The only way is up: Land's End to John o' Groats 2015

[kingwilly]

great stuff Slaps.

[chassamui]

Walking whilst pushing a bike is one of the most awful experiences at the best of times. I hope you had plenty of grog and punished the bike.

[somtamslap]

Walking whilst pushing a bike is one of the most awful experiences at the best of times.

I was even offered a lift into town by a rather affable farming wench. Thought about it long and hard before declining the offer - every last inch of the journey had to be powered by the legs. Quite pleased I did that in hindsight.

[somtamslap]

Day nine: Kendal - Annan

A real landmark. This is when I knew I was going to finish the fucker. But quite the contrary to feeling any kind of elation, I was despondent, depressed even... I'd have to spend at least another four twatting days in the saddle.

As you can see, the profile peaks out at 1,500 feet. This was a traverse of Shap Fell on the A6 - it was a nice gentle ascent, unlike anything in Cornwall and Devon.

Miles: 76.8

Elevation: 4,577

Moving time: 6hrs 24mins

Elapsed time: 9hrs 26mins

Calories: 3,827

[Dillinger]

I was even offered a lift into town by a rather affable farming wench. Thought about it long and hard before declining the offer - every last inch of the journey had to be powered by the legs. Quite pleased I did that in hindsight.

You could have got a lift into town picked up some new tyres at halfords, cycled back to her barn, had her knickers down in some haystack, uploaded the pics to here and started again.
You selfish barstard

[chassamui]

As you can see, the profile peaks out at 1,500 feet. This was a traverse of Shap Fell on the A6 - it was a nice gentle ascent, unlike anything in Cornwall and Devon.

An ode to false summits would be appropiate here.

Ripped from a random cycling blog:

by thirdcrank » Thu Feb 05, 2009 4:31 pm
I think a lot of the historic notoriety of Shap Fell was that (as it implies on that memorial) pre-M6 it was the main route England to Scotland on the Western side of the country. It regularly used to be one of the first trunk roads to be closed in bad weather.

Donkey's years ago, probably during the 1963 big freeze up, Alan Coren did a piece in Punch which was a series of spoof news flashes about the weather. One was 'A helicopter has been used to drop hay to a party of nuns, stranded on Shap...'

It's an exposed place in winter, but for cyclists in Summer it's just a slog.

[Topper]

I was even offered a lift into town by a rather affable farming wench.

Did she look like this?

[somtamslap]

You could have got a lift into town picked up some new tyres at halfords, cycled back to her barn, had her knickers down in some haystack, uploaded the pics to here and started again.

Hasn't Punter got the scantily-clad sluts market cornered? Anyway, this was nine days into the trip and my penis had all but vanished.

Ripped from a random cycling blog:

Nice digging, Chaz. A slog it was, but a polite one. Pop her in granny gear and admire the view.

[somtamslap]

^^ They all look like that, CS - from Wales upwards.

[palexxxx]

So, you had a jolly little jaunt on a two week holiday.

Have you totted up how much the exercise cost you? How does it compare to a couple of weeks in Bognor Regis?

[Stinky]

^ Bognor is full of Do-as-you-likeys

[somtamslap]

Have you totted up how much the exercise cost you? How does it compare to a couple of weeks in Bognor Regis?

I'm getting paid for the gig. But the initial hit out of my pocket cost me quite a bit more than I'd anticipated - mainly on food and beer.

[Topper]

But the initial hit out of my pocket cost me quite a bit more than I'd anticipated - mainly on food and beer.

I'm sure it was because you didn't realize how many calories you'd burn, nobody would ever accuse you of being a drunken glutton after all....

[Dapper]

I'm getting paid for the gig

Top work fella - rock on.

[somtamslap]

Day 10: Annan - Peebles

If you are ever in the area, with a bike or a car or a fucking pogo stick, I can't urge you to try this route enough. The first few miles up to Lockerbie aren't anything special, but as soon as you hit Moffat the scenery gets spectacular. And to cap of a splendid day, Peebles even has a Wetherspoons hotel. Get involved, people. It makes sense.

Miles: 67.4

Elevation: 3,123ft

Moving time: 5hrs 32mins

Elapsed time: 7hrs 03mins

Calories: 3,299

[Topper]

I was despondent, depressed even... I'd have to spend at least another four twatting days in the saddle.

What changed...or did it....

[somtamslap]

Day 11

Peebles - Perth

Not may favourite day's riding. An A road all the way to Edinburgh, and then, after much faffing, onto the Forth Bridge which shit me up - the railings are about a foot high. The journey onto Perth was free of drama and the rain considered stopping for a few fleeting moments, which was nice.

Miles: 68.2

Moving time: 5hrs 41mins

Elapsed time: 7hrs 11mins

Calories: 3,157

[somtamslap]

I was despondent, depressed even... I'd have to spend at least another four twatting days in the saddle.

What changed...or did it....

Up and down. Mornings were generally full of optimism and appreciation for what I was doing. The afternoons were usually full of cursing, and the evenings, in turn, were full of fucking beer.

[Topper]

Up and down. Mornings were generally full of optimism and appreciation for what I was doing. The afternoons were usually full of cursing, and the evenings, in turn, were full of fucking beer.

Well done, sir. I'd have thought the mornings were moments of "WTF am I doing and why did I drink so much last night" with the afternoons being "I made it twenty miles without shitting myself as the lorries went by at 140 kph. Well done, I deserve a pint or twelve!"

[Dapper]

Mornings were generally full of optimism and appreciation for what I was doing. The afternoons were usually full of cursing, and the evenings, in turn, were full of fucking beer.

Quality.

[somtamslap]

Day 12: Perth - Aviemore

Into the Highlands proper against a real twat of a headwind in the rain.

Happened upon an old abandoned shed halfway up the main ascent, rolled a cigarette and thought about having a little cry. Fortunately I was still in the frame of mind to be able to give myself a thorough fucking dressing down, and on we plodded...

Miles: 92.4

Elevation: 4,108ft

Moving time: 7hrs 34mins

Elapsed time: 9hrs 19mins

Calories: 4,498

[Chittychangchang]

Day nine: Kendal - Annan

A real landmark. This is when I knew I was going to finish the fucker. But quite the contrary to feeling any kind of elation, I was despondent, depressed even... I'd have to spend at least another four twatting days in the saddle.

As you can see, the profile peaks out at 1,500 feet. This was a traverse of Shap Fell on the A6 - it was a nice gentle ascent, unlike anything in Cornwall and Devon.

Miles: 76.8

Elevation: 4,577

Moving time: 6hrs 24mins

Elapsed time: 9hrs 26mins

Calories: 3,827

Good job you didn't do a left turn and take the scenic route through the Lakes

[Chittychangchang]

I was even offered a lift into town by a rather affable farming wench. Thought about it long and hard before declining the offer - every last inch

[somtamslap]

Good job you didn't do a left turn and take the scenic route through the Lakes

Yes, I didn't do that on purpose

Day 13: Aviemore - Tain

Bit disappointed with today's ride. As usual, cities tend to fuck the fluidity of a ride right up. I was advised by a bike shop owner in Aviemore to head to Beauly once I reached Inverness - this ended up taking me west for about 20 miles, and we aren't about going west here. I wanted to make it to Laig, but it's very remote and by the time I'd made it around Inverness it was getting late so I stopped in Tain, setting up a mammoth slog for the following day.

Miles: 81

Elevation: 3,320

Moving time: 6hrs 36mins

Elapsed time: 8hrs 07mins

Calories: 3,759

[buriramboy]

So all in how much did the trip cost in total, hotels, food, booze etc??? Would a £100 a day average cover it???