? Haven't been to Paris for 25 years but still managed to point people in the right direction.

[Davis Knowlton]

Fucking printer ink. You buy the fucking printer. My two kids use it for school. I'm CONSTANTLY buying fucking ink cartridges, at practically what I paid for the fucking printer! Cocksuckers!!!!!

[thaimeme]

Fucking printer ink. You buy the fucking printer. My two kids use it for school. I'm CONSTANTLY buying fucking ink cartridges, at practically what I paid for the fucking printer! Cocksuckers!!!!!

An extension of the racket, Davis...

[Necron99]

Fucking printer ink. You buy the fucking printer. My two kids use it for school. I'm CONSTANTLY buying fucking ink cartridges, at practically what I paid for the fucking printer! Cocksuckers!!!!!

It's about 20 times cheaper to by a refill kit and reuse your old catridges.
Not hard either.

Amazon.com: Inkjet Ink Refill Kit Premium BLACK and Color 21oz(595ml) - Univeral ink compatibility: Electronics

[Davis Knowlton]

doing manana.

[thaimeme]

Fucking printer ink. You buy the fucking printer. My two kids use it for school. I'm CONSTANTLY buying fucking ink cartridges, at practically what I paid for the fucking printer! Cocksuckers!!!!!

It's about 20 times cheaper to by a refill kit and reuse your old catridges.
Not hard either.

Amazon.com: Inkjet Ink Refill Kit Premium BLACK and Color 21oz(595ml) - Univeral ink compatibility: Electronics

This might be true in only a few instances..
I would take great caution about such claims of universal compatibility.

Unless settings are manually configured, most printers and system [computers] connections will reject "refilled" cartridges.

[Necron99]

Fucking printer ink. You buy the fucking printer. My two kids use it for school. I'm CONSTANTLY buying fucking ink cartridges, at practically what I paid for the fucking printer! Cocksuckers!!!!!

It's about 20 times cheaper to by a refill kit and reuse your old catridges.
Not hard either.

Amazon.com: Inkjet Ink Refill Kit Premium BLACK and Color 21oz(595ml) - Univeral ink compatibility: Electronics

This might be true in only a few instances..
I would take great caution about such claims of universal compatibility.

Unless settings are manually configured, most printers and system [computers] connections will reject "refilled" cartridges.

HP are the worst for it, but there are ways to make it do your bidding.
Google is your friend.
The printer markt is a dirty business, early HP inkjets even had code to "kill" the printer after it had printed "x" number of pages to make you buy another one.


http://inkjet411.com/wp-content/uplo...ap_FAQs_v4.pdf

[November Rain]

Fucking printer ink. You buy the fucking printer. My two kids use it for school. I'm CONSTANTLY buying fucking ink cartridges, at practically what I paid for the fucking printer!

It's about 20 times cheaper to by a refill kit and reuse your old catridges.

I would take great caution about such claims of universal compatibility. Unless settings are manually configured, most printers and system [computers] connections will reject "refilled" cartridges.

Not just refilled ones. My printer at work runs the risk of being thrown out of the window at least 3 times a week. It rejects the cartridges that have been in it for days or weeks. So, I change them all. It rejects those. I put back the original ones... Magically compatible! Aaaarrrggh!

[Yasojack]

Ferking Mossies are biting like ferk since have been back, can the little Bstards notice a change in the body, usually only happens just before i'm leaving Thailand.

[thaimeme]

Ferking Mossies are biting like ferk since have been back, can the little Bstards notice a change in the body, usually only happens just before i'm leaving Thailand.

They bite everyone the same.
Some are more sensitive than others is all - largely deriving from shorter exposure times and not becoming accustomed to them.

It's not that they seek you out especially, more so that you're not acclimated to their bites.

[Kurgen]

I got drunk last Friday with a couple of mates and bet that the 1st out of us to shave in 4 weeks has to pay 30k to The Glory Hut Foundation.

1 week on and the wife won't come near me and I'm itching like a crack whore.

BASTARD!

Day 11 and I'm starting to look like Lassie.

9 days t go and I look like a Wookie.

6 days to go before I get my sex life back again, well one that involves another person

Apparently I can shave on Friday but I'm going to wait until Saturday cos the other two whisker faced wankers are a bit sneaky.

Tomorrow I am auditioning for the part of Chewbacca.

Is it Saturday yet?

[Yasojack]

research research Jeff

5 human scents that attract mosquitoes and how to make yourself less attractive to bugs

Have you ever felt like every mosquito within ten square miles comes buzzing straight for you as soon as you step outside? We are often asked why mosquitoes prefer some humans over others. Well, it all comes down to how good you smell (or bad, depending on your perspective).
Mosquitoes have very acute receptors in their antennae and heads that can detect human scents up to 100 feet away. Scents are one of the primary indicators mosquitoes use to identify their prey. It’s actually only female mosquitoes bite. The females need the protein found in blood to produce their eggs.
Some species have a preference for human blood like the Anopheles gambiae, which can carry and spread Malaria. Other species prefer bird blood, but most of them will accept any blood they can find. And we humans are big, slow and smelly targets that are easy to find.
Here are the top 5 human scents that attract mosquitoes and tips for minimizing your scent to these blood-thirsty pests.

5 human scents that attract mosquitoes

• Carbon dioxide – mosquitoes are attracted to the carbon dioxide we exhale, both the scent and the amount. There are many sources of CO2 in nature, so it isn’t just the carbon dioxide that attracts mosquitoes. Every time we exhale, we release chemicals like lactic acid, octenol, uric acid and fatty acids that combine with CO2 to form our own unique carbon dioxide cocktail. This combination of scents is what clues mosquitoes that there is a human target nearby. And some of these particular combinations are more attractive to mosquitoes. Additionally, the more CO2 we emit, the easier we are to recognize. The scent and amount of carbon dioxide you exhale is unique to you and your genetics, and unfortunately there isn’t much you can do to change your attractiveness other than mask your scent. Larger people exhale more CO2, which is why adults are more likely to be bitten than children. Pregnant women also exhale above average amounts and are therefore more attractive to mosquitoes.

• Body odor – Bacterial colonies combined with sweat generate that sweet (if you’re a mosquito) human scent we call body odor. Without the bacteria, our sweat would be odorless; with the bacteria, our sweat is one of the more attractive scents for mosquitoes, particularly the malaria-carrying Anopheles gambiae, which prefers to bite humans. There are measures you can take like washing regularly to reduce body odor; however be careful of fragrant perfumes and scents that can also draw mosquitoes. Fresh sweat is not as attractive because it has not combined with bacteria.

• Secretions – About 80% of us are “secretors” or people who secrete compounds known as saccharides and antigens through their skin and indicate blood type. Mosquitoes are magnets for secretors. Once again, your classification as a secretor or non-secretor is determined by your biology and there isn’t anything you can do to put yourself in the non-secretor category.
• Blood type – Depending on the type of blood you have, you secrete different scents. Studies have shown that mosquitoes are most attracted to Type O blood and least attracted to Type A. No changing your blood type either.

• Lactic acid – Lactic acid is emitted through your skin when you are active or eating certain foods. Mosquitoes are more attracted to people with a greater build-up of lactic acid on their skin. You can reduce lactic acid by washing with soap after exercising and thoroughly drying.
Scent is the primary indicator for mosquitoes that a human target is within striking distance. There are also other indicators like body heat, moisture, movement and color that attract mosquitoes’ highly attuned receptors.

How to minimize your mosquito-attracting scents and repel mosquitoes

Aside from washing regularly to reduce bacteria and lactic acid build-up from your skin, most of the human scents that attract mosquitoes are unique to us and unalterable. Now for the good news: You can mask your human scent and with insect repellents like Mosquitno. Mosquitno wristbands and Spotz stickers are infused with citronella oil, which works by effectively masking human scents and making you appear no more useful than a bloodless plant. Best of all, Mosquitno is all-natural and is as easy as slipping on a bracelet or a sticker. There are no sticky, toxic bug sprays to add to your bug worries. We want you to enjoy the outdoors naturally bug-free.

Ferking Mossies are biting like ferk since have been back, can the little Bstards notice a change in the body, usually only happens just before i'm leaving Thailand.

They bite everyone the same.
Some are more sensitive than others is all - largely deriving from shorter exposure times and not becoming accustomed to them.

It's not that they seek you out especially, more so that you're not acclimated to their bites.

[thaimeme]

Indeed, Jacky...
That's why mozzies love Farang - they usually reek of high heaven.

Bathing occasionally helps.

[panama hat]

I put back the original ones... Magically compatible! Aaaarrrggh!

There may be a hint in that sentence.

[charleyboy]

The wife's going to help me make some Gala pies tomorrow (2 ordered), bought the pork, eggs etc from Macro.She washes the eggs Now she's wanting to wash the pork under the tap! I told her that any germs will be killed in the cooking process, she rolls fookin' eyes.

Now she wants to prepare the pork. Darling, we're making the pies tomorrow and I don't want the meat discoloured, she rolls her fookin' eyes again.

I once caught her washing my bacon under the tap!

[Dillinger]

Told my Missus I was doing a Sober October.
Now my local has big banners on it saying Oktoberfest.
Bastards

[panama hat]

Told my Missus I was doing a Sober October.
Now my local has big banners on it saying Oktoberfest.
Bastards

You could have planned it a bit more wisely . . . the hint is in the name and it's been around a fair while.

[Dillinger]

^ Do you know any abstaining words that rhyme with November ?

[Kurgen]

^ Do you know any abstaining words that rhyme with November ?

Bored member