Best Flame Posts

[Begbie]

As Stroll has started a thread of "The Stupidest Posts" in the Games room I thought I'd start one of the "Best Flame Posts". Here's a classic from TV.

Georgie-Fukwit

You post in a way that makes slugs and other invertebrates look like Nobel Prize winners. Your post is an orgy of stultifying cacophonous verbal depravity; an exercise in literary impotence, and an offense to all of good taste and decency.

When I want your monkey-brained opinion I'll rattle your cage, okay? If ignorance were a disability, you'd get the full pension. Anyway, who was talking to you or even taking you under consideration? How true is Stanislaw J. Lec's famous remark: "Every now and then you meet someone whose ignorance is encyclopedic."

Most repair manuals are far more interesting than you, and far less turgid to read. Looking at you, Darwin would NOT be pleased to see how inefficiently evolution sometimes works. Maybe you wouldn't be such an arsehole if you weren't intellectually slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through a vat of chunky peanut butter, or if you weren't so ugly that even the tide wouldn't take you out. No, come to think of it, you would.

In future, wake up the dozy peglegged hamster operating that wheel-powered brain of yours before you start typing.

[stroller]

Very funny and spot on.
However, I prefer the short, snappy ones.

Can't search for sickboy's nor the gent's posts, they're both banned everywhere, lol.

[lom]

Dear Randall "fuck face" Nielsen
You're an idiot.
A moron of the highest order. You're so stupid it's a wonder you can
remember to breath. Intelligent ideas bounce off your head as if it were
coated with teflon. Creative thoughts take alternate transportation in order
to avoid even being in the same state as you. If you had an original thought
it would die of loneliness before the hour was out.
On an intelligence scale of 1 to 10 (10 corresponding to the highest
attainable IQ) you're rating is so far into negative numbers that one would
need to travel into another quantum reality in order to even catch a distant
glimpse of it. Your personality is that of a rabid Chihuahua intent on
destroying its own tail. Your powers of observation are like that of the
bird who keeps slamming into the picture window trying to get that other
bird it keeps seeing. You are walking, talking proof that you don't have to
be sentient to survive, and that Barnum was thinking of you when he uttered
his immortal phrase regarding the birth of a sucker. You are, at varying
times, tedious, boring, earth shatteringly hilarious in your idiocy,
childish, moronic, pathetic, wretched, disgusting and pitiful.
You are wholly without any redeeming social grace or value. If God ever
decides to give the planet an enema you'd better run like the wind because
anywhere you stand is a suitable place for The Insertion. There is no animal
so disgusting, so vile that it deserves comparison to you, for even the
lowest, dirtiest, most parasitic member of the animal kingdom fills an
ecological niche. You fill no niche. To call you a parasite would be
injurious to the thousands of honest parasitic species.
You are worse than vermin, for vermin do not pretend to be what it is not.
You are truly human garbage. You are a fraudulent, lying, predatory
charlatan. You are of less worth than a burnt-out light bulb. You will
forever live in shame. You have nothing to say, and Godwin's Law does not
apply when writing about you.
You are the anti-Midas, for all that you touch becomes valueless and
unusable. Mothers gather their children close when you appear. You are an
aberration, a corruption, a boil that needs to be lanced. You are a poison
in need of being vomited. You are a tooth so rotten it infects the whole
body. You are sperm that should have been captured in a condom and flushed
down a toilet. I don't like you. I don't like anybody who has as little
respect for others as you do. Go away, you swine.
You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm
deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a
weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion,
a big suck on a sour lemon. You are a curdled staggering mutant dwarf
smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth
into this world. Meaningful to no one, abandoned by the puke-drooling,
giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of
what they had done.
I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as
you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of
you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile,
worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this
earth. And did I mention you smell? Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep
won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for
attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. You are a waste of flesh.
You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral
equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You
are sour and senile. You are a disease. You puerile one-handed slack-jawed
drooling meatslapper.
On a good day you're a halfwit. You are deficient in all that lends
character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy.
You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You
spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.
You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate,
noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise
everything about you, and I wish you would go away. I cannot believe how
incredibly stupid you are.
The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. Maybe later in life,
after you have learned to read, write, study, spell, and count, you will
have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us
"normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of
mastering. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a
handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social
struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.
P.S.:
You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly,
deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent,
opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted,
racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic,
insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine,
conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic,
ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive,
double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic,
fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased,
suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy,
weird, dystopic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic,
jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, arassive,
poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, and socially-retarded.
So in other words fuckoff loser

[danbo]

My favourites are those which 'show' rather than 'tell'. The most effective form of attack is by highlighting someone's idiocy by re-using the idiot's original material to highlight its absurdity. Insults are 'lazy journalism'.

[friscofrankie]

you gotta admit though

If God ever decides to give the planet an enema you'd better run like the wind because anywhere you stand is a suitable place for The Insertion.

That was rather eloquent.

[stroller]

Ok, here's one from the gent:

Wait to you guys are in the middle of a global Jihad, you wont be laughing and poking your tongue out then USTroller. You will be running down the street with a sheet over your head yelling Allah, ishmilla.
I hope they come for you first.

[Boon Mee]

The Gent /Tornado's posts don't hold a candle to some of sickboy's & erco's jewells. Too much work to look back on all that crap...

[Marmite the Dog]

Was fitby40 banned by any chance?

[Begbie]

No though I suspect he was someone else who has been banned.

[Butterfly]

I used to flame a lot when I was in some crazy unmoderated board where everyone was shouting. Quite funny in the beginning and quite a few good exchanges we had back then with other flamers. Now I am much more quiet.

[Mr Earl]

I used to flame a lot when I was in some crazy unmoderated board where everyone was shooting. Quite funny in the beginning and quite a few good exchanges we had back then with other flamers. Now I am much more quiet.

You couldn't flame if someone held a blowtorch to your ass.
You cant flame because a brain is prerequisite.
You cant flame because your intellect was sent to Siberia(frozen solid like permafrost) when your were 2 years old.
Don't tell us you can flame when you cant. Who fucking cares? No one.

[Butterfly]

^ is that the best you can do ??? LOL

[Mr Earl]

I never made any claims to being a great flamer! But you are easy game, you should have paid attention to the topic.

[attaboy]

Mark: American Sam, You make me laugh. You cant help yourself. What makes Paul okay? Well you see, its easy. Its called the pub test. If I was going to the pub who would I prefer a drink with, Paul or say you? Paul wins everytime. Because he is, despite what some of you seem to assume, a pretty decent down to earth person despite his "faults". You on the other hand are a cnut. Simple really

Mel: Your easy test is kind of silly. You and Paul are American bashers. Sam is not.

Dave: Mel- if someone can wind you up, that means they wouldn't be fun to have a drink with?

Mel: No, I'm saying I understand why Mark would choose Paul over American Sam. He and Paul could sit and bash all night.

Mark : Well done - you have just highlighted why you would be shit at a pub. In a pub you drink and chat. You dont "bash" anything (and if you check rather than rely on your prejedice I dont "bash" america much)

Mel: Is this a british custom or just a custom of yours from having your ass kicked because when you get drunk you're loud and lack breadth of view, a view which you tend to expound over and over whether someone wishes to listen or not. I have an image of you and your view. You belt it out like a karaoke song. You're right about that. I'm a bit ignorant about your posts. I've only read a few. Guilty as charged. Okay, you don't bash much, just a little bit.

Mark: And (your image of me and my view) is likely wrong based on the bilge you just wrote.

Mel: You're probably right Mark. I figure you for a decent regular person like anyone else here . If you are out drinking with Paul don't let him do you any favors for you with your credit card. He has a problem with that sort of thing.

Mark: lol. Dont worry I am not drinking with anyone.

[stroller]

A recent one from one of our esteemed members:

I think the only thing being eliminated here is your few remaining braincells. You have no absolutely no class, an embarrassing lack of common sense and appalling manners. And those are your good points. Some might say you have an entertainment value here on TD, but I am afraid that you most likely achieve more pity than laughs.

It's OK though - vent your emotions here where you can do no harm, and when you have reached the end of puberty (or complete senility - whatever comes first), perhaps the world seem a kinder place, and perhaps more forgiving of your shortcomings.....

Perhaps even one day, you will learn to comprehend when adults speak, and hopefully outgrow juvenile outbursts like this one (and perhaps even learn how to spell):

where's the joke you're talking about? Is calling then whores or proistitutes supposed to be funny? Fuckoff and grow a brain.

although I do have my doubts.......

[benbaaa]

I'm waiting for Smeg or one of his alter-egos to start banging on about TEFL in Thailand again, because I heard about this quote from Churchill which I'd like to use:

A fucking tedious twat is someone who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.

(Ok, I changed it a wee bit. )

[sabang]

A brief contretemps' -

Originally Posted by sabang
I was not aware that you had met him actually?
I dont want to meet you ,him and any other members of the criminal community that masquerade as business men in Pattaya.
Originally Posted by sabang
Don't like Stilton then?

No and I dont like your mates either.
Thanks for confirming my earlier suspicions.

sabang- Your 'earlier suspicions' interest me about as much as your personality, or lack thereof.
At least I have mates.

[sabang]

To a local Bar owner, Pattaya Chat days, enquiring about some BM's affinity for Ladyboys-

The sarcastic responses you are encountering are not atypical Colonboss, given the fact that this same question pops up with monotonous regularity here.
If you want to know what it feels like to take it up the arse, why don't you just ask one of your girls?
sabang

[stroller]

Ah, I finally found one of "sickboy" from the bearpit, edited for length:

Firstly, there is an expression: "When you are in a hole, stop digging."
I think that applys quite nicely to the crap you continue to spew forth.
Stop trying to be a smart-arse because it is blatently obvious that your knowledge of tsunamis and the dynamics thereof would fit on the back of a stamp.
...

I just happened to check in

Yes, you may well make excuses. I realise it must be quite embarrassing what with your self-imposed exile an' all. What happened this time? Miss-click of the mouse or some unknown link bought you here again, was it? You are like a unwanted visitor who was "just in the area so I thought I'd just pop in." Everyone groans and can't wait for him to bugger off. I think it's time they changed the locks.
...

If I made a somewhat insensitive remark about a certain 'sick' individual, that is unfortunate. However, his actions only highlight his own intellectual depravity.

What on earth do you mean "if"? Has senility finally set in and you've forgotten or is this your pathetic attempt at an apology. If so then you can shove it where the sun doesn't shine. You revealed your true colours long ago which exposed you for the fraud that you are. A sad pathetic wannabee suffering from googlephobia.
Next time you find yourself "in the area", just keep on walking by.

[Begbie]

Ah, I finally found one of "sickboy" from the bearpit, edited for length:

A sad pathetic wannabee suffering from googlephobia.
Next time you find yourself "in the area", just keep on walking by.

But who was he refering to ?

[stroller]

John 'Sniper' L, who wished sickboy had gone missing in the Tsunami, hence the slight agitation in the comment.

[Jarvis]

Who's sickboy?

[slimboyfat]

Who's sickboy?

i think stroller is.

and don't call me boy

[Frankenstein]

^You go, girl!

[Spin]

One from Tv that sticks in my mind from Sriracha John amid election discussions

"Do these imagined events happen anywhere outside the deep confines of your own cerebrum's misfiring neurons?"