Thread: I'm posting my stories on Stickman

I hadn't read any Reader Submissions since last year, so thought I'd have a look this past weekend. And lo and behold - there were your stories!!

Yes, enjoying them immensly. Also, it's nice to read the blanks of some of your life story you haven't told us here.

Good value entertainment so far Simon.

And we haven't even got to the first wife or hotel yet

And we haven't even got to the first wife or hotel yet

50% correct.

That lady Anne (not her real name) ended up many years later as wife #3.

But I don't want to spoil things.

Originally Posted by Simon43

That lady Anne (not her real name) ended up many years later as wife #3.

There is something special with people who don't learn from their mistakes.
They are usually very likeable!

I'm on tenterhooks... waiting for the part abt the crazy ex-wife, and the bullying by the Mafia... that should be exciting!

C'mon, Simon, write up. Your readers await!



P.s. your life story could be made into a soap opera. 555

I kinda feel like the fans of Game of Thrones. The author hasn't released.the last book & the fans are hurrying him up. Cheers!

^ could I interest you in a used hotel maybe ??

or even a timeshare on a teepee

^if I can interest you in buying some beachfront... it's near a swampland. Heh.

Well, 3 wives sounds maybe like 3 too many. But it wasn't really a case of not learning from the experience.

The marriage to my English wife was generally good and our relationship lasted 17 years.

The marriage to my second wife (my first Thai wife) was worse than hell on earth. It reduced me to a mental wreck. (To be covered in exciting installments later).

My marriage to Anne (my third wife and second Thai wife) wasn't 'on the rebound' from mad wife #2. But for sure, I was still mentally affected by my terrible experiences with that crazy psycho bitch.

Anyway, marriages are all done and dusted now.

Thanks for pasting here. Really makes my life (VPN less) easier.

Great story-telling and life, Simon.

I'm looking forward to the continuation too. Reality is much more interesting than fiction.

Red roses, bloody hell they are 25 baht a bunch in the market and she probably reacted in horror. You don't go to the Embassy any more for visa's do you? When my mrs went in 2006 she got turned down (teacher with own house) while another applicant who she had talked to told her she worked as a BG but blagged her way through with fake work records and a tall story, they are great lairs.

Originally Posted by Thai3

house

Originally Posted by Thai3

lairs

a bigger abode ?

I don't want to read it here. I shall continue reading the other people's stuff too.

Some of which are good, others are a bit odd.

Forgot about the Teepees!! And that rather discrete u tube video of you standing beside Crusty, the horse lady?

And that rather discrete u tube video of you standing beside Crusty, the horse lady?

Ah yes. But there was a good (and sad) reason for me being in that video. It was when we placed a monument to all those who died in the One2Go air crash in, was it 2008?

The airport authorities wouldn't allow the monument to be placed on airport land. So we put it on the public land fronting Mai Khao Beach.

Curiously, that monument completely disappeared one night about a year later....

Was it metal? our water meters disappear like that as well

Was it metal? our water meters disappear like that as well

No, it was a spirit house. Do people steal spirit houses? Only when 'someone' doesn't want to be reminded about the air crash.

After that spirit house disappeared, I planned to erect a permanent memorial on the land of my airport hotel, where relatives could visit etc.

Unfortunately, that all came to nothing because of mad ex #2 being .. er ... mad!

shit stealing a spirit house that's about the craziest thing a Thai could think of doing. They chuck them away at the side of the road as well as Chinese style shrines. I thought why not get one as some are quite nice and in good condition, absolute madness according to the mrs, worst thing for bad luck you can do, she got quite upset at the idea. Never mentioned it again but still eye them up when we drive by. Stealing one not chucked out may be different of course, but never heard of one being pinched, even drinking the red fanta left for the spirits makes you go mad, apparently

Originally Posted by patsycat

that rather discrete u tube video of you standing beside Crusty, the horse lady?

Link ???

Hmm note to self. Don't drink the red fanta from the spirit house

Originally Posted by patsycat

And that rather discrete u tube video of you standing beside Crusty, the horse lady?

Wouldn't any single 'youtube' video be discrete?

A Crazy Life Part 6 (Life in Bangkok)

In my part 5 submission, I explained how Anne came to live with me in the UK for a few months, whilst I tried unsuccessfully to sort out problems with the 'sex-chat' satellite channel – Mobile Crazy TV.

As you'll have read, all didn't go well with the TV channel, and I was forced to close down the station after about 6 months. This left the TV channel (a limited company) owing about 5 million USD to the satellite ground station company; these were the uplink fees for the next 5 years! Of course, since Mobile Crazy TV was now 'bust', there was no way that the money would be paid, not even a fraction of it.

But my SMS text messaging company was still operating OK and generating a healthy revenue. I decided to return to Bangkok with Anne, and continue to run that business from Thailand. In any case, Anne's 6-month visitor visa to the UK was due to expire soon.

There was a small problem. I needed to retrieve some important company papers for the text messaging company that I had left in my office at the ground station site. Since there was an unpaid bill of 5 million USD, the owners of that site barred me from my office.

But I still had my entry security card....

I'll explain about the satellite ground station. It was located in the middle of a wood in deepest rural Buckinghamshire. I think it used to be used as a satellite ground station by the British military. But now it was mainly used to up-link commercial TV channels to the Astra satellite.

I had an office at that site, as did other satellite channels. I recall that one of those satellite channels was 'Red Hot Dutch', an adult porn channel. On every visit that I made to the ground station, I'd walk past their office and see their 'Quality Engineer' checking the channel programmes for any technical glitches. Yep – this guy was being paid a high salary to watch porn all day!

But I digress. I really wanted to retrieve my company documents from my office. During the daytime, the ground station site was manned, with many staff. But after hours, it was deserted, not even security guards. This was because the perimeter was quite high security, with a very high steel fence and remote cameras etc.

The entrance for vehicles consisted of an outer high gate, and an inner high gate. One drove up to the outer gate, swiped the security pass and the gate would (hopefully) open. You drive in and the gate closes behind you. Then you swipe again and the inner gate opens and lets you drive into the site.

So, in the middle of the night, Anne and I drove to the ground station site. I had no idea if my security card had been cancelled by the company. I swiped my card and held my breath.

The outer security gate opened!

We drove in and the gate slid closed behind us. I swiped again and the inner gate opened. We were in!

I parked my car near to the building where my office was and told Anne to wait in the car while I retrieved my documents. I climbed the steps to my office and the shock hit me as I saw a very large padlock and clasp, securing my office door well and truly shut.

I pondered for a minute and decided that since I had come this far, I wasn't ready to admit defeat. I went back to the car and retrieved a large screwdriver and other hefty tools that I'd thoughtfully brought with me. “Won't be a moment” I said to Anne, who had a confused look on her face.

I quickly returned to my office door and proceeded to remove the many screws that attached the clasp to the door. Having gained entry, I rapidly found the important documents, exited the office and screwed the clasp back onto the door.

As I returned back to the car, I wondered whether we would be able to leave the ground station site. After all, the security cameras had no doubt captured our presence. Happily, it seems that the security office hadn't been warned that I was 'persona non grata' and my security card opened the inner gate and then the outer gate. We were out!

Now, with everything that I needed, we made our way the next day to London Heathrow, and were soon on a flight back to Bangkok. A new part of my life with Anne was about to begin in Thailand.

We settled down together in my condo in Sala Daeng. I found that I could manage my UK text-chat business 'remotely' without any problems. Each month, I would receive a nice revenue share payment from the UK mobile networks of perhaps 1 million Thai baht or more directly into my Bangkok Bank account.

There were a few things that I wanted to sort out. I needed to make an effort to learn Thai, I needed to get fit and Anne needed some sort of business to keep her busy.

The first two were easy to sort out. I arranged language lessons with a Thai teacher who lived on Silom Road. Every morning at 10 am, I would walk over to her office and study Thai for 2 hours. This included learning to read and write Thai. This hard work proved very useful in the coming years, as I can now speak, read and write reasonably fluent Thai, having subsequently studied for an MA in Thai Studies at Chulalongkorn University, in Bangkok.

The need to get fit was also resolved. At that time, California Fitness had a large gym just around the corner, also on Silom Road and almost opposite my office, which was in the Kasemkij Building. So before my Thai lessons, I'd also spend an hour or so at the gym, (which was also an excuse to leer at the pretty Thai women on the treadmills!)

Now to sort out a business for Anne. She had no interest in running a bar (thank goodness). 'A cafe will suit me fine darling' she pouted.

And so it was that 'Infocafe' opened on the side street just next to The Emporium shopping centre in Phrom Pong. This little cafe served a selection of cakes, decent coffee and baked potatoes to a diverse clientele of Western and Asian customers, especially Japanese tourists who visited the shopping centre. I even imported from the UK (at great expense), a special oven to cook potatoes.

Anne actually spoke good Japanese, as a result of her previous work at the computer hard disk drive company in Wang Noi. So she was very happy running the cafe. Each morning, she'd leave our condo in Sala Daeng to manage the cafe with her brother.

Yes, this really was her brother, not some secret Thai husband. He had been working with several other Thai friends in Israel on a kibbutz for a couple of years. When it came time to finish the contract, he and his friends were 'stiffed' by the Israeli owner of the kibbutz farm. They were all thrown into jail on 'visa irregularities' and their saved salaries confiscated. After a month in jail, they were sent back to Thailand, penniless.

After Anne had gone to work, and I had completed my morning leering at women in tight latex in Calfornia Fitness and learning a little Thai, I would settle down with my computer and work on my UK SMS text-chat business.

In those days, most of the advertising for these type of services was done through print media – by placing advertisements in the less salubrious sort of daily newspaper, (so for Brits who are familiar with UK newspapers, think Daily Sport). I suppose The National Inquirer would be the US equivalent.

The second print media that I used were 'top-shelf' adult magazines. As internet porn web sites were gaining in popularity, so the print media adult sector was suffering. So advertising rates in these types of magazines were quite low, and I was able to attract sufficient users of my SMS services by placing full-page adverts in both the top-shelf magazines and The Daily Sport.

Now The Daily Sport was a newspaper, and not classified as a top-shelf publication. So there were limits as to how 'far' I could go with the images that I used in these adverts. 'Tits out' was fine, but nothing else.

I would therefore spend my working day split between designing a full-page advert of some busty gal with her boobs draped over a sports car, along with the tagline of 'Lads, if you like what you see, then text me now blah blah blah'.

But for the top-shelf publications, there were almost no limits as to the advert content. For some strange reason, (I don't want to know why!), the most popular adult magazines were those that either featured grossly fat women being 'serviced' by very well-endowed black guys, or magazines that featured (I kid you not), female pensioners of very advanced years enjoying a munch on the same black guys's banana.

Quite frankly, some of the images in “Busty 70's” and “80 and still wet” would turn your stomach!!

When I lived in the UK, the adult publisher would send me a copy of each of these magazines every month, to prove that they were displaying the advert that I'd paid for. But when I moved to live in Bangkok, I made it very clear to the publisher that under no circumstances were they to send copies of these magazines to me, because they breached Thailand's obscene publications laws by about 200 miles, and I would maybe end up in a Thai prison if it were found that I was receiving such publications.

But infuriatingly (and very alarmingly), each month I would receive a bundle of magazines from the postman at my condo. And every month I would rapidly stuff these still-pristine, not-yet-sticky magazines in the rubbish bag. (Anne was aware of these magazines, but yet again her interest in $$$ disuaded her from passing criticism).

I recall one one occasion that I received the latest copies of “80 and still wet” and similar titles, and rushed outside my condo to throw them into the rubbish bag. Just as I was stuffing this porn 'filth' into the black bag, my Thai cleaning lady passed by and spotted the magazines.

“They're not mine” I shouted unconvincingly, as my cheeks reddened. “They keep being sent to me – I never ordered them, honest!”

The cleaning lady looked at the top magazine, with a photo of a granny (nay!!! a great grandma), who was enjoying a meal of “dick noir avec sauce blanche”. She looked back at me.

“No problem Khun Simon. I have many customers for your magazines every month. I make many baht. It is very difficult to find these magazines in Thailand. You are a very good man to bring them for us”.

And so life continued in Sala Daeng with pretty-but-frigid Anne. But looming on the near horizon was an event that would totally change my life, an event that would see me reduced to a mental wreck, an event that would destroy my marriage, my family and my business.

I never saw it coming.....

^Top stuff simon and thanks for posting.

A preview for TDoorians.

Exclusive. Stop press. And not yet available to the unwashed hordes on Stickman.

Reality is so much more interesting than fantasy.

And you certainly know how to keep us eager for more with a cliff-hanger.....