Emergency - Please Help

[Fabian]

I'd wager old Scampy falls for a new thai bird when he visits. Then the new emergency will be what he should do about Sandra situation.

Well lets start the thread now and get all the advise ready so that he can ignore it when the time comes.

Good idea, so let's get it done.

[Thetyim]

Good idea, so let's get it done.

MrsQ got there first
https://teakdoor.com/the-captains-lou...e-threads.html

[Fabian]

just have found it, thanks.

[Diverse]

[quote=The Gentleman Scamp;288894]

Sandra has said this morning that it is the only way we can live together, it's the way her family is and the way her culture is - which isn't a lie - I had heard this before I ever came here. This is not true mate just open your eyes and look around, it goes on all the time

She said if I want to go I can, she will just face her father, the humiliation and disgrace and return to Hong Kong where she will work and remain single forever (which she told me she would do when we met as she didn't want to get hurt again). She will have to face all those friends who 'told her so' it would never work. I think a lot of pressure and emotional blackmail going on here


It seems to me that the stigma of living in sin is a big deal indeed. My god just look around mate it happens all the time in the PI and it's no big deal

So only one question remains.

How come her brother Oscar hasn't been forced to marry the girl he's got a kid with - they are all living together in the room downstairs next to her fathers room. Exactly, now the shoe is on the other foot. Your are being pressured into something that in your heart you do not want to do, as proved by questioning all of this, not only in your own mind but in public

I think you need to move out of there short, sharp and fast my friend.

Diverse

[The Gentleman Scamp]

^

Hi Diverse, that is at least the most constructive negativity so far and the bro and his lazy girlfriend (who are not in love) will be married against their will when they can afford it. I am not expected to pay for it nor is anyone else in the family.

There's a bit more stigma when it comes to a westerner living in the house in view of the whole community where Sandra has spent all her life. Her mu also feared that I may be using her just to bridge a gap in my life where I didn't know what to do next.

Well 4 years in Thailand proved pretty fruitless, I love the Thai's don't get me wrong, but they are just too materialistic, they get it from us.

That's not to say all Flippo's are not. Sandra's auntie and a couple of her cousins have upset her today by saying I am not rich enough.

The mother (in Hong Kong) rang up angrily to defend us which has put her back on my Christmas card list.

Bottom line is that I am not loveblind here, not at all - that part is still growing. I may be childish, selfish and utterly stupid at times but I am also intelligent. I think too much and I am just as cynical as most of you, in fact many people have described me as a depressingly negative person who is always expecting the worst.

So how come the panic is gone and I am now at peace with the idea of a legal base in Asia, a woman who will love me for all my faults and the oppertunity to leave this planet one day with a heir? ...Because it's that versus not much, no focus and little else.

I'll leave you with the advice of the best friend I have ever had.

1. IF you were to be married, would she, and ultimately the family, agree for her to go wherever you went. To UK - if ypu should end up here, to Thailand, if you are working there, whereever..... you would be unlikely to want to stay in the Philipines for the forseeable. Could she accept your mixture of friends, that are important to you?

Yes, any oppertunity to leave here would be welcome.

2. You would have to be prepared for a proportion of any money you and her make to be poured into her family in the Philipines. I'e seen it with Pat and Lek - a percentage of their monthly wages, no matter how many bills THEY have to pay, goes back to her family. And Pat cannot question that. I know that if Pat had money, Lek would only think it was right that some went back to her family. She couldn't live happily otherwise. It's how they are, and thats good in a way, it shows how unselfish other cultures are as opposed to ours.

She can put whatever she earns into her family - I would be willing to help if I could afford it providing it was reasonable. The MIL has actually asked her not to ask me for money, I hope this isn't just to put me into a false sense of security but-there I go again expectig the worst all the time..

3. Forget the family for a moment. Close your eyes and imagine your life 20 years hence. Would you still be happy to wake up every morning and see her face beside you? Have you got the solid (or getting there) basis fora long term relationship. Sex is important, don't get me wrong, but in a crisis, or going through a bad time, will she be there steadfast helping you through it? Could you do that for her? A relationship based on sex alone, does not have this important ingredient. Would you miss her if you decide to run? If she ran away from you?

I could - I find it difficult to imagine 10 yrs time though let alone 20... And the relationship isn't based on sex, for once in my life that part is developing and improving slowly as opposed to getting everything at once with some promiscuous slut. If prostitution was a proper job, she would have been fired long ago for being too clinical and unfriendly.

4. Remember that her family love her. As your family love you (and your true friends) don't debase this. Its what has led her to become the person that she is. Her family love her the way I love my boys - of course they're concerned about some Westerner that looks like he is taking advantage of her.

They do yes, esp the mum.

5. Leks family had to accept she would be leaving them. They know its right because they know how much Pat loves her and looks after her. Can you reasssure her family in that way?

In time yes.

6. If none of the above apply - RUN! Only YOU know how you feel.

I am going bald.

[mrsquirrel]

Her mu also feared that I may be using her just to bridge a gap in my life where I didn't know what to do next.

I think Sandra's mum and I would get on fabulously.

[britmaveric]

Her mu also feared that I may be using her just to bridge a gap in my life where I didn't know what to do next.

I think Sandra's mum and I would get on fabulously.

mrsquirrel - Well any predictions on how this will end up?

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Her mu also feared that I may be using her just to bridge a gap in my life where I didn't know what to do next.

I think Sandra's mum and I would get on fabulously.

I think we should meet - I'll be over in June.

Respect where its due though, you're the only one looking out for her interests and assuming I am the baddie - not the other way round.

[mrsquirrel]

You ain't going to turn into another DJ Pratt and start asking for fights.

Really I don't give a shit about either of you, it's just good forum fodder as you well know and want it to be.

Why have you not posted any pictures of the shanty town or the family?

[Little Chuchok]

I don't think he said anything about fights, or did I miss something?

[mrsquirrel]

I think we should meet - I'll be over in June.

I don't think he said anything about fights, or did I miss something?

I presumed that was where the must meet thing was going. The next posting would be to meet outside Burger King on Patong Beach come alone.....

[Little Chuchok]

^Now if Scampy was a big hard bugger and he knew where you lived,I wonder if you would have said much?

[Spin]

What a nightmare, I mean you get involved with a prostitute and you think its all plain sailing and then you meet the family and they behave like their daughter is a virgin with a squeaky clean track record. They expect a noble traditional gentleman who will do the right thing.

What they got is a guy who likes to be around prostitutes and is not ready for all this traditional crap and emotional blackmail.

That must be difficult for a man to get his head round.

[The Gentleman Scamp]

What a nightmare, I mean you get involved with a prostitute and you think its all plain sailing and then you meet the family and they behave like their daughter is a virgin with a squeaky clean track record. They expect a noble traditional gentleman who will do the right thing.

What they got is a guy who likes to be around prostitutes and is not ready for all this traditional crap and emotional blackmail.

That must be difficult for a man to get his head round.

55555555555 Yes, but maybe not impossible. I only associate with prostitutes because they are a challenge to get to know and genuine people when you do, not fake, hi so, ****y bitches who think they are better than everyone else just because they have a Louis Vitton umbrella.

I presumed that was where the must meet thing was going. The next posting would be to meet outside Burger King on Patong Beach come alone.....

No, I just want to see if you are for real, and also which Chuckle brother you are, and you have to be one of them or their brother or something. Can I have your autograph if I buy you a beer?

[mrsquirrel]

^Now if Scampy was a big hard bugger and he knew where you lived,I wonder if you would have said much?

Sadly I would have. I don't really have a fear of people like that anymore. A few years ago maybe but these days it's not really something I worry about. If somebody is going to take the time to come to my house and have a scrap with me cause I called him a **** on here then it would be rude not to.

[The Gentleman Scamp]

^ The only time I punched somebody was this year for making a comment about Sandra that was almost as bad as Marmite The Dogs Rugby 7's post which is why I went away from here for a bit.

I have no gripe with Squirrell, he's just a bit harsh - but I know he's one of the childrens entertainers in the avatar - why won't he satisfy my curiosity - is he Paul or Barry?

[Bruce]

Don't know you, so I haven't posted till now, to wish you both all the best.
My only advice is that you get out of a relationship what you put into it. If you behave like a selfish, spoiled cnut then don't expect much in return.
If you decide to commit and trust and assume the best of the other person, then that person is likely to make some effort to try to live up to that eg Jack Nicholson's obnoxious character in As Good As It Gets saying "You make me want to be a better man".
The future is impossible to predict so don't be scared about it or you'll go nuts.
Any person, no matter their background, can reveal a whole better side in the right circumstances. You're not perfect, you admit, so don't expect her to be perfect. Just do your best.
You might want to get a job if you're going to settle down. It makes the women feel a lot better if there is a visible source of support.
All the best for the future.

[watterinja]

I do believe that GS has become a rather adept TROLL. Well spotted MrsQ.

The story lines are shifting to suit the way the response wind blows. Oh well, GS, you got me - I have to admit it... LOL...

[Whitey]

I''ve married two filipinas. The first one was a disaster and the second one is awesome. I've seen the good, bad and ugly and everything in between.

Let me give you this golden piece of advice: If you don't make her stand up to her mother now, you will regret it and your life will not be run by you, but rather by her mother. It's a power game, Filipino families are run by the mothers, not the fathers. Put the mother in check now or else you will have a really lousy relationship.

Stigmas they say exist are not the truth. In the Philippines, girls live with guys. It's done. They feed a lot of BS to us in order to get what they want.

And let me give you another piece of advice: My ex-wife was one of those girls who never asked for money and a family who never asked for money....until after we got married...and then came the requests.......all the time, money, money, money. Just a little bit at the start and more and more. If they are making it a point to let you know that they are not asking for money then I would be very leery.

My ex-wife met me at the airport, took me to her place, wouldn't let me spend money on a hotel, stayed in my room with me, played the same guilt game to get me to marry her, her family didn't ask me for money.....

Everything was from a control perspective....she made you stay at her house in order to control you....think about it.

In the end, you will have to make the decision yourself. It's up to you. If you do want to be with the girl, all I can say, is kick the mom to the curb and let your girl know who the boss is. If you do that, you'll be in control and you will control the outcome of the relationship. Right now, she is in control.......

[mrsquirrel]

Have you ever posted this story on another internet forum Whitey?

[Marmite the Dog]

The only time I punched somebody was this year for making a comment about Sandra that was almost as bad as Marmite The Dogs Rugby 7's post which is why I went away from here for a bit.

I must've missed that. Have you got a link?

[slimboyfat]

The only time I punched somebody was this year for making a comment about Sandra that was almost as bad as Marmite The Dogs Rugby 7's post which is why I went away from here for a bit.

I must've missed that. Have you got a link?

something about your rugby team being serviced by sandra. i remember you posting something along those lines.

[stroller]

She can put whatever she earns into her family - I would be willing to help if I could afford it providing it was reasonable. The MIL has actually asked her not to ask me for money, I hope this isn't just to put me into a false sense of security but-there I go again expectig the worst all the time..

You are not "expecting the worst", you are not seeing the obvious in front of your eyes, though you should if you were Asia savvy as you claim!

It's questionable whether Sandra would be able to hold any regular job, or if she wanted to. Remember 'traditional roles'? What's expected from the hubby?

The MIL is playing to your pride and integrity, if you are the responsible grown-up husband her daughter deserves, you will support her family without the need to ask for it, isn't it obvious they lose income as Sandra is not working now? And they've welcomed you into their home as a family member.

Fekk, I feel like I'm explaining some basic stuff to one of my first-time visiting friends.

[Whitey]

no, but Filipinas like what I have posted about are a common thing.

[The Gentleman Scamp]

So are there ANY happy western-filipina marraiges?

And it is part of their culture for the guy to offer financial support which is why some of the family think she should ditch me for somebody with better prospects.

Anyway, I'm in the mall now - please see my thread in the visa section regarding what to do on my rtn flight to Manila when Phills immigration ask where my onward ticket is, need to know a cheap way around this cheers.