Thread: Embarrassing stuff...to ashamed to tell...relieve yourself

What is something that you have had, done, all your life that you are embarrassed about and have never ever told anybody, until here...right now...right here....

For example KW's premature problem....or Noodles joke tellin ability...you get the drift.

To start the ball rollin....oh and somebody has to offer up a fixit or clear explanation to the problem/problems before moving on to the next posters problems.


I learnt at school, but do not have any clear idea the difference between....

To and Too.

Effect and Affect.

How to do long division...or even short if it exists.


Having the above short comings, I still managed to lead a full and productive life. The dividing problem might be why I never got round to figurin out how to do a proper C of G

yes there is dried up jism in one of the USB ports on my company laptop

actually i think i have already told all my embarassing stuff to this forum.

Originally Posted by Nawty

I learnt at school, but do not have any clear idea the difference between.... To and Too. Effect and Affect. How to do long division...or even short if it exists.

I'm sure you can come up with something alot more embarassing than that!

Come on, this is your thread, give us something half decent to get the ball rolling!

Taking a shower, missus shouts my mate is coming round ( or what I thought ). Turns out he already was round.

Took me a while in the buff to make out the figure in the room after I opened the door

Who was it? Her mate or worse, a family member.

Just a mate.

Funny you said that.... just after my son was born I had Auntie stay over....very traditional Thai (proper villager).

Wifey never told her I slept in the buff; later found out I was asleep on top of the covers and she walked in the room, shat her pants and ran out.

Originally Posted by Mr Pot

shat her pants and ran out

I hope she came back to clean the shit up!

Was out doing the rounds in Patts (early one > mid afternoon) developed a bad tummy, farted to relieve the pain and followed through.

Went into a bar, took off my soiled undies, cleaned up and disposed of the underwear in the toilet bin.

Had a meeting at 5pm with my solicitor, was waiting in reception with my feet up and the secretary who was standing on the open second floor balcony called down asking> do you feel a draft Khun Glenn?.

With that 4 more office girls (including one Katoey) who had their desks on the reception level looked directly at me, I looked down and my balls were hanging out of a hole in my shorts.

The girls laughed, covered their eyes and the Katoey just smiled at me.

Now every time I go in the office the girls giggle and the Katoey salivates.

On the morning after my wedding I went down to breakfast in the hotel and a lot of friends and family were sitting eating all around the room. So I walked round everytable to say "Thankyou for coming" including my parents table and the wifes parents table. It wasn't until I sat down with my mates that one of them said "Put it away TFP" and I looked down to find a dirty great rip in my shorts and my todger was hanging out!

Originally Posted by Nawty

How to do long division

Me too. Never understood it. Who cares though that's what calculators are for.

The only reason to learn long division is that you can then help your kids with their maths homework. And that goes for fractions and algebra too.

Was giving a demonstration to a group of potential customers in Greece interested in buying CAT farm machinery.
Was hot and on a mine site - I was in normal working clobber , shorts( going commando) and boots!!

After demonstrating the machines capabilities to perfection I leapt down from the cab ( I wasn't a fat f*cker then ) and my belt broke- shorts dropped to my ankles and tripped me up !!

There I was virtually stark bollock naked struggling to stand up to the cheers of the assembled audience - about 50 farmers and their wives!!!

Sold a few machines though - to this day I don't know if it was due to my salesmanship or the cabaret !!!

Originally Posted by Nawty

I learnt at school, but do not have any clear idea the difference between....

Effect and Affect.

Noun and verb.

^ Not exclusively thus the common misunderstanding.

True. But that's got nout to do with why people get them mixed up.

Generally speaking, affect is a verb and effect is a noun. When you affect something, you produce an effect on it. Even in the passive voice, something would be affected, not effected.

There are certain situations where effect is used as a verb and situations where affect is used as a noun, but very few people ever have a need to use them thus, so unless you are already confident of your ability to use these words correctly, just treat as general the rule that effect is a noun and affect a verb.

(If you feel the need to get fancy, however, here are the meanings of effect as a verb and affect as a noun. As a verb, effect means to execute, produce, or accomplish something; as a noun, affect is used primarily by psychologists to refer to feelings and desires as factors in thought or conduct.)

^ Anyway, embarrassing stuff. We really need CMN on here to give this thread a kick up the arse. He's the master at revealing what a COCK he is. Like that time he was rogering a sheep and his mother-in-law walked in. Oooops!

i have the unnerveing ability to walk into closed glass slideing doors, the bastards get me every time!

It must be a thing with us Aussies mate.

I always do it when I have 2 glasses of beer in my hands or am carrying a plate of barbequed food.

Always happens when I have something in my hands and I end up with it all down the front of me.

I keep forgeting to zip up my pants! I notice after I've sat down in a restaurant.
I look around and casually zip up hoping no one notices. I think this must be the beginings of senility.
Pretty soon I probably wont care.

Was naked in the new gf's kitchen showing off my cooking skill, when there was something I thought would be a fart forcing its release...