Thread: Daily or weekly cheer

Originally Posted by Joe 90

She loaded them into the back of her new boyfriends car

What car did he have?
Not an Audi cabriolet I hope

Did you ask her if he had a bigger nob?

Only jesting mate, looks like you've done well to get shot of the cold bitch

My daily cheer- No more stomach cramps




Nom nom nom nom nom

Originally Posted by Joe 90

The ex turned up today and thought she could walk in and look for some summer sandals, I directed her to the shed where a dozen bin bags of her stuff have been stored for over a year.
She loaded them into the back of her new boyfriends car , said a brief hello to the children and fvcked off on her merry way.

Now I have my shed back for the new bike that I'm going to buy this week to celebrate!

Thats truly selfish and fucking evil. Feel sorry for the kids. Sounds like you’re lucky to be rid of her.

Have you got all the divorce stuff done? It’s be wise to not leave that hanging.

Had the immersion tank tested today, not one of those ooh er matron moments, legit.

Anyway the team pitch up and its a well spoken lad and an orange beachball of a young lady who he's obviously showing the ropes to.

Checks over he knocks on the door and upon opening it he's chatting away telling me the outcome but i didn't hear a word he said. I clocked the girl and she's proper orange, she has the most ridiculous false eyelashes and to top it off you can see her natural eyebrows which she looks like she's shaved and are brown then about 5mm above has taken a black sharpie and had a go at a do it yourself version of what she's seen in the magazines. To complement the ensemble she's married it all up with a couple of red clown cheeks and that over applied lipstick that made her look like someone had punched her in the mouth.

He stopped talking and it went quiet and it was then i realised i was staring at her face. He tapped me on the arm and it was clear i'd not heard a word he said and he then proceeded to repeat it all again, i still didn't get all of it. It was all i could do to stop myself saying wtf have you done to your face. I just mumbled something whilst he passed me his inspection paper.

More and more lately i am convinced girls see something else when the look in the mirror than what i'm looking at.

Originally Posted by malmomike77

More and more lately i am convinced girls see something else when the look in the mirror than what i'm looking at.

Par for the course nowadays.

I blame Instagram etc

^I thinks its all the plain or fat ones from my day, they used to just fade into the background but now they all seem to try their best to make sure you cannot possibly miss them through a combination of dying their flesh orange, ensuring as many of their folds are on show as possible and those that aren't are captured in lycra pants and tops all combined with the most ludicrous make up that makes a trans bloke look effeminate.

It's pretty poor picking for the teenage lads nowadays.

30 years ago they were all slender English Roses and right dirty slags

^ True enough. I still broke meself in on plump girl in a horses stall, good to get it out the way.

Originally Posted by malmomike77

^ True enough. I still broke meself in on plump girl in a horses stall, good to get it out the way.

Originally Posted by malmomike77

More and more lately i am convinced girls see something else when the look in the mirror than what i'm looking at.

You mean they don't ant to conform to your 'taste'?

Originally Posted by malmomike77

I still broke meself in on plump girl in a horses stall, good to get it out the way.

One wonders why.



On a cheery note:

It's Wednesday . . . there has to be something to celebrate

^ You are like a bad fart you drop and try and walk away from but it follows you around.

You'll all be delighted to know the bars on Koh Samed are all serving alcohol today.

Originally Posted by armstrong

You'll all be delighted to know the bars on Koh Samed are all serving alcohol today.

bugger.

Forgot to to the shop with me wheelbarrow yesterday.

Glad Malaysia doesn’t have any of those silly alcohol free days!

The ganja stalls in Tesco won't be happy if they bring in No Ganja days.

Originally Posted by malmomike77

I still broke meself in on plump girl in a horses stall

She ran away fast enough afterwards.

Originally Posted by OhOh

She ran away fast enough afterwards.

I actually knew a public school girl who used to suck her horse off while her boyfriend fvcked the horse from behind.

Proper weird cvnts them toffs.

Originally Posted by Joe 90

I actually knew a public school girl who used to suck her horse off while her boyfriend fvcked the horse from behind.

Proper weird cvnts them toffs.

Sure you did. Watched it happen did you?

Praise be, McDonalds are increasing prices for the first time in 14 years, 20p on a Plastic Cheese whateverthefukitis and 10p or 20p on all other items. Lets hope it continues. Of course the Reality TV Deliveroo Whattwat generation will still find a way to access their fast sludge through a combination of Govt handouts and if they are working, overtime to ensure they get their fix of Mercas finest export to the world.

They will accelerate their drain on the NHS, not to mention the fire service as they are forcibly cut from their council funded accommodation, elicit sympathy as they waddle past pressing their blubber on you with a long suffering self-deprecating look and gain early access to public funded motorised wheelchairs before eventually taking 3 times longer to cremate than the ordinary vegan.

Every 20p more is a fat fuk less.

Can i get an amen TC

Well the shoulder is still a bit sore at times but the ribs are OK and not being impeded by Quasimodo's ear i am halfway through installing me 4 metre wardrobe. The only downside is i'm cutting by hand as i can't risk the circular saw indoors with all the dust it'll create. Anyone know how to install ceiling mirrors?

^

what about glass?

^ You tink too mutt

oh I see its the zero secs version.

Originally Posted by malmomike77

Anyone know how to install ceiling mirrors?

Ask Looper, he's your mirrors man on here