My friend says her dog will retrieve a ball over a mile away, but that sounds far-fetched to me.
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My friend says her dog will retrieve a ball over a mile away, but that sounds far-fetched to me.
What do you call a zoo with no animals except for one dog?
A Shih Tzu.
A little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.
As she ran, she would lift up her nightgown and say "Supersex."
She ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Lifting up her nightgown at him, she said, "Supersex."
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup.
Me and my flat chested wife went to the marriage therapist.
The therapist said "What seems to be the issue?"
I said "Well Dolly Parton here thinks I'm too sarcastic".
a dung beetle walks into a bar ansd asks the bartender " is that stool taken?"
one for mendy.
geology rocks, but geography’s where it’s at!
Seaweed is really good for you. If you're ever in trouble, sea kelp.
What did one geologist say to the other while they both stared down at a giant fissure in the rocks?
"I wonder whose fault this is."
It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
Ok I love it when people repeat what I’ve said, but don’t quote me on that.
Apparently in Hawaii they like to honour Lulu
A dyslexic walks into a bra...........................
My fear of moving stairs is escalating
Dyslexics in the word untieQuote:
Originally Posted by david44
Isle eye kit
Instead of Drew, I'm going to name my kid Driew. Now I know what you're thinking, but it's only weird if you say it backwards
My glue factory went insolvent
Please help...dog owner missing. Deaf in one ear, only one functioning foot, suffers with Pyjama rash by proxy and Mitts, hair keeps falling out, almost blind and has arthritis, Good retriever of Elephant poo, may be neutred.
Answers to the name of 'Lucky'.
How much did the pirate's new earrings cost him?
A buccaneer.
People say I am a plagiarist.
Their words not mine.
A beginner's guide to chromosomes:
XY : Male
XX : Female
YYY : Delilah
Nothing to do ? Why not try to improve yourself sit in a bath of porridge
Take up Buddhist meditation.
It beats sitting around all day doing bugga all.
If you give a hand job to a plumber, an electrician, a carpenter and a builder. You can be a jack-off all trades.
For sale.
George Foreman Grill set and Mohammed Ali DVDs.
Both boxed.
When you're a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You've gotten so big since the last time I saw you!"
As an adult, not so much.
A friend asked what he should do about his obsession with seaweed.
I said, “Sea Kelp”.
Did you hear about the Scotsman that found a trumpet growing at the bottom of his garden?
He rooted it oot.
The husband comes back and catches his wife with his best friend. He shouts and threatens his wife and then turns to his best friend and says "Bad dog."
A Russian spy, a sexual predator and a billionaire walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “What can I get you, Mr. President?”
Nailed it!Quote:
Originally Posted by david44
Q: Why don’t blind people go skydiving more often?
A: Because it frightens the dog!
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water
Phew!
I just spent 30 minutes on the treadmill.
Tomorrow, I’m going to turn it on.
I just got a new satnav for seniors. It gets you where you want to go, then it reminds you why you are there.
I thought about retraining as a history teacher.
But there's no future in it.
I asked the librarian if she had a book about Pavlov's dog and Schrödinger's cat.
She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.
I asked the librarian if she had a book about paranoia. She whispered "they're right behind you".
That book about anti-gravity is impossible to put down.
A book fell on the librarian’s head—she only had her shelf to blame.
It’s not the best ceiling I’ve ever seen, but it’s up there.