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  1. #1
    Thailand Expat jandajoy's Avatar
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    Not If You Paid Us, Say Gurkhas

    NOT IF YOU PAID US, SAY GURKHAS
    VICTORIOUS Gurkhas last night said they wouldn't live in Britain if you paid them, insisting they really just wanted to prove a point.

    Welcome, tiny soldiers
    As the government pandered shamelessly to 15,000 of the tiny mountain warriors, they admitted that, to them, Britain was a vast, open sewer filled with bloated turds, but it was the principle of the thing.

    A Gurkha spokesman said: "I think we can all now agree that if you ask a man to risk his life while hacking off the heads of your enemies for you, then you should at least be willing to live in the same country as him.

    "Now that we've established that, let me be the first to say that Britain is a crumbling, high-tax nightmare filled with fat, lazy cretins who wouldn't know culture if it vomitted all over them at 11.30 on a Friday night after eight pints of that piss water you call beer."

    He added: "I'd rather live in a box of pins."

    Emma Bradford, a newspaper reader from Doncaster, said: "I've never had a problem with them all moving here, what with them being so tiny. But I did keep asking myself, 'who in the name of Christ would want to?'"

    In the wake of the victory, Gurkha chieftan Joanna Lumley was briefly the most popular woman in British history before ruining it all by saying something nice about Gordon Brown.

    Tom Logan, an interested party from Hatfield, said: "I was very impressed by her passionate, no-nonsense approach and the way she dealt with both MPs and the media, to the extent that I would have proclaimed her my warrior queen and died for her in battle.

    "But then she said something nice about Gordon Brown so she can fuck off."

    Meanwhile thousands of British men in their 40s have added Ms Lumley shouting ferocious Ghurkha slogans to their list of things that should work just fine, thank you very much.


    NOT IF YOU PAID US, SAY GURKHAS - The Daily Mash

  2. #2
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
    withnallstoke's Avatar
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    Bloody handy for the little chaps staffing the British embassy in Bangers. Just nip inside, fill out a form and get a British passport, then stay in Thailand on a tourist visa(couldn't get a work permit because a Thai could be a security guard). Expect to see a small Japanese/Indian looking chap on a visa run with you in the very near future.

  3. #3
    Thailand Expat jandajoy's Avatar
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    OIC Ghurkhas.

    General Lumley.



    posh bird and all round good egg.

  4. #4
    Thailand Expat
    Thai Pom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jandajoy
    that Britain is a crumbling, high-tax nightmare filled with fat, lazy cretins who wouldn't know culture if it vomitted all over them at 11.30 on a Friday night after eight pints of that piss water you call beer."
    That just about sums it up!

    Quote Originally Posted by jandajoy
    OIC Ghurkhas. General Lumley
    Great Idea

  5. #5
    Thailand Expat jandajoy's Avatar
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    She's lovely.

  6. #6
    I am in Jail

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    Quote Originally Posted by jandajoy View Post
    I think we can all now agree that if you ask a man to risk his life while hacking off the heads of your enemies for you, then you should at least be willing to live in the same country as him
    Not really.

    This sentimental mush about the bravery of these men loses sight of the fact they were never offered anything other than money to kill people in the first place.

    And they took it.

    Fucking mercenaries, all of them.

    I don't want one anywhere near me.

    As for Lumley, Tom Logan sums it up nicely.

    she can fuck off

  7. #7
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    Lots in Malaysia working as bodyguards

    Joanna Lumpfish is old and haggard

  8. #8
    Thailand Expat
    Thai Pom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Redrum
    Fucking mercenaries, all of them
    Does that include all soldiers then??

  9. #9
    Thailand Expat jandajoy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DrAndy
    Joanna Lumpfish is old and haggard
    We all get old Doc.

  10. #10
    I am in Jail

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    Quote Originally Posted by Thai Pom View Post
    Does that include all soldiers then??
    No. Some soldiers have an interest in protecting their country, because they & their families live in it, or whatever.

    This lot did it for the cash.

  11. #11
    Thailand Expat jandajoy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Redrum
    No. Some soldiers have an interest in protecting their country, because they & their families live in it, or whatever. This lot did it for the cash.
    Have you ever met a Gurkha? Had a bit of a chat and so on?

  12. #12
    I am in Jail

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    I don't do Gooks.

  13. #13
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    They the Gurkhas are mercenaries full stop.took the Queens shilling,

    Whilst they are good soldiers they are not UK regulars

    Buck Teeth looking resurrect her popularity,

    Emotional Crap

  14. #14
    Thailand Expat
    Thai Pom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jandajoy
    Have you ever met a Gurkha? Had a bit of a chat and so on?
    I would like to see anyone tell a Gurkha that he was a mercenary.....

  15. #15
    I am in Jail

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    I'd happily tell him he was a Gook cnut & to fuck off home.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Redrum
    I don't want one anywhere near me.
    If they were not such fervent loyalist to this country and it's people, i suspect you would need to wear your balaclava full time.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thai Pom
    I would like to see anyone tell a Gurkha that he was a mercenary.....
    Only with a gun at his head,

    Not valid point don,t ya think!

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Redrum View Post
    I'd happily tell him he was a Gook cnut & to fuck off home.

    Good, I will set up a meeting for you

    as for "gooks", I thought that was a term applied to the Vietcong

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by TSR2
    Whilst they are good soldiers they are not UK regulars
    The only thing irregular about them, is the way they have been treated by this government.
    Having lived and worked with them, i know whose corner i would rather be in.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by chassamui
    Having lived and worked with them, i know whose corner i would rather be in.

    Very true Chas but they are still not regulars

  21. #21
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by chassamui
    worked with them, i know whose corner i would rather be in
    Me too and me too!!

  22. #22
    Thailand Expat jandajoy's Avatar
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    I worked, occasionally, with them and had nothing but respect, bordering on awe for their committment and dedication. Another mob that I worked alongside occassionally, had total respect and admiration for them. Mercenaries or not, the dedication and committment they've demonstrated over so many years deserves fair treatment.

    I congratulate them on their dubious achievement.

  23. #23
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    Gurkha Joke

    A bitish patrol was shot at by Gurkha from a hilltop

    Captain orders a man to investigate

    Bang!!

    Catptain sends two men to investigate

    Bang Bang

    Captain sends three men

    Bang Bang

    The third man shouts at the Captain

    ITS A TRAP THERE.S TWO OF THEM

  24. #24
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    Romantic notions of Victoria Crosses & tales of machine-gun nest charging Gooks have got nothing to do with the fact they were paid to do a job & nothing else. That job was killing people. What kind of person picks a career killing people is another matter. As for commitment & dedication, that's partly what employers pay you for. They are only loyal & patriotic about this country because they've been trained to be.

    Mindless mercenaries, that's all they are.
    Last edited by Redrum; 23-05-2009 at 04:22 PM.

  25. #25
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    Happyman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jandajoy
    Have you ever met a Gurkha? Had a bit of a chat and so on?
    Yes! Had several hundred based in the same village in Cyprus on R & R after the Falklands

    Far nicer than the Brit squaddies !

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