There will come a time, Slap, when you go out for a haircut, arrive back home still looking like Boris Johnson, and Mrs Slap will notice (a) that you've been out to get shorn but didn't, and (b) that your wallet has mysteriously lost weight. Sooner or later, two plus two will equal four, and we'll hear no more from Slap. We may, of course, hear of him. In News.