Thread: Quick Jokes

Originally Posted by billy the kid

Quote: Originally Posted by Cujo bitch just spat it out.

Discipline my boy, try it or control yourself you bastard.

Originally Posted by OhOh

Originally Posted by billy the kid

Quote: Originally Posted by Cujo bitch just spat it out.

Discipline my boy, try it or control yourself you bastard.

Missing the point as usual.

The wife asked me to pass her the lip balm , by mistake I passed her the superglue, she is still not talking to me.

Originally Posted by OhOh

you bastard.

ouch.

Originally Posted by Ozcol

The wife asked me to pass her the lip balm , by mistake I passed her the superglue, she is still not talking to me.

By 'mistake'. Yeah right.

What's long and hard and has cum in it?

A cucumber.

How do you tell a Finn is extrovert?

When he is talking to you he looks at your shoes, not his own?

I don't like those people who knock on your door and try to convince you to be "saved" otherwise you will "burn".







Crazy firemen.

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?



Marry it.

Originally Posted by nidhogg

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?





Marry it.

Terrible, where's that report button???

I tried to grab hold of some fog , but I mist.

Originally Posted by Ozcol

I tried to grab hold of some fog , but I mist.

Nope.

Sorry Dog if it didn't tickle your fancy or whatever you like tickled , but I thought it wasn't bad .

Originally Posted by Ozcol

Sorry Dog if it didn't tickle your fancy or whatever you like tickled , but I thought it wasn't bad .

well I fort it was hilarious

At the risk of incurring the wrath of Cujo:



A guy is strolling along a sandy beach one day when he comes across a very old bottle. He's just dusting it off when two rather tired looking genies pop out "Two genies!" he exclaims. "That must mean six wishes!"

"Sorry, buddy, it's three or nuthin'," say the genies, "and hurry up".

The guy makes his three wishes and races off home to see if they've been granted. He gets home and runs into his bedroom, where he finds the most gorgeous girl he has ever seen waiting for him. After hours of mad, passionate sex, he stumbles out of bed and walks into the living room where he is knee deep in $1000 bills.
The guy can hardly believe his luck.

Just then there is a knock at the door. He rushes over to open it, when two hooded KKK members throw a rope around his neck and string him up naked until he is dead.

The two then take off their white hoods to reveal that they are, in fact, the two genies, both looking rather puzzled. The first genie turns to the second and says, "I can understand the beautiful woman and all the money in the world, but why on earth would you want to be hung like a black man?"

Blah Blah Blah Genie Blah Blah Blah "I didn't say twelve inch pianist" etc.

Originally Posted by harrybarracuda

Blah Blah Blah Genie Blah Blah Blah "I didn't say twelve inch pianist" etc.

The old ones are the best eh.

A guy and his wife are teeing off at the golf course. The wife slices it straight through the back window of the house nearby.

He said, "Oh no! We had better go ask how much it's gonna cost." So he and his wife go up to the house and see the door open. They went inside and saw the golf ball laying next to a broken glass bottle. A man walks up and says, "Thank you!"

The husband said, "I'm sorry about the . . . " And the man interrupts, "Oh don't worry about the window. I have to thank you for getting me out of the bottle. You see, I'm a genie. So you get one wish and your wife gets one, but, in return, you have to give me one."

The husband asks for $100 million. The genie says, "Done." The wife asks for 80 exotic sports cars. Genie says, "Done. Now, my wish is to have sex with your wife because, you know, I've been trapped in that bottle for so long."

They agreed, since their extravagant wishes had been granted. And so the genie has sex with the man's wife, not just once but many times. When they're done, the genie asks the wife, "How old is your husband?"

She answers, "33." And, the man said, "And he still believes in genies?"

That's not really a QUICK joke though is it?
And it's pretty bloody old.
Red or not red, that is the question.
Red it is.
I'm got to go find snakeeyes now. She's not going to be happy about this.

Originally Posted by harrybarracuda

Blah Blah Blah Genie Blah Blah Blah "I didn't say twelve inch pianist" etc.

Blah Blah Blah Genie Blah Blah Blah "I didn't say i wanted a million ducks." etc.

Blah Blah Blah Genie Blah Blah Blah "When I said I wanted a little head, I didn't mean this 3 inch melon on my shoulders" etc.

Blah Blah Blah Genie Blah Blah Blah "I wanted to be hung like a Blackman, I didn't expect the KKK to turn up " etc.

That's the thing with the classics, sometimes just the punchline is enough to bring a smile. Some of my favs off the top of my head:

You're a real asshole when you're drunk, Superman

If you give it a minute I can save you $10,000

I never said that she was weird, just that she was fucking Goofy



I'll take the soup.

^
'Where's the soap?' 'Yes it does doesn't it?'