Emergency - Please Help

[The Gentleman Scamp]

I have to admit, it felt good holding the gun, and putting it in my mouth also - it made me realize just how much I despise every iota of who I am... Well, not every iota but most aspects of my personality.

I could have blown away all the selfishness, inconsideration, childishness, sensitivity, depression, over emotion, laziness, discontentment, bitterness, self-obsessivness, desire to please, insecurity, worry, paranoia, hyperactiveness, immaturity, and occasional arrogance with one pull of my index finger. (if the guy had kept the magazine in and showed me how to take the safety catch off).

Then again I would have also blown away my good nature, talent and kindness so I suppose there are some things to hold onto.

I would also have caused some commotion and splattered everyone with brain, blood and skull splinters and made everyones ears ring for the next two days. It wouldn't be very nice for those left behind, but I would have got to meet Michael Ryan, Dudley Moore and my mum, maybe.

Actually, thinking about it, if I had pulled the trigger while it was in my mouth, I would have blown a whole through the back of my neck and would be paralysed for life if I survived - unless I angled it upwards more.

This is depressing, I think I should go out - maybe take Sandra to see Spiderman 3... She likes Tobey Maguire Sandra does, she said she likes his attitude.