When I was about 12 I bought a large ammount of Sulphur from the chemists (Pharmacy) a large ammount of "Salt Peter"...Pottasium something or other from a gardening shop, and mixed this together with some ground up charcoal drawing pencils ( whilst my mother was out doing her part time job, and, my old man was upstairs sleeping after a 12 hour shift on nightshift)

After mixing the chemicals together in a small tin on the kitchen table, it appeared they would not ignite!

It was only after I stuck an exploding "Puck" match into the concoction that I realised the potency, I was relieved of all facial hair, eyebrows, any pubescent growth, about 1 inch of my hair around my head had disappeared, and the whole sitting room ceiling had turned completely black!

About 30 seconds after this explosion, and it was a fucker of a bang, I heard the sleepy voice of my father, who, to be honest, was almost prepelleled to another world, hollor out from the bed, in a comatose state...."What are YouTwo FUCKERS DOING DOWN THERE?" Luckily we got away with it and he fell back asleep. Me and my brother cleaned the shit up the best we could..but to this day I can almost picture my old man rocketing to space on his bed, powered by his idiot sons!