Thread: Can I afford to be a father?

Originally Posted by Looper

If I lived in Thailand I think it would be ideal for bringing up a kid. I would pay a maid to wipe its arse and I would teach it myself. 1 on 1 tuition is about 4 times as productive as classroom learning so I would only have to put in 2 hours a day. It would be quality time and you could watch your experiment become a prodigy. Way better results than getting a Thai or a sex tourist to teach it.

There is some logic in this quote Looper. I am sure many fathers' question the aptitude of many a teachers ability to instruct their children based on their poor knowledge or grasp of the subject they're teaching. The lower public schools are without doubt 'not an option'; getting quality results one has to pay, the end!

Originally Posted by Davis Knowlton

That said, you won't be a good father unless you really want kids. They are a lot of time and trouble. There are tons of bad parents out there; you don't want to be one. From reading your posts, I don't think that at this point in your life you sound like you want children. So, wait and see if that changes down the road.

Sound advice and more than likely the course of action I will take...

Originally Posted by slimboyfat

Yes you can afford it.

What are you still studying at 30 yrs old for? You big girl

Maybe, but then I won't be able to maintain my/our current lifestyle, so then the question reverts back - maybe I cannot afford to become a father after all.

I am studying for a Masters in Education. Eventually - all you guys with children - will be paying me loads of money each year to teach your kids!

Originally Posted by VocalNeal

I was an accident that is why I can post here.

Just another statistic I wish to avoid contributing my fair share too!

Originally Posted by Bruno

Originally Posted by slimboyfat

Yes you can afford it.

What are you still studying at 30 yrs old for? You big girl

Maybe, but then I won't be able to maintain my/our current lifestyle, so then the question reverts back - maybe I cannot afford to become a father after all.

I am studying for a Masters in Education. Eventually - all you guys with children - will be paying me loads of money each year to teach your kids!

Well if that's the case lets hope that they teach you a little about basic decision making, heaven forbid you will need to pop out of the classroom to take advice about question a posed by a tricky nine year old

If you are even asking yourself the question then don't and later on you will know automatically when it is the right time.

A dog won't solve your problem as they also can be expensive to bring up and do restrict your freedom to get around particularly when it comes to overseas travel.

Finish your studies, tell your girlfriend if she is not willing to wait she should go and find someone else who can impregnate her and good luck.

Originally Posted by Sdigit

Well if that's the case lets hope that they teach you a little about basic decision making, heaven forbid you will need to pop out of the classroom to take advice about question a posed by a tricky nine year old

LOL, I admire your quick witted repartee there Sdgit. But let's be honest, deciding to bring a child into the world is not a decision to be taken lightly, is it - especially away from one's native country which to me adds to the confusion of it all?

Originally Posted by Bruno

Originally Posted by Sdigit

Well if that's the case lets hope that they teach you a little about basic decision making, heaven forbid you will need to pop out of the classroom to take advice about question a posed by a tricky nine year old

LOL, I admire your quick witted repartee there Sdgit. But let's be honest, deciding to bring a child into the world is not a decision to be taken lightly, is it - especially away from one's native country which to me adds to the confusion of it all?

Ok Seriously,

Your biggest trouble isn't having the child, it's comittimg to it not joking.

You'll have another five-ish years after the birth to get your act together before the real expense of schooling ect kicks in which is loads of time.

I may well be wrong but I kind of get the impression that you are being pushed in a direction that you don't want to go anyway, my only advice would be don't do it for anybody, wife, Gf, mother in law, do it for you and only if you really want it, it's not an easy task and the responsibility lasts a life time

Originally Posted by Bruno

I am studying for a Masters in Education. Eventually - all you guys with children - will be paying me loads of money each year to teach your kids!

I doubt it, well not for me anyway - unless you go to Singapore to teach and then I will be paying you out of my taxes.

btw I was a dad at 23. Not to be recommended for all but it has worked out for me. Never even thought about the cost aspect but ofcourse I have had to stay in employment for our family's sake

Originally Posted by Bruno

Originally Posted by Sdigit

Well if that's the case lets hope that they teach you a little about basic decision making, heaven forbid you will need to pop out of the classroom to take advice about question a posed by a tricky nine year old

LOL, I admire your quick witted repartee there Sdgit. But let's be honest, deciding to bring a child into the world is not a decision to be taken lightly, is it - especially away from one's native country which to me adds to the confusion of it all?

why don't you just grow a pair and stop pussy footing around?

If you cant afford kids of your own why not lease some instead? For instance you coild lease another couples kids on friday and saturday nights for a mere fraction of the cost of having them yourself?

^I do hope wfod isnt reading that

Bruno,

I would not worry so much about the expense, but would worry more about if you are ready. I have raised three kids in the west and now have a little one in Isaan. If you want my opinion, the one in Thailand will have a better upbringing than my 3 kids in the US did. I worked and did not see enough of them growing up which left most of the caretaking to the wife. In Thailand, the entire family helps with the little one and he receives all the attention he needs form them and firends coming around. It is great to see everyone pass the baby around and give him time that my grown kids never saw. In Thailand raising a child is a group effort where in the west it is left to the parents. If they divorce, like I did, they are pulled between two parents which is a lousy way to grow up. This also happens a lot in Thailand, but the entire family will help raise the child as they will help with money, if they are working. It is an entirely different mindset. So don't worry so much about who will take care and the commitment since the family will answer that question. As far as cost, the west is by more much more expensive. You are still young and have many years of productivity left and you can work in the west and visit the family as often as you can which is the way the Thai society works. The actual cost will depend on what you are willing to pay as metioned before in this thread. We all want good educations for our kids, but if you take a little time to make sure they learn English and have a sound foundation, the doors will open. If you are thinking about having a child in Thailand and am not sure, take your time until you figure things out. Believe me, it is not that difficult and I am still working in the west while my Thai family takes care of the little one and it is neither expensive or without knowing he will be taken good care of. Take your time and understand all women want kids, but make sure it is your idea not theirs.

Good Luck........

Originally Posted by rickschoppers

Take your time and understand all women want kids, but make sure it is your idea not theirs.

Good Luck........

Great advice and thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.

Your right, I am not ready! It would be a wise decision to wait until later on in life and with my personal circumstances tied up at the moment for at least another 18 months, I would simply like to enjoy some quality time with her first before starting a family such as travelling and my eventual plan to work in some more additional S.E. Asian countries;all this would be impossible, or incredibly difficult to master with a little one in tow.

Only recently has this been a talked about subject. Her much younger friend of 21 recently fell pregnant with her German b/f and has since taken it upon herself to remind my tgf that she must now follow suit as she is a number of years older than her. Loss of face here possibly?

I couldn't think of a worse scenario to be honest, the girl is only 21 and will spend her youth attending to the needs of a kid and wonder where her twenties went, even with the help of her family, she will be limited in her future decisions and whilst she might not regret it, it would be a life that she cannot claim back. Still it is her choice and one that presumably suits her and her partners.

Stick to your guns and wait until you both are ready. It is always nice to spend quality time before jumping into having kids. This is not that profound, but well understood by us who have had kids. I was with my wife almost 5 years before we both decided to have our son. She was 27 when I met her and was already being "pressured" to have a little one. She was 32 by the time our son was born and maybe it to was a result of some peer pressure. To be honest, I think she was getting bored waiting for me to come over every 5 months and spend time with her. She's a lot happier now.
Sounds like you have the right idea and don't let the family or friend comments change your mind until you are ready. You will know when it is time and not have to agonize over whether to make a family or not. Enjoy the country with your female friend and let her see what is out there as well. I only wish I had discovered Thailand at your age. Have a good time and let your lady know you are in no hurry and she shouldn't be as well.