The Blokes' Cookery Thread

[dirk diggler]

The way to a man's heart is ......

"Straight through the fucking ribcage"

~ My psycho ex gf from Peterhead

[Mendip]

^ What else dyou really expect from Peterhead?

[dirk diggler]

And he couldn't cook to save her species.

[Looper]

Looper, I don't think you need to get a dog.

I think am on top of these chicken schnitzels so I might not need the dog

My emergency consumption plan was to try and turn them into oversize McChicken sandwiches with Turkish Pide bread

Used the grill for the schnitzels + capsicum + iceberg + caesar

I think I will spray them with oil next time. I have never cooked a schnitzel before.

A Blitzkrieg bap?

Thumbs up from Heinz Guderian who was overseeing the German schnitzel process

She's fattening you up for the kill mate.

The Rendang was good but I won't give Senorita the full tin of kidney beans in her Tom Yum next time as she was letting off some little lady-farts as she snored happily into the wee hours

She was gone this morning to spend her day off with her daughter. She sent me regular text updates of what they were up to. She also left a curious cowrie shell on the kitchen counter in among the armoured divisions

I am not sure if this is some Indo black magic voodoo token

[dirk diggler]

I am not sure if this is some Indo black magic voodoo token

Spy warfare.

Is it heavier than it should be?

Lazada's got your back.

[Looper]

^I am not sure what bandwidth Indo black magic works on but I will keep a wary distance from the mysterious cowrie for now


This second schnitzel was streets better than the first. Don't grill them. They need to be fried to soak up lots of olive oil for the real McChicken dripping experience

Melt some cheese on top while chopping the iceberg

Finish under the grill then top with cracked pepper

Slice to size

Top with spicy peri peri sauce

Then a top layer of iceberg and caesar

Forget about Colonel Sanders Kentucky Fried Chicken - this is Generaloberst Guderian's Bavarian Fried Chicken. Yawohl!

[dirk diggler]

That's a winner.

Half for breakfast?

[Looper]

^It was actually way more filling done this way and I struggled to get over the line

But with the Generaloberst watching me like a hawk I did not have the nerve to take it back to the kitchen unfinished

[dirk diggler]

Get the dog!

[Looper]

Field Marshall Walter Model has pulled off his sheepskin and pulled rank on General Guderian as he has got a few schnitzel tricks up his sleeve

He reckons if you fry one side then flip it and put the cheese on and put the put lid on top then you can streamline out the grill step for the cheese. And I think he is on the money.

Get the dog!

4 schnitzels down and 1 to go so the dog is out of a job I think.

Walter is well decorated with his 1st 2nd and Knights crosses

He was keeping a beady monocle on that chicken to make sure I didn't burn it

[DrWilly]

Why dont you start an Army dolls thread?

[Mendip]

^ If it can include Toy Story dolls and Teletubbies then I can join in?

[DrWilly]

^ If it can include Toy Story dolls and Teletubbies then I can join in?

Crack on mate.

[BLD]

Mrs Bld has suddenly started to cook again.thats a good thing and im sure the shark biscuits are happy to have a change from my sometimes culinary fuck ups, This leaves me free to cook something for my own enjoyment. Something that goes well with 20 cans of asahi. Kangaroo steak caught my eye today so i lashed out and bought some.

[DrWilly]

Hot and fast. Don't overcook it.

[BLD]

Food has gotten quite expensive in oz lately and i was surprised that roo was also quite expensive considering you can usually get it for free if you have a roo bar fitted to your tojo, i dont unfortunately but if this steak is any good ? Then im getting one asap.

[BLD]

Good advice probably with some onions im not gonna fuck around with aromatics etc i just want the full skippy meat experience..its been ages since ive had it

[Joe 90]

I remember it being lean and sweet.

Was cheap as fook back then, half kilo steaks for a dollar.

I reckon it would go good in a curry...

[Looper]

A blokes' master-class touch to reduce the cooking time on a cottage pie is to cook it in the microwave for 5 minutes before finishing the cheese topping in the grill

This reduces the cooking time but increases prep time. Everything in life is a trade-off.

[hallelujah]

Why is there a sniper with his sights trained on Dua Lipa?

[david44]

I tried roo once and relaize why it is never used in upscale market in Europe where it might pass for animal tucker or for those who lack the will power to be vegan, pastafarians, pisscatarians or wegietarians

[DrWilly]

I tried roo once and relaize why it is never used in upscale market in Europe where it might pass for animal tucker or for those who lack the will power to be vegan, pastafarians, pisscatarians or wegietarians

Nonsense, clearly you didn’t get a good cut or good cook.

[Looper]

Why is there a sniper with his sights trained on Dua Lipa?

I like that little Russian lady. I hope the 1/35 troops don't harass her in her hot pants when I am not looking!


Refining my cottage pie bloke tactics.

Microwave the pie to cook it without the cheese on and then add the cheese after so it gets grilled without being microwave melted.

Then adorn with pepper and mixed herbs.

[Looper]

Refining my cottaging skills I have started adding thyme and rosemary to the cheese as it is melting onto the cooked pie after the microwave. This gives the herbs a chance to suffuse into the cheese as it bubbles and crisps under the grill

It was so herbaliciously fragrant and yummy smelling that I forgot to take the grilled money shot

[dirk diggler]

I don't think I've ever chanced a plastic container under the grill, will have to give it a go...

... probably won't though.