Thread: Quick Jokes

^ Bwahahahaha

Originally Posted by Minnie Maugham

^ Bwahahahaha

Really??
How old is that shit?
Older than you.
(and that's pretty fucking old)

Originally Posted by Minnie Maugham

^ Bwahahahaha

I learn something everyday

Bwahahahaha: a laugh stating that the person using it has had a sexual relationship with farm animals

Stand aside Minnie Maugham there maybe someone else on here, myself excluded, who fancies a turn near the trough.

^ & ^^ Who cares? I like to laugh. Be nice or I'll tell my parrot joke.

A man took his parrot to the vet because it had been sick. The vet said, "I have good news and I have bad news. The bad news is, your bird has chirpees. The good news is, it's tweetable."

^ You, Parrot.... 555555555

Originally Posted by Minnie Maugham

^ & ^^ Who cares? I like to laugh. Be nice or I'll tell my parrot joke.

Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?

So he could be polyunsaturated.

They have just found Jimmy Savile's diary.

His last entry was about 10 years old.

"Now then. Now then. Now then. Guys and gals. Welcome to Top of the Pops.

Straight in at thirteen .... me!"

I bet Gary Glitter regrets not asking Jim to fix it instead of taking his computer to PC World.

'Dear Jimmy, I'm a big fan of the violin...Could you fix it for me to spend a day with a fiddler?'..
From Megan 12.

Whats the difference between a Greyhound & Jimmy Saville ? At least the Greyhound would wait for the Hare to appear......."

It's nearly Halloween, and i need an outfit to scare the kids with - anyone got a red tracksuit blonde wig, jewellery and a cigar i can borrow ?

One sick individual, now universally loathed by a nation for shafting the innocent.
Seen here with Jimmy Saville.

I wish everyone would stop criticising Jimmy Savile. When I was 8, he fixed it for me to milk a cow blindfolded.

Jimmy Savile had to stop going to church...

The priests kept fighting over who got to hear his confession

Ireland has just suffered its worst air disaster .

The 2 seat cessena crashed straight into a cemetery .

So far the search + rescue unit have recovered 1742 bodies ,, although the authorities expect these figures to rise , as the search continues into the night .

It takes many nails to build a crib but only one screw to fill it

An Afghan diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The diplomat was not used to the salt in American foods (French fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies, etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.

Time and again Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty handed. "Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the diplomat.

"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul.

"A man is sitting on the well!"

Q: How can you tell if an Arab just had sex?
A: His eyes are all red from the mace.

^ aiya.

I just got sacked from my job with the Lifeline crisis centre.

A guy called Mohammed phoned and said, "My girlfriend left me so I'm
lying on the railway track at Sydney Central waiting for the train to
come".

I swear, all I said was, "Remain calm and stay on the line".

I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance , so I pushed her over
.................................................. .................................................. .............

Paddy says "Mick , I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ."Bugger that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
.................................................. .................................................. .......................................

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
.................................................. .................................................. ......................................

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said I would like to come back as a cow. I said you're obviously not listening
.................................................. .................................................. ......................................