Regular bowel movements are to be applauded and are worthy of cabbage enhancement. I drink whisky every night and I have two wonderful evacuations every morning. Flatulence is a rarity and my life expectation is enormous.

Please note I am always out of my bed when these movements take place. I am not senile yet but have this to look forward to.

I should mention that my healthy diet, high in fibre, ensures that my turds are floaters and require multiple flushes before they begin their journey to the sewage plant in Pontypridd.

Yours sincerely,

Can123