Bugger - Out of Smokes

**somtamslap** · 03-06-2011, 10:59 PM

FUCK!!

CODE RED, CODE RED..

THIS IS A FUCKING EMERGENCY!

I've, with complete lack of fore-thought buggered off from the dimensions of my pararellel being, run out of fucking ciggrarettes..

But alas, nil desparandum, as people used to say fucking ages ago in some fucked up civilisation that would see you eating satchels full of mud as an evening apetizer..

We have options..

Could you just remind me of what in the name of a tobacconists todger what they are please?

Yours etc etc

Slap

ps..don't waste my fucking time..

**withnallstoke** · 03-06-2011, 11:16 PM

Got any tea?
Bost open a tea bag and sprinkle the contents onto yesterdays newspaper, pinch 'twixt thinger and fumb, spark eet with dry tinder, and the job shall be done.

**somtamslap** · 03-06-2011, 11:21 PM

I just set fire to a rizla full of nescafe..it burnt me fackin face off.

**Bogon** · 03-06-2011, 11:26 PM

Don't panic.

I have to buy a single egg from 7-11 to replace the ones I ate for the wife's temple visit tomorrow.

What do you want? The Wonder Reds or the 3 baht rolling tabacco shit from the blind bloke with the microphone, wife and 500 watt sub-woofer hanging over his chest?

**OhOh** · 03-06-2011, 11:28 PM

Send the GF for some more!

**OhOh** · 03-06-2011, 11:29 PM

Are you certain there are none on the floor of your truck?

**OhOh** · 03-06-2011, 11:31 PM

Order a pizza , beer and cigs.

**OhOh** · 03-06-2011, 11:32 PM

Tell them to hold the pizza and beer.

**OhOh** · 03-06-2011, 11:34 PM

Make that, hold the pizza.

**somtamslap** · 03-06-2011, 11:35 PM

Great suggestions one and all..but I'm currently trying to smoke my fucking furnture through a 7/11 straw..so, in essence, yer all useless..

**somtamslap** · 03-06-2011, 11:37 PM

Originally Posted by OhOh

Make that, hold the pizza.

Hold the pizza??? This is neither funny or clever..

**Tickiteboo** · 03-06-2011, 11:48 PM

Give it up Slapperz !! I'm 8 weeks in and still bleedin gagging !
" You'll feel sooooo much better for it " they lied. " Think of the money you'll save " they said, but I spend more on them bloody patches. In fact I think I can do without the cigs , but now I'm addicted to the patches ! Getting the frigging things lit takes some doing mind !

**jizzybloke** · 03-06-2011, 11:53 PM

syphon a bit of petrol out of the wave, sprinkle it over an old tyre, light and hunch over breathing in deeply.

**dirtydog** · 03-06-2011, 11:57 PM

Maybe try glue sniffing, probably as socially acceptable as smoking these days.

**buriramboy** · 04-06-2011, 12:00 AM

^Or aerosols if no glue lying around.

**Periphiral Vision** · 04-06-2011, 12:27 AM

You could try suicide, that should stop the cravings.

**Marmite the Dog** · 04-06-2011, 12:45 AM

Originally Posted by Tickiteboo

Give it up Slapperz !! I'm 8 weeks in and still bleedin gagging !
" You'll feel sooooo much better for it " they lied. " Think of the money you'll save " they said, but I spend more on them bloody patches. In fact I think I can do without the cigs , but now I'm addicted to the patches ! Getting the frigging things lit takes some doing mind !

The only way to stop, is to stop.

Forget the patches - they're bollocks.

**somtamslap** · 04-06-2011, 09:15 AM

Nay worries - I found a 5 years old pouch of stale Ya Sen and it did the job..

I'm on about 6 - 7 smokes a day at the mo, triple that if I've got a fridge full of ale..hence last nights frantic lifting of the sofa cushions.

**withnallstoke** · 04-06-2011, 09:22 AM

Originally Posted by somtamslap

hence last nights frantic lighting of the sofa cushions.

**brettandlek** · 04-06-2011, 12:39 PM

Originally Posted by somtamslap

Nay worries - I found a 5 years old pouch of stale Ya Sen and it did the job..

I'm on about 6 - 7 smokes a day at the mo, triple that if I've got a fridge full of ale..hence last nights frantic lifting of the sofa cushions.

I know this feeling very well.

**kmart** · 04-06-2011, 01:08 PM

Originally Posted by Tickiteboo

Give it up Slapperz !! I'm 8 weeks in and still bleedin gagging !
" You'll feel sooooo much better for it " they lied. " Think of the money you'll save " they said, but I spend more on them bloody patches. In fact I think I can do without the cigs , but now I'm addicted to the patches ! Getting the frigging things lit takes some doing mind !

I spent quite a while addicted to the patches and nicotine gums. Someone gave me an amazing herbal remedy to ween me off those disgusting things.

They're called "cigarettes" and they worked a treat. No more patches for me!

**OhOh** · 04-06-2011, 06:37 PM

Originally Posted by somtamslap

Nay worries - I found a 5 years old pouch of stale Ya Sen and it did the job...

Have you untied the MIL yet?

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