Thread: Hopsital treatment - Barbarians or different cultrural values?

I'm in shock, amazed and shocked, but perhaps it is just my cultural expectations....

Girl is pregnant 8-10 weeks, over weekend girl has miscarriage, but it is only partial, so doctor needs her to visit hospital, an ultrasound reveals that the Doctor needs to operate "to clean out what is left".

Unfortunately, girl involved resigned her job in December to start at a new company in February, while each job package includes health insurance, girl is not covered for 2 months ! talk about Murphy's fuckn Laws!

OK. given an ultrasound picture attached to a doctor letter and told meet upstairs, so we wander around the supposedly international hospital showing pic and letter to all and sundry, supposed to check in down first floor, anyway it all gets sorted out! Never mind privacy!

Shown into a private room, TV shower bathroom etc. Nurse wanders in and starts setting up a tray of medical tools, a medical waste box nearby and the sudden realisation that this room is also the bladdy operating theatre!!

The tools are gruesome, stainless steel, heavy sounding clanging as the nurse sorted them out, looked like BBQ implements (sorry for that analogy, but its true!)

Girl laying on bed in stupid gown, still bleeding and crying, didn't want to lose said baby. Anyway, then the nurse gives girl a form sign here please, form says something about an abortion, try to explain that the procedure is more or less the same - its just that the miscarriage has already cause the embryo to die already.

Anyway, lots of staff wandering in and out, yelling up and down the corridor, doctors and anaesthetist come in do their thing, afterwards have disappeared but nurse allows me back into the room where she is sleeping.

She struggles wakes up through the drugs, nurse wanders back in and begins chatting, the nurse gives girl a little plastic bottle...

inside was a pink and red mess,

my growing horror,

surely not,

maybe it is the placenta remains or something?

a cancerous growth removed?


I'm handed it, look at it,


It WAS the dead baby, 2 inches long, recognizable as such, eyes, mouth, arm buds, even the umbilical cord....

I place it on the bench away from girl, apparently we can take it home, I'm not sure why we would want to do that!

The nurse takes it away, but says she'll keep it on her desk in case we change our minds before we leave....


After awhile I thought to myself, that perhaps that viewing the dead foetus is a good way of saying goodbye, that whole closure thing that westerners are not good at, but why on earth would we want to take it home!?

jesusfuckingchrist

Really sorry to hear that, KW. Please give the lass a big hug for me.
Perhaps the nurse thought you may want to bury the foetus? Very sad to hear of your loss.
As I know in Asia, a DNC is crucial or your GF could get septicemia or another deadly infection. The abortion form is standard, but it's extremely hard on the mom's emotions.

sorry - what's a DNC?

Originally Posted by Jet Gorgon

Perhaps the nurse thought you may want to bury the foetus?

I guess that's something i hadn't thought about..

Dilation and curettage (DNC or D&C). Imperative for women who have a miscarriage as there is usually dead tissue remaining in the uterus. If you don't take this dead tissue out, it festers and turns septic. That's what they did for your GF.

Jet's right about the D&C, standard practice - they can't leave it inside of you, but to hand you the foetus - Jeeze! I've never heard of anything so awful. Poor girl. Could it have been any more traumatic for her?

when's the wedding?


(on this one its "fetus" not "foetus" as it makes more sense.)

Terrible experience, best to you both.

Whoa. remind me not to get ill in Jakarta.

*sorry for your loss and trauma.

Horrible experience- I have been there myself.
Chin up, head strait and walk on old boy. Be strong for your Girl.

I have to agree with your previous thread on the subject, but I hope the girl is ok.

And yes, they're a bunch of barbarians.

I'd be glad if the hospital was as thoughtful as handing over the remains, disposing of it as medical waste would have been the 'barbarian' thing to do.
Now you may keep it or bury it with dignity, but it seems the thought hasn't crossed anyone's mind, except for Jet.

^ quite, i did mention that i hadnt thought of that originally, I guess the shock of being presented a little plastic specimen jar with the foetus inside without any warning or explanation and the girl still coming up out of the fog of the anaesthetic drug was a little much.

I'll know for next time.

Originally Posted by kingwilly

I'll know for next time.

Anyone want to start a sweepstake on how soon that will be?

Kind of creepy, I suppose, but you're the visiting team -- play by their rules.

What has the girl said about its disposition?

Originally Posted by slimboyfat

Quote: Originally Posted by kingwilly View Post I'll know for next time.

Anyone want to start a sweepstake on how soon that will be?

FFS, ok insert sarcasm smilie to indicate my thoughts on that line...

^ Aww. You'll be alright, KW. You're in shock right now, as is your lady. You need to get some rest and then you'll have a better head for deciding what you want to do. I'm sure the jokers are just trying to make you feel better, so don't get mad. We all love you (except for Marmers and CMN, of course). Deep breaths and rest.

^I'll definitely agree that they're not as sensitive about it as Western hospitals, but all the bad news etc I've had broken to me in Asian hospitals (HK & here) has been dealt with pretty privately & well. However, with all but one of those hospitals they were top class private ones aimed at an international clientele, so maybe that says something.

Originally Posted by November Rain

Disposing of remains by burning is standard. Would you want an amputated limb given back to you?

I think that's 'barbarian', or rather ill-informed, and it wasn't a limb, but a dead unborn. And yes, I would like to decide myself what to do with a former part of my body, it belongs to me.

Originally Posted by November Rain

wouldn't the civilised thing to do be to take daddy aside and quietly explain to him that their baby's body is available for them to take home & bury if they so wish?

Yes, it would.
But this was not in the UK, but in Asia, different values, I am afraid.

As in the West we are overly squeamish, they lack a certain discretion in Asia.