Thread: How can I secure my phone on the beach?

Do you really spend your whole holiday alone/with bar girls?

When I travel alone I tend to meet people pretty quickly and easily.

Make some friends...

Put it under the locked seat of your motorbike, and don't let anybody see you put it there.

Originally Posted by alwarner

Originally Posted by somtamslap

Give it to a geriatric beach masseuse to stash up her snatch.

ha ha

Second trip to Thailand, circa 2002 I was in Chaweng and decided to have a massage on the beach.

Geriatric Masseur was available so went for it. Proper horrible sea hag. Anyway, 150b one hour. Sound. Except for the fact that while I was lying on my front for some unexplainable reason she gave me a diamond cutter. A real stonking boner. The sort of thing that I think inspired the tale of King Arthur pulling the sword from the stone. Try as hard as I might - it wasn't going ANYWHERE!

"I do front now"

"errrrrrrr'

"Turn around please"

"Yeah about that"

My "joy de vivre" wouldn't fuck off so I ended up getting my shoulders rubbed by the thing that was chained up in the cellar in Goonies for 58 minutes.

Aging beach masseuses are the best.

Withnall will be along shortly to regale a tale, no doubt.

The rude, rude fucker!

Originally Posted by somtamslap

Aging beach masseuses are the best. Withnall will be along shortly to regale a tale, no doubt.

I was going to add something earlier.
So similar to Als tale, but with a subtle difference.

In my version, it wasn't King Arthur who pulled the sword.

Originally Posted by withnallstoke

but with a subtle difference.

'Subtle'...

Tell it withnall!

Originally Posted by Bettyboo

Originally Posted by leemo

Here's a novel idea, hire a semen extractor to look after your phone and that way you get a free bonk later.

On the surface that seems like a good idea, but as some members can tell you (no names, D i l l i n g e r) - they are likely to wander orf with it... Being a crappy Samsung, they probably won't bother; no self respecting katoey would be seen dead with a Samsung...

I'm not sure how the ideas of 'hire' and 'free bonk' collide...

The idea was to hire it as a phone protector, so the bonk would be a technical freebie.

I did have a Sony Xperia Z.. but it's water resistant not proof. And salt water is not the best thing to put it in either.

I don't hang around with Bargirls.. or even pay for it.
I'm too cheap to throw 3000baht away for some whore that i know doesn't really wanna be with me.. it's better to get it for free and meet girls of the internet.

Originally Posted by ShrewedPunter

Sorry everyone I like to take pictures on my holidays I'm weird like that ..

Fairy snuff. Are we getting a piccie thread out of this, then?

No, he and Socal shall be meeting up and comparing internet dates. In a shabby hotel room, having anxiety attacks about having to go outside and mingle with real people who walk and talk and communicate using the spoken language.

Originally Posted by Necron99

Put it in a condom, knot it, then take it with you in a bum bag or such

..or such, you mean stick it up his arse right? Sideways methinks.

Originally Posted by Bettyboo

no self respecting katoey would be seen dead with a Samsung...

Originally Posted by Bettyboo

OP, buy a Sony - manup!!!

is this a euphemism to explain something about your choice of hardware ?

Originally Posted by ShrewedPunter

I'm too cheap to throw 3000baht away for some whore that i know doesn't really wanna be with me

And too stupid to buy that Galaxy Note for 7500 baht cheaper in thailand

Originally Posted by ShrewedPunter

I'm the proud new owner of a nice shiny £600 Galaxy Note III

Originally Posted by ShrewedPunter

I'm going to sawadee-kaa land next week and i'm looking for clever and inventive ideas to prevent my phone getting robbed whilst im in the sea..

I'm the proud new owner of a nice shiny £600 Galaxy Note III and i really don't want to lose it.. I have previous history of losing smartphones in Thailand.


Few ideas already..

Bury it in the sand underneath my sunlounger.. (maybe someone will see it)

Get one of those portable safe thingies and secure it to the hair.. (maybe someone will see it and run off with teh whole sunlounger.. or hacksaw though the chair plastic

have a good trip brosky.

I usually just buy a spot on the beach and tell the server to watch my shit. Just leave that blinging phone at the room

Originally Posted by Davis Knowlton

Lock it in the hotel room or the car. Are you sooooooooooooooooooo needy that you can't live without your phone long enough to go to the beach and enjoy yourself. That's like one of my real hates, which is assholes who take their phones to the gym.

What if you got some uni girls numbers that you are keeping track of ? I usually go to the beach for a whole day

Originally Posted by taxexile

buy a 20 quid nokia for your trip.

That's what I do. I love my shitty Thailand phones. Usually I get a trip or 2 out of them. The sim card can last for years too

Originally Posted by taxexile

I'm going to sawadee-kaa land next week and i'm looking for clever and inventive ideas to prevent my phone getting robbed whilst im in the sea..

are you so important, so invaluable, so insecure, so overrated that you cant be separated from your phone for an hour.

what is it with people and their phones, afraid to be left with only your own thoughts for company for 5 minutes?

I go to the beach at 10 AM for the whole day sometimes you fucking clown

Speaking of clowns...

Originally Posted by socal

The sim card can last for years too

Really? I always take a crappy phone and buy a new sim-card on arrival. I thought they were time limited.

Originally Posted by Tickiteboo

Originally Posted by socal

The sim card can last for years too

Really? I always take a crappy phone and buy a new sim-card on arrival. I thought they were time limited.

I turned my phone on after a year of being away and it worked .....

^ result! i still got one from april so maybe it'll work next month

Originally Posted by socal

Originally Posted by taxexile

I'm going to sawadee-kaa land next week and i'm looking for clever and inventive ideas to prevent my phone getting robbed whilst im in the sea..

are you so important, so invaluable, so insecure, so overrated that you cant be separated from your phone for an hour.

what is it with people and their phones, afraid to be left with only your own thoughts for company for 5 minutes?

I go to the beach at 10 AM for the whole day sometimes you fucking clown

you people, you head down phone addicts, you dumbed down zombies who just cant live without these things. you are worse than junkies, you buy into all that marketing nonsense sold to you by the phone companies just like the simpletons you are, like infants staring at sweets in a sweetshop, hands out, salivating grasping for more.

and for what, so you can have gps that tells you what you would know already if you lifted your ugly head and looked at a road sign, so you can take another stupid photo of a plate of spaghetti and post it on facebook, so you can broadcast another facile comment on twitter, or spend all day waiting for that fat bitch to turn down your offer of a macdonalds and a fingering after work.

like the braindead drones you are, you have become no more than pathetic slaves to the companies, pouring money into their unreliable, unnecessary trinkets, which you will only throw away and replace with a new model as soon as ordered to by the company.

as i said, you phone addicts just cant deal with being alone with your own thoughts for five minutes, you must have some silly distraction, something to take your attention away from your own thoughts, from the painful emptiness that exists in your heads down world, living in hope that someone, anyone, even a machine generated message from the phone company itself, brings to life the piece of plastic you spend all day grasping and fiddling with so as to justify your nonsensical existences.

the world has become pathetic.

People like you are obviously too thick to use technology to your advantage..

Take photos, look at maps, phone people, google stuff all combined into a handy little device..

I wonder if you cunts would still be rattling on if i had asked on how to keep this safe at the beach...

Originally Posted by ShrewedPunter

I wonder if you cunts would still be rattling on if i had asked on how to keep this safe at the beach...

Simply pop it into one of these.