Thread: Quick Jokes

I've just been to the corner shop, I bought 3 corners

^
Well it hit the quick criteria, big fail for the second part

Why the Indian team is not allowed to play in the FIFA World Cup. Every time they are awarded a corner, someone opens a store!

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: “I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.”
She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”
She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that…
1) You have to be single and
2) You must be Catholic.”
The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!”
“OK” the nun says. “Pull into the next alley.”
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
“My dear child,” said the nun, “why are you crying?”
“Forgive me, but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”
The nun says, “That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party!”

^

Originally Posted by SiLeakHunt

I've just been to the corner shop, I bought 3 corners

^ It made I larf.

Originally Posted by Chittychangchang

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: “I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.”
She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”
She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that…
1) You have to be single and
2) You must be Catholic.”
The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!”
“OK” the nun says. “Pull into the next alley.”
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
“My dear child,” said the nun, “why are you crying?”
“Forgive me, but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”
The nun says, “That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party!”

^ And so did that.

why did the chicken cross the road..to get to the other side....lol

How Long is a China Man's name.

That really is is his name, no joke

Isn't the 21st Century great, deleting history is more important than making it.

Congratulations to Tu Youyou on winning the Nobel Prize in Medicine and for being the most confusing person to sing Happy Birthday to.

The money is a nice bonus.

But the real joy in robbing the Post Office is watching the staff move quickly for fucking once.

^ considering the terrible, abysmal, pitiful standard of your jokes recently, that was almost, not quite, but almost, nearly, on the brink of being amusing.

Made me laff

When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble

^
Good God man 3062 was funny, but you have undone it all with the above offering - up your game.

What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo ?

One's a large mammal, the other's a little lighter

I went for an Indian the other night and said "Can I have a beaver curry?"

The waiter said "What's one of them"

I said "It's like a chicken curry, just a little otter.

A seal walks into a club...

''I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it'', he said, "Those are pickled onions''

Went to the paper shop - it had blown away

Q: Where do monkeys go to drink?
A: The monkey bars!

Take me drunk I'm home.

source: Alcohol Jokes - Alcoholic Jokes

People are really strange. When you scream in a library they tell you to shut up but when you do it on an airplane everyone joins in.

I used to have a job working at a garage fitting tires but I couldn’t handle the pressure