Dear Chico.


How long should i cook my Heinz baked beans in the microwave to achieve the "right" amount of heat before applying them to my testicles?

The reason i ask, the last time my pubic hair went curlier and broke off into said beans, and both sex and breakfast with the next doors dog went tits up, and i think that full power for fifteen minutes may have been a tad to long.


Whilst we're on it, is oregano on shrivelled testicles a suitable substitute for fresh mint leaves?