Overheard on Hua Hin beach one dark night.
Is it in ?
Mai in sand
Is it in yet ?
Mai still in sand, falang mao maak
Is it in now ?
Mai Mai in sand in sand
Is that in ?
Ah yes in now
Well put it back in the sand.
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Overheard on Hua Hin beach one dark night.
Is it in ?
Mai in sand
Is it in yet ?
Mai still in sand, falang mao maak
Is it in now ?
Mai Mai in sand in sand
Is that in ?
Ah yes in now
Well put it back in the sand.
My sister had a baby and they took a while to name her and I was like, ‘Hurry up!’ because I didn’t want my niece to grow up to be one of these kids you hear about on the news where it says, ‘The 17 year old defendant, who hasn’t been named
There's a new pub drinking game called "Pistorius".
If someone goes to the toilet, the others get four shots.
...there was the lady hosting a banquet with her butler doing the duties.
Whilst her Jeeves was hovering behind, she emitted a big one.
She turned to Jeeves and said "Stop that!"
"Certainly Ma'am, which way did it go?"
The NFL announced today that for financial losses due to the disrespect of the National Anthem and America Flag they are eliminating one team from the league.
They've decided to combine the Green Bay Packers and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and form one team. Causing many layoffs but saving millions of dollars in costs.
The new team will be known as the TAMPACKS. Unfortunately, they're only good for one period and they have no second string.
Remember ladies, if you ask your man to fix something around the house he WILL do it. No need to remind him every 3 months.
People who buy selfie sticks need to take a long look at themselves.
If a Stork is the bird that brings white babies,
and a Crow is the bird that brings black babies,
what is the bird that never brings ANY babies?
...a swallow...
how do i make the letters white please?
Highlight your text. Click on the Big A, there's a bunch of colors you can choose from. Click on white.Quote:
Originally Posted by crippen
https://teakdoor.com/attachment.php?a...tid=2869&stc=1
Recent Irish research has found that Irish Coffee contains the 4 essential food groups; Sugar, Fat, Caffeine and alcohol.
Quote:
Originally Posted by uncle junior
Technically, you click on Automatic. That way when we get the Original style back the text will appear black, not white, on the light background.
The three biggest lies in the World.
1. I love you.
2. It's not you, it's me.
3. Go on, I won't cum in your mouth.
I asked my mother-in-law what she would like for Christmas. She replied ' Just something for the bath would be nice'. So I got her a toaster.
^ 555!
Why did the man fall down the deep hole?
He couldn't see that well.
Two guys were lying in their hospital beds waiting to go to theatre. One asked the other: "What are you in for?"
He answered: " an endoscopy"
"What's that?" the first one asked.
"They put a tube down your throat into your stomach to check for ulcers and cancer. What are you in for?"
"A camera up my backside."
"Ah! That's a colonoscopy" said the first guy.
"No" said the other, "My wife caught me taking pictures of our next door neighbour sunbathing in the nude."
My wife has just announced that's she's leaving me because I'm too immature.
How could she do that right in the middle of conker season?
Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport.
"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
"German," she replies.
"Occupation?
"No, just here for a few days."
Have you noticed how many F1 drivers have names linked to Scottish towns?
Stirling Moss.
Lewis Hamilton.
Eddie Irvine.
Ayr Town centre.
Woman: Does Viagra work?
Pharmacist: Yes
Woman: Can you get it over the counter?
Pharmacist: Yes if I take two!
If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids
A bus load of Thais on a mystery tour, decided to run a sweepstake to guess where they were going.
The driver won 5000 baht!
555. That is an old coach drivers joke. My father used to occasionally take the WI out on mystery tours. Better than school or factory runs.
My girlfriend left me because "everything I say is irrelevant".
That's easy for her to say when her brothers girlfriend has just bought a new coffee table.
If asked in a job interview to describe yourself in three words, try "violent when disappointed"
A man goes into a bakery in Glasgow and points at an item of confectionary.
He says, "Is that a cake or a meringue?"
The Glaswegian behind the counter says, "Nae, you're right, it's a cake."
Whilst at the zoo, I noticed one cage that had only a mould-covered bap in it.
I asked the zookeeper what it was, and he said "Ah, that was bread in captivity".
I work all year round so I can buy nice presents for the kids, and what happens? The fat fucker with the hairy chin gets all the credit.
I suppose it's my fault for marrying her.
I joined this support group for people addicted to sexual innuendo. But I found it really hard.
My weakness in knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Damn Amazon and their Black Friday sale! I ordered four Kindles and they sent me a Two Ronnies DVD.
Scientists have grown vocal cords from stem cells in the lab. The results speak for themselves.
I saw Lionel Messi in a nightclub. He went up to this woman and said "Get your coat love, you've pulled".
I thought "wow, you're a little forward".
I lost the pub quiz by a point last night. The deciding question was "Where do women have the curliest hair".
Apparently the answer is "Fiji"!
Today is the anniversary of the death of the actor Leslie Nielson, who died in a hospital in Florida
It's a big building with doctors and patients, but that's not important right now......
Shirley you've got that wrong!
I called a child abuse hotline earlier today ,A kid answered called me a cvnt and then told me to fvck off !
555!!!!!!
Asked if I could cum on her tits for a thousand, she said yes so I asked if I could come over just one for 500.