Thread: Quick Jokes

Convince your friends that you play the trombone by standing behind a screen and farting into a watering can!

Originally Posted by Boon Mee

Airborne approximately thirty minutes on an outbound evening flight from Glasgow, the lead flight attendant for the cabin crew nervously made the following painful announcement..:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up one minute prior to takeoff, by our airport catering service... I don't know how this has happened but we have 103 passengers on board and, unfortunately, only 40 dinner meals... We truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience."

When passengers' muttering had died down, she continued,

"Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5 hour flight."

Her next announcement came 90 minutes later...

"If anyone would like to change their minds, we still have 40 dinners available."

QUICK jokes.
Now I'm going to have to red snakeeyes.

Originally Posted by Cujo

Originally Posted by Boon Mee

Airborne approximately thirty minutes on an outbound evening flight from Glasgow, the lead flight attendant for the cabin crew nervously made the following painful announcement..:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up one minute prior to takeoff, by our airport catering service... I don't know how this has happened but we have 103 passengers on board and, unfortunately, only 40 dinner meals... We truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience."

When passengers' muttering had died down, she continued,

"Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5 hour flight."

Her next announcement came 90 minutes later...

"If anyone would like to change their minds, we still have 40 dinners available."

QUICK jokes.
Now I'm going to have to red snakeeyes.

Originally Posted by Cujo

Originally Posted by Boon Mee

Airborne approximately thirty minutes on an outbound evening flight from Glasgow, the lead flight attendant for the cabin crew nervously made the following painful announcement..:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up one minute prior to takeoff, by our airport catering service... I don't know how this has happened but we have 103 passengers on board and, unfortunately, only 40 dinner meals... We truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience."

When passengers' muttering had died down, she continued,

"Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5 hour flight."

Her next announcement came 90 minutes later...

"If anyone would like to change their minds, we still have 40 dinners available."

QUICK jokes.
Now I'm going to have to red snakeeyes.

He's not very bright you know.

Women say that men are only after one thing. Rubbish!
I'm after two things, tops and fingers.

Originally Posted by harrybarracuda

Originally Posted by Cujo

Originally Posted by Boon Mee

Airborne approximately thirty minutes on an outbound evening flight from Glasgow, the lead flight attendant for the cabin crew nervously made the following painful announcement..:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up one minute prior to takeoff, by our airport catering service... I don't know how this has happened but we have 103 passengers on board and, unfortunately, only 40 dinner meals... We truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience."

When passengers' muttering had died down, she continued,

"Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5 hour flight."

Her next announcement came 90 minutes later...

"If anyone would like to change their minds, we still have 40 dinners available."

QUICK jokes.
Now I'm going to have to red snakeeyes.

He's not very bright you know.

Yes, well....while I've got you here....FAMOUS PEOPLE!!!!

I went for an audition in a new musical about Cuba. The producer said I was good and would I be an understudy to a lead.

I turned it down as I didn't want to play second Fidel.

nice one. green sent

One for Sheriff Cujo:

What's worse than having a dead dog on your piano?
An infected pussy on your organ!

Has anyone else noticed that "Maddie" is an anagram of "I'm dead"?

and Osama bin Laden is an anagram of

Bad animal nose

or

O damn! A lesbian

Due to the present economic conditions and in the interest of power saving the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

Top tip for parents with young children.

After your kids have mastered spelling with Alphabetti Spaghetti, buy a tin of the normal stuff so as they can practice joined-up writing!

Playing doctors and nurses with the wife in the bedroom last night didn't go very well.

Especially when I diagnosed her as clinically obese.

#2927

^ tositi.

Originally Posted by toslti

#2927

My bad.

Restitution:

I got caught licking ice cream from my girlfriends breasts the other day. I don’t know who was more embarrassed, me or the staff at McDonalds.

#1743

Originally Posted by kingwilly

#1743

1743>

Originally Posted by kmart

I don't envy the person who will have the job of Courtroom Artist at Rolf Harris' trial. Talk about pressure.

^I think Willy was only joking...BTW.Very quick joke! Well done, Sir.

Originally Posted by charleyboy

^I think Willy was only joking...BTW.Very quick joke! Well done, Sir.

Yeah - I know he was. Just messing with him back.

Originally Posted by nidhogg

Just messing with him back.

That fact that you went back and searched said random post is scarily anal, rather than funny.*




















*assuming that there is not some short cut way of doing it that I do not know about such as changing/inserting the number into the url web address....... ?

^ I have my ways.......