Thread: Quick Jokes

The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Olef demanded.

'Well' she said, 'you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'

The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear..'


Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee.

Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.

'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?'

She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'

Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear"!

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.

'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?'

She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.'

The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says,

'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb.... Tidy yerself up a bit

Originally Posted by Cujo

Originally Posted by can123

I have been sent a red by an idiot. You all know who he is. The joke was too long for his tiny brain. Is it at all possible that some of the grownups here can help him with his reading ?

Welcome to my block list, Dogface.

The topic of the thread is 'quick' jokes.
It seems it it you who has the reading problem.

A 'quick' joke generally constitutes 1 or 2 lines.
There are many examples on this very page for you to learn from.
For example

Sailing results are in, GB took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a middle aged couple from Weymouth.

That's a 'quick' joke.

(Though I understand how hard it is for you retarded people.)

CAN 123--Dog brain did the same thing to me. Seems he's set himself up as the school marm and he determines what is a short joke, then goes around redding people who don't comply.
That's a clear indication of who has the shortest joke here, and whose lap it's in.

In a hired hall a preacher said,

"Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

With that, an Irishman man got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Paddy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Paddy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The preacher put one finger of one hand in Paddy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Paddy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed.

He prayed to the 'Almighty' for Paddy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked,

"Paddy, how is your hearing now?"

Paddy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week!"

I have posted a series of jokes above. Some are longer than others but all are posted in the genuine hope that the reader will find some amusing. If any make you laugh I feel that I have made a worthwhile contribution to the forum.

If there are too many lines in any one joke and you find it a strain to read that particular joke, I advise you to ignore it and move on.

Thank you.

There's a whole fucking sub forum for jokes and funny stories.
This thread is specifically for 'short' jokes FFS. Is it really that difficult?

Originally Posted by Cujo

Originally Posted by can123

I have been sent a red by an idiot. You all know who he is. The joke was too long for his tiny brain. Is it at all possible that some of the grownups here can help him with his reading ?

Welcome to my block list, Dogface.

The topic of the thread is 'quick' jokes.
It seems it it you who has the reading problem.

A 'quick' joke generally constitutes 1 or 2 lines.
There are many examples on this very page for you to learn from.
For example

Sailing results are in, GB took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a middle aged couple from Weymouth.

That's a 'quick' joke.

(Though I understand how hard it is for you retarded people.)

I think it is time that you made the effort to contribute to this forum in a meaningful way. You could start by doing some remedial work on the "Amusing pictures" thread which you have ruined by failing to ensure the picture links were maintained.

No, go back to my block list you childish person.

Originally Posted by can123

Originally Posted by Cujo

Originally Posted by can123

I have been sent a red by an idiot. You all know who he is. The joke was too long for his tiny brain. Is it at all possible that some of the grownups here can help him with his reading ?

Welcome to my block list, Dogface.

The topic of the thread is 'quick' jokes.
It seems it it you who has the reading problem.

A 'quick' joke generally constitutes 1 or 2 lines.
There are many examples on this very page for you to learn from.
For example

Sailing results are in, GB took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a middle aged couple from Weymouth.

That's a 'quick' joke.

(Though I understand how hard it is for you retarded people.)

I think it is time that you made the effort to contribute to this forum in a meaningful way. You could start by doing some remedial work on the "Amusing pictures" thread which you have ruined by failing to ensure the picture links were maintained.

No, go back to my block list you childish person.

'BACK'?
I thought I was already there.
Make up your mind.

Cujo has a point. They are not short jokes.

So, I ask Quasimodo, "what's that lump in yer pocket?"

Quasi, "Oh! It's a picture of me Dad."

Originally Posted by Cujo

Originally Posted by can123

I have been sent a red by an idiot. You all know who he is. The joke was too long for his tiny brain. Is it at all possible that some of the grownups here can help him with his reading ?

Welcome to my block list, Dogface.

The topic of the thread is 'quick' jokes.
It seems it it you who has the reading problem.

A 'quick' joke generally constitutes 1 or 2 lines.
There are many examples on this very page for you to learn from.
For example

Sailing results are in, GB took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a middle aged couple from Weymouth.

That's a 'quick' joke.

(Though I understand how hard it is for you retarded people.)

Oh shut up you fucking whinger.

Originally Posted by kingwilly

Cujo has a point. They are not short jokes.

Not when you have the reading ability of a five year old, no.

Originally Posted by MrG

Originally Posted by Cujo

Originally Posted by can123

I have been sent a red by an idiot. You all know who he is. The joke was too long for his tiny brain. Is it at all possible that some of the grownups here can help him with his reading ?

Welcome to my block list, Dogface.

The topic of the thread is 'quick' jokes.
It seems it it you who has the reading problem.

A 'quick' joke generally constitutes 1 or 2 lines.
There are many examples on this very page for you to learn from.
For example

Sailing results are in, GB took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a middle aged couple from Weymouth.

That's a 'quick' joke.

(Though I understand how hard it is for you retarded people.)

CAN 123--Dog brain did the same thing to me. Seems he's set himself up as the school marm and he determines what is a short joke, then goes around redding people who don't comply.
That's a clear indication of who has the shortest joke here, and whose lap it's in.

Yes, he's also set himself up as self-anointed arbiter of who is famous in the RIP thread.

The bloke is so far up his own arse he can lick his own tonsils from the bottom.

FFS. People are either famous or not. It's not a matter of, well I think he's famous harry.
No English government minister, for example, is famous. (unless he/she becomes PM, then people all around the world will get to know their name)
An obscure physicist is NOT famous unless he split the atom or some such thing.
Oh, and you forgot the amusing pics ripped from the net thread.
Now shut the fuck up the pair of you, I'm off to red snakeeyes.

As most normal people on this forum will have guessed I have had more greens than reds after posting these jokes and it's nice to see that they have been mildly entertained by them. Naturaly, Bettyboo has jumped at the opportunity of sending a red but his behaviour has inproved a little because hi accompanying remark is not as offensive as normal.

Who is Kingwilly, please ? He is not on my forum.

Originally Posted by can123

As most normal people on this forum will have guessed I have had more greens than reds after posting these jokes and it's nice to see that they have been mildly entertained by them. Naturaly, Bettyboo has jumped at the opportunity of sending a red but his behaviour has inproved a little because hi accompanying remark is not as offensive as normal.

Who is Kingwilly, please ? He is not on my forum.

Can, its not the posting of the jokes - its posting them in the wrong place. This thread is supposed to be for quick jokes. By no definition can many of the jokes you posted be considered "quick".

Here you go, a quick joke:

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Originally Posted by nidhogg

Originally Posted by can123

As most normal people on this forum will have guessed I have had more greens than reds after posting these jokes and it's nice to see that they have been mildly entertained by them. Naturaly, Bettyboo has jumped at the opportunity of sending a red but his behaviour has inproved a little because hi accompanying remark is not as offensive as normal.

Who is Kingwilly, please ? He is not on my forum.

Can, its not the posting of the jokes - its posting them in the wrong place. This thread is supposed to be for quick jokes. By no definition can many of the jokes you posted be considered "quick".

Here you go, a quick joke:

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

(It's no good nid, I've tried. He just doesn't get it.
Must be the alzheimers.)

Originally Posted by nidhogg

Can, its not the posting of the jokes - its posting them in the wrong place. This thread is supposed to be for quick jokes. By no definition can many of the jokes you posted be considered "quick".

Wrong ! Ths how the preamble to the sub-forum reads -

Jokes and funny stories The section for all the zany and humorous stuff. Post your favourite jokes and funniest pictures here, also videos from youtube etc can be posted here.

I have always obeyed the forum rules and realise that they are there for a reason. I have more interesting things in my life and arguing the toss with Cujo about what he thinks is suitable is not for me, thanks.

My jokes are clearly within the rules and my intention is simply to amuse an interested reader.

Would you please point me in the direction of the "long jokes forum" ? You will see that such a forum does not exist or, at least, I cannot find it.

Harry has also raised the issue of Cujo setting himself as the judge of the word "famous". He whinges in two threads and posts nothing constructive in either of them.

I have never deliberately set out to break the rules of this forum. I have better things to do.

^Can, you are in the right sub forum. No problems -but you are in the wrong thread.

Its not really rocket science mate.

I still do not see what I am doing wrong but, for me, the simplest way out is to let Cujo win. It's sad when rules are interpreted so as to discourage honest posting. You and he clearly believe that the "rules" are more important than the "content".

The most prolific posters on this forum contribute very little other than their moaning. They treat the place as though it is their personal possession and do nothing to encourage the forum to grow.

My block list is comprised of these posters and my forum is a better place for it. No more jokes from me, I have had a gutsful.

Originally Posted by can123

I still do not see what I am doing wrong but, for me, the simplest way out is to let Cujo win.

I'm happy you realize the error of your ways.

My bad. Apparently it IS rocket science.

Originally Posted by can123

Would you please point me in the direction of the "long jokes forum" ? You will see that such a forum does not exist or, at least, I cannot find it.

Here's the thread.

https://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-...ml#post3199428 (Can123's Long Jokes)

Originally Posted by kingwilly

Originally Posted by can123

Would you please point me in the direction of the "long jokes forum" ? You will see that such a forum does not exist or, at least, I cannot find it.

Here's the thread.

https://teakdoor.com/jokes-and-funny-...ml#post3199428 (Can123's Long Jokes)

I'm going to go and post a short joke there.

Originally Posted by can123

No more jokes from me, I have had a gutsful.

So have I!

Thread flounce?

It's true though: dogs have only a one sentence attention span.

Another thread ruined by a little yappy one.