Can you believe how stupid I am? It is all my fault after all! Silly fucking me!
I motivated my arse today to dig out the Brush Cutter, there is a bit of grass to be cut.
There was no petrol, so I headed of and bought a few litres.
The machine is a two stroke so you have to mix the [at]T autolube with the petrol.
I kept a small half litre bottle with all of the other lubes and greases in a toolbox outside, and have done for the past two years.
Goes to look for the two stroke, gone! later I find it has been "moved" into the utility room.
These are the same "CLEVER " people that mix Roundup Weedkiller in the ratio of almost 1:1...you really have to lock everything away from them..they will end up hurting themselves...no sharp knives...I am waiting to see which clever fucker decides to go and light the rubbish pile..the one I poured the two litres of petrol on...BOOM!
Now, bare in mind that recently the wife had to get the bike an oil change - by one of her retarded family...and the story unfolds.
I have to clean out the fuel tank of the brush cutter, as another one of the retard family has used the fuel mixing bottle to syphon off some petrol for his bike, and the bottle is full of shit!
So I clean that out, and stick a litre of petrol in, and then pour in the 1:25 mix of 2 stroke oil.
But something is obviously wrong! The petrol, instead of its normal red colour, has now turned black...
Some fuck wit has emptied the old oil from the motorbike sump into my 2 stroke bottle, and I have just filled the brush cutter with the same shit!
Nothing else to do but ditch a litre or two of foul fuel and clean the machine...luckily I didn't start it!
Pretty pissed off at this point, but none the less I decide to take the pushbike to the next village to buy some fresh 2T oil. I have bought it from the same woman for the past 6 years.
Gets back and am about to open the little half litre bottle when I see on the side...20W light GEAR OIL!!!!
Like, fuck this...I specifically asked for 2T.(And she understood me)
Anyway, I take it back, and she tries telling me that EVERYONE USES THIS!!! I persevered, and eventually a refund was given. (this is about 20KM on a pushbike already)
Went to a second shop and finaly got the 2T.
Then the wife gets back, and I "DARE" to question the intelligence of her sub normal retarded Orang Utang fucking family... bare in mind that the evidence points directly at them following a recent oil change...(empty four stroke bottles outside the front door...and guess what?
Why LO AND BEHOLD..it is all MY fault...I did it...I put a quarter of a litre of DIRTY FUCKING ENGINE OIL into MY two stroke oil, then I deliberately mixed it with almost two litres of good petrol..then I poured it into my brush cutter!!! Amazing, the Sherlock fucking Holmes of Thailand...I asked her if she could actually make a deduction as to why I didn't go the whole nine yards and start the fucking machine and seize the engine...Maybe I was committing a subtle defamation of her retarded fucking family!
Can you believe these fuckers...they will call black white rather than admit to a mistake, they cannot under any circumstances be made to look out as the stupid fuckwits that they really are. You know... I even suggested it was Santa Claus...she said it was probably a ghost...but never her fucking idiot family! (The ones that rinse petrol tanks out with water...the ones that join all four wires together from the mains to make a circuit...God fucking help me!)
Never mind, it will probably be HER mistake when she mistakenly puts a half a kilo of sugar into her petrol tank of her bike in the morning...probably thinking she is making a nice cup of coffee!
We shall see where this ends up...fucking people!
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16-01-2010, 08:35 PM #1I am in Jail
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Of Course...it's MY FAULT STUPID FUCKING ME!
Last edited by Missismiggins; 16-01-2010 at 08:41 PM.
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16-01-2010, 08:45 PM #2better looking than Ned
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Get a better wife.
Originally Posted by Missismiggins
If things go missing or anything damaged in my shed the wife gets stuck into them.
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16-01-2010, 08:56 PM #3I am in Jail
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I can't..they are all stupider than her around here and I don't have any bus fare! Originally Posted by Rigger
Get a better wife. Originally Posted by Missismiggins
If things go missing or anything damaged in my shed the wife gets stuck into them.
But tonight....it's SUGAR TIME...(When I used to have to stay with her mother, when we first came here about 10 years ago, I used to buy a bit of "western food" from Lotus...put it in the fridge...tins of tomato puree ...yes I am a puff that likes cooking...these cunts used to open the can and poke a finger in.. they wouldn't eat it..just open it and spoil it..it really pissed me off.
Before flying back to Shanghai, it was not unusual for me to buy a few big bottles of Coke, remove the first 1/4 litre, replace it with piss, and pop it back in the fridge...Chock DEE!
In a similar vein, we had a brush cutter back then, it was stored at the devils den, and I used to buy a few litres of petrol and leave it in a bottle outside.
EVERY FUCKING TIME, you wanted to use the machine, some [at][at][at][at] had helped themselves to the petrol...this was when I decided that a small investment of 100 Baht, and a few hundred grammes of sugar was worthwhile...after all of their grass cutting equipment "mysteriously" broke down...they avoided the Farangs petrol like the plague!
Some animals you can teach quickly, dogs being the perfect example...but Thais, you need to constantly hit them on the head with a stick... they NEVER LEARN!...twat twat twat...don't touch what is not yours...do they understand?
My simple adage was "DID YOU OR DID THEY BUY IT????? THEN WHY DID YOU FUCKING TOUCH IT????Last edited by Missismiggins; 16-01-2010 at 09:04 PM.
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16-01-2010, 09:01 PM #4Thailand Expat
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Originally Posted by Missismiggins
Excellent rant Miggs,I'm really glad you held it together long enough to tell us about it.
Have a green for your trouble mate
I'm gonna have to owe you on that green mate
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16-01-2010, 09:02 PM #5Thailand Expat
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And I thought I had problems.
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16-01-2010, 09:14 PM #6I am in Jail
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The hilarity of it all..they will probably have another three or four fucking shrines up and running when the bike conks out due to the high sugar intake...fuck em! I have no patience with these idiots... Originally Posted by superman
I have spent most of my life, giving and taking, trying to see the good in people and trying to allow for their faults...but there really is a fucking limit...you cannot go on and on forever accepting lunacy as an excuse...stupid is as stupid does.. sorry!
And, as far as I know, you have to educate stupid people, when it costs these fuckers a baht...they will LEARN! If it is free they won't give a flying fuck..
I have just poured almost 2 litres of good petrol down the drain... it cost me...these fuckers would not do that!
They would rather filter it through their kids stomachs than lose a half Satang!
Sugar...15 Baht a Kilo...sit back and enjoy!
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16-01-2010, 09:22 PM #7The cold, wet one
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Excellent story MissisM. Green sent.
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16-01-2010, 09:30 PM #8I am in Jail
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Originally Posted by November Rain
Excellent story MissisM. Green sent.
An ambulance might be better...it feels like I live in a fucking madhouse!
Over the past few years, I have found great pleasure in having 20 Rai of land, all well planted with trees of many descriptions, those SHIT Lam Yai, 600 teaks, 100 mangos.. most of which I can fuck off and hide behind best part of the day...no wonder I don't want to cut the grass...I hide in it well away from stupidity! This is when you can REALLY escape...take a bottle of beer, a packet of cigs, and just disappear... no one can find you, no one even tries to find you as it is too much effort...fantastic! you can be found when YOU want to be found!
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16-01-2010, 09:28 PM #9The Dentist
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You really need to build a small workshop, lock it and give nobody else a key.
Originally Posted by Missismiggins
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17-01-2010, 09:36 AM #10Thailand Expat
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Not even yourself, looks like. Originally Posted by English Noodles
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16-01-2010, 09:31 PM #11I'm in Jail
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that's what you get for living with peasants, and monkeys
don't blame them, blame yourself
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16-01-2010, 11:09 PM #12I am in Jail
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Don' t RUB IT IN! Originally Posted by Butterfly
that's what you get for living with peasants, and monkeys
don't blame them, blame yourself
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16-01-2010, 09:35 PM #13On a walkabout
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I lost about 200,000 Bahts worth of tools and hand held electric machinery and all I said to the missus was "I told you so"!
She banished the lot of the cvnts and guess what........it wasn't my fault.
Best your missus finds another family or you find another missus.
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16-01-2010, 09:45 PM #14I am in Jail
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I'll play it by ear...they are dying off slowly like lice...as long as I don't have to pay for anything...fine by me! Originally Posted by Loy Toy
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16-01-2010, 09:37 PM #15Out there...
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Nice tale and you're bang on the money. Taking responsibility is something they can't and wont do.
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16-01-2010, 09:47 PM #16On a walkabout
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I understand your position miggins but it must be quite frustrating with your missus always taking her families side when they fvck up. Originally Posted by Missismiggins
You certainly have more patience then me!
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16-01-2010, 09:54 PM #17I am in Jail
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Originally Posted by Loy Toy
I understand your position miggins but it must be quite frustrating with your missus always taking her families side when they fvck up. Originally Posted by Missismiggins
You certainly have more patience then me!
But, when you have been here a while, you also become a bit more improvising..like I say there are many ways to skin a cat...sugar in the petrol tank...they wouldn't even to begin to guess!
Imagine the bike coughing and spluttering...a mile from home...you will never be held responsible....it happened outside...puff on your cigar, sit back, relax and enjoy...
You can have patience, understanding , forgiveness and lots of love in your heart...but eventually, Thais will GNAW at these treasures, until they are turned to dust and hate!
Sorry if it isn't a happy ending, but the reality of living here is really nothing like paradise...it is like a fucking war. Every step here is like jumping through hoops for these people...immigration. police, families, vendors...you name it...you need to jump through a fucking hoop for it! I feel like fucking Lassie at times! and you will (99%) of the time, never be allowed to join in...it doesn't matter if you have been here 10 million years...you will never be Thai... (probably not a bad thing really if you are part of evolution and the human race)Last edited by Missismiggins; 16-01-2010 at 10:01 PM.
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16-01-2010, 09:51 PM #18I am in Jail
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I spend my days poisoning grass and weeds, cutting dead wood, pruning trees, watering this and that...I try to avoid the complexities of stupidity.
I don't go to temples any more, as these are beseiged by saffron clad vermin.
When you first arrive, you think...wow, what a wonderful place to visit...fuck that..unemployable thieves.
Tam Boen...merit making..buying your god...never been into that shit...
guess I stay at home...not one for going out on the piss, nah, I'd rather hide in the long grass with a bottle of Chang!
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16-01-2010, 09:57 PM #19Thailand Expat
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I thought that sugar in the petrol thing was an urban myth...
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16-01-2010, 10:05 PM #20I am in Jail
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Originally Posted by kingwilly
Not at all..it is a caremalized carb reality!
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16-01-2010, 10:00 PM #21On a walkabout
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Yes that could be satisfying until the urchins come, cap in hand wanting some money to fix their bike. Originally Posted by Missismiggins
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16-01-2010, 10:15 PM #22I am in Jail
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It's not the kids, they are only fucked up by their parents..in fact I am in the middle of trying to get loads of hats and Tee Shirts delivered from china for some of the local kids...I am selective with who is fucking stupid. Originally Posted by Loy Toy
Yes that could be satisfying until the urchins come, cap in hand wanting some money to fix their bike. Originally Posted by Missismiggins
I have a few mates in and around Shanghai that want to help the poor kids too believe it or not!
But what I will not do is to SUBSCRIBE TO THIS FUCKING ANIMISTIC JOWTIE SHIT!!!!!
not in a million years, but if I can help a few poor kids with a bike a shirt or a hat...fair do's
but they can shove their religious fear mongering crap so far up their arses I hope it disappears out of their mouths...sorry.. but that is my view. I won't give one Baht to the unemployable thieving ex criminal vermin that reside in their saffron robes at most of these temples, however, a litre or two of benzine/petrol would be galdly donated providing someone locked the door first, and it was poured through the roof!
There needs to be some real help here for the kids...help where the kids GET IT and these thieving cunts can't get their stinking hands on it!
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16-01-2010, 10:13 PM #23Banned
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^ Yes, works like a charm... Causes a real mess on fuel injection systems...
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16-01-2010, 10:17 PM #24I am in Jail
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Originally Posted by Muadib
A high sugar count in the carb..they won't get 5KM It's heart disease for an engine...
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16-01-2010, 11:50 PM #25PAGGuest
Enjoyable reading, though sympathies with the trials and tribulations!
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