Flatulance

[momo8]

What's normal? Is excessive farting indicative of a stomach problem?

No change in diet or anything but if my husband keeps it up may have to start sleeping in the spare bedroom.

[jizzybloke]

[Gerbil]

^^ Typical woman.... always blames it on someone else.

[momo8]

It's no laughing matter. What causes it and any remedies? I've suggested a check up but no go there. My father used to fart a lot after eating beans, onions and other combinations of gassy foods, forgot cabbage.

Would too much rice cause a rise in stomach gas?

[jandajoy]

Is excessive farting indicative of a stomach problem?

Certainly can be. If there's been no major change in diet, not been drinking too much it'd be worth getting checked.

Rennies can be a good temporary solution.

Do you cook for him?

[Texpat]

Generally, there is a positive correlation between male flatulence and female seductiveness -- in equal and proportional quantity. As one one rises, the other falls.

My thesis was not far from this. Trust me.

Statistical variations may apply based on:
Desperation
Time since last intimate encounter
Layers of underclothing evident
Video camera rolling
Desire factor of unsuspecting victim

(like girls don't fart)

[Thetyim]

^
Absolutely correct there, Tex

An increase in the number and volume of farts can be attributed to a waning sex life.
It means he don't fancy you anymore.
It's time for you to shape up and shake up your sex life.
You will have to do this as soon as possible before things deteriorate and he starts shitting the bed

[jandajoy]

he starts shitting the bed

A very good and important point.
Women don't realise that a gentleman sleeping has far less say over the events that can transpire down below.

A dormant chap is rarely aware of possible follow through until the moment or movement has passed. By then it's too late. A chap simply seeks the clean side of the bed and waits for things to dry off a bit.

You may find that digital stimulation of his prostate, whilst he's prostrate but prior to slumber will work out any lurking nasties.

There-bye avoiding that uncomfortable sense of dread that will be with you all night.

Never knowing if the next bellowing trouser trumpet has a little wet friend following.

Sleep well.

[Texpat]

I recommend inviting the visiting female Brazilian volleyball team over for a few hours to clamp up his boisterous sphincter.

Alternatively, stuff a whistle in it and instruct your houseboys that a whistle-blow indicates drinks for the staff and a massage for the mother-in-law.

Sure show stopper. You might lose your husband though.

[gjbkk]

where ever you may be
let your wind go free
church or chapel


Facts on Farts

[momo8]

Do you cook for him?

Sometimes I cook, sometimes the maid, sometimes we go out or we order. No changes there and we eat plenty of healthy meals. Mostly Chinese, Thai, salads, lots of seafood. Kids don't have a problem and neither do I.

Generally, there is a positive correlation between male flatulence and female seductiveness -- in equal and proportional quantity. As one one rises, the other falls.

Which one rises when the other falls?

It means he don't fancy you anymore.

We're both on the same level sexual drive wise. But the flatulance puts me off and he thinks he's hilarious when he plays dutch ovens.

How did this suddenly end up with sex involved? Lol, just want to know causes and how the problem can be 'fixed'. Everyone farts but not evryone asphyxiates their partner.

[jandajoy]

Everyone farts but not evryone asphyxiates their partner

It could be worse.

[Thetyim]

But the flatulance puts me off and he thinks he's hilarious when he plays dutch ovens.

Where's your sense of humour gone?
Farts are the funniest thing in the world.
Dutch Ovens are the unparalleled pinnacle of humour.

You should let rip and give him a snorter
Go on have a blast

[jizzybloke]

never heard of Dutch Ovens, what is it?

[melvbot]

never heard of Dutch Ovens, what is it?

Its when you build up a trump and trap it under the covers, when the mrs gets in bed pull the covers over her head and hold her under so she has to endure the smell. You have to yell "Dutch Oven" as you hold her under.

[jandajoy]

Trouble is blokes, well me tend to provide splendid volume, real trumpets but little or no malodorous follow up.

Creatures of the female persuasion seem to tend towards the silent but deadly fart. You know the type where even the dog leaves the room in disgust.

[momo8]

Where's your sense of humour gone? Farts are the funniest thing in the world. Dutch Ovens are the unparalleled pinnacle of humour.

Not if they stick like rotten egg gas

never heard of Dutch Ovens, what is it?

That's when you are lying in bed together cuddling under the covers and the perpetrator lets off several farts then pulls the covers over your head to maximize the stench. He then procedes to fan the covers and stink out the whole bedroom.

[Thetyim]

You should learn to fight back

Sit on his head and let one rip

[killerbees]

A few years back I was infected with/by giardia, a stomach bug I got from drinking untreated Canadian river water (delicious!). Never got the dreaded loose bowels but what I did get was unbelievably foul-smelling gas. Quite literally, the roommates would return home and curse me as the upper floor of our house had an odor of rotten eggs. The entire upper floor. I believe I finally went to the doctor when a friend cursed about my flatulence for more than five minutes. So it goes.

Meaning: bad gas could be a sign of something more than just indigestion. However, why don't you try slipping him some Bean-O (or whatever it's called) or maybe try a natural remedy. I'm sure if you Google it, there are some herbal remedies out there. If it persists, then I think you might need to pressure the old man into seeing a doctor.

[momo8]

I'd rather get something for it.

Was watching a video some time ago with a guy who farted in a bottle then lit it with a lighter. Funny, like in The Simpsons.

[momo8]

Thanks for that, will look into it. What did the doctor give you?

[melvbot]

bag of clothes pegs?

[momo8]

Its when you build up a trump and trap it under the covers, when the mrs gets in bed pull the covers over her head and hold her under so she has to endure the smell. You have to yell "Dutch Oven" as you hood her under

Bloody Aussies, hubby is Chinese though. I have stong suspicions something has died in his stomach and is decomposing.

[melvbot]

Its when you build up a trump and trap it under the covers, when the mrs gets in bed pull the covers over her head and hold her under so she has to endure the smell. You have to yell "Dutch Oven" as you hood her under

Bloody Aussies, hubby is Chinese though. I have stong suspicions something has died in his stomach and is decomposing.

At least you didnt think I was one of them nasty Merkins.

[killerbees]

Yeah, that sounds like about what I had. I believe that I received a general anti-biotic for my little friend (the Canadians call it "Beaver Fever," or at least the ones I was with did). I'd been out in the woods for a month and a half and it hit me right when I got out. I thought I was having trouble readjusting to real food but it kept up for a while and none of the over-the-counter remedies I tried helped at all. Finally went to the doc, told him I had giardia (I'm that kind of patient) and got the pills. According to this website, Division of Parasitic Diseases - Giardiasis Fact Sheet, you can check for giardia by testing a stool sample. Or it could run its course in 2-6 weeks. Not sure if you want to wait that long though...