Thread: Adoption?

Some friends of ours just had a baby with a surrogate mother in Thailand - they used the fathers sperm and the mothers egg and an anonymous surrogate Thai woman had the baby.
All went well but it took a while getting documents to bring the baby back to Australia.

There were a good series of articles in the Bangkok Post a couple of years ago. I think there's a thread on here linking to them.

I realise this is not directly related to the question you ask and although you mention you have discussed the idea of Adoption with your wife perhaps my comments may be useful.

Thai thinking on Adoption is completely different to the Western approach; you will often find that a wealthier brother – for example – will adopt the child of a less well off sister or other close relative but it is very unusual for Thais to adopt children from outside the extended family.

Thais firmly believe that each individual has certain ingrained traits, behaviour patterns and tendencies (collectively called “Sandarn” in Thai) which are inherited at birth from the biological parents and simply cannot be changed; even if the child is brought up in an entirely different social or economic environment to that of the birth parents Thais believe that these traits will eventually surface and could cause problems for the adoptive family.

When adopting from within the extended family these traits are known or can be accepted whatever they turn out to be, to adopt a child whose antecedents are unknown is to open the family up to unforeseeable problems.

By definition any child unfortunate enough to be placed in an Orphanage is considered to be of very low birth - having no family willing or able to take care of it - so a very risky candidate for Adoption.

Further, as such an adopted child gets older any misbehaviour or attitude problem – which would normally be attributed to the general “growing up” process in a child and met with indulgence as being “cute” – is seized upon as evidence of the childs’ "bad Sandarn” surfacing and is treated as a serious problem usually requiring strict sanction. As each small problem is dealt with in this way it initiates a self fulfilling outcome and the child becomes increasingly isolated from the “main” family.

You should definitely make sure your wife is 100% behind the idea if you do choose to adopt.

Patrick

Few years ago a couple from Switzerland, friends of my sister called me and asked if i could check if something is done with the kid they wanted to adopt.
They were about 6 month in the process and were told it can take up to 2 years to get the kid.
I asked my Thai secretary to call the adoption center, just a few month after the Swiss couple took their kid in Thailand for Switzerland.
My secretary giving that fone call rush the process, they sure won a year into it !

Hmm never seen that Thai kid in Swissland, out of the pictures they sent me.

Another story about adoption, a friend adopted a Russian kid but then found out that they were 5 Bro and Sis all in all and difficult to separate them.
He took the lot and has 7 kids now ! As a dentist in Switzerland he can afford, but that is a lot of kids...

Patrick, that's for that.

Yes, my wife is 100% behind this as she was considering adoption long before she met me. And as we have been together for a little over 5 years now this certainly isn't a spontaneous decision. With regards to Sadarn you mentioned, I do believe she has spoken about this to her elderly parents who also seem happy to do so. And having lost as child with my previous partner I'm more than happy to take this route as we are both in our 30s and time is moving fast.

It is a consideration, but a serious one and we are going to discuss this with family that also live around us. Hopefully over the next couple of months we will begin looking into the process of adoption.

forreachingme, thanks for the input.

Originally Posted by Jesus Jones

IVF treatment is also a consideration but we don't really want to go down that route just yet

so which would you prefer, adoption or IVF?

I would have thought having your own baby would be easier (psychologically) rather than the risks associated with adoption

^A friend of ours has been receiving IVF treatment with no success after her 3rd miscarriage which has sent her further into depression. Adoption is a serious option but we will give it another 12 months for my wife to conceive. However, we will look into the process of adoption beforehand though.

Good on you and your wife, JJ. My hubby and I have discussed adoption as well when we found out that I can't have children. My reasons are different from your wife's as it was breast cancer that did it for me.

Fortunately his family doesn't have any issues with adoption, but as time went on and things happened with both of us, adoption just never happened. We are now past the age, but we can enjoy our nieces and nephews as much as if they were our own, but with the option of giving them back to their families, 555.

I've heard of a couple of orphanages in the Bangkok area, one being in Nonthaburi. I honestly think this is a great option as you would be rescuing a child who is in an unfortunate situation. You might even be able to adopt 2 siblings if you want two kids, and they would grow up together.

Originally Posted by Jesus Jones

I'm just curious if anyone has adopted or considered adoption?

My wife and I have been trying for kids for a couple of years now without success. When we first met her doctor did warn that it may be difficult due to her irregular periods. IVF treatment is also a consideration but we don't really want to go down that route just yet, and likewise a friend of mine said it took just over two years after coming of the pill for his wife to fall pregnant.

Adoption is something we talked about quite early on - before my wife came off the pill actually and we are quite serious. However, I'm interested to hear from those who have adopted, or know about adoption in Thailand.

What are the conditions for adoption? My wife being Thai will obviously research this but in the meantime and info or advice would be helpful.

Thanks

I have read all the following posts...but wanted to answer with reference with the original...albeit, I may say something with regards that stated in later ones...which means...if some are confused...my apologies before I begin.

Firstly, I married my wife knowing that she had an operation on one falopian tube and with the knowledge that she considered any chance of children was impossible...That said, three years later she became pregnant but it was an ectopic pregnancy...thank god I believed her when she said she was in pain as I was preparing to leave on a trip (easy for some (and me at th time) to believe the wife is playing up because you are going away on a business trip)...

Result was no chance of the wife ever getting pregant again by natural means...but IVF was an option...healthy womb and healthy sperm (yeah! I was surprised as well!!)...However, I was 38, wife was 34 and had two bad experiences before...and three operations in the same area...so I declined the opportunity of IVF...I say I did...because I did not really allow much discussion about it...NO! ...Why? Because my sister had just had IVF and had twins from 3 impregnated eggs...they were born premature...at 5 months , survived but it was a harrowing experience...and then sister had breast cancer (now cured)...and I just could not let my wife go through the same experience....

That was a mistake...so first option for you is...go for IVF...you will both benefit from it in a way that you could never do if you adopted a child...

Okay...back to me...we see a relative's son being passed from family to family because his parents have split up and have left to BKK...we do not adopt officially because the mother says it is okay only if we pay 1/2 million baht...He has lived in our house for the last 8 years though...he calls my wife Mom...and me Pa...I won't let on what he calls his real mum and dad...I have not and will not ever consider him "my son"...but I look after him better than most...my wife has a similar attitude...although she will deny it...

I am trying to be very frank and honest here...no namby-pamby look-after-an -orpan-guy.....More think and think again...if there is a chance of your own child through IVF then go for it...don't make the mistake I did.....Not that I will ever consider it a mistake to others.......Just be little softy as always...and loving it...