Emergency - Please Help

[kingwilly]

bollocks - this is the only link:

now we are talking!

I quoted it so we could watch the pic a little more!

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Yesterday we went to a farm and had lunch with two of her friends and their husbands. For once, I felt at peace with myself and told Sandra quietly that I was sorry I could be a difficult arsehole at times and that I really need to get over myself, that she's a great girl and I have to accept her for who she is.

Sandra replied: "Babe, I want to see Spiderman"

Later on I got drunk and sat on a buffalo brandishing the .45 magnum belonging to the cop hubby of one said friend. It was heavy so he removed the magazine before I got on the buffalo - wish I'd bought my camera.

Had good conversations with all these new people I met, I told them all about Marmite and red squirrels and how The Sun newspaper manipulates the thoughts of the masses and how it said that Michael Ryan was 'grinning with delight' as he shot up Hungerford when in actual fact he was crying and in great distress.

Have a hangover today.

[mrsquirrel]

Sandra replied: "Babe, I want to see Spiderman"

So she is superficial and doesn't give a shite about what you are saying to her and only worries about what she wants.

Sounds like a match made in heaven. Do you find you are having two separate conversations at the same time?

[kingwilly]

Yesterday we went to a farm and had lunch with two of her friends and their husbands. For once, I felt at peace with myself and told Sandra quietly that I was sorry I could be a difficult arsehole at times and that I really need to get over myself, that she's a great girl and I have to accept her for who she is.

In other words the whole mess is your fault and you just have to accept that and get used to it !

[NickA]

Do you find you are having two separate conversations at the same time?

I told them all about Marmite and red squirrels and how The Sun newspaper manipulates the thoughts of the masses

It would appear so

[The Ghost Of The Moog]

Sandra replied: "Babe, I want to see Spiderman"

So she is superficial and doesn't give a shite about what you are saying to her and only worries about what she wants.

Selfish cow !

I expect when you're pleasuring her anally, she's thinking of Tobey Maguire.

[The Ghost Of The Moog]

Had good conversations with all these new people I met, I told them all about Marmite and red squirrels and how The Sun newspaper manipulates the thoughts of the masses and how it said that Michael Ryan was 'grinning with delight' as he shot up Hungerford when in actual fact he was crying and in great distress.

I bet the ungrateful buggers didn't even look interested during your speech, save the occasional insincere nod.

[The Gentleman Scamp]

^ The guy with the gun did, the others contributed generously to the conversation adding their own theories as to the cause of Columbine and similar incidents in the US and what makes these people flip - they were unaware of the existence of Hungerford but they had heard about The Sun. "Is that the paper that inflames racial hate, gets all the thick people worked into a frenzy and sees itself as a leader of the working classes?"

"Yeah that's the one" I replied.. "There's also a daily story about some grannies cat that has been shot with a crossbow just to make you hate England even more".

I asked Sandra her opinion and she said "Babe, I want to eat sopas."

[stroller]

...but they had heard about The Sun. "Is that the paper that inflames racial hate, gets all the thick people worked into a frenzy and sees itself as a leader of the working classes?"

I asked Sandra her opinion and she said "Babe, I want to eat sopas."

Sure you weren't doing both parts of all the conversations that evening? Good for you the Flippos' English isn't good enough to understand all your drunk ramblings, or they would have shot and buried you right there out of sheer boredom and to save face for Sandra.

[slimboyfat]

what are sopas?

or is sopa the name of one of the guys?

[Jarvis]

^ "eat sopas"

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Sopas is some kind of macaroni soup.

They asked me what I thought of the Phillipines, and despite being an honest chap I thought better of saying "Fucking rubbish" and instead said that the food was better than I thought and the Phillipino food in HK was awful so that was a nice surprise. I said I felt more at home in Thailand as there were more of my ilk there and people I knew but that Fillipinos seemed more genuine than Thai's who's who more often than not sport a 'plastic' smile.

After a few more beers they asked me if I believed in God and I said "Not your God" and that belief should be personal, not communal but that was just my opinion.

I then told them about my friend Mark Rutledge and the yellow leaves he ate which made him masturbate on a tarantula in Laos.

[The Ghost Of The Moog]

Imagine: a lifetime of them feigning interest in your anecdotes, while they're just tapping their feet, waiting for you to go to the take-away and buy dinner.

[stroller]

Hey, who said Philippines is all bad?

[RDN]

...sat on a buffalo brandishing the .45 magnum belonging to the cop hubby of one said friend. It was heavy so he removed the magazine ....

You think he'd give you a loaded gun????

[The Ghost Of The Moog]

brandishing ....

Probably holding it against the temple, saying...

"Who I am I, eh? remember, 'Deerhunter'.?....'bang aaargh'. Remember that? Christopher Walken. Bang," (pantomimes blood spraying from other side of head). "Do you know Hungerford? No? well its near Newbury. Michael Ryan. he was crying as he was shooting.....hey .....are, are you looking at me, are you looking at MEEEE?? Har har"


And all the while they're saying in Tagalog. 'Who the hell is this guy?"

[Little Chuchok]

No,they are prolly saying in tagalog " Do you know who's favorite in the 3 o'clock at flemmington?"

[The Gentleman Scamp]

I have to admit, it felt good holding the gun, and putting it in my mouth also - it made me realize just how much I despise every iota of who I am... Well, not every iota but most aspects of my personality.

I could have blown away all the selfishness, inconsideration, childishness, sensitivity, depression, over emotion, laziness, discontentment, bitterness, self-obsessivness, desire to please, insecurity, worry, paranoia, hyperactiveness, immaturity, and occasional arrogance with one pull of my index finger. (if the guy had kept the magazine in and showed me how to take the safety catch off).

Then again I would have also blown away my good nature, talent and kindness so I suppose there are some things to hold onto.

I would also have caused some commotion and splattered everyone with brain, blood and skull splinters and made everyones ears ring for the next two days. It wouldn't be very nice for those left behind, but I would have got to meet Michael Ryan, Dudley Moore and my mum, maybe.

Actually, thinking about it, if I had pulled the trigger while it was in my mouth, I would have blown a whole through the back of my neck and would be paralysed for life if I survived - unless I angled it upwards more.

This is depressing, I think I should go out - maybe take Sandra to see Spiderman 3... She likes Tobey Maguire Sandra does, she said she likes his attitude.

[slimboyfat]

I have to admit, it felt good holding the gun, and putting it in my mouth also - it made me realize just how much I despise every iota of who I am... Well, not every iota but most aspects of my personality.

I could have blown away all the selfishness, inconsideration, childishness, sensitivity, depression, over emotion, laziness, discontentment, bitterness, self-obsessivness, desire to please, insecurity, worry, paranoia, hyperactiveness, immaturity, and occasional arrogance with one pull of my index finger. (if the guy had kept the magazine in and showed me how to take the safety catch off).

Then again I would have also blown away my good nature, talent and kindness so I suppose there are some things to hold onto.

I would also have caused some commotion and splattered everyone with brain, blood and skull splinters and made everyones ears ring for the next two days. It wouldn't be very nice for those left behind, but I would have got to meet Michael Ryan, Dudley Moore and my mum, maybe.

it wasnt even loaded you bloody drama queen

[The Gentleman Scamp]

^ I forgot drama queeniness.

[kingwilly]

fck me - this is gettin worse ya mug

[The Gentleman Scamp]

I thought she was going to dump me this morning, and I didn't want her to! I had a get out of jail for free card because when we eventually got back home I was so pissed that I fell asleep downstairs after she had fixed me some tuna and rice, then I went upstairs and crashed out on her little single bed - probably star-shaped.

I can't blame her for thinking, "Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with this bellend?".

We seem ok now, but it really isn't much of a relationship and we really annoy each other. But I'm also very fond of her, and I don't want to leave her knowing she will have to face the humiliation in front of her family, probably get beaten by the dad and end up back in Hong Kong, I can't just bottle out and let that happen.

I recently reminded her that SHE was the one that wanted me to stay here and that I insisted on a hotel and wanted to go straight to one from the airport. This was maybe a bit unfair as she only wanted the best for me, but it is true though. I came here to see how things went with us before getting involved in any family shit.

Maybe we should go to Olangapo beach for a few days but she whines that she doesn't know how to go there. One of the few things we do have in common is that we both wish each other would toughen the fuck up.

I don't know how to change but I am growing my first beard, and it's GINGER! Then again, that wasn't a problem for Chuck Norris but he had a blokes body, not a pallid, weedy 17yr old frame.

[Jarvis]

Scamp the danger signs are there mate. You may end up lonely facing a life of

[The Gentleman Scamp]

^ Until this afternoon there had been no 'action' for over a week, but that was due to a wee problem (literally) we have now sorted by drinking lots of water and some tablets.

You can drink tap water safely here which is more of a surprise than a concern.

Anyway, yes - danger signs are there but we won't be forced together for life. I can get divorced, she can't, so if it really ends up bad I'll give her a couple of grand (unless there's a kid) and we'll shake hands.

If it was as easy as just walking away then I wouldn't have started this thread. We'll see how the next month goes and if we don't miss each other in Thailand then it's pointless getting hitched and even she'll have to admit that.

In which case we'll worry about what to do then, but I want her life to improve whatever happens.

[The Ghost Of The Moog]

I have to admit, it felt good holding the gun, and putting it in my mouth also

Nicely theatrical. Did you give the barrel a mock-blow job?

By the way do you know that Filipino trick - you curl thumb and forefinger as if gripping a penis, then put it next to your mouth, then sort of poke your tongue into your cheek, then bring the two movements into rhythm.