Thread: My bottom hurts

I've been looking for a nice road bike for 12 months as I ride a mountain bike and have decided to pick my fitness up so decided I wanted something with a bit more get up and go.

The other day I bought a brand new $1660 road bike with carbon fiber forks, seat post, aluminum frame with all the fruit and weighing the equivalent of an nats arsehole, there it was gleaming in all its beauty so took it for a spin and was hooked.

I flashed the Visa card, told the dude to deliver it to my local dealer, give me a call when its in, I'll come pick it up and ride it home.

3 days later I get a call so I thought, tomorrow I'll jump on the bus head into town and ride my bike back to my gaff, too easy.

That night one a my mates come around, we got on the piss so the next day I was feeling rat shit and decided to put the bike carrier on my ride, drive in and pick up my new bike.

Go see the manager, get my new bike wheel it out of the shop, strap it into the bike carrier and head off home which is only 6 klm away from the shop.

Driving down the road spanking my monkey because I'm so happy with my new bike I glance in the rear vision mirror and " fok me with a kateoys cock " theres my new bike lying in a crumpled heap in the middle of the road, the bastard thing has somehow fallen out of the bike carrier.

Fok, I spin the car around , go pick my bike up and puruse the damage to the foking bike.

Dented frame, buckled wheels damaged handle bars and there's no need to go on as you get the drift. I'm started to feel physically sick by now as its taken me 12 months to find the bike I've wanted and I've foked it in ten minutes.

Anyway I take it back to the bike shop give it back to the manager, told him the story, said just fix the bastard thing up matey and I'll hand over my bank book as its going to cost me a nice old wedge to sort this mess out.

He looks at me like I'm a total foking wanker for not strapping it in properly and I recon he's going to charge me 6000 quid to foking fix it.

Anyway, thats why my bottom hurts as I been ramming a huge fok off dildo in there for the last 2 foking days just to punish myself for my stupidity.

Shit happens EH punters.

Suppose I'm not the only one here that has made a monumental cock up so come on lets here them. ????

Maybe get the manager to exchange for one of these



RIDING FUCKING BICYCLE

No............. I have not fooked up that badly Tezza...... Ya old man would of killed ya........dickhead!

Mate shit happens and you are never too old to learn a lesson.

Hope they sort your ride out and with as little pain as possible.

40 yrs ago I brought a new 25 ft Yacht, bright and shining it was, I erected its mast on dry land as one does prior to dropping it into sparkling waters.
Checked everything over being the meticulous soul I am and then drove the car & trailer down to the ramp.
I had done this hundreds of times before with my smaller 20ft yacht. Problem was that a 20 ft yacht has a 20 ft mast but my new 25 ft one had a 25 ft mast and over winter some trees had grown.
An over hanging branch, little more that a twig really caught the back stay and broke in half the nice shiny new mast on my lovely boat.

And it cost me a lot more than 600 bucks to fix 40 yrs ago.

Foking hell Tezza - unlucky break

I remember purchasing my first notebook at around 35k baht

first night I had it was playing on the free games software with beer in hand until 5am

woke up after falling asleep whilst on the damn thing and pouring the contents of my glass onto the keyboard in my slumber

literally fried the damn thing - had to wait a week to get a replacement after exhaustive insurance repayments efforts

broke my foking heart that did

Oh man I feel your pain !!!

Have you tried smashing a door instead of inserting a dildo in your ass ? better result in my opinion

^^Ha ha That happened to a mate of mine.

^ I think I know who

Originally Posted by Butterfly

Have you tried smashing a door instead of inserting a dildo in your ass ? better result in my opinion

You must be talking about back doors right?

It didn't help when the 2nd one from the insurance got nicked by a ladyboy either

A similar thing happened to my ex- brother in law.

He saved and saved to buy a new fiberglass boat with an Evinrude Motor and I arranged to wet the thing first time at my sister's place at Lake Macquarie just north of Sydney near Toronto. Gods country!

We put the boat into the water and took it around to my sister's jetty, I got off the boat and to arrange everyone, including the kids to jump into the boat.

It was a little choppy and he wasn't that familiar with handling boats and I told him to take the boat back around and bring it in square with the end of the Jetty.

Well he floored the throttle on right hand steering lock and fish tailed the boat side swipping the end of the wooden jetty taking off most of the back of the boat.

All of about 30 minutes in the water and before he sunk it.

Give the kids toys they don't know how to play with and they will hurt themselves (or get a sore bum).

Originally Posted by Gordon Brown

It didn't help when the 2nd one from the insurance got nicked by a ladyboy either

what were you doing with a ladyboy in your room ?

Originally Posted by Loy Toy

he wasn't that familiar with handling boats

Originally Posted by Loy Toy

to arrange everyone, including the kids to jump into the boat.

maybe he was lucky it sank next to the jetty with only himself onboard

Any pics Tez? I'm picturing something like this





The poster Johnny Longprong used to build road bike frames. Sure he'd give you an estimate of AUD to fix.

Originally Posted by Loy Toy

Give the kids toys they don't know how to play with and they will hurt themselves (or get a sore bum).

Thats true enough LT, In the Marina next to mine a rich Chinese guy had a 50 ft, cruiser ( gin palace) but absolutely no idea how to maneuver it.
I would watch him battle away trying to get it out of its pen until he would just give up and put it back.

I told him many times "get some fvcking lessons, your a menace in that thing" and was proven right when he brought his family out, his ol Lady all dressed to the nines, kids in little sailor uniforms and him with his captains hat.
What a fcking sight hey all were.
Anyway he untied all the ropes (as he called them) I said I will give you a hand, No thanks, the arrogant little cvnt said, my wife will help me.
Sure enough there was the little lady, Poodle dog in one hand and a warp in the other, not around a cleat or anything, just holding it free hand, a gust caught the palace, Mum held onto the warp, in the water went Mum and the Poodle dog.

A lot of thrashing and screaming, and yelping from the poodle dog, I rushed over to help drag his old lady out the water, Dad gunned the boat in a vain attempt to correct the situation, Poodle dog got sucked into the screws, END of poodle dog.

I rang one of my mates and said if you want a cheap 50ft cruiser I know where you can get one, sure enough the Chinese guy couldn't sell it quick enough.
He never had it properly out of its Marina pen once.

I wonder to this day, what happened to his Captains cap?

God damn Terry, I feel bad for you and do understand, but shit happens and it will be a better day tomorrow.
Ya know I had a 1976 Plymouth Trail duster, which came factory 440 and was the hotrod version of the Dodge Ram Charger, and I had built a magnum 440 police engine up to over 500HP and 9.50x 16.5 tires that were over 36' tall, and lived in the hills or eastern Washington in an isolated cabin on the Canadian border.
I happen to be in Portland doing some shopping and bought a new solar system and was kind of day dreaming of how I was going to set it up and there was 3 full lanes of Rush hour going out of Portland, I happen to be in the fast left lane and was following a SUV with a bike rack on the rear of it, and he had 2 mountain bikes I think they were in said rack and it was wiggling a little but was locked into the lane and could not move over. and the divider was in a narrow lane and was a 4' concrete wall separating east from west traffic.
So after a few minutes of following this guy, and everyone was going 70 MPH his fucking bike rack fell off and I was only about 10 feet from him when his bikes hit the ground and I was on top of em and then they were behind me and it really didn't look like 2 bicycles anymore, but it at least slowed the cars behind me and I was able to get over and go for it.
so think how this guy must have felt, 2 bikes and then none,

Sore arse Terry ??

I've used one of these- Welcome to Thudbuster.com for over 10 years for both off and on road - the best accessory I've ever had.

Takes a few Km to sort out the elastomer settings and your cadence but after that you will never look back and your arse with thank you!!!

Bad luck with the new set of wheels Terry - be thankful you were not on it when it went down the road.

^

Yer lifes a bitch sometimes but these stories make for a foking good laugh at someone else's expense mind you.

What really hurts is that I very rarely buy anything brand new as I look after all my shit and keep my toys like new.

In my life I've had 1 new boat, 1 new motor bike, 1 new mountain bike and now this friggin road bike.

Its not that I can't afford stuff but I'm real good at finding excellent toys near new in top condition and saving a shite load of money in the process.

Anyway, theres just some things that a dude has to buy new and the road bike was one of them. Fok, Fok and double Fok.

As we know theres always some other bastard thats worse off and I got another little story to back that up.

There's this tosser Officer at work that every bugger hates as he's a proper turd burgler, Turns out some silly bugger decided that losenning the front wheel on his road bike would be a bit of fun and good for a giggle.

The cats cyling down the road goes over a bump, his front wheel came off the dude smashes head first into the asphalt and snapped his neck.

Foking hell, turns out he was centermeters from becoming a para and the dude that done it is shitting bullets that he'll be caught.

Hey, so in the grand scheme of things I could not give a flying fok about my bike as it can always be replaced but a broken neck is damn serious shit.

Peter pan's and blackgang's story was good for a laugh thow.

Cheers all.

My bottom has been hurting on and off for a couple of years now.

If you paid for the bike with a credit card Terry, you may be insured

certainly would be in the Uk

check it out

^

One of the boys at work suggested that I could maybe claim it on my household insurance.

I'm not holding my breath as insurance companies usually don't flash the cash if the insured party is a fok stick and don't secure his brand new bike in the proper manner.

Anyway, I'll wait until I get the repair bill which by the way I'm shitting bricks at getting because just getting a service done a bike like this is $150 without any foking parts.

I'll hit the insurance company up then, give them something to laugh about when they tell me to " fok off "

I'll maybe be able to use my medical insurance as I'm fully covered for heart attack which I'll have for sure when I get the repair bill.

Funny as a hat full of arseholes this is ain't it.

Bad luck Tez. From what you say it might not be so bad. The buckled wheels can usually be trued unless the rims are badly twisted. Dents are not worth fixing if they don't affect the structural integrity of the frame, and the handlebars are already a bent bit of aluminium tubing and usually respond well to bending back into shape.

At least you weren't on it.

Originally Posted by slimboyfat

My bottom has been hurting on and off for a couple of years now.

Stay away from the Bfly and it might get better,.