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  1. #426
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    Two women were playing golf.

    One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly towards a group of four men playing the next hole.

    The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed over to the man and immediately began to apologise.

    "Please allow me to help. I'm a Physio-therapist and I can relieve your pain, if you'd allow me."

    "Oh, no, I'll be all right in a few minutes," the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.

    At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.

    She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his trousers and put her hands inside, administering a tender and artful massage for several long moments. "Now, how does that feel?"

    ”Feels great”, he replied; “but I still think my thumb's broken.”

  2. #427
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    Man tells his wife to get ready, you, me and the dog are going fishing.

    Wife says she doesn't want to go.

    Man gives her 3 options: Fishing, blow job or take it up the ass.

    Wife picks blow job.

    After sucking for a while she says yuk, your dick tastes like shit.

    He says I know, the dog didn't want to go either.

  3. #428
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    Not really a joke, but gives pause for thought.

    Once upon a time there was a highly revered and very rich King who loved his 4-year old daughter beyond anything; only, she was ill, and not even the most knowledgeable doctors in his empire could figure out how to overcome what was bringing her down. You see, she wanted the moon, she was infatuated by it, she would spend most nights looking at it, adoring it, she had everything else she could possibly want, but it was the moon she wanted more than anything.

    So the King summoned the wisest men in his happy, peaceful and prosperous Kingdom, to solve this terrible problem.

    But they all told him the same; the moon, your majesty, is bigger than your entire empire, some said it's made of cheese while others insisted it was hard rock, but they all agreed it's thousands of miles away in the sky; it's simply not possible to bring it down, not even for the sad princess.

    And so it went on, through the months the King himself became ill, and his Kingdom began to decay as he neglected its needs, until one day in desperation he offered half of his Kingdom to anyone that could save his daughter from eating herself away.

    So it was in a distant part of the Kingdom that a wise old man learned of the dilemma, and quite aside from the rewards to be had it was the Kingdom he wanted to save; after much preparation, having sent his son ahead to announce that he had the solution, he travelled to the palace and hobbled forward through ranks of guards to kneel at the bottom step leading to the King's throne.

    The court fell silent, every eye and ear on the old man, and the King impatiently gestured his guards to stand down when they rushed to intercept the old man as he started climbing the steps toward the princess, weak, thin, sallow faced and by death's door, propped up on a mini throne by her father's side.

    The old man knelt by the princess, and whispered as the King strained to hear: Your Highness, we are going to give you the moon.

    She perked up immediately; the King was gobsmacked.

    Only, he continued, we need your help.

    Yes, she struggled to speak, yes, how can I help.

    Well, you see, we need to know more about the moon; what can you tell us about it? First, how big is it?

    Oh that's easy, she smiled, taking the entire audience aback, it's as big as my thumb nail. I know this because when I put my thumb to my eye it's completely covered.

    Thank you, your Highness, and what is it made of?

    The princess giggled, triggering laughter throughout the court, oh, everyone knows it's made of gold.

    And how far away is it?

    It's not far, she replied, sometimes I see it tangled in the branches of the tree outside my bedroom window.

    Well, said the old man as the teary King embraced him, tonight when you are asleep we will send someone up the tree to capture the moon and bring it down for you.

    Can you put it on a necklace, so I can wear it, she squealed. Of course we can, my princess, the old man replied, and through her pain she leapt from the mini throne and started dancing, the King joined in, and soon everyone in the palace was celebrating her miraculous recovery.

    And, she turned to the old man through the revelry, I know when you take the moon from the tree, tomorrow there will be another one, that's how it works, there is always a moon in the trees.

    -------

    Sometimes we think too hard.

  4. #429
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    ^^&^^^

  5. #430
    Member Bettyboo's Avatar
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    ^^ this is the quick joke thread, you'll be in trouble when the Sheriff comes along (and rightly so!).

  6. #431
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    I thought it was too long for quick jokes...oh well, looks like a spell in the cooler.

  7. #432
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    Never mind long or short, what about 'joke'?

  8. #433
    Thailand Expat TheRealKW's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cujo View Post
    Never mind long or short, what about 'joke'?

    Fair point.


  9. #434
    Thailand Expat VocalNeal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cujo View Post
    Never mind long or short, what about 'joke'?
    That moon thing was more a parable or "Points to Ponder"

  10. #435
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    There's a space mission to the moon with two monkeys and a woman on board.
    Control calls, "Monkey number one to the monitor."
    The monkey is instructed to release the pressure in compartment one, increase the temperature in engine four and release oxygen to the reactors.
    The monkey does everything right away.

    A few moments later Control calls again "Monkey two to the monitor"
    The second monkey is instructed to add carbon dioxide to room four, stop the fuel injection to engine three, add nitrogen to the fuel compartment and analyse and transmit solar radiation readings. The monkey does as instructed.

    Few minutes later, Houston calls again "Woman, please approach the screen."
    She sits down and immediately interrupts the dispatcher: "I know, I know, feed the monkeys, and don't touch anything."

  11. #436
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    Husband: My wife is missing, she went out 3 days ago and has not returned.

    Sergeant at Police Station: How tall is she?

    Husband: Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet.

    Sergeant: Weight?

    Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

    Sergeant: Colour of eyes?

    Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

    Sergeant: Colour of hair?

    Husband: Changes a couple times a year, maybe last was dark brown, I can’t remember.

    Sergeant: What was she wearing?

    Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.

    Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?

    Husband: She went in my Audi.

    Sergeant: What kind of Audi was it?

    Husband: (sobbing) Audi A6 Avant Black Edition, Ambient Lighting pack - A6, Front and outer rear heated seats, Valcona leather - Lunar silver + super sport seats, 3 spoke heated sports leather multifunction steering wheel with paddle shift, LED Matrix headlights with high beam assist, Pearlescent paint, Audi drive select, Audi parking system plus with front and rear sensors, Audible and visual fasten seat belt warning - front and rear, Cruise control, Driver's information system, MMI SD card Navigation, Mobile telephone preparation, PAS, Service interval indicator, 3 point seatbelts on all seats, ABS-EBD, ASR traction control, Curtain airbags, Driver and passenger airbags, Driver-front passenger side airbags, Electromechanical parking brake, Electronic stability control, Front passenger airbag deactivation, Hill hold assist, Tyre pressure monitoring system, Warning triangle and first aid kit, Anti theft alarm, Anti-theft wheel bolts, Immobiliser, Keyless Start, Remote central locking, Audi music interface, Auxiliary input socket, DAB digital radio module, MMI Radio plus with CD player and bluetooth interface, SD card slot, USB connection, 12V power in rear centre console, 4 way electric lumbar support, 4 zone climate control, Aluminium door sill trims, Black cloth headlining, Double cargo floor, Electric front seats + driver memory, Front centre armrest, Front head restraints, Front-rear floor mats, Height adjustable front seats, Isofix front passenger and rear seat preparation, Jack and tool kit, Load lashing points, Luggage compartment cover, Luggage rails, Perforated leather gearknob, Rear headrests, Split folding rear seat, Auto dimming rear view mirror, Automatic headlights + automatic windscreen wipers, Body coloured bumpers, Body coloured door mirrors and handles, Body coloured roof spoiler, Door sill trims with S line logo, Electric front-rear windows, Headlight washers, High gloss black door mirrors, High gloss black finish B pillar, High gloss black triangular aperture at rear door, LED daytime running lights, LED rear lights, Light sensor, Platinum grey front lip spoiler, Privacy glass (to rear of B post), Rain sensor, Rear wiper, Alcantara door trim, Piano black finish inlay, Space saver spare wheel, Black Styling pack - A6 Avant, Non smoking pack - A6, Diesel particulate filter

  12. #437
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    After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Nôtre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.
    After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day. Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous. “You have no arms!”
    “No matter”, said the man, “Observe!”
    He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo. But suddenly, as he rushed forward to strike the bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.
    The stunned bishop rushed down two hundred and ninety-five church steps to find that a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moment before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, “Bishop, who was this man?”
    “I don't know his name,” the bishop sadly replied, “but his face rings a bell.”
    The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.
    The first man to approach him said, “Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty.”
    The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, but as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around and died on the spot.
    Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. “What has happened? Who is this man?” the first monk asked breathlessly. “I don't know his name,” sighed the distraught bishop, “but he’s a dead ringer for his brother!”

  13. #438
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    Nice, a similar one I heard ends: I don't know him but his face rings a bell.

  14. #439
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    The judge says to a double murder defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."
    A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"
    The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with said same hammer."
    The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You ROTTEN bastard!"
    The judge stops and says to the man in the back of the courtroom. "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes, but no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?"
    The man stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, but for fifteen years I've lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked if I could borrow a hammer he said he didn't have one”.

  15. #440
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

    The bartender looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."

    "I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

    "And you can talk!" exclaims the bartender.

    "I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

    "Certainly, sorry about that," says the bartender as he pours the duck a pint, "it's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing around this way?"

    "I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer."

    The bartender cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

    So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves. Same same happens every day for two weeks.

    Then one day the circus comes to town.

    The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the bartender says to him: "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

    "Sounds marvellous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."

    So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the bartender says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

    "I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck. "Where is it?"

    "At the circus," says the bartender.

    "The circus?" repeats the duck.

    "That's right," replies the bartender.

    "The circus?" the duck asks again. "With the big TENT?"

    "Yeah!" the bartender replies.

    "With all the animals who live in CAFES, and performers who live in CARAVANS?" says the duck.

    "Of course," the bartender replies.

    "And the tent has CANVAS sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.

    "That's right!" says the bartender.

    The duck shakes his head and says: "What would they want with a plasterer?"

  16. #441
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    ​Trump has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

    "I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
    Trump thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed.

    The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell.
    "No!" Trump said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

    The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
    "No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented Trump.

    The Devil opened a third door. In it, Trump saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

    Trump looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

    The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!

  17. #442
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    A lady goes to her priest one day & tells him:

    ''Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know to say one thing.''

    "What do they say?" the priest asked.

    They say, ''Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?''

    ''That's obscene!'' the priest exclaimed,

    Then he thought for a moment......

    "You know,'' he said, ''I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible...

    Bring your two parrots over to my house, & we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.
    My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, & your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time.''

    ''Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.''

    The next day, She brought her female parrots to the priest's house....As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads & praying...

    Impressed, She walked over & placed her parrots in the cage with them...

    After a few minutes, The female parrots cried out in unison:

    "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"

    There was stunned silence...

    Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot & says...

    'Put the beads away, Frank, Our prayers have been answered !
    "

  18. #443
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.'

    The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink.

    As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'

    The old woman says, 'Thank you', and the bartender gives her a Scotch with two drops of water.

    As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to buy you one, too.'

    She says, 'Thank you, bartender, another Scotch with two drops of water.'

    'Coming right up,' the bartender says. As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'

    The old woman replies, 'Son, at my age you've learned how to hold your liquor; but holding your water is a whole other matter.'

  19. #444
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in torrential rain, is asking for a push.

    "Not a chance," says the husband, "it's 3am!" He slams the door and returns to bed.

    "Who was that?" asked his wife..

    "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

    "Did you help him?"

    "No, I definitely did not, it's 3 in the morning and bloody pouring out there!"

    "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too you know."

    The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

    He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

    "Yes," comes back the answer.

    "Do you still need a push?"

    "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

    "Where are you?"

    "Over here on the swing."

  20. #445
    Thailand Expat harrybarracuda's Avatar
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    A bloke is sitting in the bar at a busy airport.
    A beautiful woman walks in and sits down next to him.
    He presumes, because she's got a uniform on, she's probably an off duty flight attendant.
    So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for thereby impressing her greatly.
    He leans across to her and says the Delta Airline motto: "We love to fly and it shows".
    The woman looks at him blankly.
    He sits back and thinks up another line.
    He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto: "Winning the hearts of the world".
    Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.
    Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto: "Going beyond expectations".
    The woman looks at him sternly and says: "What the fuck do you want dickhead?"
    "Ah!" he says, sitting back with a smile on his face... "British Airways!".

  21. #446
    Thailand Expat harrybarracuda's Avatar
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    A French, a German and an Italian spy are captured one day.

    The captors grab the French spy, take him to the next room and tie his hands behind a chair.
    They then proceed to torture him for 2 hours before he finally cracks, answers all questions and gives up all of his secrets.

    The captors then grab the German spy. They tie his hands behind the chair in the next room too and torture him for 4 hours before he finally cracks and tells them what they want to know.
    They then grabbed the Italian spy. Once again, they tie his hands behind the chair and begin torturing.4 hours go by and the spy isn’t talking. Then 8 hours, then 16 and after 24 hours they give up and throw him back into the cell.
    The German and French spy are impressed and ask him how he managed to not talk.
    The Italian spy says, ” I wanted to, but I couldn’t move my hands.”

  22. #447
    Thailand Expat

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    Two cannibals are eating a clown.
    One of the cannibals says 'Is it just me or does this taste funny to you ?'.

    Boom tish.
    I'll see myself out.

  23. #448
    Thailand Expat Latindancer's Avatar
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    ^^ Groan.


    Reminds me olf the very old joke about the blind guy who walks into a shop, picks up his dog and starts swinging it around his head.

    "Are you OK ? Can I help you ? " asked the shopkeeper.

    "No thanks....I'm just looking around" replied the blind guy.

  24. #449
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    A couple were Christmas shopping. The centre was packed, and as the wife walked around she was surprised to discover that her husband had disappeared. She was quite upset because they had a lot of shopping to do, so she called to ask where he was. In a quiet voice he asked, "Do you remember the jewellers we went into about five years ago, where you fell in love with that diamond brooch that we couldn't afford but I told you I would get it for you someday?" She choked and started to cry, "Yes I do remember that shop." He replied, "Good, I'm in the pub next door."

  25. #450
    Thailand Expat jabir's Avatar
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    MEN organising BBQ on Messenger:

    * Man 1: * Hey guys, when are we going to have a bbq?
    * Man 2: * Thursday at 8 pm at the “Man 9” house
    * Man 1: * Okay, what do we take?
    * Man 9: * I buy the meat and drinks, then we split.
    * Man 5: * Ok
    * Man 1: * Ok
    * Man 3: * Ok
    * Man 2: * Ok
    * Man 4: * Ok
    * Man 6: * Ok
    * Man 7: * Ok
    * Man 8: * Ok
    * Man 10: * Ok
    * Man 11: * Ok
    * Man 12: * Ok
    * Man 13: * Ok
    * Man 14: * Ok
    * Man 15: * Ok


    *END OF CONVERSATION*
    * ................................... *


    WOMEN organising BBQ on Messenger:

    * Woman 1: * Hi guys, when are we going to meet and have a bbq?
    * Woman 2: * Thursday at 8 pm?
    * Woman 3: * Where?
    * Woman 2: * I don't know
    * Woman 4: * Where girls?
    * Woman 4: * If you want you can come to Mom's house
    * Woman 2: * Wouldn't it be better to go to a restaurant?
    * Woman 5: * No, in a house it's better, so we don't spend so much and we have more time
    * Woman 2: * Ok by me
    * Woman 3: * Ok
    * Woman 5: * Ok
    * Woman 4: * Ok
    * Woman 6: * Okay what? Restaurant or home?
    * Woman 2: * House
    * Woman 7: * Restaurant
    * Woman 2: * Let's go to Woman 4's house then
    * Woman 3: * Okay, what do we take?
    * Woman 8: * Does anyone know how to bbq?
    * Woman 2: * I'm excited 👏🏻👏🏻
    * Woman 6: * What will we buy?
    * Woman 2: * Let's make a list
    * Woman 8: * Ok
    * Woman 4: * A little meat and salad, what do you think?
    * Woman 5: * Well I'm on a diet so I'm going to eat only lettuce and tomatoes
    * Woman 2: * Okay, then?
    * Woman 1: * I'll make a list and each one says what they can bring
    * Woman 2: * Greek salad
    * Woman 3: * Quinoa
    * Woman 4: * Sausage and potatoes
    * Woman 5: * Lettuce, tomato and some vegetables for another salad
    * Woman 1: * Okay, how much?
    * Woman 6: * I don't know
    * Woman 2: * 5 sausages?
    * Woman 2: * Who eats sausage?
    * Woman 2: * I don't
    * Woman 5: * I don't
    * Woman 7: * I don't
    * Woman 3: * I don't
    * Woman 4: * I don't
    * Woman 8: * I don't
    * Woman 1: * Okay, I won't buy sausage then
    * Woman 2: * But you, Woman 4, why did you say you were going to buy sausage if you don't eat it?
    * Woman 4: * Because I had put myself in the shoes of someone who eats sausage
    * Woman 1: * Ok, no sausage then
    * Woman 1: * Sosaties and steak, 1 kilo and 1 kilo, okay?
    * Woman 7: * It seems little
    * Woman 1: * How much then?
    * Woman 2: * I don't know
    * Woman 2: * Girls? What do you think?
    * Woman 8: * I think it's about 300 gm per person
    * Woman 4: * How many are we?
    * Woman 1: * I don't know. Girls, confirm who's going
    * Woman 2: * I will
    * Woman 3: * I will
    * Woman 5: * I will
    * Woman 6: * I will
    * Woman 7: * I will
    * Woman 8: * I will
    * Woman 9: * I will
    * Woman 10: * I will
    * Woman 11: * I will
    * Woman 4: * When is it?
    * Woman 2: * Thursday?
    * Woman 4: * I can't, I have a doctor's appt
    * Woman 2: * What bad luck, we dpn't have a venue for the braai then?
    * Woman 4: * Sorry girls, the reminder for this appointment just rang
    * Woman 1: * What other house is available?
    * Woman 8: * How many are we?
    * Woman 2: * 10
    * Woman 3: * It doesn't fit in my house
    * Woman 5: * Not mine either
    * Woman 6: * Not mine either
    * Woman 7: * Much less in mine
    * Woman 8: * Not mine either
    * Woman 9: * Not mine either
    * Woman 10: * In mine it may... but I need chairs, can someone bring?
    * Woman 2: * Woman 11 has a chair rental shop, she can take
    * Woman 5: * But she doesn't answer, she must be working
    * Woman 9: * I don't eat sausage
    * Woman 2: * We still need to find a venue
    * Woman 12: * Sorry girls, I just got on the phone, what happened?
    * Woman 2: * We are still looking for a venue
    * Woman 12: * Come to my house, no stress
    * Woman 2: * Ok, excellent
    * Woman 12: * Wait ... what day?
    * Woman 2: * Thursday at 8 pm
    * Woman 12: * Hmm that complicates things ... can it be on Wednesday?
    * Woman 2: * Fine by me
    * Woman 2: * Same time?
    * Woman 2: * Yes?
    * Woman 3: * I will
    * Woman 4: * I will
    * Woman 5: * I have to take Gabi to her grandmother's house, but I can go later after she falls asleep
    * Woman 8: * Okay.
    * Woman 9: * I will
    * Woman 6: * I will
    * Woman 7: * I will
    * Woman 11: * I will
    * Woman 2: * Done, Wednesday at the home of Woman 12.
    * Woman 3: * Yes
    * Woman 1: * Girls, coming back to the braai.. do I buy half a kilo per person?
    * Woman 8: * Yes
    * Woman 1: * Ok, so I'll ask Pieter to buy
    * Woman 2: * Ok… and what will we do about drinks?
    * Woman 3: * Each one takes whatever they drink and that's it
    * Woman 9: * I can't because I go straight from work
    * Woman 6: * Well, Woman 1 better buy everything and split up later
    * Woman 1: * Girls, I can't buy everything, does anyone give me a hand?
    * Woman 6: * I'll help, what do you drink girls?
    * Woman 2: * Coke Zero
    * Woman 4: * Water
    * Woman 5: * Natural juice
    * Woman 6: * Sparkling water
    * Woman 9: * Aloe water
    * Woman 3: * Girls, can we buy Peach Iced tea?
    * Woman 8: * Let's go to a restaurant girls,that's less effort
    * Woman 2: * I think so too
    * Woman 4: * Me too
    * Woman 6: * Me too
    * Woman 7: * Me too
    * Woman 9: * Me too
    * Woman 11: * Me too
    * Woman 12: * Me too
    * Woman 1: * Ahhh no girls, I already sent Pieter to buy everything, we have to bbq
    * Woman 2: * Uhh crap…
    * Woman 4: * I want water, but it has to be Bonaqua that has less sodium, so I don't get bloated
    * Woman 1: * Girls, can we organize please ?????
    * Woman 2: * Ok
    * Woman 6: * Ok
    * Woman 4: * Ok
    * Woman 9: * Ok
    * Woman 5: * Ok
    * Woman 8: * Ok
    * Woman 11: * I don't eat sausage either
    * Woman 5: * (sending a chain) Girls… please share… The dog is called BOB… he got lost yesterday near the station, if everyone works together we can find him and get him back to his owners... They must be worried sick 😭
    * Woman 6: * Yes, poor BOB
    * Woman 9: * BOB is beautiful!! What breed is he?
    * Woman 5: * I don't know ... got this on my yoga group
    * Woman 2: * But do you know the owners?
    * Woman 5: * No, but I felt sorry for BOB
    * Woman 1: * Pieter called me from the butcher shop saying they don't have steak, what else should we get?
    * Woman 2: * I prefer chorizo ​​steak
    * Woman 4: * Me too
    * Woman 1: * Girls, we can decide right away because Pieter is going to kill me, he's at the butcher shop waiting for us to decide
    * Woman 6: * I think it is unfair to always be like this, we are always the same ones that organize everything and nobody else is moved to do anything
    * Woman 10: * Hi girls, I just woke up and I have 369 messages in our group, what happened?
    * Woman 3: * I'll tell you ...

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