Thread: Quick Jokes

Apparently in Hawaii they like to honour Lulu

A dyslexic walks into a bra...........................

My fear of moving stairs is escalating

Originally Posted by david44

A dyslexic walks into a bra...........................

Dyslexics in the word untie

Isle eye kit

Instead of Drew, I'm going to name my kid Driew. Now I know what you're thinking, but it's only weird if you say it backwards

My glue factory went insolvent

Please help...dog owner missing. Deaf in one ear, only one functioning foot, suffers with Pyjama rash by proxy and Mitts, hair keeps falling out, almost blind and has arthritis, Good retriever of Elephant poo, may be neutred.


Answers to the name of 'Lucky'.

How much did the pirate's new earrings cost him?

A buccaneer.

People say I am a plagiarist.

Their words not mine.

A beginner's guide to chromosomes:
XY : Male
XX : Female
YYY : Delilah

Nothing to do ? Why not try to improve yourself sit in a bath of porridge
Take up Buddhist meditation.
It beats sitting around all day doing bugga all.

If you give a hand job to a plumber, an electrician, a carpenter and a builder. You can be a jack-off all trades.

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For sale.

George Foreman Grill set and Mohammed Ali DVDs.

Both boxed.

When you're a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You've gotten so big since the last time I saw you!"

As an adult, not so much.

A friend asked what he should do about his obsession with seaweed.

I said, “Sea Kelp”.

Did you hear about the Scotsman that found a trumpet growing at the bottom of his garden?




He rooted it oot.

The husband comes back and catches his wife with his best friend. He shouts and threatens his wife and then turns to his best friend and says "Bad dog."

A Russian spy, a sexual predator and a billionaire walk into a bar.


The bartender says, “What can I get you, Mr. President?”

Originally Posted by david44

A Russian spy, a sexual predator and a billionaire walk into a bar.


The bartender says, “What can I get you, Mr. President?”

Nailed it!

Q: Why don’t blind people go skydiving more often?
A: Because it frightens the dog!

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water

Phew!

I just spent 30 minutes on the treadmill.

Tomorrow, I’m going to turn it on.

I just got a new satnav for seniors. It gets you where you want to go, then it reminds you why you are there.