Thread: Quick Jokes

CB, you must not have ever seen anything Weewilly or Cuntjo ever posted in jokes.

Originally Posted by Eliminator

CB, you must not have ever seen anything Weewilly or Cuntjo ever posted in jokes.

I think you will find he was referring to Cujo.

Originally Posted by SiLeakHunt

The Dalai Lama was in London for a conference and went to a burger van for his lunch.
He gave the vendor a £20 note for a burger advertised as £5 and after adding sauce said to the vendor "Where's my fucking change"
The vendor replied "Your holiness. Change must come from within!"

A neutron sits at the bar and orders several drinks in succession. When he calls for his bill, the bartender says, "For you, no charge!"

Originally Posted by Boon Mee

A neutron sits at the bar and orders several drinks in succession. When he calls for his bill, the bartender says, "For you, no charge!"

You're going to have to explain that for Eli's benefit. He's not too smart you know.

Originally Posted by Eliminator

Not worth my time to comment.

And yet not only did you take the time to comment, you took the extra time to remove it and tell everyone it's not worth your time to comment.
What an odd little queer you are.

A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."
The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."

The funeral Undertaker is gonna have a 'lora lora' laughs tomorrow, when he say's "Lets see who's behind Coffin Number 1"

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

My Grandad died yesterday. I'm sad, but glad that he had a long innings.

Well, until that cricket ball hit him.

there are 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that don't

Originally Posted by kmart

My Grandad died yesterday. I'm sad, but glad that he had a long innings.

Well, until that cricket ball hit him.

Whenever people talk about the holocaust, I remind them that my grandfather died at Auschwitz.

Then, when they show sympathy, I say "He fell out of the guard tower".

Two Chinamen broke into a distillery.
One said to the other..."is this whiskey?"
The other replied, 'Yes, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank"

Originally Posted by SiLeakHunt

there are 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that don't

There are three types of people in the world, those that can count and those that can't.

There are two types of blokes in the world, those that masturbate and liars

SIL, you're wrong about that, there are the ones that should have masturbated to keep prostate cancer getting them. It's either that or marry a Nympho and the problem is solved.

Stop me if:
I rear ended a Mini. A dwarf got out and said "I'm not happy."
"Well, which one are you then?" I replied.

So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."

So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

I forgot to do my yoga this morning , that makes 8 years in a row.

I went into a record shop and said "Have you got anything by The Doors?"

He said "Yes a sand bucket and a fire extinguisher"

Did you know 3-4 beers a day reduces the risk of you giving a shit.

I was in a shoe shop and tried on a shoe. I said to the assistant "it's too tight".

He said "Try it with the tongue out", I said "It'th no nho ghood, it'th thtill thoo thight".

How can you tell if it's a folksinger at the door?

He can't find the right key, and he doesn't know when to come in.