Thread: Strange Brew

Funny how things turn out,

Have been a bit stressed of late, what with dogs that eat cats, then re eat them a week after they have been buried and given back to god!
Sometimes I have been known to RANT on Internet forums, like this one, and Thai Visa, however, Thai Visa has a little more censorship, hence my continual bannings, but to be honest, given the quality of their subject matter, HOW ON EARTH DOES THAT SITE EXIST!!!!! (Are people really that stupid?)
I mentioned yesterday, that, not being of sound mind, I spent an hour or so "sniffing" around the house trying to find the dead cats that the bastard dogs had dug up, not really a sane thing to do at 3 a.m, but whatever...I still haven't found their little carcasses..but the smell still haunts and assaults my nostrils.

The night is young, I have time on my hands...what better than to spend a couple of hours "smelling out" dead cats...it's particularly rewarding finding their heads, as these do tend to give you a nasty shock when cutting the grass! And, clog the blades and send a deadly projectile hurtling through the air..I for one would not like to be whacked by "kitties" jawbone when it is travelling at 90mph. (I used to make the mistake of buying the dogs a few Buffalo Bones, they are not 100% digestible, and, unlike dogs in the UK, these buggers don't sdeem to bury them, then, should you hit one with the grass cutter...it can scar you for life!)

One previously unlucky feline, had expired somewhere a few yards from home, hence leaving no immediate odour, unfortunately, whilst using the Thai Helicopter type grass cutter, I managed to "wing it " somewhat, sort of giving it a "clip" SHIT it is extremely unpleasant to have 3 week old dead cat spattered across your face...you do not forget the smell! Hence my tenacity these past couple of evenings.

I did however manage a cheerier spot, about 5 hours after the cat died, it developed rigour mortis, (found it stiff in the toilet...been there got the T shirt!) and it did manage to give me a chuckle seeing it propped up at the food bowl, and actually not eating for a change..(while I made meow noises) .the wife frowned at that, personally I thought of throwing to the temple! again, frowned upon! They seem a bit too up tight with their religion here?

It would also have looked quite good as a guard at the gate of the house, I could have propped it up, stuck a Thai flag in one of it's stiff little paws, probably the local cops would have saluted it as they passed!

Added to this dilema, the Lam Yai crop has took a turn for the VERY worst...the wife won't be buying any new knickers this year..we'll have to weave them from dead grass and line them with cat fur, and add some fragrance from all the droppped Lam Yai flowers, she won't complain..she soldiers on! Then, the fact that the vermin at immigration have changed a few rules, I feel my mental capacity has become overloaded!

Imagine my surprise when I was stopped in Tesco's today, for what I thought was a "customer survey or a prize winning competition" only to find I was being arrested for shopping near the minced pork, absolutely STARK NAKED...I was sure I put my wifes bra & panties on before I left the house...am I becoming absent minded too? Maybe Altzheimers? Where did I park the car?

I was allowed to leave however, without charges, I had to buy a pair of "Georgio" underpants, and provide the arresting officer with all my 7/11 coupons...bastard..I was looking forward to that shitty chair for 200 points!!!
I know...ban me!

Originally Posted by chassamui

I think they should make you into a Thai soap opera miggins.

Not like one of those "Slap Bitch" channels that begin about 7pm...please No!
Thai soaps make me yearn for Coronation Street and Eastenders, they were class acts compared to the SHITE they have on here...honestley, just switch on the TV, CH3/CH7 it really doesn't matter, just look at the OSCAR winning acting...it all appears to be in that VAPID stare they give each other just before they pull each others hair out!

What a pile of shit, and supposedly these "actors" get money for this...or is it a national charity thing? Does the Government pay for this to make sure that the people stay at home and VENT watching this shit, rather than take it onto the street?

Get s you a little something that you can't get at home I suppose!

The credits at the end say it all! Funny though, when they play a foreign movie..they discard the credits..but when it really deserves the full bill....

Somchai - Teakwood Plank
Pee Mai - A piece of Softwood found lying nearby.
Pee Nong - A Dead Bannana Tree
Missis Somchai- a White skinned birds nested Teakwood plank
Mr. Somchai - a piece of recently dried redwood, still flexible, can adapt, not yet "stereotyped" unlike that fucker from "AJ DVD" must be 70 year old, and boy, doesn't he look good in a GOLD superman outfit...cough cough! It's enough to make you puke on anything with that brand name! He was handsome in his day...but ..sadly today is NOT his day! (I met him inBK about 10 years ago...full of himself, full of shit!)

And just to save anyone 145 baht, do NOT buy that AXE body spray that smells of chocolate!
1: It doesn't smell of Chocolate, it costs 145 baht for nothing...OK I know, I shoild have known better, but my lad thought it would be "COOL" to smell like a bar of Cadbury's...it's bullshit! Better get a shower with the "Parrot Soap" belive me..I smell like a cross between a twix and a bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale, don't waste your cash!
And..Action!

^This explains a lot.

Complains of poor choices on Thai TV, as compared with equally poor choices on UK 'telly,' Then goes out an buys a chocolate bar to rub his arm pits with That one can only assume he saw on THAI TV.

Too much TV will rot yer brain.

S'OK. The OP is worth a read coherent, or not.

Originally Posted by Missismiggins

Originally Posted by chassamui

I think they should make you into a Thai soap opera miggins.

Not like one of those "Slap Bitch" channels that begin about 7pm...please No!
Thai soaps make me yearn for Coronation Street and Eastenders, they were class acts compared to the SHITE they have on here...honestley, just switch on the TV, CH3/CH7 it really doesn't matter, just look at the OSCAR winning acting...it all appears to be in that VAPID stare they give each other just before they pull each others hair out!

What a pile of shit, and supposedly these "actors" get money for this...or is it a national charity thing? Does the Government pay for this to make sure that the people stay at home and VENT watching this shit, rather than take it onto the street?

Get s you a little something that you can't get at home I suppose!

The credits at the end say it all! Funny though, when they play a foreign movie..they discard the credits..but when it really deserves the full bill....

Somchai - Teakwood Plank
Pee Mai - A piece of Softwood found lying nearby.
Pee Nong - A Dead Bannana Tree
Missis Somchai- a White skinned birds nested Teakwood plank
Mr. Somchai - a piece of recently dried redwood, still flexible, can adapt, not yet "stereotyped" unlike that fucker from "AJ DVD" must be 70 year old, and boy, doesn't he look good in a GOLD superman outfit...cough cough! It's enough to make you puke on anything with that brand name! He was handsome in his day...but ..sadly today is NOT his day! (I met him inBK about 10 years ago...full of himself, full of shit!)

And just to save anyone 145 baht, do NOT buy that AXE body spray that smells of chocolate!
1: It doesn't smell of Chocolate, it costs 145 baht for nothing...OK I know, I shoild have known better, but my lad thought it would be "COOL" to smell like a bar of Cadbury's...it's bullshit! Better get a shower with the "Parrot Soap" belive me..I smell like a cross between a twix and a bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale, don't waste your cash!
And..Action!

You have just made the case for "Miggins; The life and times of an expat in LOS" coming soon to a thai tv channel near you. The defence rests.