Crumpler or folder? Toilet activities again

**Texpat** · 26-09-2007, 01:08 AM

For the first 1/3 of my life, I'd always been a crumpler.

Reeling off a length of paper enough to:
a.) protect my fingers and,
b.) knock off the hanger's on.

I enjoyed a prosperous and hygenic life until the day I moved into my temporary "house," in Thailand. Suddenly, the rules changed. (rules of physics, not of hygiene)

The toilet paper my brilliant and lovely wife brought home from Big C was cross between cotton candy and tofu. In rodeo terms, perfectly incapable of wrangling loose the weakest steer my bum could produce.

Houston, we have a problem.

I quickly became atuned to the bum gun, and have now acheived expert status. I've proudly added the marksmanship ribbon to my military rack.
Subsequently, I'm no longer a crumpler, but a folder as I just need to pat dry the offending foxhole.

So where are you in the evolutionary bum scrum?

A folder?

or

A crumpler?

**keda** · 26-09-2007, 02:00 AM

Folding since I can remember, more meticulous, less scapey.

**Bung** · 26-09-2007, 02:40 AM

Now I have seen it all. Someone has started a thread about how they wipe their arse.

This has got to go straight to the famous threads section....

**jizzybloke** · 26-09-2007, 02:41 AM

^^ same here, never gave it much thought until now though!

**Little Chuchok** · 26-09-2007, 02:54 AM

Bum gun

**MeMock** · 26-09-2007, 04:19 AM

Bum Gun

**The Gentleman Scamp** · 26-09-2007, 09:37 AM

Bum Gun

**baldrick** · 26-09-2007, 10:51 AM

bum gum - I just block the hole - should I start a poll ?

**Marmite the Dog** · 26-09-2007, 11:28 AM

Folder if there's no bum gun (unless the paper is no good, then I crumple it).

**jaiyenyen** · 26-09-2007, 11:42 AM

Bum Gun every time, much more fun.
But what is your technique?
I tend to pass the hose under my left knee, take hold of the gun in my left hand, cup ballbag in right hand and lift clear, then FIRE.

Sorry, as you were,
I've just checked, and it's LEFT hand for ballbag and RIGHT hand for gun

**Jet Gorgon** · 26-09-2007, 11:56 AM

Sadly, no bum guns here. Crumpled.

**Boon Mee** · 26-09-2007, 12:01 PM

We installed a bidet (bum gun) and it's the best for those darn 'ol dingle berries I've ever found.

**Jet Gorgon** · 26-09-2007, 12:06 PM

^ Sheryl Crowe will be so happy!

**Boon Mee** · 26-09-2007, 12:09 PM

Originally Posted by Jet Gorgon

^ Sheryl Crowe will be so happy!

Fok Sheryl Crowe - she's a left-wing moonbat!

**blackgang** · 26-09-2007, 02:06 PM

When in Saudi, you use what ever is handy, down by the sea side, use a hand full of sea water. when beside the hyway, use a hand full of crushed rock, When on caravan or just out in the desert, use a hand full of sand, thats why they stink so bad and always wanting to cut someones head off.
Walking around with a hand full of sand in your crack makes ya mean.

**The Gentleman Scamp** · 27-09-2007, 11:27 AM

I can give myself a colonic irrigation if the bum gun is powerful enough, I spray the water right up my nipsy then let it run out again.

Can't get cleaner than that.

**Texpat** · 27-09-2007, 02:11 PM

But do you crumple or fold the paper while wiping?

Or do you just stand up and walk away -- brown water running down your legs?

**mrsquirrel** · 27-09-2007, 02:25 PM

fingers

**Looper** · 27-09-2007, 07:23 PM

Grade 4 sand paper marinaded in hot chilli sauce - folded not crumpled

**AntRobertson** · 27-09-2007, 07:28 PM

I crumple and fold... fold to create maximum surface area for wipage, crumple to fashion a defacto handle of sorts.

**The Gentleman Scamp** · 27-09-2007, 07:35 PM

After a thourough spray I pull down the back of my T-Shirt and dab.

**gusG** · 27-09-2007, 07:38 PM

Scampy go to sleep.Now!

**Blake7** · 27-09-2007, 09:02 PM

I heard that this is a cultural question: apparently brits always fold whilst Americans crumple. Do any of these nationalities do the opposite?

the french, i presume, dont even bother and just slide their pants back on....

**peterpan** · 27-09-2007, 09:08 PM

I thought thats why shirts had tails, buggered if i know what women do tho.

**Looper** · 27-09-2007, 09:10 PM

Folding seems more sensible. You know how many layers between finger and fudge. Surely the randomness of crumpling runs the risk of occasional finger breakthrough/contact. I thought everybody folded. Its amazing what you learn on TD

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