Thread: Quick Jokes

Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke.

A new study shows that women with big breasts are smarter than women with smaller breasts.

Though to be fair, the guy who conducted the study admits he wasn’t really listening.

How does a Muslim shut the door ?

Islams it

Originally Posted by nidhogg

A new study shows that women with big breasts are smarter than women with smaller breasts.

Though to be fair, the guy who conducted the study admits he wasn’t really listening.

Made I larf.

I was travelling through Russia when I met a 3rd rate snooker player who'd stayed loyal to communism, his name..Inoff the Red

The man who invented the dildo has sadly passed away. His funeral went just as expected.


Only women came.

Irish Joke
A Irish boy asks his father "what is IQ?
Dad replies, "Ye get a number to show how smart you are". "140 ye are a genius, 100 ye are about average".
"What if your number was seven"? asks the boy.
"Ahh well, yee'd be a complete ejit then". "Couldn't even tie your shoe laces".
"But of course" says the boy. "That's why Aussies wear thongs!"

Talk about Irish!

Dear Mr. Murphy

We are pleased to inform you that the biopsy of the redness on your penis
showed it was not cancerous. It was lipstick.
We deeply regret the amputation.

You can burn up to 150 calories through one vigorous session of masturbation.

Still got kicked out of my Weight Watchers meeting though.

I said to the doctor, "I've got a small penis. Can you suggest anything?"
He said, "Try a fat girl they're not usually that fussy"

Originally Posted by SiLeakHunt

I said to the doctor, "I've got a small penis. Can you suggest anything?"
He said, "Try a fat girl they're not usually that fussy"

Snigger....

A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.
"Do you enjoy it?" The doctor asked
"Actually, yes I do," She answered.
"Does it hurt you?" he asked. "No. I rather like it," she responded.
"Well, then," the doctor continued, "there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care to not get pregnant."
The woman was mystified. "What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?"
"Of course," the doctor replied.
"Where do you think people like Obama, Nixon, the Clintons, and the Bush Family come from?

What is the difference etween an elephant's rear and a letter box?

if nobody here knows you never to send them to post a letter for you

Originally Posted by mingmong

Talk about Irish!

Dear Mr. Murphy

We are pleased to inform you that the biopsy of the redness on your penis
showed it was not cancerous. It was lipstick.
We deeply regret the amputation.

Bloke goes to the doctor complaining that his dick has turned orange. "I've never seen anything like that", says the doc, "what do you do for a living".

"Oh I'm unemployed" says the bloke.

"So what do you do all day?" asks the doc.

"Sit at home watching porn and eating cheetos".

how does a New Zealander find a sheep in long grass ?


very satisfying

A bloke went to the doctors he said "I've got a mole on the end of my dick"

The doctor said "Drop you're trousers, I can get the mole off your dick, but I'm going to have to report you to the RSPCA"

Three bikers are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!"

Everyone expects a fight but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the far end of the bar.

Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was s-w-e-et!"

Again the biker refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!"

Finally the biker interrupts, "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"

A three legged dog walks into a bar, turns slowly to address the customers and says in a low voice "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw".

My wife got confused and went to see a tree surgeon instead of a plastic surgeon.....mind you, she does have a very nice bush now.

If sex between two people is called a twosome and sex involving three people is called a threesome now I understand why they call me handsome!

The Hajj begins today, with millions of Muslim making the annual pilgrimage to Mecca.

This may come as a surprise to Hungarians, Croatians and others currently being overrun, who thought Germany was hosting this year's event.